TTC after MC; hand holding, hugs and lots of things that can JTFO!

[Treaclepie19]

The Rules...

(1) A lady may only POAS on a Friday.
(2) Friday means the day that everyone calls Friday in the time zone where you spent the night.
(3) Rule (1) does not apply to POA-OPK-S, UNLESS they are being illegitimately used as surrogate HCG detectors, in which case Rule (1) most definitely does apply
(4) Rule (1) does not apply following a BFP because if you want to waste £25 a day POADigiS that's your prerogative
(5) Rule (1) does not apply if a lady is POAS in an attempt to get a BFN to prove she can start DTD with intent
(6) Rule (1) does not apply if a lady wants for unknown reason to pee on an actual stick, like a twig or some such, if that lady is unexpectedly caught short whilst tramping in the forest looking for bears.
(7) These rules (including Rule (1)) are subject to the change at any time if the ladies of the Posifrickentivity thread decide on a whim come up with empirical evidence to prove that it is luckier to POAS on any other day of the week
(8) Violators of Rule (1) shall be subject to fish throwing.

And as a grand finale, why not pledge to NEVER POAS before 14DPO?

treacle I'm terrified. Cried for ages when I did the test. DH and I haven't really spoken about the BFP very much at all. Last time we just kept looking at each other and grinning but this time, it's so sad, it's such a different experience.

Glad you're having a lovely time. Enjoy spending some quality time with your DH, without the stress of worrying about TTC. It will do you the world of good I'm sure.

When will you get the results from your bloods?

I can imagine :( such a shame you can't feel gappy about it. I'm sure all will be fine. Sending big hugs though xxx

I get my blood results Wednesday :/

Well now I'm confused - solid smiley! Finally! But I got a smiley face on the normal OPK on Thursday - so now is absolutely don't know what to think. The OPKs I did yesterday were all negative apart from the flashing smiley (I did 2 of the other ones at different times of the day - obsessive!). Then this morning I just took the dual hormone one and it's solid.

Can't wait to tell DH that he has 2 more days of DTD, we laughed last night about how we were desperate for a night off and promised not to go near each other for a week. All this tcc really takes the romance out of it all! So I guess we should DTD for another 2 days?

Both OPKs are clearblue, I did that so they'd be less likely to conflict. But as this is my wtf I'm wonder if my body geared up, stopped and then is trying again? I'm mad with myself because I was lazy, all other days I've been collecting and using both OPKs and today I couldn't be bothered so I just peed on the one stick. If I'd done it properly then I could see what the other stick says. I'll do it late on today and see.

treacle it sounds like your friend is being very insensitive. Of course she's excited and happy but I think sending loads of pictures is over the top, I certainly never did this with DS, it doesn't hurt to have some sensitivity towards other people. I think you need to ignore your phone today, you might feel a bit stronger if you can have a break from seeing pictures. Try to stay strong, the pain of it will wear off it's just because it's a new situation for you to deal with and you've dealt with so much so far so don't let a few baby pictures break you. I'm having to tell myself the same thing with the baby equipment - it's just another hurdle and I will get over it and onto the other side. We all will.

blink unfortunately with it being your wtf cycle it's likely to be all over the place. I was using opks during my wtf cycle and didn't get any positives at all so I'm not even sure I ovulated. DH and I were just dtd to feel close again and if we had of caught it would have been an absolute bonus.

Try not to bear yourself up about missing a day here and there.

Thanks blink, people just don't think do they?

I didn't ovulate during my wtf cycle, i didn't do opk's though, just temper. Don't beat yourself up about not dtd, i know it's hard not to but one day normally won't make much difference.

Just want a woe is me moment, life sucks etc.

On cd21, cycle length tends to be around 25/26 days long. No idea if I ovulated, bfns, CBFM stuck on High until it gets it's twenty sticks. Bullshit.

sebsmummy I'm with you on that one! I'll wallow for a while with you. Life sucks today.

Sorry I can't help with the CBFM, I'm having trouble just using the bloody sticks with the dual hormone thing. Stupid! Both OPKs are contradicting each other, how the hell does that make any sense?! At first I thought maybe my hormones weren't right, but they'd both agree with each other then surely? According to OPK I had my surge on Thursday, according to dual hormone thing it's today (OPK doesn't agree). As if things weren't shit enough as it is!!

I've been reading some of the threads in AIBU, they're cheering me up a bit (well, taking my mind off the more major things in life for a while anyway). There really are some drama queens out there!

Thanks treacle, I hope you are managing to enjoy your anniversary a bit today.

Well with all this darker to lighter dc I'm not very confident in this one. It's starting to freak me out just keep thinking I'll lose this one too. 4 more days till I'm 5 weeks (when I lost the last two) constantly poking my boobs making sure they are still tender. I suppose a positive to come out of it if we do lose this one too is that it will be 3 and we can get some tests done. On a plus note I had some pretty bad heartburn/indigestion this afternoon which I only get when I'm pregnant.

