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Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for rainbows

995 replies

missalexandra · 09/09/2014 18:16

New thread ladies, hope it brings us all good luck.

OP posts:
WinterBabyof89 · 23/01/2015 17:43

ducky I'm so sorry to hear about your dd's passing. Sending lots of well wishes to you & your family, especially to your little rainbow xx

WinterBabyof89 · 23/01/2015 17:55

allterrain - not at all a fraud. I remember the joys of being 21 weeks.. Having the reassurance of the 20wk scan, a growing belly, beginning to plan for the new arrival.. To have that taken away is cruel.. More than anything it's the loss of what would have been and we all experience that when we lose a baby, whatever stage..

I totally understand what you're saying about your dd & the things you feel she's missed out on. My son had to cope with me having much less patience and being a lot more irritable - for a short time our house wasn't a nice place to live - the joy was just sapped out of it. But joy returns :) and how wonderful that you're 35weeks pregnant!! So pleased for you xx

kayleighferrie1985 · 23/01/2015 19:16

A warm, yet sad welcome to winter, mimi and chottie. I lost my second son Ben in April due to a ruptured placenta. Currently nearly 8 weeks pregnant with our rainbow.

town thank you, i don't feel strong. I have friends and dh telling me constantly that i should talk to my mum and tell her how much extra pressure on me, but i feel like i can't do it; even though i'm furious with how bad she's allowed her health to get.

giant your plans for the ashes sound lovely, although i will say only scatter them when you're truly ready to. One of the reasons i wanted Ben buried was that i knew if someone had given me his ashes i'd keep them, which i don't feel would have been a good thing.

tahunny i hope your return to work is a smooth one.

ATM you're not a fraud at all, a loss is still a loss regardless of how many weeks. Gosh 35 weeks! Are the doctors keeping an eye on things between now and your section date?

ducky i'm glad ds is showing signs of improvement, here's hoping for even more improvement (even baby steps so to speak) Flowers

AFM i'm still shattered, although it doesn't seem to be so consuming now so i'm hoping it might ease off a little Hmm. For the ladies who have had their rainbows/are pregnant with them- how long did you have to wait before you saw the consultant (if you were under one)? I've got my booking in appointment with the community midwife on Tuesday and was thinking of asking her how soon i can be referred.

EllieandAnna · 23/01/2015 22:52

Ducky glad ds is doing ok, wishing him a full recovery. I hope he's getting the best possible care. I so wish you didn't have this to deal with after what you've been through.
Allterrain don't ever think your loss counts for any less than anyone elses. The pain you feel for the life you imagined and planned for is no less than anybody's- A loss is a loss no matter what stage.

I'm struggling again. Dh was has been really bad, not helped by his work being absolutely vicious and looking like they're attempting constructive dismissal. My job is really getting to me. I love seeing all the pregnant ladies and children but it is so hard sometimes. I'm sick of having to tell people my daughter has died after their well meaning congratulations and I hate feeling bad about saying her name as it might upset someone. I don't know how to explain it but I feel like its so unfair for her that nobody will ever comment about how pretty she was or how much she looked like her daddy. It upsets me that it's all about our grief rather than the fact that she isn't here anymore. I know nobody got to know her but I want her to be missed like we miss her. I feel like I'm holding everyone up and I don't think I'm strong enough to do it. I feel let down by my friends who haven't contacted me in months (most likely because they don't know what to say) I just find myself playing out what the weather is like, how I would have dressed her, what we would have done. And I'm frustrated with ttc taking so long! God I sound like I'm having a tantrum!

