TTC after MC; hand holding, hugs and lots of things that can JTFO!

[Treaclepie19]

The Rules...

(1) A lady may only POAS on a Friday.
(2) Friday means the day that everyone calls Friday in the time zone where you spent the night.
(3) Rule (1) does not apply to POA-OPK-S, UNLESS they are being illegitimately used as surrogate HCG detectors, in which case Rule (1) most definitely does apply
(4) Rule (1) does not apply following a BFP because if you want to waste £25 a day POADigiS that's your prerogative
(5) Rule (1) does not apply if a lady is POAS in an attempt to get a BFN to prove she can start DTD with intent
(6) Rule (1) does not apply if a lady wants for unknown reason to pee on an actual stick, like a twig or some such, if that lady is unexpectedly caught short whilst tramping in the forest looking for bears.
(7) These rules (including Rule (1)) are subject to the change at any time if the ladies of the Posifrickentivity thread decide on a whim come up with empirical evidence to prove that it is luckier to POAS on any other day of the week
(8) Violators of Rule (1) shall be subject to fish throwing.

And as a grand finale, why not pledge to NEVER POAS before 14DPO?

I agree with the being sick of people telling me it will be fine. Will it?? How exactly do you know that?? I told my mum about pregnant lady on holiday and she said 'oh well, at least she will have all the inconveniences of being pregnant on holiday and you won't'. Like that is any consolation. Sick of people trying to make me feel better, I know they mean well but I want to wallow and scream at the unfairness of it all.

Tori - I would say if you don't want to go then don't go. You have experienced a bereavement. If you had just lost a loved one no one would be expecting you to go to a party and make merry. If you don't feel like it then don't go. There is no should in situations like this, only what is right for you.

tori I had the same thing earlier this year - a friend was having a baby shower, and I just could not face going. On the day, I said I wasn't feeling well (dropped a cake round before it started and gave another friend money for a joint present), and then on the day after, I emailed my friend to explain why I didn't come to the shower. Would you be happy to tell your work friends why you can't face a baby shower? Because in my experience, no one will ever give you any grief when you mention a miscarriage.

fergie Sorry that you're back here. I am 42 and clinging onto the belief that it is possible for me to have another baby! Great that your hospital agreed to do the tests already, hopefully, it will answer some of your questions! 2 of my 4 mcs were due to chromosomal abnormalities, so I have to keep telling myself that I will be lucky next time! DH and I are now taking lots of supplements that are meant to improve egg/sperm quality.

Really sorry to hear that some of you have suffered the thoughtless comments of others. Only someone who has never had an mc would say 'Better luck next time'. That's what I always tell myself, as an alternative to blowing their head off. When my first mc was discovered at the scan, the sonographer -after hearing that I have a DS- said: 'Well, at least we know that you can have children!' WTF?!

at all the thoughtless comments. My dad to me last week that it was time I looked to the future and that I was to stop living in the past... It had been less than a month since my TFMR and we had buried our baby's ashes two days before. Seriously??

Tori I wouldn't go, but mainly I'd do what I feel like doing. That's how I understood the advice "be kind to yourself": don't put any unnecessary pressure on yourself about anything and especially not anything like this! They will understand.

Look after yourselves ladies

Tori it's really very eye opening indeed. The support system for women and couples going through MC is virtually non existant in my area of the country, hopefully it's better in others. Something has to change though, the psychological support especially is so lacking.

Re the baby shower, I wouldn't be going if I were you and really didn't feel up to it. Do they know you've had a recent mc? I'm sure they'll completely understand. Definitely don't go and be brave if you think it'll set you back and will make you feel even worse.

Tori if you don't feel your up to the baby shower I would advise don't go. After my 1st mc I didn't go to a girls wedding reception at work because I knew there was going to be someone who had just announced her pregancy. Others tried to tell me to go as I would enjoy it but I knew that I would cry if this woman spoke to me. We need to anything that protects our sanity and feelings rather then others. I am sure these ladies would fully understand x

Hi Ladies,

Fergie... I'm so, so sorry you're back here. One mc is hard enough but for mother nature to be cruel enough to let us go through it twice is really shit. Sending you big hugs. I'm glad that you're getting the tests and care you deserve.

Sorry so many of you are having to deal with hard situations and shitty insensitive comments..... I've had my fair share. Its tough.
Found out my DH had a few words with a friend fro her insensitivty - she was moaning and telling me how upset she was that she hadn't fallen pg with DC2 after just one pissing cycle. DH saw red when I told him..... Now things are slightly awkward!