Oh and congrats to you too OneDay

I have my fingers crossed for you lauren, hoping this is your time for a happy healthy baby :)
(First time I wrote that it said happy gelatin baby...)

Can I be a drama queen for a minute?
I am cross! I want a baby right now. It sucks that I can't try because of thrush. When I can try again it's going to be painful cus of vaginismus. When I get pregnant again ill worry about mc and then if everything goes well ill worry about vaginismus affecting birth.
Slowly losing the plot.
I'm visiting my friend and her new born tomorrow. Give me strength.

I'm sorry that all I do is come on here and moan, i really don't feel I can keep on like this in real life.

Sorry, I have calmed down. Slap me with a fish!!!

I'm fed up (again) this evening. Went to a friends BBQ this afternoon, we took our DS (2.10), a couple of friends were asking me - did I want another child, were we trying yet... Blah blah blah, people just don't bloody think sometimes. I just felt like shouting, I've had an f-ing miscarriage 3 weekends ago, is that answering the question.....?

Of course I didn't, I just said, oh we're thinking about it.

It's just so flipping hard sometimes. And I vow in the future I will never ask anyone if they are trying etc, you don't know what's going on in the background.

Sorry rant over, I'm just fed up. Sorry ladies.

Always, i think sometimes it would serve people right if we just said exactly what was on our minds.

Sending hugs x

Thanks treacle

I'm feeling the same by the way.... I want a baby right now.

I'm trying to stay positive, but it's hard. I'm on my WTF cycle, and I think my hormones are all over the place.

treacle I've been ranting in much the same way, sometimes you just have to! It gets it out of your head, that's why this thread is so great :). It's odd how so many of us strangers are brought together by one mutual feeling, it's nice to know we're not alone. I always think the pregnancy announcements are worse than the birth ones, and meeting the newborns is not as bad in reality. I always think that it's not that baby I want, it's my own and the feeling from holding my own will be different than holding someone else's baby. I have had similar lately and the reality was easy, it was the building up to it that was worse. I hope you are ok, just plaster on the smile and then give yourself some time afterwards to be sad.

Always the WTF cycle is awful, I'm there too. My OPKs are being weird and so are my moods. I'm a massive hormone! I'm hoping that once this cycle is out of the way then I can just relax and be a bit more normal, I'm tempted not to use OPKs next month, they've turned me into a lunatic. I'm scared of myself today and I think my poor DS was too. My DS is a similar age to yours and my miscarriage was 2 weekends ago, I get that question all the time and I just say 'yeah, we're thinking about it'. It's upsetting having to pretend that I'm not really bothered when it's all I'm thinking about. I'm getting quite good at it now I think.

Not sure of anyone else has seen the thread in AIBU about the friend who ranted at the OP because all her and her friends were talking about was motherhood and their children? I didn't post as I knew I'd get flamed but some of the responses on there were awful - calling the girl unhinged and saying that she should learn to be happy for others. How selfish! The OP sounded quite mean, the friend was single and in her 30s and it sounded like she was desperate to have a family. I wish people were more sympathetic, I know I always have been in the past and I'm so glad I was. I have a friend who has only met my DS once because she has been through so much, she ended up single when she was actually planning marriage and a family. I completely understand why we only ever really catch up on the phone, the day she asked to meet up with DS was the day I realised what a great friend she was. Just that one little gesture, which was a massive step for her, made me realise that she's the best friend I'll ever have. I don't understand why so,some would actively make their friend unhappy just because it is their 'right' to talk about their families.

I'll be happy when this weekend is over, weekends always seem the hardest times.

Lauren stay strong, focus on the here and now. Many congratulations btw :).

Thanks blink, i know when I meet the baby it will be fine. It's like you say, I just want my own baby and it's so hard that she's got what I wanted. I'd got all this planned out in my head and I'm watching someone else get to experience it. I know she's my friend and I should be happy but she's been so unhappy all pregnancy and not been very supportive to be honest. I think I'd be best not seen her but I'm finding myself very lonely at the moment. Me and DH had a massive argument earlier too :/ He doesn't understand my impatience and I still can't get over how little the miscarriage affected him.

I haven't seen that thread, where is it?

Hiya all

Jumping back on this thread again as I've been on holiday for nearly 4 weeks. Back to reality with a bump. We started TTC again after my ectopic surgery, whilst away.
On CD28 now, it's 3am and I can't sleep! My cycles are 26-28 days. Don't feel pregnant particularly, except I feel a bit warmer than usual but no sign of AF either.

We'll see what happens over the next few days I guess.... I must admit I feel very uneasy either way, scared of it not happening again but also scared if I do fall, that it might happen again. :(

mademoiselle I'm so sorry for your loss, heartbreaking. Good luck for the future x

ooh Tranquility that sounds exciting!! Fingers crossed for you darling.

