Assisted Conception (and all the bits that go with it) volume 9

[Scrummybumb]

A new snug for us AC ladies

Thanks Lucy. I'm feeling really sorry for myself at the moment. I just wonder if it's all worth it. Will I ever get to make that announcement or will it all be for nothing. I just wish I knew what is going to happen. I want to be hopeful but I don't because if it fails I'll be devastated. I'm sick of waiting and wondering. And part of me wonders if the meds are kicking in because I'm sure depression was one of the side effects and I'm feeling much lower than I have recently. I hate all the people at work flaunting their pregnancies. I hate my best friend because she's pg and complains constantly when I would kill to swap places with her. I just hate life in general today. Why can't I have some good news for a change, I'm desperate to be happy, it's be the first time in 2 years if I was

Oh Josie, try not to be too down. Having started the IVF, your hormones will be affected but also, the tension is increasing because you're getting closer to results day, so no wonder you're a bit all over the place. I so hope you'll get a BFP, but I do also understand that you need to keep your hopes in check. And remember, this is only the start of your journey and if you persist you will get your BFP, come hell or high water. And as for your best friend, I do understand and it's infuriating. I have a friend who had been trying to conceive her second DC for about as long as me. She had quite a few miscarriages along the way and generally had a shit time of it. Then her problem got diagnosed (something to do with her thyroid I think), she got pregnant and I was delighted for her. But now, she has complained about it every step of the way and it drives me mad. It strikes me as so ungrateful given what she's gone through to get pregnant. Have you said to your friend that even though pregnancy isn't always easy, you think she is very lucky to be pregnant, especially given what you're going through to try to achieve the same thing. If you don't think she'd take the hint, or would take it the wrong way if you talked to her straight, maybe just limit the time you spend with her, especially now when you're trying to keep everything together. And I know that feeling of everyone else seeming to be pregnant, but it will happen to you . Someone on here posted a poem a while back (was it you scrummy?) about being at your lowest and on the verge of giving up, only to find out that good luck is just round the corner. Might be worth a repost...

Thanks Lucy, I think I'll have to listen to some uplifting songs tonight. I'm sort of avoiding my friend at the moment (when she first got pg and I told her I wasn't able to discuss her midwife appts straight away and I needed time before I could support her, she didn't speak to me for three days so I'm not expecting her to react well if I tell her how I feel). She lives in a 1 bedroomed flat and yes it'll be awkward having a cot in there but they will be moving out (it's council) and I'd gladly swap her house for mine if it meant I could have a baby. She actually said they'd struggle, struggle!! IVF is a struggle, not dealing with a cot in your bedroom! Honestly if we'd been face to face I would have smacked her! Next time she says something like that I'm gonna tell her straight that I'd swap with her in an instant if it meant I could have what she's got, she's so lucky and she doesn't even realise it. And I'm sick to death of people telling me to 'relax and it might just happen', no it won't!!!!

Anyway, rant over. I seem to be cycling from sad to angry pretty quickly at the moment but I suppose that's normal

Hi Josie sorry you are having a tough time. My advice is either to avoid your friend as much as you can, or to limit time seeing her and spend time chatting by email or phone if that is easier and for all the time she spends moaning about her pregnancy you could also spend moaning about trying to get pregnant. The sad thing is that that won't help you too much, so the best thing (In my humble opinion) is to avoid her if you can, tune her out if you can and to fill your head with some happy thoughts, and keep taking your injections. I feel sure your day will come. Come on cycle buddy, we can do it. Hugs.

PS Josie I meant to say my friend is boring me silly with her tales of pregnancy and keeps telling me how tired she is. Her's is number three. I know it is easier for me as I do already have a DD but it is also rather annoying to be told about other's pregnancies and I do know a bit of how you feel.

Girls not ignoring you!! My gran has arrived today for a few days and DP has hogged the laptop all week....

Think interview went well but who can tell . Will read all post in a few days but hope you are all ok - thanks for asking about job .