I'm so pleased newcomers have found the thread so helpful and I hope you are all doing ok-sorry for being so rubbish, I feel like all I do is bring people down at the moment. I'm sure I'll be fine in yhe morning but it helps to get it all out.

townsender · 23/01/2015 22:55

Good evening ladies, lovely to read how you are all doing, everyone is sounding very peaceful tonight.
A thought that went through my head when reading the last few posts, is how I wish I'd found this board earlier, when I was waiting to try. I tried the sands forum but couldn't really find an active thread that suited. It just didn't occur to me to come on MN as I wasn't a mum.
Also, giant your post reminded me, has anyone else been to a 'Saying goodbye' service? DP and I went to one close to 'G's due date. At her funeral, everything is so raw, plus you are hosting so there is some kind of pressure to act in a certain way. The nice thing about 'saying goodbye' was there was no pressure, we were just there to remember and grieve and cry, so it felt like more of a release than at her funeral.
Chottie welcome, your post made me well up a little as it's so sweet of you to say those things.

So .... drum roll .... tomorrow is POAS day, aaarrrrgghhh! Pissing sticks purchased, and no sign of AF yet. Not 100% sure when I'm due, but its got to be around now.
I was distracted from thinking about it momentarily when DP managed to flood the house tonight (disconnecting old dishwasher ready for new one arriving tomorrow). Cue him holding the mains hose (that is not a euphemism) pissing water everywhere, while I rush around trying to remember where the mains stopcock is..... so now sitting with a huge pile of soaking towels and the fan on to dry things out.

Waves to you all! Will update you tomorrow...

townsender · 24/01/2015 08:04

So I slept pretty badly last night, as you can imagine, and eventually gave up at 5:45 and went to POAS.....and...... BFP Grin

Deep breath, relief, oh shit, relief, oh shit, relief, oh shit......

Ducky23 · 24/01/2015 08:51

Kayleigh I saw he consultant at 9 weeks, that was only because they couldn't work out my dates and that was meant to be my 12 week scan. I never heard off him again until I went in heartbroken when I thought ds wasn't moving at 24 weeks. I saw the bereavement midwife that day and she Arranged all my future appts with a different consultant. I saw them every 2 weeks from 26 weeks. Pretty pointless seeing them that often, it sounds stupid but it made me feel a little bit better for doing so. They looked at all the scan results and growth etc.

Town, that's lovely news to wake up to. Congratulations. Hope you got the flood sorted too! How are you feeling?

Ds has had his oxygen reduced more and seems to be doing well. Yesterday the consultant said we could possibly go home today but that was before he had the oxygen off completely and his levels dropped. I'm guessing he will be around about 10ish so will see what he says. I just don't want to take ds home if his levels will drop that much Sad I'm so scared!

EllieandAnna · 24/01/2015 09:10

So I keep writing replies and forgetting to press post it would seem-my brain is mush at the moment! town Congratulations, I'm so pleased for you, wishing you a lovely uneventful pregnancy. ducky I can't imagine how stressful it all is for you.Been thinking of you and your ds hoping everything was ok. I hope they get to the bottom of it and he starts to get better soon.

WinterBabyof89 · 24/01/2015 09:35

town massive congrats!!

ellie it's good to let it out. I started counselling last week which I don't really think I need, but made arrangements for last year at a more delicate time - maybe try that if you haven't already.
I often think about what dd would have looked like, etc. She would have been sitting up, giggling, we would have been weaning her now. 6 months old tomoro she'd have been. It'll always be there so don't keep it in.

You're definitely not holding anybody up.. Friends won't know what to say, but it's no excuse for them abandoning you - have an honest conversation with them. I have a friend who is so wonderful & includes dd in conversations if she can, but I also have another friend who doesn't mention her (probably because said friend is a tad self centred but love her anyway)..

You can always talk about your daughter here - I'd love to hear how she looked just like her daddy :)
My dd had my toes and fingernails - how ridiculous, but they were tiny little dainty things that made her mine Smile .. My ds has his daddy's toes so I was pleased my genetics finally won at something haha!

I'm on my first cycle ttc #3 & It feels like I've been trying for months.. Been two years since we decided to add to our family but I still don't have a baby to tuck in at night.. Instead she sits on my bedside table in her tiny urn..

Good things will happen for us - just takes time..
Sorry for the long post.. I'm a rambler ha! Xx

giantmama · 24/01/2015 11:45

town I've shed a little tear at your happy news!

