I get knocked down, but I'll get knocked up again, cos you're never gonna keep me down... The big fat posifrickintivity thread for people TTC after MC.

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

I thought I'd start the new thread and earn some brownie points with the posifrickintivity Gods...

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

Chips have you looked at fertility friend? I've got the app on my phone, and it's got a great tutorial that explains charting. I haven't got any luck with OPKs. (I bought them off ebay if you need a rec). Instead I'm charting with bbt and ewcm. I also got my bbt thermometer from ebay. You'll need one with 2 decimal place to work. I stupidly use a normal thermometer from boots and got no where until I gave in and got a proper bbt thermometer. HTH.

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

I'm having a shit day as well. The fridge man came and looked at our fridge freezer and declared it a write off. He said it's leaking refridgerant and it'd be more expensive to repair than buying a new one. It's not even 4 year old, ffs. It's a cheapo hotpoint but even still I expect it to last a bit longer. Really hoping I'll get a bit of posifrickintivity news this weekend.

[DearlyDepartedMrsFinch]

Thanks for the advice everyone. You all speak a lot of sense.

I think the big issue for me is that DH has made the decision with no discussion, no chat, no compromise. And that makes me feel helpless, and insignificant. He is aware that I am upset, and as is his usual tack, avoids any emotional issues completely and pretends everything is fine. Well, I suppose from his end everything is fine. And from mine, most certainly not.

So I am stuck between forcing a BIG CHAT or as you say, not mentioning anything at all.

But it is early days. And I know that I am being ever so slightly unreasonable. But I just have that NEED. I should be 14 weeks pregnant today and I am not. And that is shit.

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

Dearly we all hear you. I could have a September, and then a November baby. My second MC got to 12 weeks, and I even had the scan. I should have been planning my maternity leave, and told everyone about the good news. Instead I have got nothing other than the weight gain I got from the first trimester. It's really shit. I bought some new boxes from ikea to put some more of DD's stuff to the loft in the weekend. I wonder constantly should I just throw them all away since I really have no luck with the ttc. It's really shit.

I think one of your ladies had a 20 week MC. You know what? I'm fearing that would be me next. I dread having to untell the news to everyone. I had that with my first MC with my mum and dad.

[DearlyDepartedMrsFinch]

chips, I've used fertility friend in the past. I charted for several months before getting pregnant with DC2. Tis good.

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

DDMF It's so shit isn't it.
Would forcing a big discussion help do you think? I've taken both options at times. Not long after my MC I was so distraught, DP had always said he didn't want any more dcs, and was so good about the PG, and I was just torn up not knowing where we went from there. I got upset and just blurted it out. How I couldn't face knowing that the MC might be the last thing I'd have to remember when I was old. over dramatic? Moi? and I just needed to know. He surprised me. He really did. Nowadays, I just keep my feelings to myself, or share them here.
Is there a chance that your DH might think he is doing things for the best? And a talk might clarify the situation?

[DearlyDepartedMrsFinch]

You're dead right toddle. My November baby got to 11+4 and has left a few unwanted pounds behind.

I do recognise how lucky I have been. I know that it could've been so much more traumatic. Our baby took the most difficult decision out of our hands. The procedure itself was straightforward although heartbreaking and we are lucky to have fantastic support. Just having a moany day.

and I've just found out that Mullerlight yogurts aren't vegetarian having just gobbled a banana and custard one

[DearlyDepartedMrsFinch]

saggy I can feel a talk brewing like an erupting volcano

[littlemisswednesday]

chips if it helps, I was really worried about getting obsessed with conceiving if I went down the OPK route (and I do have a tendency to obsess over things in general that I have to keep in check!). But I found that its helped make me feel that things are normal and has actually calmed me down a bit.

[Chipschipschips]

Mrs Finch I have an app which helps me track my fertile week but I haven't been filling in all the symptoms and I haven't got a thermometer to check my temp. It does help though.

Littlemiss that's interesting, I think will try it and if it makes me worse I'll just stop. Are they all the same? I seem to remember the Clearblue one in Boots was about £30 for a month's supply. Do you have to POAS every day?

Just found out today that my step-niece has made an appearance 4 weeks early, so at least I'll get to have a go on a tiny baby :)

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

chips It's a lot cheaper on ebay! You usually start POAOPK around CD 8-10, basically before you have any chance to ovulate. After a few months, when you have a clear idea on why are you likely to ovulate, you can POAOPK a lot less. Hope this makes sense.

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

Then I think you should do it DDMF. Whatever the outcome, surely its got to be better than being full of stress and resentment? And you both get a chance to air your views. You might be surprised. I have to say my DP has surprised me at every turn recently.

[alyant79]

I shall join in with the general grumping: yet ANOTHER pregnancy announcement. Now I really am the only one from my NCT group who isn't pregnant again.
I feel like a horrible cow, but I can't help thinking "why me?" Why did it have to be me who had a mc? Not that I wish it on anyone, I don't want to swap my bad luck with one of them. I just wish that it didn't have to happen to any of us :(
It would be so nice to just be happy for them.