Should be back on line and up to date on all posts by Tuesday/ Wednesday - results of FSH at GP's on Tuesday am gulp.....

x

Lissy it is absolutely wonderful hearing about your first days/weeks of being a new mum. It's really nice to hear all the bits, from the sleeping (or lack of it for you!) to the feeding and everything. It makes it feel all that more possible and real that it WILL happen for the rest of us. That's how it feels for me anyway. Sounds like all is going pretty good so far. Do you just look down at your gorgeous bub and can't believe she's really here? Sometimes I wonder if I'd feel like that......

Josie luv, you poor thing. Sounds like you've had a right time of it of late. With the so annoying friend, your trip in the ambulance and the injections. I really feel for you. I haven't had IVF drugs, but I had clomid when I've had IUI and it really gave me some serious mood swings. Hormones going nuts I swear! One minute I felt happy, the next crying floods of tears and the next angry like a crazy woman. Poor DH didn't know what had hit him! I do hope you get to relax a bit this weekend, in the sunshine. I always find the sun does wonders for my mood.

Looking forward to your news Keziah and glad interview went well Lexie.

Hugs to all oxox

Sunny I made it my goal today to relax, and although it didn't go quite to plan (major accident at the yard, someone came off her horse and we've just found out she fractured her spine ), I managed to stay in bed (with breakfast) until 9.30am, a really good lie in for me, then watched tv till about 12, then went to the yard, where someone else is looking after my horse so I didn't do much until the accident

Italian it really cheered me up when you said we could do it, it felt like someone was holding my hand and chivvying me along I'm trying to ignore my friend, but I don't want to lose her completely, but I've decided if she says something complaining about pg, I'm just gonna be straight with her and say 'I would kill do be able to experience that' or something along those lines anyway, so she might get the hint

Lexie fingers crossed you got the job, and hope you get good FSH results

Hi Just a quick hello from me before you forget me . No news from me really. Still waiting for my post op check up with consultant (next week) and as soon as i get the all clear i'll go back to my consultant to talk about our next round... its so weird having this 'break' given that ttc has been a full time 'job' for so long!

Hope everyone is well. Italian and Josie good luck with the injections, sounds painful but hang in there, it'll be worth it. x

Here's to some good news soon...

Josie hugs to you, it is possible. I know how annoying it is for people to go on about pregnancy. It's just my opinion but I think if you want her to know how you feel you should tell her. You can say how special your friendship is but also add that it is really painful to hear her complaining about things when you would so much love to experience them. I found in my journey it was easier to avoid those conversations because when I did try to tell one friend years ago she took it badly and was not very happy. She just did not get it, and in some ways I found that harder than not actually saying anything! But each to their own. YES, I am holding your hand, my fingers are like fat pink sausages, not pianist's fingers, just imaging I am giving your hand a hold and in a few weeks I so much hope we will be sharing BFPs! Hugs.

Pocket, what's the news, what's the plan?

Lissy have you joined NCT? Is there any new club for new mums in your area? How is DH enjoying being a dad? Are neighbours as noisy? Hugs to you.

Lucy how is it going?

Weller hugs.

Mojangles any news or thoughts and are you still looking in on us.

Keziah any news?

Sunnyg how is it going?

PS, me ? injecting, crying and generally thinking it will all be over soon!

Aw Italian that's me too, although last night after my injection, instead of feeling a bit mopey and a bit sorry for myself, I forgot all about it without even realising I was doing it. You could be right about telling my friend, and if she does fall out with me then she's obviously not a very good friend unfortunately.

Hi Pocket how are you?

Hi to everyone, hope you are all well

Italian and Josie if we are feeling a bit sorry for ourselves can i add that I have a dose of thrush , brought on my the heavy antibiotics the gynie gave me as a post op precaution. How bldy unfair is that!?! Not as painful as jabs but another blooming hurdle!