My little boys had my feet and hands, nothing else about them looked a bit unlike daddy. That's okay because daddy's a looker Wink

Hugs to you all

townsender · 24/01/2015 13:49

Ducky hope it went ok with the consultant and DS is still improving. Is it a chest infection he's got?

Ellie, sorry I totally missed your last thread as we must have crossed threads last night and then I was far too excited this morning to read back. Your DH work sounds awful, and just what he doesn't need when he's going through such a low point. How is TTC going - are you due to test soon? It does feel like forever, doesn't it.

Winter ramble away! It's nice to hear your thoughts.
My little girl would have been 8 months now (corrected). I've got 2 friends who had little girls around the same time as I was due, and luckily neither of them are rampant facebook posters - not sure I could cope. I'm meeting up with one in a couple of weeks, who I saw with her baby quite a few times when I was off on maternity leave. Not sure how I managed to do that, but I did (choice between that and loneliness I think!). Anyway, I haven't seen her for ages, and this time we can meet for dinner without her daughter, which I'm really looking forward to. I don't need to see an 8 month old girl. She would have been friends with 'G'.

Giant your little boys must have been soooo cute.

I'm feeling ok, no symptoms or anything yet. Emotionally I feel pretty drained, which is making me feel a bit dehydrated and headachey. I'm worried about MC (for no rational reason) and I'm worried about travel with work which is coming up. I want to sit down and plan and make lists, but at the same time I don't as it's just too early and I have THE FEAR.
So, for this week, all I need to do is kick-off the NHS process. That's all. I'm going to try not to do anything else.

kayleighferrie1985 · 24/01/2015 15:05

ellie sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment. For what it's worth i talk about Ben quite a lot, and in all honesty i couldn't give a fig if it upsets or offends anybody, he's my son regardless. Personally after what we've all been through i don't see why we should feel we have to hide our feelings for our angels away Flowers

town what lovely news- congratulations! I also hope you got the leak at the house sorted and that there wasn't too much damage caused. I can relate to you saying about "the fear" as i've said i'm not buying anything until baby is here (i have a cot, clothes ect already here, and a friend said i can borrow her carseat to bring baby home).

ducky thanks for your reply. I know my dates, but i'm keen to see my consultant to talk about how the care will differ this time so i think i'll speak to the midwife on Tuesday. I'm pleased for you that ds is continuing to improve, and can understand you feeling so scared.

townsender · 24/01/2015 15:12

Everything was fairly dry this morning, no damage done, so I think we got away with it. It was probably only leaking for 5 mins, but it felt like forever at the time. At least I now know where the mains tap is for the house!
New dishwasher arrived at 7:30 this morning. Lucky I was already awake with bfp excitement, on a normal Saturday I would NOT have been impressed!

LakeOfDreams · 24/01/2015 17:32

Hi ladies sorry I've been quiet for so long. Work has been crazy busy way too many poorly babies, DH and I were working opposite shifts so fitting in DTD has been a challenge as I feel like I've barely seen him!! Only a week till I get to POAS.

Welcome to our newcomers always sad to see more people arriving but this is definitely the best crap place to be!

Kayleigh hope you are coping with your tiredness and everything is going well.

Ducky, sorry the little mans oxygen levels are dropping without oxygen. I'm presuming he has bronchiolitis hopefully he is over the worst and just needs a little bit longer. Must have been scary for you.

Winter I actually joined one of the antenatal groups on here when I was pregnant and through that we set up a Facebook group. After losing E I left the group but still have several of them as friends on FB. Sometimes I find it so hard and skip over their posts as it reminds me of everything we lost. However those ladies have been more kind than most of my real friends. When E died they all sent cards and got us a beautiful locket engraved on the back with "always an August baby" they all gave a bit of money to get us something and actually had more than I ever could have imagined so their generosity has actually paid for E's headstone which was a huge weight off our mind.

Town massive congratulations seems like the right kind of high to be ending this thread on!