CD22 ran out of cb opks yesterday. Did my usual afternoon ic and guess what +tive!! Fuck sake! DH went away this morning overnight for a work trip. I turned down a quickie because i thought we were prob out & was knackered. Now i'm fuming with myself. Last dtd on Monday night and will do it tomorrow and Friday now just in case. Still not convinced i'll actually ov - temps will prove it one way or the other.

Just caught back up with the thread, been busy for a few days but back now :).

Tori I wouldn't go if you don't feel up to it, it's not right to put yourself through that. Be nice to yourself.

I'm sorry for everyone who is having a hard time, the insensitivity of some people beggars belief! I'm currently avoiding an insensitive person, so they've continued to be insensitive via text :/. Honestly, I just want them to stop.

Hey english that's great! That's sooo typical though but you're gearing up to ov. which is good news. Definitely get on the case when DH gets back, you have time! Let us know how the temps go, I'm definitely temping next month, this wtf cycle has been stupidly confusing and I don't know where I'm at. One +tive on Thursday, another on Sunday and now my cm has arrived after being AWOL for this whole time. So who knows what that means? It's not ewcm, it's cloudy and thick (tmi, I'm so sorry. I have no idea when I started to think overstepping this line was ok!). I've got no OPK sticks left but I'm going to stock up on cheapies for next month. I've got a plan, so now I feel better!

Yeah it is good news blink, I just wish i ov'd earlier!
The WTF cycle really does throw all sorts at you. I'd recommend anyone to avoid opks and temping all together during the wtf cycle and just dtd as you usually would, then hope for the best. Its so hard to monitor things. Hopefully if you don't get a bfp this cycle, next cycle will be successful.

I completely agree English, I thought I was doing it for the best but looking back the monitoring has only made me feel more anxious. I'm tempted not to monitor at all next month and just see what happens but I'm scared to. I probably won't let myself! But I'd advise anyone else not to.

I do feel slightly calmer and more in control of my emotions but I'm avoiding everyone and everything that could make me feel bad. Can't do that forever but I wish I could.

I feel like AF is on her way, I'm far too early for a usual cycle and it's cd 20 so I shouldn't be anywhere near. But during this cycle who knows! I kind of hope it's AF because then this cycle would be done and I could start properly .

Just catching up after a hectic few days. I've only read today's posts though so sorry if I am a bit behind.

Sounds like we had a BFP or two but can't work out who. Congrats whoever it was!

Sorry to any new joiners and sorry you are back here fergie and brumie. No need to apologise for ranting though - that's what we are all here for!

Re. Baby shower. Don't go if you don't feel up to it. That will be a really tough environment if you aren't feeling ready. It would be easier if you can say why, easier for you even as you don't have to feel awkward about it. But if you can't then just make your excuses. No one will even remember you weren't there in 2 weeks time.

Oh and the 'at least you can get pregnant' type statements - they aren't for us. It's for the person saying it!

Blink if you don't want to track your temp and obsess over it, why not try just dtd every other day as soon as af finishes. I've managed to get pregnant 3 times first time that way. (Even if 2 of them ended in mc )

Going for my second lot of bloods today so will know what's what tomorrow. I've not had any more blood since the other day but I'm back to light-mid dark dc (sorry tmi) going off previous mc's it's between 3-5 days of varying amounts of spotting before the buckets start so I'm right in the middle of my time frame. Constantly nipping to the loo to check my panty liner. Talk about obsessive compulsive disorder. On a plus note my boobs are still tender and I'm knackered still with the odd headache n sick feeling so I must still have a decent amount of hormones knocking about. Previously my boobs stopped being tender instantly.
Yes I am still clinging to any and all possibilities but who wouldn't.

Lauren, keeping my fingers crossed for good news from your blood test xx

I'm now 8dpo. Annoying myself by symptom spotting.

In need of some hand holding. Had my BFP on Monday, at lunchtime today I had some pink discharge/spotting and consequently I'm terrified. I've driven back from Devon to Leicester as was staying with a friend for the week, if worse case happens I'd much rather be at home. I've had no spotting since so hoping it doesn't amount to anything more and was more a case of overdoing the very long walk on the beach yesterday. Will go to the GP tomorrow and hopefully get a referral to the EPU, but I'm not sure how I can manage a second time around.

allthefours hopefully it's just baby settling it. Hope you get some reassurance from epu x

Sorry to here that Allthefours. If it's stopped try not to panic. I'd be surprised if the EPU want anything to do with you, the EPU in my area won't touch you with a ten foot pole unless your at least 6 weeks no matter how many mc's you've had. With my first mc I was told to take a test in 2 weeks and if was still positive the would see me. No offer of blood tests or even a leaflet on what to expect.

