TTC for 10+ months, part 5

[MuddyWellyNelly]

Filled up our old one, I'll put our updated list on a separate post so that it's not a huge chunk of text at the top of every page.

Old thread here. Newbies always welcome, much as we'd like to hope nobody ever gets to this stage of TTC!

thanks for setting up our new home nelly It is truly lovely in here

Welcome flamingo, I hope your stay here will be short (in the nicest possible way). We all feel the same about those other threads. I did join some of the buses to start with but as the months rolled on I found it so depressing that the whole world except me only needed a few months at most before a BFP. I mainly avoid other threads now, although I did make the mistake of reading an AIBU thread about IVF funding which made my blood boil at the lack of empathy and understanding. Apparently we should all just adopt. There is one other thread that I read though that was really lovely and worth a read. It's in pregnancy and is about getting pregnant after a long time ttc. I'll try and find a link in a mo.

Sorry about your dad whatmess, mine also has cancer so I know how tough it is. One of the saddest things for me over all this ttc business is that as the months tick by it looks more and more unlikely that my dad will ever meet my child .

nelly I love those dresses (and the kitty). If you have toned arms, slim shoulders, small boobs and a long neck (as I'm sure you do) then that style is really flattering. But if you're ample chested it is not good. I agree with karbea it's a good idea to try on things you would never normally because so many people fall in love with a dress style they always though they didn't like.

wine I like your list. My friend fits into no. 2 although she did a bit of 3. I think there is another category for the damm right stupid who say things like you can adopt or have you tried having more sex? The adopt line only ever comes from people who would never adopt themselves. So annoying to hear that line. It is not the big answer to infertility. And it is not easier or less heartbreaking than IVF.

I'm so excited to hear all your IVF tales, I can't wait to get started now.

I'm going to post this message now before I lose everything, mn seems to be playing me up at the moment. Hi to everyone I've missed.

this is the lovely thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/1385424-Pg-after-long-term-TTC

Just read that lovely thread and am fighting the tears in work! Thanks mrsd

That was a lovely thread mrsd, I saw it yesterday, although tried not to get too upset that most of the posters were much younger than me .

Hahaha at me having big boobs, as if!! Wasp stings more like . It's a good idea to try some on, although I'm lucky in that mum can make a mock up first.

I will indeed give consideration to Mauritius! I was/am really keen on Zanzibar, was it ladygee who went there? On phone so can't check. Would you mind PMing me where you stayed? Anyone advice on Seychelles or South Pacific. We will probably rule out Caribbean as I used to live there, albeit lots of islands I've not seen.

Damn now can't remember what I wanted to say, it's all been me so far . I did want to say to wine that I think a meet up would be ace. And I'm sorry about your friend .

Will check thread and post again, less about me this time!

Nelly I love the necklines of those dresses (and the kitten). I also went against the tide of strapless dresses and had a sort of cowl neck front and back. I also like my shoulders (and back) because of sport so it worked for me.

Welcome to flamingo. I'm sorry you are in a position to join us but you are very welcome.

wine my lap stitches were supposedly dissolvable but didn't seem to dissolve! I can remember feeling one "pop" when I was swimming quite a while after the op. And I recall little black bits of stitch working their way through the skin about 18 months afterwards.

I've been truthful about how long we have been ttc, but sort of rewritten history with the benefit of hindsight! I've been completely honest about how many cycles we have had where we know we have hit the days around ovulation (currently 14) and then said that we were taking a casual approach to contraception for a couple of years before that. Which is true. At some point after we moved in together, we gave up on condoms (hormonal contraception has never agreed with me) and just tried to avoid roughly 2 weeks before my period was due. So a sort of very unscientific rhythm method! However, as my periods were a bit irregular over this period it wouldn't have been very effective. And this is when I think I had a chem preg anyway (the time when I got pinky blood and a dizzy feeling) so it seems like at least one cycle then we hit the jackpot. Who knows how many other times his swimmers were hanging around at ov time. It's only with hindsight knowing what I do now about my cycle that I realise how ineffective the unscientific rhythm method would have been for us! So I haven't gone into that level of detail but I have just said that we weren't using contraception but were not trying to hit the fertile days either.

