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Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for rainbows

995 replies

missalexandra · 09/09/2014 18:16

New thread ladies, hope it brings us all good luck.

OP posts:
Ducky23 · 09/01/2015 12:08

Thinking of you Betty x you really should take all the time you need off x

MademoiselleG · 09/01/2015 21:28

Of course physically, you could, Betty - but why on earth would you do such a thing? Look free yourself and take all the time you need. I hope you have support in RL?
Sending love your way.

kayleigh I shall be thinking of you Monday and waiting for updates.

BettyFriedansLoveChild · 10/01/2015 08:43

All done now - although it was more traumatic than I had anticipated. Was at the end of the day surgery list so had to wait by myself all gowned up on a trolley for four hours before I could go in (DP wasn't allowed to join me). Than having the general anaesthetic put in brought back horrible flashbacks of the few moments before DD was born (via section under general anaesthetic after her heart stopped) - I've never had genuine flashbacks like that, it was indescribable, it really surprised me. Plus the fact that I've had a neonatal loss is only written in tiny letters somewhere in a back page of my notes so doctors kept looking at my notes and saying 'so you already have two children' (the subtext of which I took to be 'you don't really need to be that upset about this miscarriage'). I felt like saying, 'No, my second child died because this hospital was too understaffed to see me or deliver my baby until her heart had actually stopped'. The whole thing just really angered me (not on a rational level, and obviously I didn't actually say that to anyone!) - it felt like a collective disavowal on the part of the hospital for any responsibility in my DD dying.

I've been pregnant for a year out of the last eighteen months now, and still no baby. I'm not sure how many more times I can do this. My heart is broken, I'm physically exhausted (pregnancy and I have never been a great match, and I'd only really just about recovered from DD1 when I got pregnant with DD2, so basically I've felt consistently shit for over three and a half years now), and my career that I have worked for so hard is possibly going to go down the tube because I've needed so much time off, I've lost my drive and I can't see myself getting it back in the next six months or so. I'd love to take some time off to spend quietly by myself, but that's not possible when you have a young child and fragile employment.

kayleighferrie1985 · 10/01/2015 09:58

betty sending you love and hugs. Your post brought a tear to my eye, it really did. I'm shocked at what the doctors said to you- a miscarriage is upsetting regardless of how many children you have! Sorry you have the additional concerns regarding your job also, that's the last thing you need right now. I hope you have a speedy (physical) recovery xx

LittleTulip · 10/01/2015 10:35

Oh Betty I am so sorry that you are going through. I and the women on this thread understand your anger. It just isn't fair. I am angry on your behalf, insensitive and mis-informed doctors are the last thing we need. Would it help if you wrote a letter to the hospital and let them know how you felt?

I wish you the best in your job. This time last year I was considering a completely different career path, I just couldn't fathom going back to work, I'm not sure how I managed it. You are resilient Betty you will get through this, is there anyway you can delay your viva?

Kayleigh all the best for Monday Flowers

EllieandAnna · 10/01/2015 21:10

Hi everyone, just checking in to see how you all are. I also want to say how sorry I am about those of you who have had losses recently, my heart sank when I read about them and I just hope that you have plenty of love and support to help you through this awful time.

Betty I'm so so sorry for your loss, I hope everything went as well as it could have with the procedure.
Madem Sorry to hear you have been struggling, I'm glad you have your daughter to help you through the difficult times. I think sometimes having a focus is the only thing that gets us through.
Cake I sometimes forget this is a ttc board. I'm sure none of us mind you being here if you aren't ttc just yet. After everything we have been through I think we are all just grateful for the support and understanding this thread brings. I can identify with what your husband said, my husband was told several times he was lucky I'm still here and he is terrified what might happen next time, I've told him we have to think positive and support each other, don't know how else to get through it!
Kayleigh Good luck with your scan on Monday, I have everything crossed for you.

Vicky I think I'm out for this month and maybe for a while. Tested Thu and it was negative. Was so sure I was pregnant as I haven't had another period since 5th week after giving birth (at least nurse thought it was) consultant said to go on the pill to kickstart it again but. Not sure what to do as we didn't tell consultant we were already ttc as he strongly recommended waiting 6months. If anything the negative test has made me realise I definitely want to have another child. Work have been holding back a lot of my workload without telling me as they were eorried I might not cope, I hate feeling like people are talking about me without knowing and making decisions on my behalf without even asking. I know they mean well but it makes it worse!

Wishing a wonderful new year to everyone, and every bit of luck to every pregnancy and oerson ttc.

