Assisted Conception (and all the bits that go with it) volume 9

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A new snug for us AC ladies

Evening all. So after a week of feeling ridiculously down about it all I have finally come out the other side and am feeling much more upbeat. Think pms did not help matters - its one thing to not get preggers month on month but to have to deal with pms is enough to push a girl over the edge! We have our appointment to get meds on 22 march so three weeks to go - I just wish we could start sooner as the waiting is so frustrating. It gives me too much time to ponder it all which isn't helpful.

How is everyone else doing?

Josie - how are the meds going?

Minh hope this feeling of feeling better will continue.

Lexie hope your doc can be more helpful, how annoying.

Lissy Hugs to you and baby.

Keziah hope all is well.

Just listened to this and it was quite funny

I had some breakthrough bleeding today, which was a bit freaky, but nurses say it is fine. Trying not to get excited, down regulation scan is booked and so feeling tiny bit hopeful! Nothing ever seems to go really right as got sent wrong needles so had to buy more, or face two injections instead of one as am on 0.75 of Buseraline and needles are 0.5 - oh well, not feeling quite so emotional now.

Hugs to all and chocolate boobs, , and baby dust.

MiniH the meds are ok. Not got any bleeding yet, which is quite good seeing as I was due on almost 2 weeks ago so I'm being given a break. But I'm really tired, a bit low and I have really really sore boobs Italian my nurses said bleeding was normal too, as is not bleeding

I'm feeling a bit rough today - finally had it out with my friend last night and it wasn't very nice. I hate confrontation but I had to stop (it was a text row, don't you just love those) cos I could feel my heart beating and my blood pressure was going through the roof and I know stress isn't good. Anyway, the jist was that she was complaining again so I told her it's better than ivf, and we ended up rowing a bit and the last text she sent said she didn't want my sympathy (I had to laugh at that) and that her life hasn't been plain sailing and neither has the pregnancy. Honestly, she's had a couple of weeks morning sickness at the beginning, that's literally it. Anyway, I haven't texted back cos I was really gonna say something I regret. I don't want us to fall out, she's my only friend, but she's so insensitive sometimes, and we've got nothing in common anymore, after all, she's going to be a mother, I might never be. And if this cycle of IVF fails, how am I supposed to be happy for her with her newborn 2 months later. I just don't know if our friendship can stand this test

Sorry for the me me post, just feeling a bit low today

Hi Josie so sorry to hear about your text row. Do you think if you met face to face it would be easier? My talking with my friend who was pregnant when we were trying foq our DD a long time ago was, I think, by phone or email because she was in another country! I forgot to mention that but you just reminded me. She totally did not get how her happy news about being pregnant would bother me. I still see my pregnant friend most mornings and she says she is tired etc and I feel dead tired too, because I think all these meds are not doing me good, I am on two blood pressure pills and one for thyroid! Anyway, when she moans I just tune it out. She does moan a fair bit.

I was sad to hear you say she is your only friend. Maybe making some new friends would help. Would you consider a new hobby, visiting a friendly local church or church group, joining something where you make new friends or exploring some friends at work (if you work - and if you do I am not sure where). IF/WHEN you manage to get pregnant you can make a whole bunch of new friends via a antenatal group like NCT, but before that would it help to just have a few friends to go out for a drink with etc? Yes, I know at moment not drinking but could be coffee etc! And you have us my dear, we are friends and hopefully we do understand. Hugs to you.

I'm still bleeding, still frustrated, still achey and fed up. Collecting hire car and scared to drive it.

Just watched the final of Playing it straight, it was awesome. Just started a thread, if you watch then do comment!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/telly_addicts/1419056-Did-anyone-watch-the-final-of-Playing-it-Straight-this-week

www.channel4.com/programmes/playing-it-straight/4od#3293628

Italian I don't think it would be better to meet face to face, I'm really bad at confrontation and the stress would be horrific. I'd get really nervous and end up saying sorry and just putting up with it again. Someone on another thread recommended I apologise but I refuse to. She's in the wrong too and the last time we fell out was because I asked her for some space and not to complain to me about her midwife appointments (she'd just told me she was pg and I was so depressed I told DH I wanted to die) and she didn't speak to me for days. I grovelled then and I refuse to do it again now. I think the idea of meeting new friends would be a good idea, like I say, we don't have much in common anymore. But I'm painfully shy and meeting new people just doesn't happen for me. I do still want to be her friend, I just don't know how I'm going to cope when the baby comes. Things might get harder for me and her situation isn't going to change so it's either come to terms with it or stop being friends really isn't it.