nelly we looked at Tanzania and Zanzibar for our honeymoon but ended up going to Borneo (also malarial). You need to take different antimalarials depending upon where you are going. Some are ok when pg and some are not. The one I took for Borneo (malarone I think) was not, so we made sure we didn't conceive until that was out of my system.

nelly if you're interested in the Seychelles, we stayed at the Constance Ephelia last year and absolutely loved it, the resort itself and the Seychelles in general are stunningly beautiful. There's very limited development still, and the people are sooooo lovely. There are fab hillside villas at the ephelia that would be amazing for a honeymoon.

Love the way you casually drop in that you used to live in the caribbean! Nice

Am on phone at mo so doing rubbish posts, sorry for missing things out.

Oh, I'd be so up for a meet up one day. Would it ever be remotely possible, do you think

it's so nice to hear from people that have got there. I get a bit worried when I hear only negative stories. Also, I'd been worrying that because I feel so negative and can't imagine being pregnant or having a baby that this means I never will have one.

I've decided to stuff the low GI today and make a coffee cake. I have the day off and DH is doing a half day (although he has to work on Sunday) so I thought I'd surprise him by baking a cake. The only problem is I'm following a UK recipe. This is probably a stupid question but does instant coffee mean the freeze dried granules like nescafe? I've been abroad to long and coffee to mean just means espresso. I'll have to scour the supermarket to see if they sell anything instant. I'm guessing my normal coffee would be too strong?

Mrsden yse Nescafe is instant coffee.
Euro I have always wanted to go to Borneo!!! very jealous!!!

mrsd - that thread is really lovely. The ladies that talked about thinking that they would just never have a baby really struck a chord. The coffee cake sounds yummy - well worth breaking the low GI for. Yes it means the granules but could you just make your normal coffee then weaken it a bit?

nelly - I've PMed you but apologies in advance. You've got me started on my favourite topic so it's a bit of an essay! As euro says, you just need to check what the latest advice is on malaria tablets as they change what works for different areas. The ones we took - in late 2010 - weren't compatible with pregnancy so we waited until we'd finished the course before starting TTC.

All the places you're looking at sound stunning though!

I'd interpret instant coffee to mean granules. You could always just dilute your espresso a bit, I'm sure it would give a nice flavour. As long as the quantities are right it'll be ok. Coffee cake-YUM-sounds delish.

Mmm, coffee cake. Well worth breaking your low GI plan for. I'd just use normal coffee well-diluted if I were you.

That thread is encouraging, although I note that although it took some of the women on there a while to stay pregnant, a number of them did have sadly unsuccessful pregnancies before they got the one that stuck, which is different to my own situation (although no less painful for them of course). I also just don't believe that it taking 18 months-2 years is normal. I think it means there is a problem but somehow one embryo managed to stick despite the problem, not that everything was fine and dandy and that is just how long it happened to take. Sorry to be pessamistic.

I had a work do last night and a woman from one of our other offices was asking me if I have plans for a baby and then asking me how old I was. I was desperate to change the subject. And then there was a sweepsake for when the baby of another colleague will be born. They are a couple of years older than us and got married just before us and their baby will be here soon.

euro I agree that taking 18 months to 2 years isn't "normal". It means something isn't right but that it can be overcome with a bit of luck. When I first went to my gynae we'd been trying 11 months and I knew that something wasn't right, that it should have happened by then. But I was worried that she would send me away saying it was normal to take that long. However, she actually said that in a youngish couple with no other health concerns and healthy lifestyles it should happen within 6 months and almost certainly within a year. She also said that often when it does take longer than a year when you actually ask questions of the couple you find out that they weren't getting the timing right, or had actually missed some months out altogether. I knew this wasn't the case for us so I was sure it was a problem. And I was right. I also know what you mean about people who have problems with getting the pregnancy to stick, I do feel that I'm in a different boat (not better or worse) in that we can't even get pregnant.