Am focused on Monday's post op all clear. Hopefully can then flag down the ttc bus again.

Hang on on there. I'm available for virtual hand holding too x

Italian and josie be kind to yourselves this is a hard route as you both know but remember the outcome will be worth it all. You are both doing great.
Sport been AWOL have been quick checking in nothing to report here waiting the 6 weeks to get the bloods done

Pocket how are you doing? Hope review goes well

Bugsy huge hugs and thanks for support.

Josie any news?

Pocket how is it going, thrush, ouch! So sorry to hear that, will pray it clears up.

Mojangles how are you? Still looking in on us?

Rowing do you ever look in on us? Hugs to you.

Lissy how is it going?

Keziah I am in suspenders! Suspense I mean, any news?

Still injecting and feeling less emotional! I feel a tiny tinge of hope because I know it might just work this time, but also fearful!

We are clearing out our old tapes (remember VIDEO!). I found a programme about adopting from China, sad to think in the time we have been doing this and the money we have spent we could have probably adopted from China! But at the time it did not seem like the right option (don't worry, don't want to start a debate on that - just thinking and remembering!).

I've also just been watching two episodes a very old programme from 2006 I think it was called A child against the odds. I had recorded the icsi and donor egg programmes and I watched them again tonight, was in tears.

PLEASE do not watch this clip if you are of a sensitive nature and do not show your DH/DPs because it is a bit scary! www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaeASmhDZjw - HONESTY wince making!

Hugs to you all. It's a bit late to name check but wishing the best for all of you.

Italian I can't see that clip but I'd like to know what it was of, if you don't mind. Glad the hope is kicking in, I've got a bit of that now too, I'm just hoping it's not going to lead to disappointment. And I realised last night that I'm on day 33 of a usual 28-30 day cycle, but deep down I know it's just because of the meds (I started on day 24)

Pocket that's just another kick in the teeth isn't it! Hope you're feeling better soon. And thank you for the hand holding

Thanks bugsy, how are you doing?

Hello cycle ladies Josie and Italian, you are both doing brilliantly supporting each other. It's really nice to have a cycle buddy. Makes you feel like you aren't the only one out there. I've lucky to have had two brilliant cycle buddies in the past - Scrummy and Mo.

pocket you are ever so brave. This is the last thing you need. But I admire you ability to get on with it.

So I had quite the day yesterday. First got a call at work to say that my gorgeous 6 month old puppy had been located at a mechanics, however without his dog-walker! You can imagine my panic, this puppy is clearly currently replacement child and love of our lives. Shot out of work so fast didn't even turn pc off, and found him at the mechanics being looked after and playing quietly happily surrounded by about 4 burly mechanics! It was his first time out with his dog walker and although my initial reaction was to to nuts at her, how could she lose my dog (and very lucky he didn't get run over) as was found quite some distance from the park they were in. As it turns out I think he got lost in some long grass (he's a pug so very little) and just got disorientated. Anyway what an absolute relief he's okay.

Then got lost on way to new clinic for scan. So by the time I arrived, about 15 mins late was just mildly stressed. You won't believe it, the doc told me pretty much straight up that there had been some kind of mistake. As it turns out my AMH result wasn't in-fact borderline but actually normally. To be honest I don't really understand it but it was something to do with the nurses getting the grading wrong. The scan i had yesterday totally backed this up with an Antral Follicle count of 22! Woooo hoo! To be honest I could have done without the stress of the past 5 days and could be pretty angry at the clinic, but I've decided not to waste my energy on it. So it seems, once again egg-sharing is back on. Don't want to say for sure yet until all results definitely in and been given the definite green light, now just waiting on one final result.

Could this journey have any more ups and downs eh ladies?!?

Thanks for all your support again and hugs to all oxox

Hi everyone! Still here, anxiously waiting for keziahs news...Hope everything is ok darling.

italian this cycle must be so full of emotions for you. It seems to have sent you on memorylane...I remember seeing those episodes when first broadcast, I must check them again. I hope you have more up days, than down. Praying for you...

josie sorry to hear you've had a tough time with it. Here's the poem lucy referred to...