Apart from work things have been going OK. Although little things still bother me. Some of my colleagues were inappropriately talking about having a profoundly disabled child and basically said they'd all rather anything but that, I had to walk away as Id give anything not to be where we are. One of the new doctors innocently asked if I had kids but I was infront of the family I was caring for so I lied and said no. I figured that was going to be the end of the conversation but no she went on and on for ages about how lucky I was not to have kids as she couldn't remember the last time she'd had a full nights sleep. I nearly told her but it's not her fault I guess it's what most people think when you tell them you don't have kids, I wish I did get those sleepless nights though. Well I suppose I did have a fair few sleepless nights but for entirely different reasons.

My best friend said something really odd to me the other day and asked what I'd do if we couldn't have any more kids. There is no reason for her to think like that as we had no medical reason for E dying and we conceived her straight away. We've only been trying again properly since October. It just really shocked me that people could think like that, as if because my baby died I'm somehow broken. Just made me feel like in her eyes it's my fault.

Anyway a whole week off work again now so should be able to catch up for a while.

Oh and someone ought to think about starting a new thread soon must be nearly at the end of this one!!

tahunny · 24/01/2015 19:19

Kayleigh, I was also under consultant care. I had scan at hospital at 12weeks and afterwards saw consultant. We discussed what they would do this time. Extra scans, growth chart plotting, and checking blood flow through placenta with induction at 37weeks. I saw consultant after every scan. 12weeks, 20weeks, 28weeks,32weeks and 36weeks. I made sure to book my appointments with midwife weekly. For me, it made the weeks go by faster and was reassurance that things were ok on a weekly basis. I still had the fear as I got closer to the end, which I think is only natural.

Congratulations townsender.

Ducky, sorry to hear about your little mans struggles. Hope he's better soon.

Lake, how lovely of the ladies of the august group to do that for you. It made me well up, what a beautiful gift and very thoughtful.

Welcome to the new ladies, so sorry you have found yourselves to be here, but as said above, its the best crap place to be.

Cakebaker35 · 24/01/2015 19:32

town what wonderful news, massive congratulations x

ducky thinking of you so much and hope your little man is better soon x

I wrote a big long message but my computer just crashed so sorry this is short but I wanted to say a sad but very warm welcome to the new ladies, you will find huge support on this thread from the brave and wonderful ladies here. I'm a bit of a lurker as we're not officially ttc yet. It's only been 13 weeks since we lost our son W. I went into labour at just 27 weeks for no obvious reason, suffered a partial abruption during labour resulting in an emcs. W lived for just 8 days during which time he suffered to major bleeds to his brain and after a lot of heartbreaking discussions, we had to let him go. I miss him every day. We have a dd who is 3 and has been my reason to keep going, but it's also so challenging when you're having a bad day to have to try to be mum.

I came across this article today, it's different to my situation but I could relate to a lot of these feelings. I hope you don't mind me sharing but thought some of you may want to read it:
www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-health/11364826/Marina-Fogle-I-never-saw-my-son-open-his-eyes-or-smile-but-at-least-I-told-him-how-much-he-was-loved.html

Sorry not to name check everyone, I'll catch up properly on the thread soon. Sending you all lots of hugs xxx

townsender · 24/01/2015 23:51

Lovely article Cake, thankyou.

townsender · 25/01/2015 00:10

I've created a new thread, before this one fills completely!
Link is
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2291194-Angels-and-Rainbows-remembering-our-angels-and-praying-for-rainbows-thread2

Hope you all find it
x

MademoiselleG · 24/05/2015 16:13

Town! ThanksThanksThanks How brilliant.

I'm on the phone so can't name check very well but read back. It's always such great comfort to come here and feel such warmth and kindness from you all.

A sad, sad but warmest welcome to all the newcomers. The ladies here are out of this world incredible. I wouldn't be where I am today without the support I got from you all. Mostly just lurking and reading, but feeling understood and respected.

Lots of love and ThanksThanks

MademoiselleG · 24/05/2015 16:18

(I'll blame preggo brain for congratulating someone I know has been pregnant for weeks and posting on the wrong thread!!Shock)

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