Pah to the questioning euro, people should learn to mind their own business. I've been invited to a family gathering type thing. It's in the UK which means having to pay for a flight and hotel which I could do without when trying to save for IVF. It's sort of expected that I go though and I'm dreading it because there will be relatives I haven't seen since our wedding and I know I will get asked questions. DH says that we should say we can't get out of work but I feel bad about not going. It's not for a few months though, so maybe I'll be pregnant by then ha ha ha!

I hope this is okay, I just wanted to pop in and tell you that I have a 5 week old graduate baby - she was born mid-December but I didn't know if I was being insensitive making a sort of announcement around Christmas (and I was in hospital). I think I went too far in general trying not to upset people with pregnancy announcements as I was outed on FB after I had her but was stuck in hospital, so I received lots of "didn't know you were pregnant messages."

I had health problems both TTC and from going into labour onwards - like bookends of the pregnancy - but I have a ridiculously healthy baby. So even if you find something is wrong with you, it doesn't mean the baby will be affected when you get your BFPs. I also think the time spent TTC made me more resilient and grateful for my baby, so I am not at all depressed by what, on paper, looks like a pretty awful delivery. I have a friend who is upset and feels like a failure for asking for an epidural, it ruined her first week or so with her baby. I don't think any of you lovely ladies will feel like that as we are pretty damn hardened on the feeling like a failure front. So there are good points to this horrible journey, with hindsight! I also received lots of hand-me-downs being a few years behind my uber-fertile friends.

I hope everything is going well, sorry for me me me post, particularly purple congratulations, you were there at the start of the thread, I think, when I was there. Best of luck, hope this thread is a hot bed of BFPs!

Aw runner congratulations! It is always nice to hear about positive outcomes. I'm sorry you had a tricky delivery but it sounds like you have a great attitude towards that. Enjoy this time with your baby!

x

hurray runner you got there, welcome the world petite been. Sorry the birth wasn't so ace but your words were very wise about different perspectives when you've journeyed further.

Ladygee some months I've had very painful ov indeed and other months nothing. I'm glad it's passed for you. If only we could peek inside sometimes.

It's funny, I've started to think 18 months to two years is fairly normal. But I think that comes from my acupuncturist who does believe that as you get older, it can just take time to get the right egg and the right sperm to get it on. Its probably not normal in the general population and it is a pain in the arse, but I think of it as sub fertility rather than infertility? I think maybe we've been unlucky here in having factors that are a bit off maybe? I will ignore thinking about my tangerine which is a bit more than just a bit off, but you know what I mean. I think I got catapulted to infertile in December, do not pass go do not collect £200! Fingers crossed it's put rightable.

nelly I went past a wedding dress shop today and saw a lovely dress with a similar neckline. It's a very hip boutique vintage type place so you are bang on trend!

Oo it's time for my tea. I'm staying in with wine...whereismywine..it's in the fridge! We are about to make our own pasta after a pasta making class Christmas pressie. The last time we made pasta it was the most revolting stodgy thing ever, but mr wine is not easily defeated. I've bought spare pasta just in case. I will report back later!

Hi all

Quick check in to say i'm still alive! AF arrived four days late and in full force this morning so i'm currently contemplating going to bed with a hot water bottle

I'll catch up properly tomorrow

Hi Ladies! It's Friday night, and I have . Hope you are all having a nice evening and have fun plans for the weekend.

whatmess I am so sorry your dad is ill, but sounds like he is doing well just now so fingers crossed for him. And Haha at the kitten having a job at the wedding! I have a very cute grown up version right next to me just now, but the only way to persuade him to help would be to line the aisle with tuna

Ah joycep I've been on at least 2 "deffo going to get pregnant this time" holidays since I started. Hmmm. The first was a month after we started, funnily enough it didn't work. That should have been a clue, I guess.

wine eugh to picking at your stitches! But needs must and I suspect yes they should have gone by now. Maybe just sterilise your tweezers first . But please please don't worry about droning on, this is the place to do it, and keeping it inside can't be good. That's what we are here for. I am sorry you have been feeling so low though, it's natural after what you have been through. Keep sharing, we will be your virtual shoulder.

ladygee thank you so much for the information, it looks amazing! I am definitely going to look into it. Glad the pains have subsided a bit and at least you have a scan soon to reassure you.

