Rainbow Babies - hoping and trying for rainbows, loving and remembering our Angels xxx

[Ellypoo]

Hoping this thread brings us all luck and hope xxx

Fan- I called him more than a twat! I just don't get it, I think he was selfish, he thinks I was selfish for spoiling his fun!
He is an arse, spent the day moping around hungover. We have tickets book for batman at 7 pm, needless to say we are not going.

blizy go with out him!

Hello ladies, I've read some of this thread and you all seem very lovely, so here's my first message to say hi...

Our gorgeous firstborn daughter E was born six weeks ago at 42 weeks, and died two days later. (I won't give her name for now as it's unusual, and would make all my posts instantly google-able!) I was in hospital being induced when I had a huge placental abruption, and our little girl was deprived of oxygen for too long despite an EMCS just 15 mins after I started haemorrhaging. Her brain damage was almost total, but she gave us two amazing days before dying in my arms. She was 7lb, so perfect, so incredibly beautiful.

Things are just starting to sink in now, so we feel pretty bloody awful. DH is also trying to deal with the trauma of those first few hours - if I'd not been in hospital, I could have died too. As it was, I was fine (although had to go back in to hospital ten days ago for another procedure) but he is still so worried, of course. Although we know it won't be this bad forever, it's feeling pretty bleak for us right now. She was our miracle baby, conceived naturally the same month we actually started IVF... she was SO wanted, and so loved. We are utterly devastated for her, our little one who was always so unbelievably strong and active in my tummy, that she never had a chance.

I'm so sorry that you all know and understand how we feel. You all sound just wonderful, and your angels really, really missed out on an amazing time with you. It's so sad.

We will hop back on the TTC wagon when we can, and when we feel ready. Probably in a few months' time, but this time around I recognise that I'm going to need support from people who just get it. My friends in RL are amazing, but none of them have ever had to do this. It might be a very, very long journey and we have no idea how it will end. We are desperate to have another baby - even while E was still alive, fighting away and cuddled up with us, DH and I realised how much she was going to need a brother or sister, and how much we were going to need him or her, too.

Sorry for the essay... I'm a fast typer! Thank you for reading and I hope you won't mind if I join your group x

Kleinepoppet So sorry you have to join us here after losing your precious little girl!
From your nickname I gather you're Dutch speaking I'm Belgian but live in England with DH and DD1.
We lost DD2 Sterre last year at 20 weeks pregnant, I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant with DD3 (or possibly DS1 )

You'll find a lot of hands to hold here and lots of lovely ladies who know exactly what you've been through! x

You are very welcome poppet, but sorry also that you find your way here. E sounds like a very special girl, you are very lucky to be her Mum.
My daughter Ophelia was stillborn 15 months ago at 36 weeks due to a knot in her cord. I was in labour but didn't know it was becuase she had died already. I have also suffered two early miscarriages in the past year.
We are hear to listen, hold hands and support us all through our ttc, rainbow pregnancy or after the birth of our rainbows.

Welcome Poppet sorry xxxx my first DD was stillborn at 41 weeks on 10/10/10 :Georgie. I had 2 MCs before Georgie . I ve since had my rainbow baby ; my true angel; Phoebe on 18/10/11. We can offer you fab support here as unfortunately every one of us can relate to you... Pls take all the support in RL you can my hubby, family & friends helped me such a lot especially in the early dark, dark days.... It stinks ... Life really is shit sometimes you will get through
Though it doesn t seem it... I remember someone telling me " time is a great healer" what a load of crap I thought but it's true . I still miss my Georgie every day & grieve for what she should have had, been doing etc... I ve just learnt to live again taking Georgie with me .. Take care xxxxx
Blizy yes, men are selfish twats ... I ve been dying all day ( head cold etc... Achy ) but all Ant's concerned about is Phebs... I feel like I ve ceased to exsist in this house anymore... Make him pay !!! xxx hope u get some sleep & feel a little better soon xxx

Hi ladies just a quick one - I was admitted to hospital yesterday afternoon as I started vomiting very badly and had a temp of 39.4. Been in overnight on iv fluids and antibiotics. They've no idea at the moment what's causing it but they can't get my temp down. Thankfully i've had 2 good ctg.'s and baby seems unaffected at the moment. Pretty f'ing scary though - was all too much deja vu of Erin

Been thinking of you august hope induction going smoothly x

Whatever xxxx seems to happen!!! remember I was in & out of hospital virtually the whole week before I had Phebs... It's scarey but you re nearly there xxxxx

Wtw- oh, how scary for you! I'm glad the little one is doing ok. Hope you are better soon. X

August- thinking of you, hope you are snuggling your baby boy. X

Poppet- I'm so sorry to hear about you beautiful baby girl. My dd Zoe was stillborn at 41 weeks 17 months ago, we have been ttc since May 2011 with no success. The ladies here are fantastic for support and hand holding when you need it. I hope your ttc journey is a short one.

Oh fan- I went I batman alone!

blizy good for you! Did you enjoy it?

wtw here for hand holding if you need it. How scary for you. Have they said when you'll be sent home?

Not for a while yet I don't think. Still got high temp and vomiting every time I have a sip of water. Have had 1000mls of iv fluids and 2 lots of iv antibiotics. Luckily my cons is doing the rounds this morning so am waiting to see her. Feeling pretty lousy atm.

Thinking of August...