When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.

Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.

"Don't Quit," Author Unknown

pocket nice to hear from you again and yikes about the thrush! Hope you've managed to get some cream for that. Good luck with your appt

sunnyg yay for good results. That must be such a relief for you. And I know what you mean about not wanting to waste energy on being angry - good policy!

lissy I hope the feeding continues to go to plan

teds how are you doing?

bugsy hope you get to have some 'rest' before tests

Me - I'm so, so glad I went to see the acupuncturist - defo one of the best decisions I have made. She's lovely, very knowledgable and seemed to be able to say all the right things to me - plus she nearly made me fall asleep just after 10mins of treatment look forward to my next session with her!

sunny it really is a roller-coaster. Strap yourself in! Bet great news nonetheless. What's next for you?

Italian and Josie hope you're both doing okay. What are your timings for et/ec? i need something to look forward to.

Hi to everyone

Ps sorry sunny so glad you found the puppy. Sounds like you had an awful scare! X

Sunny that's amazing news! It certainly has been up and down for you but I'm glad things are looking up now. And I'm so glad your puppy was ok!

Scrummy thank you for that poem, I think I'll print it and keep it nearby at all times. Glad you enjoyed the acupuncture

Oh my god Italian I just watched the beginning of that tv show and I jumped out of my skin when they inserted that needle I'm definitely not showing DH that!!

Pocket I start stims on 14th March ish, then another week after that I should know if I've responded well enough (they don't think I'll respond well due to low amh) so that's the first real challenge (not including the current injections). Then hopefully retrieval (still not sure of the acronyms) around 27th March ish, transfer on 30th March (which would have been my bro's birthday but he died when he was 4 days old, maybe that's an omen, in a good way)

I am lathering on the arnica cream. When I went to buy it yesterday it said not to use on broken skin, so I asked DH to ask the pharmacist if I could use it where I'd had an injection, so instead he said my wife (the woman over there, wave honey) is having IVF, can we use this cream I felt so embarrassed. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I felt like he might as well ave walked up to her and said, my wife can't have kids, can we use this cream? He was mortified when I explained how I felt to him.

29/02/12

hello ladies, thought I would pop on and say hi to everyone and a big hug for all. It?s that extra day we only get every 4 years! Has anyone asked anyone to marry them!

Josie I am so sorry to hear about your brother but I do feel it is kind of fitting that you have your treatment near that time and think of him. Sending you a massive hug.

Josie Did you see it? It was a clip that was looking at two men who needed extra help with fertility. One was a man who had cancer and was in a wheel chair. He has had his sperm frozen before chemo, so the sperm was used in ICSI (where a single sperm is injected into an egg). However they also looked at a man who had a medical condition that meant he had to have sperm retrieved from his testicles in a medical way. It was rather horrible to watch but the wider implications of the clip were what could be done to help male fertility problems. I must emphasis what was happening in the clip with the man?s testicles is NOT ICSI - ICSI is just the injection of the sperm into the egg bit.

Sunnyg so sorry about your puppy. I can?t help think there is a calendar in it, a puppy and four burly mechanics - like a kind of Calendar girls FOR girls! Anyway, so glad the pup is home. And Sunnyg WHOOPIE, so glad all is well. I am often 15 minutes late or more for clinic!

Scrummy I do so appreciate your prayers. Hugs to you.

Pocket end of March for me! Thinking of you. How is your thrush situation.

Bugsylugs thinking of you.