I'm sorry to complain about this on here, I know it's childish

Hi girls I?m de-lurking for a quick hello.

Super huge congratulations to Lissy , wonderful wonderful news. And a word from a mum of a rapidly growing 16 month old ? take all the books and their rules with a pinch of salt? this time goes past in a flash so make sure you get your share of mummy cuddles. Rosie is a lovely name too!

Pocket hugs, what a cruddy time it?s been, on to the next eh. Not in London sadly but v tempted to come down to take you up on the getting very drunk offer! And very best of luck for all clear on Monday.

sunny how brilliant about your results! Whooo whooo! Should be a bonanza crop of lovely eggies for you and your lucky recipient from that count! Although your story, like so many others, makes me think there?s some kind of cosmic initiation test thing going on and everyone approaching IVF is put into the hands of sadistic gremlins to endure a series of bizarre jinxes in some kind of go mad or go forward challenge?

Scrummy I quite agree re acupuncture ? mine has (despite all evidence to the contrary) kept me sane these last 3 years.

Italian my dear, no tears, your three gorgeous embies are just waiting for you, and this time you have the extra immune support too, so it?s a fantastic opportunity for all of you. I?m willing you on with everything I?ve got. What immune treatment are you having, remind me? I?m glad you escaped unscathed from your car accident, not what you need just now!

Josie it sounds like it?s been really heavy going for you. Re your friend, I don?t know if this helps, but it might be worth bearing in mind that pregnant people are in the grip of hormones as ferocious as IVF ones and are well known for going slightly bonkers. When I finally got pregnant (after 3 rounds of IVF and one DE IVF) you?d have thought I?d have been over the moon but I was so depressed and stressed I couldn?t even look at the screen in scans or the photos (fortunately it wore off after about 5 months) and tended to cry when people congratulated my on finally being updiffed. So your friend isn?t in a great place to be empathetic, although it does sound like she could do better. And I agree with Italian, some new pals would be just the thing.

AFM, the cycle failing in January was v bad, I?ve found it the hardest one to deal with. Lots of tears and hopelessness. It turns out that I just have no idea what to do with myself if we quit, because wanting a sibling for DS won?t ever go away, so hey ho, we?re carrying on for the last last last attempt. I?m sure there?s another factor behind our spectacularly bad success rates and following a long chat with the doc at my clinic they?re going to do a couple of follow-up tests, although stopping short of full immune testing, and possibly have me over to Athens for another rummage around inside. I?ve also been in touch with a very good clinic in S Africa that do DE cycles with immune support and am considering the academy in London, although I gather that their donor cycles are with my clinic in Greece anyway so not sure it?s worth changing. I?m still not sure whether to carry on at my clinic, because I like them and don?t want to have to do all the start-up tests again somewhere else, or make the jump and go to one that believes in immune testing more.

Mo lovely to have you back and good luck on the last, last, last cycle. I'm a slightly obsessed convert, but I'd say leave no stone unturned, get 'em tested. Having had a successful pregnancy without immune problems means nothing unfortunately (I did and then developed immune issues later). The older we get the more likely it is that immunes could be the cause for unsuccessful cycles.

Hi to everyone else

SPECIAL post just for my dear cycle buddy Josie
Josie it is not childish, it is normal to feel upset. I can?t advise you what is right in your situation but I would suggest that you don?t say or do anything now which you will later regret. She is probably very emotional and so are you. I know I am over the top emotional because I just cried at ?I, robot?!!!! So my only advise and it really is just my thoughts is to either resume normal conversation by email, text or whatever when you feel ready or to let things quieten down and to wait and see how things go. If you are pregnant yourself soon you may feel able to cope with friendship again and may be willing to listen to her moaning and in fact may even have a few minor complaints of your own once you feel comfortable. In the mean time I would just sit tight as my dear old dad used to say. I would certainly invest in some new friends but maybe now with fertility treatment is not time! If confidence is an issue, why not read a few self help confidence builder books, I?ve read a few in my time, and look on line for info and suggestions. How about an evening class in something you actually like, cooking, car mechanics, French or whatever. Or so some volunteering that you might enjoy etc. I really don?t want to pry or push you at all but life is for living and if you want to make friends then maybe you will find a way to do it that will be comfortable for you. I will pray for a miracle and maybe some confidence will follow. Hugs to you. This link looks good www.pickthebrain.com/blog/10-ways-to-instantly-build-self-confidence/

PS wasn?t it you who was worried about the HSG- Hysterosalpingogram and it was not as bad as you expected. So perhaps making new friends etc will not be as hard as you expect.