Lemon can't believe the Euro-scale was exported . does she know????

mrsden I am so sorry to hear about your Dad too. It's hard enough to think of our parents being mortal, let alone never meeting their grandchildren. But have hope, on both sides. TTC is hard enough without adding these factors, isn't it :(

Thank you euro for the malarial tablet info, I didn't know there were some that were ok in pregnancy. Of course I'm sure it's ridiculously presumptious to worry about it, why should another year make a difference? I have a horrible feeling I'm setting myself up with a very obvious "anniversary" that we've talked about on here. Oh look, my wedding/honeymoon has arrived, and guess what, still not pregnant

kitty thanks for the Seychelles info too, I will definitely go and have a look. Sorry about the Caribbean name-drop , didn't mean to! If it's any consolation, I had to work, so 5 days out of 7 I had a view of a carpark - albeit that if you looked up, the sky was blue!

Coffee cake mrsden? Last time I tried to have some, a vision of euro appeared and stopped me buying it. Right, that's it, I'm going to make one tomorrow. With icing and everything

runner hooray for your DD! That is amazing news, so nice to know that it does eventually come good. It sounds like you had a tough labour, but one of the things we console ourselves with is that we'll be so much more grateful of our babies due to the struggles to get there. It's lovely to hear that this is true in practice :). Please drop in when you have time and let us know how it's going?

Fatima. 4 days late, FFS. Do I remember correctly that this would have been the immaculate conception? If so, it's just so weird that your cycle would mess about like that, and you can exclude any theories of chem pregs etc. OK really dodgy science here - maybe the actual having of the sex is enough to change your bodies behaviour through the cycle . Disclaimer - I don't really think this is true, but at this stage, who knows what the feck is true any more.

Anyway it's taken ages to write this and it's late. OH has been snoring on the sofa since about 8.30! Thank you for all the nice dress comments and suggestions, and honeymoon advice. Glad the kitty made you all smile, even if it was a mistake!

Hi ladies, quick post before le weekend. Happy Friday! Just watched sex and city film which I haven't seen before. Cried like a baby when Charlotte announced she was pregnant after thinking she couldn't have children and then cried more when she had a baby girl. Luckily DH not here!!

fatima - cant believe AF was 4 days late. Poor you. What a head fuck . I hope it's not too painful.

nelly - the Maldives are also great for honeymoons just to add another in the mix. Not much to do but it was paradise. If we don't have kids, I will definitely go there regularly! Also on the dodge science theory, I often wondered whether sex changes cycles. My cycles started coming every 2 weeks when I started having sex. Bizarre!

runner - massive congratulations. Such lovely news to hear of successes.

I am not sure about 18months+ beig normal but does it necessarily suggest something is wrong?? I do think it depends on age which will often naturally make the process wil take longer. Apart from my 44yr old cousin who has had 2 babies in the last 2 years Grrr. But my doctor BiL was telling me after 6 months of us trying that there was obvioulsy something wrong. That certainly wasn't helpful! But our recent bfps on this thread , they took 18months , not normal but it would seem nothing was really wrong.

euro - ghastly questions last night. It is very hard to deflect them. I find I just umm and ahhh when asked such questions. Next time i think I will start just saying I can't have them in the hope to embarrasses the perpetrators .

Good luck Mrsd with the coffee cake. Very jealous. Desperate for cake

Hi to everyone I missed, have a good weekend.

Hi ladies.

Massive congrats to runner on the birth of your baby. Good news is lovely to hear.