DDMF i completely sympathise. I desperately wanted to get pg ASAP after the mc but it wasn't to be. Now i'm in cycle 2/3 and the NEED isn't quite so physical but it's still very much there. I think the fact that it hasn't happened yet has made me more resigned, but not happy about it at all.
I reckon you need to talk to your DH.

[Emki]

aly I hear you! It's so difficult! I'm surrounded with now 6 month old babies from my nct group - we were all pregnant at the same time but I lost mine at 20 weeks - now I seem to be surrounded by people who are due in September which when I was last due - my new neighbour just popped round and even they are expecting in late September!!!! I really so wish I could hide away from it all - then I think this making a stronger person - but then I think it's making me bitter and twisted!!!

What can we all do to be positive this month? A friend bought me some jam made if a fruit from Senegal that is supposed to be good fertility so I'm trying to believe in that ..... Also saying to myself that getting a bfp in the few months will fine - a spring baby -

Think I'm going to book a massage or acupuncture for next week something to look forward to and help me to relax .....

Anyone POAS tomorrow??? Good luck to everyone this month xxx

[Emki]

Though obviously I must be pregnant this month otherwise ill fall apart!!! Haven't even started ttc as blooming AF took 10 weeks to turn up!!! Aagghhhh!!! And I've piled on some pounds!!!

Should do an exercise DVD now as dd in bed but really don't want to!

Right that's it! Someone throw a wet fish At me! I'm going to cheer up! We will get there ladies !!!!! Xxx

[Bakingtins]

Wet haddock in your direction Emki

There are more people in this boat than you think (shove up there, make some room) I was very lucky with my NCT group with DS1, we are all still friends 7 yrs later. Out of the 7 couples, one had a MC before her DC1, and another 3 of us have had one or more MC since our DC1 (1,2,and 3 MC respectively). It's a bloody miracle anyone ever gets born, if you ask me! Many of those bumps parading around winding you up will have had some back story of difficulties getting that far. I try to remember that even those with apparently charmed lives don't get through life without some sort of to deal with. I know it is very hard at the moment, but we will get there in the end.

[Emki]

Yes you're right tins thank you for the reality check. - and the wet haddock xxxx hope you are doing ok and taking each day as it comes xx

[Bakingtins]

Mumsnet erased my swearing! "some sort of s**t to deal with"

[Bakingtins]

I'm ok. The world has stopped spinning at normal speed and the days are going by very s-l-o-w-l-y. I'm doing everything I possibly can to improve the outcome but I know I really can't do a thing about it, what will be, will be.

[Emki]

Well done tins xxx and thanks for sticking around - a beacon of hope xx

[nearlyreadytopop]

I am def on the right thread here, this week I am the grumpiest grump in the world. Tomorrow I am taking my grumpyness to the GP. Still no AF 10 weeks after erpc. And im knackered and need to loose weight but despite dedication have lost tiny tiny amount. sigh. So tomorrow I need my iron checked and I was wondering if there are any other tests I could ask him to do re mc?

[Emki]

nearly I was the same - AF took 10 1/2 weeks after erpc felt so bloated and tired - I didn't go to the doc but went for a scan to see what was going on ... Don't know about any tests though sorry xxx

[Floweroct]

Looks like I started us all off on a good moan today :)

Thanks for all the kind words, I'm not sure what I'd do without this group! I know I'm being stupid about only being on cd14 I think it's just that the only time I ever got a positive on cd14 I got my bfp!

It hasn't helped that dh has been very down at the moment and so things have been stressful and he hasn't wanted to plan things.

But feeling a bit more positive this evening and got a family weekend coming up and then seeing my best friend in a couple of weeks.

Really hoping for some bfps tmrw to cheer us all up :)

[BirdsDoIt]

nearlyready I like the idea of taking your grumpiness to the GP! Don't know about tests I'm afraid but someone upthread mentioned having a scan 8/9 weeks post erpc when AF hadn't arrived, to see what was going on - so maybe you could ask for that?

dearly poor you, sounds rubbish. I hope you can manage to have a good talk at some point soon. My DH is definitely of the 'put anything difficult in a box' variety and he goes very silent if I ever bring up the mc - so I really sympathise, it's near impossible having a proper conversation when everything you say gets stonewalled or is met with total silence. I know he is sad about it but I think he feels it doesn't help to go over it all - so eventually I just ended up talking to friends/colleagues about how I was feeling rather than him. We did talk about ttc again though and I'm trying to be a little less obsessive (or less obviously so) and just have lots of sex! Definitely agree with others who said pressure doesn't help matters.

Interesting what people have said about opks - i think next cycle I'll be giving them a try.

But in the meantime I will be pointlessly POAS'ing tomorrow morning - 5 weeks post-erpc, no AF yet, I haven't got a chance but am doing it anyway! though I have been feeling a bit nauseous this week

Really glad to hear you're doing well tins x

[Emki]

Fingers crossed birds you never know xxxx