TTC after MC; hand holding, hugs and lots of things that can JTFO!

[Treaclepie19]

The Rules...

(1) A lady may only POAS on a Friday.
(2) Friday means the day that everyone calls Friday in the time zone where you spent the night.
(3) Rule (1) does not apply to POA-OPK-S, UNLESS they are being illegitimately used as surrogate HCG detectors, in which case Rule (1) most definitely does apply
(4) Rule (1) does not apply following a BFP because if you want to waste £25 a day POADigiS that's your prerogative
(5) Rule (1) does not apply if a lady is POAS in an attempt to get a BFN to prove she can start DTD with intent
(6) Rule (1) does not apply if a lady wants for unknown reason to pee on an actual stick, like a twig or some such, if that lady is unexpectedly caught short whilst tramping in the forest looking for bears.
(7) These rules (including Rule (1)) are subject to the change at any time if the ladies of the Posifrickentivity thread decide on a whim come up with empirical evidence to prove that it is luckier to POAS on any other day of the week
(8) Violators of Rule (1) shall be subject to fish throwing.

And as a grand finale, why not pledge to NEVER POAS before 14DPO?

Could I ask what your experiences of the NHS have been. I'm normally a big advocate of the service but I feel so let down. Started with being shut in a room for 2 hours after discovering the MMC at my 12 week scan, rude
And insensitive doctors being over clinical with little compassion. Lack of any advice and guidance (apart from being thrust leaflets and told to go back in 10 days) I have been treated really crappy. Today I received a call the from pregnancy, health and wellbeing service asking how my pregnancy was going and offering additional services. I can't believe that no one actually speaks to each other and this was allowed to happen, the poor woman on the other end of the phone faced the brunt of my tears.

Im Currently on CD35 of WTF cycle. We decided not to wait for first AF, I think I may have OV on Friday but not entirely certain. Just feeling down today.

Oh god Monten - well hope its not too unbearable!
Allthefours - i'd complain. That kind of treatment is unacceptable and very insensitive. Thankfully I had very good care, but I think it is all very hit and miss from what i've heard. I'm sorry you had such a crap time on top of all the heart ache. big hugs

allthefours, many hugs for you. As someone on here says "mc is the gift that keeps giving" and I think the way you've been treated is certainly proof of that. I'm so sorry you've had such a bad experience. I couldn't fault the doctors I've seen in relation to my mc but the admin side is what majorly lets down the NHS, IMHO. I received a text reminder for a maternity appt two weeks after my mc. I called to enquire what it is was about and the lady was v embarrassed and apologised for the error but it wasn't enough for me. I tweeted and I told the local press. Of course, the official apology printed in the local rag didn't bring back our baby and even the personal apology from head of midwifery when I went in 12 weeks afterwards for an mva due to continued bleeding but it did give me a feeling of satisfaction and hope that the fact I kicked off may have prevented someone else undergoing the distress I felt.

Much love to you hope I can't imagine finding out about the baby I mc but then maybe in time, this will being you peace and comfort - you can light a candle for him or pray for/to him xxx sending hugs xxx

Bring, not being.

allthefours am sorry you have not received fantastic care. My experience was much like yours. I really do hesitate to complain about the nhs as we are so lucky really, you only have to look at what is going on in Africa with this Ebola crisis to be reminded of how lucky we are. BUT I think miscarriage care is appalling. You're lucky if you get given a leaflet in my experience. I certainly did not feel like I was on anyone 's radar, it is very lonely. I also got a 12 week scan reminder. I agree that the doctors appeared to lack compassion, the nurses were generally lovely, it was the doctors that were cold and clinical. I'm sorry you are feeling low

sunbathing he will sleep on the sofa apparently

Monten That sucks - men just don't really think though do they. You'll have to consume the excess wine with your ttc friend and have the month off...

Hope I suppose it is positive there was a reason for it - nothing anybody could have done to change things.

Allthefours That sounds awful. I've written a letter to our EPAU after this week. Some of the care I had was wonderful, but it only made other bits seem even worse by comparison. I had to tell the doc that between the two scans I'd had, the HBs had disappeared, so yes, it really was "all bad news". Clueless/nervous/underskilled/who knows, just not good enough. There was also nowhere for me to wait - a waiting room full of happy anticipation was not for me.

Welcome Sarahlou

Thank you for your kind words ladies. I think it's closure for me in a sense finding out what was the cause of the mc.

Monten I had a D&C on 30th April and today they told me the results from the tissue. DH and I have given out blood samples so they can test it to see if any one of us are carriers. I hope we are not and it doesn't reoccur in my current pregnancy

I'm so sorry lots of us are struggling.
Glad you've got a little closure Hope and I hope your results come back normal.

I've just spent the last hour ctying at DH that I should be 20 weeks tomorrow and that on the flip side I should be less upset by now. I even shocked myself when I said "there wasn't even anything there so I shouldn't be upset". It was a blighted ovum.
Feeling horrendous yet again and not trying til September. May have to have some time off here I think.
Will reassess in the morning.
Big hugs to all xxx

Trea that must have been awful finding out it was a blighted ovum. Just makes me realise a million things can go wrong during pregnancy and then there's women who are popping kids out left right and centre. There is always a good reason for what happens in our lives, ladies we are all strong women and we are capable of getting through any hardship that comes our way. I hope you feel better and take as much time as you want to yourself. TTC when you are ready. Do what's right for you.