Well cd22 for me, BFNs, AF due in three days. I've decided I can't take anymore active TTC. I have a UTI that won't shift and my mojo and enthusiasm for pissing on sticks has totally left (and I love pissing on sticks!!!). I will be deactivating myself as I'm also sick of seeing my username as it had such negative associations with MC etc so I am going to wish you all HUGE good luck and I am sure your BFPs are just around the corner xx

Oh sebs I'm so sorry you're leaving us, you've been such a great source of comfort and advice. I can completely understand where you're coming from but you really will be missed. I really hope you'll get your BFP and will be reactivating your account to join one of the antenatal threads really soon.

lauren congrats to you too. Sorry if I've missed this, but are you concerned that your test lines are going between light and dark? Keep thinking positive. And I'm so sorry to hear about your 2 previous MC's. I've made an appointment with the GP for Weds as I said to DH this morning, if god forbid I MC again, I want to be on the system so that we can have some help/investigations.

always I am with you in never EVER asking someone about their intentions to have children, unless they bring it up first of course. I probably wouldn't have thought about not doing it quite so much until I had my MC. You just don't know what people's circumstances are.

treacle I hope meeting the newborn goes as well as it possibly can. Of course it's going to be really really hard. I'm sorry that you've argued with DH too but I really do think men deal with things so differently. If he's anything like my DH, it's not that he's over the MC already, it's more that he can't verbalise/express his emotions like women do and so it appears that the MC hasn't effected him as much? Be kind to eachother, you need eachother more than ever.

Hi tranquility things do sound positive for you. Keeping everything crossed for you.

I hope no one minds that I'm still lurking here. I've starting following but not really getting involved in the pregnant after MC, due in April thread but I can't bring myself to join the April 2015 thread. Everyone is so excited and happy and I just don't want to bring them all down with my BFP doesn't always = baby/scared shitless of it all going wrong again vibes.

Hi ladies, oh dear sounds like tough weekends all round.

oneday massive congrats for you!!! That’s brilliant news, here’s to a completely uneventful none months. Congrats to you too Lauren - everything crossed you pass your milestone.

Treacle good luck today. As blink says, it’s the anticipation that is the worst bit. Once you meet him you will that will be it, what you have been dreading for a while will be over. I was like that with my SIL and her baby, born a few weeks before mine would have been. I’m sorry your friend doesn’t sound like she has been particularly sympathetic and the moaning thing sounds incredibly annoying. If I was giving her the benefit of the doubt I would say that perhaps it’s natural to be quite self-involved when having your first baby. What’s happening to her is huge in her world, so perhaps she’s just not able to see around that. I know that’s very easy for me to sit here and say! I hope it goes well today.

Blink you sound lovely and your friend is very lucky to have you in her life. I haven’t seen that thread but I will ignore it for fear of saying something I regret. How can people be so unwilling to moderate their behaviour one iota and at least try and put themselves in someone else’s shoes for one second? You do wonder sometimes, why are people still friends if they seem so cavalier about hurting each other’s feelings, and if the other person expresses this pain they just need to ‘get over it’?

I’m also extremely fed up and want my baby right now. Broody doesn’t even begin to cover it. It’s a physical yearning. I was searching my email for flight details for my holiday this weekend. I found an email that I had sent to DP that said ‘I’ve just realised this will be our last summer holiday together without a baby’ Oh well, still have time for that to be true, I really really hope it is.

sebs I’m so sorry you’re feeling bad. I can understand the need to take a break. Do whatever you feel is right for you but know if you ever want to come back please do. This whole experience is so shitty but you’ve been so strong so far and I’m sure you will continue to be strong.

Hi all, I've been a bit quiet the last few days as we're on holiday, but just needed to pop back and say - sebs, don't leave! You're my occasional cycle buddy! Seriously though, I'm sorry you're feeling so fed up, it's totally understandable. I hope you get your sticky bean in the end, maybe when you least expect it. If you ever need someone to talk feel free to message me, I'll be happy to send you my email address. x

And Congrats to the recent BFPs!

I'm now 3dpo according to FF, although I think I might actually only be 1dpo as this was my first month temping and my temps have been a bit erratic. But we'll see.

Thank you everyone, we're leaving soon. Ugh.
Didn't seem in as much pain this morning and my temps haven't gone up so ive not ovulated yet. I was so tempted t say let's just try but I know DH won't want to and he's right.

Fingers crossed for you metalhead :)

Monten the things like that are always the worst. That's why I keep saying to DH it's the picture I'd built up in my head of what our life was going to be like.
He's freely admitted that the miscarriage hasn't affected him the same way as me. He was upset at first but hadn't built the same attachments or dreams as me.

It's the first time in 8 years of being together that I feel we're on a completely different page.

No OneDay my test lines are getting a slight shade darker every other day which is right. It's the discharge I'm getting that keeps changing shade. It goes a bit darker one day then lighter the next. I wouldn't go so far as to say light brown (spotting) but it definitely gets to a light beige. I'm hoping it's just a hormone thing but I'm trying to get in to the gp to make sure it's not an infection. Not that I have any of the other symptoms associated with one. It's just varying in shade. But gp appointments are like gold dust for some reason at the moment. So who knows when I'll get in.