The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

[barkingtreefrog]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

Last day before your hols Barking - whoopee! Hopefully the change will banish your cold too? Top tip with woo needles is to get some who is trained in Japanese rather than Chinese acupuncture style as they tend to be more gentle and use finer needles on sensitive points.

Fizz it's a good sign that your cat seems happy in herself at least. And it is amazing what they can come back from if caught at the right time.

For those who missed it I shall be stabbing for ivf in January (stabbing = injecting). Fun fun fun - ime for my belly to become a pin cushion yet once more! Intralipid infusions are basically what really sick people get in hospital when they can no longer eat but apparently it has been found that it can make a difference to the way a woman's body accepts an embryo. In my case I seem to be able to do everything ok (produce reasonable quantity and quality eggs, TWH's jizz is pretty good, we get a good amount of good quality embryos....and then implantation doom strikes) so it looks like my body rejects the embryos a bit like it would a cancer cell. The intralipids are hopefully going to help with this. Hope that all makes sense??

At the airport! Whoop! No Christmas happening here . Although I did start feeling like a girl when I caught sight of the Radley bags in the duty free...

Happy holidays, barking! I may have missed where you are going - is it somewhere hit and sunny, or cold and snowy? Have a brilliant time wherever.

Just back from finishing Christmas shopping. Have to say I was glad not to have to do it with a screaming toddler like some I saw today...

Wotcha hags fanks for the shiny new fred Barking sorry, arriving fashionably late to the party here. Work has a lot to answer for but I'm now on holibags for Chrimbo so all good! Trying very hard not to fall in a heap and get festive lurgy!

So sorry about your dad Barking. It's heart wrenching news especially to get at this time of year. The only thing I can offer to take hold of is that the arbitrary years they put on these diagnosis can often be way off. I think a lot of it depends on how much the patient wants to live and you can definitely give him something to live for, with or without grandkids. You as his daughter are just enough as you are and I'm sure all he wants is for your happiness.

I read something the other day which really helped me, that your parents are the only ones in life that really have your back and want the best for you. Despite the weird shit that gets in the way of it all and all the twisted emotional baggage I know this is true of my folks. They just have no skill set to show it and the fucked up ness of it often backfires into them hurting instead, but I guess if I know the former it helps to forgive the later. Sorry, this didn't mean to turn into an all about me post.

However way you dress it tis shit shit news. I hope Christmas in Spain will be just what you need to get you back on your feet for iui in Jan, woo needles or none! Happy hols, an unBESHly arm rub and a gin Prosecco cocktail with optional fish decor served up your way.

Fiz what crap news. As others have said the mere mention of the big C is enough to instill fear whatever the prognosis for treatment and recovery. I hope she's getting good support and you all know more soon. And your poor kitty too, glad she's getting lots of cuddles to see her through but a double whammy to take the shine off your festive cheer, so sorry. More unBESHly arm rubs coming your way and some very loud cunts to the universe!

Is anyone else barren enough to remember the BESH paint chart of CM? Can't answer your question Erica as I kinda view my HRT induced random symptoms as irrelevant but would be worth a laugh to dig them out if anyone fancies a ferret through the archives...

Hope you're feeling better Rain waves to Fab, MissH and ooh, fresh meat, yo Coop. Like a bit of the mature lover hey? Jon Snow, that's definitely random enough for in here! Sorry you find yourself in these straits but good to have you along for the ride.

I'm Chez, 35, certified barren. Diagnosed prem ovarian failure @33 DEIVF#1 failed Oct 2014, on the list for another donor match to for go #2.

We've got our first consultant apt coming up at the new clinic on Monday so fingers crossed all will be well.

How's the downregging treating you Fab?

chez I remember the paint chart! (I was a lurker at the time).

In Spain. Sun is shining, sky is blue and we have a view of the mountains we are going to be cycling up tomorrow . Oh, and we stopped at the supermarket on the way and bought more alcohol than food. Including gin . But no tonic. Fail.
Still, there's another supermarket just round the corner, and bars...

Well arseyfucktitwank! Came down with cystitis on Thursday only for it to escalate into a full blown kidney infection today and a trip to the out of hours emergency care gaff in the local hospital to get antiobios for 7 days this eve. Feeling proper sorry for myself (not to mention my poor bladder and foof for the constant too-ing and fro-ing to the bog) especially at the thought of being on them Christmas. Grrr. Still, it's better than getting sick on Christmas Day and means I should be completely clear for the start of downregging - really don't want to be feeling like shite down there when I've got to have the specialist rummaging around!