Ducky23 · 10/01/2015 21:59

Betty, I have been thinking of you all day. X

I'm having a hard time recently ds has been poorly Sad it's so difficult. I'm in constant dear something might happen to him, I think the drs think I'm mad when I get so upset Sad

EllieandAnna · 10/01/2015 22:22

Ducky Hope the anxiety starts to fade in time. I think it is perfectly natural given what you have been through. Im certain should I be lucky enough to have a child, I will have to stop my self from being one of these overbearing whittling mothers! Unfortunately, I think we have all been robbed of carefree motherhood no matter how trouble free and healthy everything might be.

townsender · 10/01/2015 22:54

Betty, your post made me feel your anger so keenly, and get angry on your behalf. Makes me think that if I am lucky enough to get a bfp, I will somehow write 'neonatal bereavement' all over my notes so that the medics have no excuse for being insensitive.
If you had to have a general anaesthetic for the surgery, that sounds fairly major?! Its really rough if you can't get some time off work - but I know the drag and pull that work can be, especially when you've built up a career and a reputation.

Ducky hang in there, channel the upset into getting the very best care for your little boy. The doctors can think whatever they like, 'He who shouts loudest....'

Ellie fx your AF gets back to normal soon. I think it can take up to 6 months, vague memories that's what my consultant said.

Anna you've gone quiet but I'm thinking of you and hope your drs appt last week was ok.

AFM It's 11 months today since I went into early labour and my tiny daughter was born. Missing her loads. Still feeling positive though Wine

kayleighferrie1985 · 10/01/2015 23:35

ducky sorry to hear your ds has been poorly and that it's been causing you to worry. I hope ds feels lots better soon.

town sending you love and Flowers today

Love to all xx

CritterPants · 11/01/2015 03:06

Hi everyone, have been away and just checked to see Betty's devastating news. I am SO sorry. A miscarriage after a full term loss is just a kick in the teeth and there is no rhyme or reason to it. You really sound like you need some time off - you've been full tilt for so long and you're still right in the middle of processing your daughter's death as well as dealing with work and parenting a little one. I wish I could come over and give you a massive hug and a cup of tea. Not that it would make things better, but I just feel my heart breaking for you. I'm so sorry, this is so horribly unfair.

Ducky hope your little man is ok.

Cake I am thinking of you as your little one's due date comes up. Hang in there mama.

Love to everyone and sorry for crap short post. Sending gentle hugs to all, you ladies are heroes who show me the true meaning of grace, and just getting through each day is a massive achievement. Thanks

LittleTulip · 11/01/2015 20:21

This lady could really do with our support if anybody is there x

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/2266135-Need-some-anonymous-support?pg=3&order=

EllieandAnna · 11/01/2015 21:18

Little Sent this lady a message on the thread but doesn't look like she's been back on for a while. Does anyone know how she is?!

townsender · 11/01/2015 21:32

MN have removed that post now - hope she's ok.

BettyFriedansLoveChild · 12/01/2015 09:47

Just wanted to wish Kayleigh good luck for her scan today. Thanks for the support over the weekend everyone. I'm in work, but have let my line manager know what has happened so I can leave early if necessary.

Also wanted to quietly congratulate Critter on reaching twelve weeks. So glad that things are looking good for you at the moment - if anyone deserves this you really so.

Wishing a nice calm week to all x

Ducky23 · 12/01/2015 10:44

Good luck Kayleigh x

I didn't see the thread but hope she's ok Sad

kayleighferrie1985 · 12/01/2015 13:32

betty thank you for your wishes. How are you doing today? I'm glad you've told your manager what's happened and that you're able to leave earlier if you need to.

ducky thank you to you too. How is your ds doing now?

AFM scan measured baby at 6+1 but the sonographer said that we'll get a more accurate date at the 12 week scan. Everything looks ok now though so just got to keep resting up ect for now.

Love to all xx

Cakebaker35 · 12/01/2015 13:38

Thank you all for your lovely words, it means such a lot to have you all here, although I wish none of us were if that makes sense.