From what my nurse said they are looking at ways to improve mc care. Unfortunately a lot of it is down to protocol. I had to wait 2 weeks from 1st to 2nd scan, then another week to confirm. I then had to push for the erpc as by protocol I should have waited two weeks between the last 2 scans. I know why they have the protocols in place - so they don't terminate a viable pregnancy but the waiting is hard. I was however offered a separate room to sit in away from happily pregnant women.

Treacle - have a few days away from here, it does help sometimes. Try to do lots of things that you couldn't do if you were pregnant and enjoy them. You will get pregnant again and you will have your baby. Just believe in that. That's how I get by, I know deep down that I will get my happy ending. So will you. Hugs

Thank you ladies xxx

allthefours - so sorry you have had this experience. The midwives when i had my mmc this time2 years ago were all lovely and supportive but having to go for scans and for erpc in esrly preg unit was tough, walking past other ladies getting good news :-(

treacle - i was told the mmc i had was def a blighted ovum but i had a scan at 7 weeks and there was a heartbeat. Thats not nothing so ((hugs)) for you

monten - oh that is a shame about your holiday. It wasnt v sensitive of "matt" and im sure this woman would be mortified if she knew. Hope it all works out ok xx

I'm on cd49 of wtf cycle. Went to gym on Mon and left me a bit stiff and sore so evrry twinge and im wondering...symptom?!? BFNs every time i poas tho so npw just cross with af for not showing up!

Treacle, sorry you're struggling- I think English's idea is great, do stuff you can't do when pregnant. Ever fancied waterskiing? Got a craving for a massive plate of sushi? Now is definitely the time

Hope, I'msorry for the loss of your son. You sound very strong.

Everyone, thank you for the handholding! Still waiting to see if it develops into AF. Don't normally have spotting before, but I've just noticed on FF that I had random spotting on CD40 and 41 last cycle before AF arrived CD59; today is CD42 this cycle. Nothing came of it last cycle tho, obvs. Sick of this...

treacle I have some incredibly frivolous and ridiculous roller skates you can borrow . Hugs for you.

Fingers crossed for you greysar - its the waiting that's killing isn't it?

Thanks ladies. Haha Monten sounds good!
I think I'm feeling worse as my closest friend is about a week off her due date. We started ttc at the same time nearly.

Hey Ho. Currently working out a plan to lose some more weight. Had lost a stone before getting pregnant. I've just about managed to keep it off. Need to lose more though.

Littlemisssnowshine, that must have been awful for you. So sorry for your loss. With me it was only ever a yolk sac seen. Stupidly I still believed things might be ok.

Treacle, my MC was exactly the same- 'just' a yolk sac, which I was hoping beyond hope would still develop. Doesn't mean it's not devastating, and there will be triggers everywhere. We just need to rely on our own strength to see us through. And frivolous things help

I'm also mid-weight-loss- have lost a stone now, got another half to go and maybe a bit more so solidarity sista!

I worded that badly didn't I greysar, don't mean to be so insensitive.

You're right that it's no less painful. All your hopes and excitement just torn away.

Haha, we can do it! :)
I have some skinny jeans in the wardrobe that fit but are tight. I'll be glad to fit in them properly.

Sorry to hear that some of you are struggling to get by at the moment. It is such a rollercoaster, and so unpredictable - one day you're doing OK, the next you fall down into a pit that you feel you can't ever climb back out of. And no one really understands it, unless they have been through the same thing. It is so hard sometimes.

Be gentle to yourself, take it easy. I agree with what others have said - do something nice and exciting, give yourselves a treat. I love having massages, for example, they are so relaxing. Or book a holiday, even if it's just a short break, to give yourself something to look forward to.

Strange as it sounds, I also found that having a target, like getting fit and/or losing weight, has helped me, using a structured plan to work towards a goal (I respond well to structure ). After my last mc, I started doing the C25K, and I am really enjoying it. It gives me something to focus on, and it's a nice change to 'obsess' over running schedules and finding music to run to, rather than temp charts and poas I'm a rubbish runner, but I don't care, it gets me out of the house and blows the cobwebs away. I've also started WW again, to shift that weight I piled on whilst pg. Also nice and structured, but bloody hard work!

Hugs to you all - remember, one day at a time.

Treacle- I didn't mean you worded it badly, sorry it came out that way!! That was the thought that was going around in my head- it's 'just' a yolk sac, therefore it should be easier to get over- not true though.

Fx greysar don't get down

treacle how about ice skating and Roller coasters?

allthefours sorry you were treated like that. I was treated terribly when I had my TFMR, to me it made it all so much worse, out of the 3 consultants, million nurses and 4 midwives and 3 sonographers I saw, only one midwife and 2 sonographers were actually caring, all the others it was like I was just one of many, very boring they see it everyday and why was I crying much I was going to complain but like pp said, I am grateful for the NHS and didn't want to drag it all up again. I hate hospitals and doctors now though!

Sorry about your holiday monten I'm glad you have some moral support with your ttc friend being with you. Hope you still have a lovely time.

I'm 11 DPO, due to POAS on Saturday. I still have no symptoms of anything! I'm camping so luckily can't POAS obsessively in the privacy of my own h

Sorry for the fat thumbs!

*in the privacy of my own home!

Fx for anyone POAS today!

Thank you all x
Greysar, I just realised I'm saying all these things and it's insensitive to those of you who have been through the same.

Time for yoga I think. Waiting for the gas man to ome!