Sorry for the me me me moment.

Chez welcome back - good to see you on the shiny new fred . Have vague memories of the chart but that's about it I'm afraid!

Fizz, how's it going?

Barking have a fabulous time - time to booze, relax, have a lovely time with Mr B and not think about ttc NOT ONE LITTLE BIT!!

Who was it with ear ache? Do you still have it? That's one of those things I have no idea about how to deal with as I have it so rarely. But when I do I want to gouge my own ears out so I feel your pain . Hope you feel better soon.

That is utter wank, Fab, and what crappy timing .

I started reading a book on the plane that I downloaded after seeing it while browsing at the airport. I couldn't put it down. Just finished it. DCW went to bed a couple of hours ago or more, but I knew I couldn't stop reading at that point .

I had a weird experience on the plane. DCW is planning a month travelling in summer (him still being a teacher) and just before we got on the plane we were talking about it and he asked if I was definitely ok with it. Yes, of course, it's not his fault I left teaching and therefore don't get the summer holiday anymore.
But my ttc brain immediately started calculating of course. We'd already worked out that by August we would have exhausted our treatment options so there's nothing in the way there, but my already over-active imagination went into overdrive. What if the next two rounds of iui failed, but then we had successful ivf? I might be having my 12 week scan while he's away. I can't go on my own. Who could I get to come with me? I started going through my friends, wondering who would be available to come, realising that the only ones not at work would be those on maternity, knowing I wouldn't be able to face it on my own.
And then, sat there on the plane, I realised I was crying. The silent tears type. ON THE FUCKING PLANE. CRYING ABOUT A FUCKING HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION.
Hags, what the fuck is wrong with me?

Ah the simple pleasure if getting a fabulous book and roaring through it till the end - how blissful

Barking - it's totally natural (IMHO - of course it may also just be a hag thing) to do that mental racing ahead thing of what if, what if, what if and to a certain extent we have to (we have friends getting married next year and TWH is best man - their provisional date set is currently 40 weeks after our ivf . Bless them though - they are able to be a little flexible and have said they'll keep it as provisional until April when we will know more. But utter eeeekers though! Totally didn't see that one coming!). But there comes a time when you can over do your what-if-ing and that's when it's causing you too much pain. For your own mental well being is it possible to try and start some exercises to stop you going off into that What If World? Even if it's just for your holiday? Every time you feel yourself going down that route try finding something else to fixate on instead - it's your holiday so give your head as well as your body a break from all the crap. It's hard but it really should help (am speaking from experience of having done this myself) although admittedly it does mean future discussion plans become more challenging as I'm so busy trying NOT to think about this stuff that I frustrate TWH with being utterly vague about it all instead. Have I thought about this, that, the other? Of course not! I'm busy protecting my mental health!! Anyway Barking, we are here for exactly this sort of thing so howl away but also know that in the wise old words of someone 'this too shall pass'. It's one of those phrases that gets me through the dark times.

Couldn't agree more with the 'projecting forward' thing. Doesn't help that my whole job is about forecasting future probabilities and working on longish-range projects. fab has some wise words

cherry good to see you! Glad you have escaped the clutches of work. Good luck for Monday's appt.

fab ouch! UTI and kidney stuff is the worst. Hope the drugs kick in speedily.

to everyone else. Have we lost our newbie already?

AFM, doing ok today. Cat is now stable though in stage 4 kidney failure - she's happy enough, but probably doesn't have long left. It will be hard leaving her at the cattery tomorrow, but I can't not go and see my family. Am reassured that she will be in good hands at the cattery.

Hello fellow hags! Just swinging by to say I'm trying to keep tabs on you all and your journeeeees

I come bearing gin and Malteasers (staple diet of the ESH) and big snogs under the mistletoe for you all

Sorry, should have said for those that don't know me I'm Frankel currently a CRESH (child rearing ESH) having finally won my baybee after 3 years of hard slog. I would never have got through those times without the support of the ESH so I hope you all feel the love and support of the ESHly buzzwams.

Hi hags! Greetings from a week end away with crap internet.

It seems that many of us are having a hard time ON TOP of TTC hell. Sucks. Fuck it fuck it fuck it.