Mojangles honey lovely to hear from you. I remember you from your cycle because I was on my first donor egg cycle when you conceived your ds. Small world. I also know how weird it can be when you have failures etc. We had a final IUI cycle, followed by our next final IUI cycle followed by donor egg cycle (our last attempt) followed by our nex last attempt which gave us our three frosties, S, J and M.

Mojangles - you asked so I will tell - I am on a cocktail worthy of Tom Cruise! I think it is true to say ....Baby Aspirin, Predisolone (steriods), Clexane and Calcium suppliments and intralipid infusion before embryo transfer, add in the odd Buseraline to shut my system down, Progynova to build up my lining and Utregeston pessaries to keep things going and I will be a walking pharmacy. I also have thyroid problems and blood pressure problems all discovered during fertility treatment so with the folic acid in there I expect I will rattle when I walk!

Fingers crossed for both of us, and all you other lovely *LOVELY ladies. Baby dust and pink champagne for all my friends.

Rowing (if you are still there), Beginnings, Sunnyg, Scrummy, Josie, Teds, Lucy, Lissy, Keziah, Pocket, Bugsylugs, Mojangles, Lexie, minh monkeybumsmum, SlightlyBabyCrazed Weller, Chutneyandcheese and All huge hugs to you all.

mojangles lovely to hear from you and sorry to hear you are so down. The only thing I can say, and I don't know if it is helpful or not is please, please just focus on the child you have rather than what you don't. I don't want to come across as flippant but this is what I constantly think and at this moment in time is what I do. We have our consultant appointment in a couple of weeks and for now I just have a little bit of hope

Got my results yesterday and FSH was 13.6 not great but definitely not bloody post menopausal - useless doctor!

Hope you all have a lovely Saturday xx

Hey ladies if anyone has any experience of nail piercing, please pop onto this thread and give me your experiences! Thanks

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/1420137-Has-anyone-had-their-fingernail-pierced?msgid=30411925#30411925

Hello gals

Scrummy Thanks for sharing that great poem - I've saved it to my phone so I can refer to it from time to time.

Ooh, Italian and Josie you poor loves, the stresses of IVF are enough without car crashes and selfish friends. Big hug to you both. This is your month

Ouch Lissy that all sounds painful. I'm so pleased you have gorgeous little Rosalie as a distraction. Btw, isn't your sister pregnant too or am I getting confused?

Lexie great news - what's next for you?

Dearest Mojangled its lovely to have you back. Trying again makes perfect sense - its what we all want and we're here for support. Read Scrummy's poem, its so apt.

Sorry not to namecheck everyone but hope you're all doing well.

AFM, saw the consultant today who did my op and he's given me the all clear which is great. I'll get back in touch with my Clinic now to start things up again, but have been advised to wait a bit before going again. So I'm probably looking at end April/early May before we go again... which gives me time to look in to immunes...

Crickey Italian - that is a true worthy cocktail.

Josie - hope you are feeling a little better this week. Friends and fertility treatment is honestly not an easy match. I know I have been very disappointed by the response and lack of empathy of some rl friends, but on a good day I try and remember how lacking in empathy I was before this journey and I cringe at some of the trite crap I reeled off to a friend who had trouble conceiving. Your friend does sound insensitive but if your friendship is important to you try and maybe see things from her side too. This is a special time for her and she wants to share the good and the bad bits with you - which isn't thoughtful of her, but in a strange way is flattering - she wants to share this with you as you are a good friend. Sometimes it is too hard to forgive insensitivity and you need to take a break for a while - my best friend and I drifted after my wedding which she was bridesmaid at after she moped for most of it and described it as the toughest day to get through because she had just split up with someone. I was upset that she couldn't get over her feelings for one day and be happy for me and she was upset I was so wrapped up in me I couldn't see how hard the day was for her. We had a break for about six months and now are fine again. If she is a true friend you will find a way to figure this out, even if it takes a while.

