I get knocked down, but I'll get knocked up again, cos you're never gonna keep me down... The big fat posifrickintivity thread for people TTC after MC.

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

I thought I'd start the new thread and earn some brownie points with the posifrickintivity Gods...

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

chips no reason at all if you have internet cheapies. The only thing you could lose out on is money, isn't it?

[Rockchick1984]

OLTT I'm very much like you - from the outside it looks like DH has taken the miscarriage far worse than I did. I can put on a brave face, get on with normal life, shut off the thoughts about my loss. DH wears his heart on his sleeve and will freely admit that he's struggling. It's only once a week or so DH has to deal with all my shut-off emotions exploding where we have tears, anger, the whole works! Once I've let the feelings out I'm fine again for a while :)

Chips I had a MMC and ERPC was 10/4, I've just had my first AF since so definitely worth you POAS on Friday. Have you had a negative test since the miscarriage to make sure your hormones are back to normal?

[Chipschipschips]

OLTT good point, although I'd be tempted to use the First Response test I have in the cupboard, not the cheapo as that's the only test that gave me a positive last time.

Rockchick yes, I tested about a week after and it was negative. My levels never got particularly high, the blood tests I had peaked at about 400 and they told me they wouldn't do a vaginal scan unless it was 1000.

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

Go for it Chips! sometimes POAS is the only thing that will stop my mind going round and round. sometimes it makes it worse

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

I have decided this month NOT to POAOPK at all. The not quite results were doing my nut! However, the extra long cycle and the AF from hell appear to have done some good! I actually fancy DTD this month, and I appear to have CM! There was hardly any before! So I'm really optimistic that things are lining up for me now. I feel now that things were still sorting themselves out up till now. anyway, sorry for the TMI, as you were! [bush]

[alyant79]

go saggy and OLTT!

chips what else is POAS friday for?? POAS away, merrily...

littlemiss i'm sorry about your Gran. Do try and not let it get you down too much.

rockchick and OLTT I thought that I would be the same as you guys - when I first got pg I tried very hard not to get too excited, and kept reminding myself that the rates of miscarriage are so high but as soon as my tummy started getting big i let myself think that it would all be ok. Despite that mental preparation I wasn't expecting the hormonal crash immediately afterwards, and surprised myself by how upset I was am. But I keep it to myself: DH and one friend are the only one who really know. According to everyone else I'm perfectly fine

[GuffSmuggler]

Right 'extra' AF seems to have left the building and hoping my stupid body starts getting ready to OV now.

Sounding good for you saggy I suggest you start limbering up with the rest of us.

chips deffo POAS Friday, why not!?

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

Can I suggest for anyone who still gets down and weepy, that having a sneaky peek at the grads thread is a BAD idea!

[DearlyDepartedMrsFinch]

Having a bad day today. POAS and got the good negative (following MMC on 26th April). Spoke to DH who now 'needs some time' before TTC.

I am furious and upset. This isn't because we lost the baby, it's because he finds TTC very stressful. Apparently lots of sex when not TTC is not a problem, but lots of sex when TTC is [hmmm]

Really fuming. It seems like he has made the decision for both of us. There is no compromise to be had is there?

The only thing that is getting me out of bed these days is the hope of getting pregnant again, and I feel like he's taken that away. But I feel unreasonable too. I can hardly force him. So that's that.

Bastard.

[DearlyDepartedMrsFinch]

Yay for your EWCM, saggy. Bung some of that posifrickinivity my way when you get a minute.

[Chipschipschips]

Couldn't even wait until Friday, well that was £7 wasted :(

[DearlyDepartedMrsFinch]

Sorry chips

[Bakingtins]

Mrs F is that "needs some time" using contraception, or "needs some time" not trying, not preventing? Quite a lot of us have found that our DHs have found the pressure to (ahem) perform on demand, difficult. If it wouldn't be a disaster from his point of view if you fell pregnant you can always just not tell him it's the fertile window.

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

DP was really struggling with the whole TTC thing. To the point of not being able to ahem keep it up! At times I was obsessive!
I seriously considered telling him I was back on the pill!
In a rare moment of clarity, I have decided that DP has taken the HUGE step of trying again, after a totally unplanned PG, and it isnt fair to push him to the point where his performace and then possibly his self esteem is affected.
What I actually did was what Tins suggests. Told him its not the right time, stopped him stressing. I have really backed off, like you getting PG again was/is my lifeline, but I was pushing too hard. I have ditched the OPKs, and am just going with the flow. Giving DP the chance to take the lead, and just let things happen. We generally DTD in the fertile window anyway, so it will happen in the end. In the mean time, things are much better between us, the baby shaped elephant has left the room, and I am throwing myself into other stuff to keep busy.
It is BLOODY hard. Some days are a real struggle, but Id hate for DP to turn round and say NO MORE.