2014 can go to hell. I am going to make a priority in 2015 to 'protect my mental health', like Fab said.

We have taken this month off but still got upset whenthe droid arrived a few says ago. I am totally conditioned, like that dog (Pavlov?) or the dude at the Clockwork Orange :)

Definitely like the Clockwork OraNge guy. I do love my black eyeliner and I seem to be losing my mind.

Gin and small geezers eh Frank - fabulous, exactly what a hag needs especially brilliant as IRL I definitely can't drink at the moment and have forgone the choc for about 8 years now but I used to LOVE small geezers

How's the Filly doing?

Hey Erica - soz to hear about your visit from the Droid. The bitch.

She's good thanks Fab 9.5 months already

Omg!!!!! I know it's an over said phrase but - where's the time gone??

Small geezers! is that an auto correct improvement?

Thanks frank - wow, 9.5 months already! I think I'd only very recently joined the ESH when you had your baybee, and that feels like forever ago now!

erica I hear ya - it's impossible to totally disengage. When I went rogue earlier in the autumn we DID manage to stop obsessively ttc ing but it was always there in my head, you just can't unlearn your cycle after 2.5 years! I was reading a list of things mentally strong people don't do and I felt like a total weakling failure because I do all of them, but I decided bollocks to it - whoever wrote that has no clue what infertility is like and dealing with it day in day out for as long as we all have makes us mentally hard as nails.

fizz poor mog, that's such a shame. I am sure the cattery will make a lovely fuss of her while you're away.

fab what shitty timing - hope you're feeling ok and are on the mend for Christmas. It was me with the earache, it's gone now but my ear is still totally blocked - it usually clears up when the cold is gone, so hopefully will be ok soon!

chez thats you and me both with festive FC appointments then! We're back at our hospital consultant on Tuesday next week to hopefully get our path to IVF on the move. Fingers crossed!

I am awaiting the droid at the moment and trying to stop myself from foolishly hoping for a Christmas miracle. Fish slaps please.

This whole thing is the biggest head fuck going; thank god for the fish, gin, small geezers and most importantly our ESHly clan. The only stuff guaranteed is that TTC will drive you beyond the edge of reason and to face situations and emotions you never thought you'd have to. It will definitely make you stronger though. We're like nails, innit. And like my mate said to me today, way better equipped to become parents as a result when the time fucking comes I just hope for us all that 2015 is our time.

Yo Frankel 9.5 months, wowzers, bet you're excited about your first Christmas!

Ooh Rain IVF here you come, salmon of speediness for quick waiting times for you.

Morning, I'm still here fizz, had a busy pre-Xmas meetings/visiting/eating out week, barely even saw dh. It's nearly over though, can't wait for the back of this year! :/
Will have a proper read catch-up later hopefully

Beyond the edge of reason. Perfect way of putting it chez. Despite your wise words Fab I had a total melt down yesterday. Miscommunication led to me waiting in one place, DCW trying to drive and pick me up but not being able to find me. Long story, both of us tired and grumpy, led to an argument (which is quite rare for us). Essentially, after much sobbing from me, what it all boiled down to was me having high expectations of myself and failing to achieve them, being terrified about the next ttc hardcore attempts of 2015 (essentially iui then iui then ivf one after the other if necessary) and even more terrified of how I'm going to cope in the event of more failure, or even worse, another mc, and coupled with all that, how I'm not coping with seeing my dad suffer. Oh what a fun holiday . How to go away and forget, hey?

Good luck for the appointment today chez and tomorrow rain have I got that right? I thought there was someone else with an appointment this weekend as well but Wifi here is next to useless, can't scroll back as it times out and tells me I'm offline again...

Well I hope it helped clear the air a little Barking? Sometimes having an argument can help share those things you've been bottling up and air the things you absolutely know your partner knows....but strangely it turns out that somehow they didn't really understand about at all! I hope today is a new day and you are both able to think more clearly and rationally about it all.

Good luck with FC this week hags. Looks like 2015 really is going to be an action year!

Ps Rain, small geezers is from a joke that I have long ago forgotten the build up and the punch line to but it's something about a giant eating some small geezers. It has now totally stuck in my family and we haven't referred to the malteasers as anything else since!

Ha - found it!!

Two giants walk down the road, and two midgets walk by.

One giant eats one of the midgets - the other says "chocolate?"

He Replies "no" "small geezers"