Thinks this time for me is a foregone conclusion my spotting is very dark brown now just waiting for the cramps and red blood to arrive.

Ladies I experienced the exat same thing. Never had spotting with my first pregnancy which led to mmc anyway, with my current one I started spotting around 5 weeks till 7 weeks! Dark brown, pinkish discharge, I panicked and got an early scan. I called the nhs service and they said I should go to a&e as I was getting pains on the right and left side as well as spotting. To rule out ectopic they gave me a scan and it wasn't ectopic thankfully. I know it's hard to relax but if you are really concerned call them up and explain your symtoms for piece of mind. I hope it's normal spotting for both of you

Lauren and allthefours I hope you are both ok, I'll be keeping you both in my thoughts. Try not to think the worst, I know that's almost impossible. Big hugs for you both and keep us updated. Some health professionals are so insensitive when it comes to early pregnancy, some aren't but I think they are few and far between. I hope you both get some answers soon.

I'm trying not to symptom spot, which is stupid because I don't even know where I am in my cycle. I'm assuming I've ov'd but I don't actually think I did, I feel exactly like I do before AF but I'm cd 20 and 'normal' cycles are about 30-32 days. If it is my usual pmt I'm hoping its because AF is going to turn up early, I'm not sure I can take another 2 weeks of feeling like this! Or the spots :(. Ah wtf really is wtf.

Spots you say blink. They are a sure sign for me as I never get spots unless I'm pregnant. I don't tend to have any af gear up. No cramps, no sore boobs, no nothing so I know when I get them I'm pregnant again.

Well woke up this morning and my lovely daughter has given me gooey eye. Plus she crawled in bed with us last night and coughed in my face for most of the night so that's me waiting for a chesty cough to develop. Least I pick up our new car today so that's something to look forward too.

lauren and allthefours sorry you are going through all this worry. After having a miscarriage its impossible not to think the worst, despite any reassurances people try and give. All I will say is: bleeding is very common in early pregnancy. And, not having any bleeding doesn't automatically = good news, I've never had any in either of my pregnancies and neither of them resulted in babies. I have everything crossed for you both.

blink my wtf cycle was what can only be described as an UBER cycle. It seemed every symptom was really exaggerated. I had what felt like PMT and AF cramps (strong) for about 10 days, I was completely convinced I was pregnant. I wasn't, I think my body was just a bit confused. Really hope it is a BFP for you or at least the symptoms calm down soon, it's really crap.

I'm off on holiday on Sunday and should be ov-ing while I am away. Last time I got pregnant again 2nd normal cycle post-tfmr. So have convinced myself the same will happen again. God help me if it doesn't.

Is anyone POAS-ing today?

Oh my god! The doctor just rang me with my results and I'm still pregnant. I've never had levels so high. Went from 3000 to 6000. I mentioned that it's all dark brown now and he just said we can test again next week but it looks very promising and it might just be what my body does.

Brilliant news Lauren! Fingers crossed that it continue to stick. Will be thinking of you.

We visiting the out of hours GP at the hospital last night as I had had more spotting. The doctor was very kind but said that there was little they could do. It could be something or nothing. Wa

Posted too soon.

What the doctors visit did do is book is in for a scan next Wednesday (earliest appt apparently). I'm on strict rest for the next few days, DH has told me not to do anything!! I'm supposed to be back at work on Tuesday (I work in a school and because of the school holidays, I have been in since my last miscarriage).

Thank you to everyone for their comments. I'm trying to be as positive as I can be. I've had no spotting since 9.30pm last night...

Lucky you getting a scan. I'm having my next lot of bloods on Wednesday so will be thinking about you.
I work in a college library so I'm back on Tuesday too. Should be fun going in and telling my boss I'm not lifting any books and by the way I need to nip out the next day for my bloods. Luckily enough it's pretty much the only thing my boss is good at being understanding.
I'm def still spotting if even go so far to say light period but at least it's brown n not red.

Big hugs for you both ladies. Try to keep positive, i know it's hard.
I have my fingers well and truly crossed for you x

Lauren, fantastic news about your blood results. Hang in there little bean!