Hugs to everyone

Thanks MiniH that makes a lot of sense. I think once we?ve both calmed down I can explain to her that it?s a sensitive subject and perhaps she could not complain quite so much about her pg and having to live with the baby afterwards (although I of course won?t word it quite so bluntly, or maybe I will, depends what the hormones are like ) I do think a small break might do us both good.

Pocket yes this is our month thanks. I?m glad your check up went ok and fingers crossed for starting again as soon as you?re ready

Italian can I ask what stage you?re at in your IVF, just interested in how close we are in our cycles that?s all. Funny you should mention evening classes, I?ve just started my own baking company from home and I have been meaning to attend some evening classes with my aunt who wants some refreshers, so you never know, I might just meet some new people Hope you?re getting on ok

I started bleeding at the weekend and I felt like a weight was lifted! I?m not as bloated and the headaches and other niggles aren?t as bad now. And I finally injected into the right side of my stomach after bruising on the left (the last one I did on the right really hurt and made me cry so I was very brave ). I?m counting down every step, x weeks till the very end of the cycle, x days till I start stims, x days till I know if I?m responding to the stims, x amount of injections left. It?s helping a lot to see how far I?ve come. I?ve got a diary too and I write down everything I feel, it helps me let go, even if I?m just going over and over the same feelings. Last night I had a dream that I?d had two healthy embryos implanted and they were snuggling in nicely, then I woke up really excited, then realised I?m only 2 weeks into down-regging. Bit sad today, ah well, tomorrow is another day (and another day closer)

Hi Ladies

I've been lurking for a while since we are considering whether or not to try IVF.

I went to an open evening at the Lister last night. One thing that struck me is the number of appointments you have to attend. After all the consultations, once you start a cycle they were talking about 3 or 4 scans every 2 or 3 days, then the egg collection, then the embryo transfer. So up to 6 appointments just for one cycle.

How do you manage to fit all this round work?? I don't want to tell work if we decide to go ahead. I won't be having treatment at the Lister as I don't live anywhere near there, although it was reasonably convenient to go to their open day.

So I have a problem, that I work in London on Mondays, work from home in Cambridge on Tuesdays, have Wednesday off (but have DS to look after), work in London on Thursday and have Friday off (but again have DS to look after). Obviously with all these appointments, if I have treatment in Cambridge, but I need to go in on one of my London days I'm a bit stuffed. Similarly if need to have an appointment on a day off, I can't really take DS with me and don't have anyone I can readily call to look after him at short notice. I can't expect to get any sympathy from my employer and I have no intention of telling my boss.

So how do you manage to fit all this in around your day to day lives?

Morning...Just introducing myself

Zebedee, I told my manager, but they were discrete and none of the other staff knew. A lot of my appointments were at 8am so we could go to work afterwards, just slightly later, you are normally in and out at that time of day, its later that clinics tend to have delays. I used annual leave for the weeks around egg collection/transfer so I could relax and not worry about having to dash about, being recalled for scans etc.

We'll have the same problem with having a 15 mo this time.

Hi everyone - glad you've all found the poem inspirational. It certainly helps when you feel a bit down.

italian gosh, that is a cocktail of drugs. I hope they aren't making you feel too horrid. I hope you've got your car back by now too. That accident must have shaken you. Life doesn't make this easy for us, does it? When is the next big milestone?

josie a lot of good advice from others here re friend(s). It's difficult at times but occassionally it helps to distance yourself and think - how will I view this period in my life in 10 years time - and most often you find that you put things in perspective and stop worrying so much. I hope the injections are getting easier for you.

pocket so glad to hear you've had the all clear! And like you said, you've got time to look into immunes too. That will be good.

mojangles really nice to hear from you. I totally understand that it's difficult to give up. Can I ask, why would you not have the full immunes?

lexie any news on job front?

keziah I hope everything is ok my darling. We're thinking of you.

lissy thanks for asking about my cycle. Are you starting to get settled into a routine?

My news, I've had to postpone things by another month at least.I got a really bad chest infection couple of weeks ago and whilst on the mend, defo not fit enough to put my body through the rigours of IVF plus immune suppressants. Gladly on work front things have now resolved, they've given me a really exciting new position so I feel at ease and happy about that. AF starting tomorrow so struggling with my usual monthly symptoms but otherwise things are ok. FX I get fit soon.