To ladies who have experienced a miscarriage or missed miscarriage, please can I suggest something and do not want to upset anyone on here who has miscarried. My missed mc was a long time ago now; in fact it was over 6 years ago. I am sure I mentioned this before but I did write a 'name' and a little bit of writing in the hospital's book of remembrance (miscarriage book). It was kept on the gynie ward and I went back about two or three times over the following year or so to take a look at it. For me it was very helpful to have a 'place'. Other people I have known have done stuff like planting a tree or planting a plant (could be a public place if you think you will move house soon). I have only just seen this website
www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/support/

I have no idea if you will find it helpful but there are some lovely ideas on here including the Forget-me-not meadow

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/support/marking-your-loss/forget-me-not-meadow/

If it is not your thing and makes you feel sad - so sorry - and please ignore this bit.

Shall we do a roll call?

I had a car accident tonight, luckily it was NOT my fault and I was not going very fast. Someone crashed into the side of me. But we were on a roundabout so it was all quite slow. I ended up being brought home in that big vehicle that carries the car on the back of a flat bed; I had to drive onto it, very ineptly!

sunny- Yay, what excellent news regarding your follicles! I bet you breathed a huge sigh of relief! So exciting to hear the egg-sharing is back on. Glad to hear puppy is back safe and sound, too.

Josie- It sounds as if you are soldiering on with your injections...well done you! Please try to continue to think positively. It'll all be worth it in the end! As a side note, my DH needed to have a TESE...a testicular sperm extraction. Because of the accident that left him paraplegic ten years ago, the only way to find any viable sperm was to get it from the testicular tissue. Luckily for us we managed to get 12 vials, and had to have ICSI along with IVF to have our Rosie. But the proof is in the pudding....I'm listening to my darling girl snuffle as I type!

Italian- So sorry to hear about your accident, but glad you're ok. You're probably feeling sore today, so take a long hot shower to ease out the kinks. Are you injecting? How's that going?

Pocket- You poor dear! I think I'm joining you with the thrush. Dealing with stitches and (sorry TMI) piles, and now thrush!

bugsy- Six weeks will go by before you know it! AND it'll be springtime...the perfect time to try for a baby!

scrummy- Where are you in your cycle?

lucy and teds- How are you and your expanding bellies doing?

keziah- Desperate to hear baby news from you!

Lexie- Any news on the interview?

AFM, baby Rosie is gorgeous! Breast feeding is going well, thank goodness. She was losing a bit of weight, but today the midwife visit showed that it's going back up, so that's a relief. I'm exclusively breastfeeding, and will do for the next couple of weeks, and then I'll introduce a bottle of pumped milk for DH to feed her. Still in quite a bit of discomfort, and taking the odd painkiller here and there. Managed to get out of the flat a few times, and tomorrow meeting a new mum from my antenatal class for coffee. I truly understand why sleep deprivation is a form of torture, but managed to have a nap today. Inundated with cards and gifts...this baby has quite the wardrobe already! My parents and my twin sister arrive on the 16th...can't wait!

I just know that very soon I will be reading about new babies for all of you...

Hello all - just read back all the past threads from the past week or so - gosh it has been eventful but you all sound like you are coping / getting on with what has been throw at you :)

Lissy when I had DS I used to go back to sleep with him after 7am ish feed as DP had left by 7.30 until he woke at about 9 - I could then manage fine and was awake in evening with DP which I know some mums couldn't manage as they were knackered!! I exclusively bf but never had much luck with expressing so would recommend havng a couple of small cartons of baby milk just in case......

That is a great poem scrummy

Still heard nothing from the job but as it is NHS it is done through recruitment agency so rang them today - decision not been made yet and they let you know one way or the other.

Went to docs yesterday for results and they haven't come in yet. Doc was quite dismissive actually and asked what I was there for and why did I have more bloods taken. I replied that he had agreed to tests being done as they were taken at wrong point of cycle. He keeps saying i am post menopausal but he is talking crap as post menopausal is defined as having no periods for 12 months and I have been having them and according to my Clear Blue fertility monitor I am about to ovulate. i think once we have been to clinic I will not see him but will see another gp at practice who might have more of a bloody clue!!!

For my sins I am watching one born every minute - so glad DS came out via the sun roof

x