We were all discussing upthread how men deal with MC. Your DH has seen you go through this awful painful traumatic time, and not be able to help you. He can probably see how upset you still are and he has to deal with that and his own feelings too. It must be hard.
(Not that I am backing his ruling, but in my current, non hormonal state I can play devils advocate a bit.)
Maybe a really good heart to heart would help?

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

saggy there is never TMI on this thread, especially posifrickingtivity news like ewcm. You are a brave woman to look at the grduate thread. I am definitely not ready for it yet. I can't even face the ttc buses. I feel safer here with people who can understand how hard it is to keep it together and act as normal as possible.

mrsf I also think your DH is still grieving. Your mmc is so recent. It is recommended not to actively try again until both of you feel emotionally ready. Like saggy I wonder if your DH would be happy to just shag but without protection. Basically take the pressure off and see what happens for a few cycles. It is a lot of pressure to perform at the right time.

[Emki]

Hello all

Been reading the thread at work all day and been wanting to comment on so much! I feel that I talk about my mcs and ttc a lot less now because I'm on here - after my first mc at 20 weeks last year I felt so alone and my husband got the brunt of it and ttc was a nightmare- I was so stressed which stressed him out. I made the decision to not talk to him anymore about it - which was frigging hard! Then I asked him if he wanted to know when I was OV and he said yes, but this all took a couple of months for us to sort ourselves out - its so difficult.

Now we're doing again, after the second mc - and he is away!! GREAT!!! However hoping that I'll OV end of next week (if my cycle is back on track - which it probably won't be as this is my first since ERPC). mrsf maybe try to not talk to him about it for a bit - I found it hard as it was and is really the only thing I think about when I'm not working - it will happen but some men can just feel so much pressure that they just completely back off. Perhaps if the subject doesn't come up for a couple of days he'll relax a little and then do as tins & oltt and saggy suggested.

chips are you POA OPK?

guff pleased for you that AF has left the building - hoping she's gone for a while for you xxx

Day 6 of AF now .... grrr glad it came but it can go away now ... I'm going to POAS from the 10th day of cycle - does that sound about right?

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

Not even EWCM OLTT any CM at all! I thought Id hit the menopause last month!

[Floweroct]

Morning all!

Sorry chips!
Could with some posifrickintivity if anyone has any spare! On cd14 no sign of ov yet so now I'm stressing that this cycle will last forever without me being on clomid! I've only got until next month to get pregnant so that I can be pregnant on what should have been edd and its looking more and more unlikely :( I know cd14 is still not too late not to have had positive opk.

I was on the verge of tears on my walk to work yesterday I just feel like its never going to happen and given i have no other children it feels like my life is just on hold.

Right sorry just need to get it off my chest and it helps to write on here!

Are there many people poas tomorrow? We need some good news :)

[Bakingtins]

((HUGS)) for flower. It is all a bit much sometimes. I did EDD in April without being pregnant again, had another MC in the meantime and it was hard, but you will get through it if it comes to that.
Plan some fab things to do over the summer that depend on you not being pregnant. Sods law you'll have to cancel them for all the right reasons!

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

flower CD14 is still early isn't it? Stress can delay ovulation. I'm sorry you are feeling so stressed. I have no good advice or prosifrickintivity either. I'm waiting for ov and it's CD21 for me. (But this is cycle 0 of my second MC). DH has been talking all positive about holidays next year, and planning as if we'll have a baby by early 2014! Men are so positive about these things, aren't they?

[Bakingtins]

If it helps, I was told at a scan on CD14 last cycle that I was unlikely to ovulate that cycle (no follicles big enough) but did ovulate late, I think on CD17, and got my BFP. All is not lost...

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

{{{hugs}}} for everyone feeling fed up today.

[littlemisswednesday]

flower sorry you're feeling so down :(

If it helps at all I was on a massive mission to make sure I was pregnant when my EDD came around as I just couldn't imagine getting through it without being pregnant again. But it wasn't to be - the EDD was hard but I got through it and feel much more positive now I'm past it. What ever happens you will get through it, I promise!

My first positive OPK since the miscarriage was just this month (MC was in October) - I really think this was because I made myself so stressed (MC plus new home/job) so try not to beat yourself up too much and take some time to try and relax. It sucks feeling like your life is on hold (no kids for me yet either) and I think everyone on here probably understands you on that one.

xxxx

[littlemisswednesday]

Also, couldn't agree more with the advice from bakingtins ...... Plan some fun stuff for the Summer rather than keeping everything on hold. I've felt much better since doing this (started roller derby a few weeks ago, got a tattoo booked in for July plus weekends away and festivals - all of which might have to be shelved if I manage to get a BFP in the meantime. But at least for now I can look forward to them too!)

[Chipschipschips]

Emki no OPKs yet, maybe next cycle I will try them but I'm already obsessing too much and I'm worried that will make me worse.

Having said that, it is frustrating not to know if I've ovulated or not. In some ways it will be good to get my first normal period so I will know where I am. Sod it, I will definitely try the OPKs next month.

Any recommendations? Do I need to check my body temp too?