betty how are you doing? I'm so sorry you were treated so insensitively when you had your procedure, as others have said if you can face writing to the hospital I would really encourage you to. Or if you have a good gp they could do this for you. I totally empathise with that anger about being pregnant for so much time and yet no baby, I'm so so sorry you are going through this, it's just hard hard hard. I'm sending you hugs and hope you are physically ok at least. I had an erpc when I had an mmc in March last year and physically was okay quite quickly but I was a wreck emotionally for a while. I so hope you have lots of support in rl. Thinking of you x

ellie fingers crossed your AF starts to get back on track soon, it's so hard waiting for your body to start feeling normal again isn't it xx

kayleigh thinking of you today, do hope all went well with your scan x

critter a quiet little 'yippee' on reaching 12 weeks x

Afm, we had our neonatal consultant meeting on Friday. It was a good but hard meeting, the consultant had clearly done a lot of work on looking at all the samples, tests etc since W died. She is a really lovely lady so I feel glad we had that continuity of seeing her again. There was lots of detail but the summary is that there was no obvious cause for why I went into labour early, no infection, no disease, none of the usual suspects. While I did have a partial abruption during labour this was felt to be as a result of intense/too fast labour and not the cause. The abruption did cause some bleeding which may have had an effect on W's liver function and why he struggled to deal with all the bruising he had and ultimately what led to the bleeds on his brain. The c section was incredibly difficult due to his positioning and none of this would've helped but no direct cause as such. I'm glad we had the meeting but also feel so bloody angry at this thing called 'luck' - why us, why him? The harsh answer is just because. The consultant felt that if we did ttc then I'd be at no greater risk than the rest of the population on it happening again, but that they would want me under close observation. I'm due to see the obstetric consultant in a couple of weeks who will cover this in more detail. Dh still too terrified to even consider ttc but I've said we should just wait to see obstetrics before we talk about it any more. Feeling exhausted but glad to have had the meeting and grateful to have an excellent consultant. I should've been 39 weeks pregnant today.

Sorry not to name check everyone else, hope you're all doing ok and sorry for the massive rambling post xxx

Cakebaker35 · 12/01/2015 13:39

Cross post kayleigh, wonderful scan news Flowers

Ducky23 · 12/01/2015 13:45

Cake, seems like it's a standard answer that they just don't know Sad

Ds is a little better but still poorly Sad it's just so difficult I'm constantly on edge and not sleeping because I'm terrified of something happening to him, it sounds stupid because it's nothing super serious Confused and then I have a constant head ache as he is screaming a lot but there's nothing ican do for him Sad

Hugs to everyone x

Ducky23 · 12/01/2015 13:46

And wicked news about your scan Grin

kayleighferrie1985 · 12/01/2015 17:03

cake i'm glad the meeting on Friday helped a little- even though you didn't get any definitive reasons/answers. We were much in the same boat, although we'd only had tests done on the placenta and i'd had specific blood tests done 7 weeks after birth- none of which gave us any answers. I think you're wise to hold off ttc until you've seen the obstetric consultant, as you said they'll cover things regarding another pregnancy in more detail and your dh might find this extremely helpful.

ducky i'm sending you and your ds lots of hugs. It doesn't sound stupid at all- i've known plenty of mum who worry madly when their child is ill (most of whom haven't been through what we have). I'll keep my fingers crossed he gets better soon.

LakeOfDreams · 12/01/2015 18:23

Kayleigh glad the scan went well

Ducky hope your little guy gets better soon, must be horrible for you although I am glad he's not so sick he needs to be in hospital.

Cake I'm glad the meeting helped you a little bit

AFM not sure how we are going to work things this month with TTC as I'm on three nights starting in about an hour hopefully we will find enough opportunity to DTD, got a smear on Thursday which is not exciting but I'm glad I've managed to fit it in before we conceive as I had to skip last years due to the pregnancy and the year before that I had some abnormal cells so Ive gotta get it sorted. Not much more to say getting fed up of hoping to be pregnant.

Hope everyone has a good week I'll catch up with you all towards the end of the week

Annaelisabeth · 12/01/2015 22:10

Hi everyone, I'm still here just not been posting for a while. Initial dr appt last week lead to a referral to the ultrasound unit as my dr thinks I have a cyst on one of my ovaries. I'm sorry I haven't posted but these health issues I'm facing are consuming my mind and I can't think of anything else. All I wanted was to get well and start trying for another baby but it just keeps getting worse.

I'm thinking of you all.

Xxa

BlueSkyandRain · 13/01/2015 11:41

Hello all, sorry I've been AWOL again. Seems like time dragged horribly when I was pg and now it's making up for it, the days are passing in a whirlwind atm.
betty I'm so sorry to hear your news, and how hard you're finding things atm. It's so difficult to take the time you need to recover when you've got work pressures too. I hope you're able to find a way to get a break, even if its not for as long as you'd like.
kayleigh and critter a quiet congrats, glad everything's looking ok
ducky it's horrible when they're ill isn't it? I'm definitely much less laid back as a mum now, and everyone seems to be ill atm!
Sorry not to namecheck everyone else, dh is looking after L and she doesn't seem v happy so I'd better go! I am thinking of you all tho x