Wtw, that sounds v scary, and horrible to cope with. Get them to keep putting the ctg on you - you need the reassurance! Hope your consultant can help.

Oh, and hi, Kleinepoppet, welcome! So sorry to hear about E.

wtw I'm glad your in the right place and I hope the sickness passes soon.

august hope all is well and your snuggled with your little boy.

I'm back at work (don't want to be) enjoying the sun.

whatever thinking of you, my lovely. Glad you are somewhere where you are being looked after. Maybe baby has decided to be fussy about her food even before she arrives?! xx

august also thinking of you.

WTW thinking about you. I know you must be scared, and I am really sorry you are ill and have to be in hospital. Glad your consultant is coming round, I hope they can offer you reassurance and you get well soon!

Thinking of you too August

Blizy and fan I am sorry you are not getting the ideal support from your OH at the moment. That is really not fair :(

Fan what a tour stage! DH was laughing at me, I was on the edge of the seat and squeaking! I do find Wiggo a bit arrogant and annoying, but well chuffed to have a british champion. I love Cav though, he is just amazing.

Hello Kleinpoppet, I am sorry to hear about E. My son Dexter was born in April this year at 24+2 weeks. He caught pneumonia and was just too premature to fight it off, but we did have 12 wonderful days with him. I haven't been on the rainbow thread very long, but the ladies here are so welcoming, kind and understanding. The bereaved parent's thread is also really supportative and has gotten me through some long nights.

Having a sad day today. No good reason to really. I just miss him and feel like everything is on pause until I get this stupid gallbladder out. Need to give myself a good shake.

wtw how scary! here to hold your hand! let us know if there is anything we can do! x

blizy hope you enjoyed the film!

August waiting to hear your happy news and to welcome your rainbow on our thread! x

I'm meeting up with a lovely vicar this afternoon to have a chat. She has lost 9 babies in 7 pregnancies and people said she would be of great help to me! Having to drive there for an hour so wish me luck (don't like driving)

Good luck blue.

mecha my DH can sometimes be a twat but he's generally good, blizy I hope yours has apologised or at least made up for his drunken behaviour.

Thank you all so much. So so sorry to hear about your lovely babies. What beautiful names they all had!

Whatevertheweather we've not 'met' but I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you're in hospital... We had to go back in this morning, just for a follow-up appointment for me, and even THAT was fairly horrible so I can hardly imagine what it's like for you. Hope so much that your consultant can get a handle on what's going on asap and of course that the little one continues to be 100% absolutely fine.

Blue - nearly right - my DH is German

I hope everyone who's able to get out can enjoy the sunshine today. I had my first dream about E last night, which meant that waking up was even more of a shock than usual, but trying hard to shake it off. Thanks again for the welcome, it's very sweet x

Poppet hadn't thought of German of course!

I almost forgot, had appointment with midwife this morning, all was fine, blood pressure ok, urine sample clear and very clear heartbeat :)
She didn't measure me, she said they would start that at 28 weeks.
She also asked if I would still like a home birth and I said yes, she said the consultant needs to agree to it, but that she doesn't see any problem so far with regards to this pregnancy as everything seems to be going ok for the moment.

Just before I went into the doctor's surgery, I found a penny! Little Sterre was clearly thinking of me and her baby sister. E and I have been finding lots of pennies lately :) She loves finding them and really sees them as a gift from her little sister.

fan glad to hear he is generally good :) mine is excellent I have to admit, but sometimes I do actually have to talk to him about how I am feeling since, apparently, he can't read minds! Shocking behaviour. ;)

Blue Glad all is well with the midwife. And good luck on your drive! I passed my test this year and still hate driving. When I go back to work however I will officially be the van driver. So I will have to get over it!

Klein I still have those dreams and sort of forget what has happened while I am still half asleep. They are both wonderful and horrible. Hope you find support here, I know I really have and am very grateful.

Thanks so much everyone. Cons been round they're still not exactly sure what's wrong but my bloods are showing that there's an infection somewhere. There's ketones in my urine but otherwise clear so they're not thinking pre eclampsia or anything like that phew! They are treating me with some pretty powerful iv antibiotics so fx whatever it is buggers off soon! Have to stay in tonight as well. But for now baby seems fine.

Am in a private room as it's an unknown infection so obviously don't want to pass it on so thank goodness for 3G phone signal. Dp and K just been in which was lovely, he was here with me until 2.30am so has taken the day off work. Good job as K needed a lot of reassurance this morning as waking up to find me not there reminded her of when Erin died. Found it really hard last night as I was right near labour ward so heard at least 3 babies being born - made me realise that until this one is here I still find newborns hard. Just praying praying that I get to hear that wonderful screaming.

Kleinepoppet a sad but warm welcome. So sorry to hear about little E. My daughter Erin was born 25/08/11 at nearly 35 weeks. She died soon after she was born and we found out later she had fetal cancer. I'm now 34 weeks with her little sister and have a glorious 5yr old too.

Good luck with the drive blue glad appt went well and that they are considering your home birth request.

Fan and Blizy sorry you're dh's are being arses. I hope they've now apologised!!

wtw mine hasn't been an arse (recently) lol. I just understand what blizy had to deal with. I'm glad you and baby are ok and I hope those antibiotics work and little one gets to stay in for a few more weeks.

Gah why did this have to happen at the same gestation as we lost Erin. It's making me feel really nervy and on edge as well as really really poorly