Hugs to all

Zebedee I work in admin and all the other girls in the admin office know, including my line manager and the team manager (and one of the officers as I took ill a couple of weeks ago and she had to ring the paramedics so I had to tell her what medication I was on and what it's for), but they're very discreet. I too was worried about appts but my clinic started us on the down regging, and haven't had contact for 2 weeks. I have one scan to see if my ovaries have stopped working, then another a week later to see if I'm producing enough follicles, then the week after I've got the egg retrieval and then transfer a few days after, and although I've got no leave left, my team manager is trying to arrange the week off for me. They've been really helpful, and if they weren't, I'd have spoken to my HR dept directly. Like Andie I have also made my scan appts at 8am so I can be in and out and make it to work not too late. I hope you can get it sorted

Scrummy so sorry you've had to postpone again but I'm glad things have improved at work for you

Ok so I didn't introduce myself in the last post!

Been on/off this rollercoaster for 7 years...but I do have a dd to show for it!

Started off with a m/c when ttc after about a year. Then nothing. Waited and waited...did all the usual crazy stuff which works for other people. GP said we could conceive, as my AF was always irregular(4-6 times a year), it was just taking longer.

4 years ago finally had all the tests, SA, hycosy, bloods etc and was diagnosed with Annovulation.

Tried Clomid for 6 months, with no joy, it sent me loopy, I was a mess, I suffered with every possible side effect-end up signed off work with depression/anxiety.

With my age they put me straight into IVF, and we were lucky as there wasn't a waiting list as I had a diagnosis.

It didn't work the first time but had 5 frosties...gave ourselves a 6 month break as we'd bounced from Clomid to IVF without a break and I was frazzeled (to be understated about it)

We had a Frozen Embryo Transfer (Medicated, with full down reg HRT etc) at the start of 2010 and despite the low odds it only bloody worked! My DD was born Nov 2010! But I had Pre-eclampsia and emergency c-section, followed by a Pullmonary Embollism, Pnemonia, and Cardio-Myopathy! In hospital for quite some time!

Being a glutton for punishment, finally came off all the meds, and had a final heart scan in November to check I was OK to try for a sibling (Still had 3 frosties)

Consultation was booked for 25th January...Only I was pregnant! Saw the little heart beat 6th feb, as I needed to go on Fragmin etc due to the previous problems, and it was months since I'd had a period so had a dating scan.

Our miracle was not meant to be. I had a very slight bleed, and the scan showed that the baby had stopped growing. I needed surgery 10 days ago, would have been 10 weeks along.

Now I'm bloody confused. Is it going back to square one like 7 years ago, a miscarraige, followed by nothing? Or has DD kicked started something in me? Time isn't on our side, its the big 40 for me next year.

DH wants to book straight in for a FET, but I feel like thats our last roll of the dice, as we can't afford a fresh round of IVF, but I cant wait too much longer either :(

I hope its ok to hang out on this thread, I just feel like I'm in limbo as I hate what my body does to me.

Sorry for War & Peace...well done if you've read this far!

Andie it sounds like you've had a hell of a ride so far! I hope things are easier and quicker for you this time round. I know it's not quite the same but I know what you mean about being in limbo. It's so difficult not knowing what's going on. I'm on my first (and hopefully only) round of IVF, currently down-regging, due to start growing some follicles next week but the fertility clinic don't have high hopes for me growing enough so we've just got to wait and see what happens. And now I know what FET stands for, I kept meaning to ask!

Hi - sorry not had chance to read back, but Proud to announce our baby son, David, was born on 27th Feb - after a mammoth 5 nights on the labour ward we had an emergency c-section. All worth it! Struggling to breastfeed due to delayed and reduced lactation so spending all my time breastfeeding, feeding bottled formula and pumping... now got 3 days of tablets which if they work can double milk production at best before see feeding advisor on Wed. Amazing how priorities change, isn't it?! Oh after telling me he was going to be massive David weighed 7lb 15 oz at birth, dropping to 7lb3oz on day 3!!

Don't have internet on phone, so first chance to log onto laptop to post. Will try and catch up, but in meantime hope treatment going well for those at that stage, Lissy you are enjoying your little girl and all is ok for everyone else. x

to keziah so glad to hear you have your bundle of joy. You certainly have had to endure everything - you are truly an amazing woman! Enjoy the motherhood!! Welcome david