We had our 2nd clinic appt today. It went really well. When we walked into the room she asked if i had good news for her,i said yes ive lost 15.5lbs! My bmi is now 33! So she was dead pleased.

She asked about my cycles and as i appear to have ovulated this month (well pos opk and PEAK) she thinks maybe the metformin is working. My last luteal phase was 5 days tho which she agreed was rubbish.She took blood today and will do same next week whic is 7 days post ov and can see what progesterone is. If its quite a good number then she says we might not need the clomid. She then said it was up to me what we did about clomid and we could try a 50mg cycle. We would do day 21 bloods again and then see if dose if needed upped etc. She said we could try 6 months of clomid upping the dose if required and hopefully we would get pregnant.

She has prescribed us 6 months of clomid with a prescription for provera in case i have a ridiculous cycle again. She said its possible to do max 12 months clomid cycles but that if it doesnt work in 6 it might not at all and that sometimes clomid delays ov instead of inducing it! She said clomid can cause problem pregnancies and can cause spontaneous miscarriage and obviously the chance
of multiple pregnancies etc!

So we have to decide what to do....continue with just metformin for a few cycles and then try clomid or try clomid straight away!?! I dont know what to do! She said obv if we try clomid and it doesnt work then we would be discharged from clinic as we have a child already. So what do we do?!?!

All advice welcome! and sorry for me me me post!

Hello all,thank you making me feel so very welcome. Lovely uplifting news about successes too.
Izzy I can't advise but can tell you what I'd do ... I am a cautious type so bear in mind!! I would probably give the metformin a couple of cycles and monitor how it goes before trying clomid combo. Good news on the BMI reading. What is your target?

I am still awaiting AF so I can go for first hormone test. No sign yet although I've been experiencing onset symptoms for almost 21 days. I'm in late 40's I terms of days so just waiting, ever increasingly impatient...
All talk of coffee cake and low GI stuff made me smile. My dad is a diabetic so have compiled some decent low gi low fat treat recipes over the years including good for you tirimisu. Happy to share if anyone has a sweet tooth!

Oh for fuxache.

I just logged on to facebook (I know, I know). A lesbian couple have just announced their pregnancy! They don't have a single sperm between them and can still get pregnant quicker than us! How is that possible???? (I know the logical answer is a sperm donor, but really. Talk about a way to make us feel like the least fertile couple on the planet!)

I am happy for them of course (they are both lovely) but I so want my turn!

Sex is supposed to regulate you cycle apparently...

Fatima weird you were late, I haven't ov'd yet and that's really late for me too!

Izzy congrats on your weight loss! Is clomid the only thing they will do for you? Will you go privately next?

Dammit I forgot I was going to make coffee cake today! I made home made pizza, first time ever, but by heck it was hard work, and kinda messy . OH now has a theory that the reason the Mediterranean diet is so healthy is the hard work involved in making the food! I now have a KitchenAid mixer on my in my dreams wedding list.

Today I just spent £24 on vitamins. Decided to buy a 3 month supply (on 3 for 2) of the sanatogen mother to be, plus the omega 3. If I'm not updiffed by the end of this supply, I will go back to normal folic acid. It is a ridiculously huge amount cheaper!

Euro - ouch! That's a tricky one to hear. But lovely of you to still manage to be happy for them. I'm not sure I have much capacity left for enjoying anyone else's news.

joycep Maldives is also on the list, for sure. I'm all for Doing Nothing! I stole my sisters E-reader when I was visiting her (she struggled to load books on it because of the overseas thing, so now has a kindle). So I could happily just make use of that for as long as is needed. With maybe a teeny bit of diving or snorkelling, if I could be arsed to get off a sun-lounger long enough .

Amazing news on the weight loss izzy I hope you are feeling nice and proud of yourself :) No advice on the drugs I'm afraid but I have heard that significant weight changes can affect fertility (to the good) so maybe worth holding off a couple more cycles before you hit the hard stuff?

Right - must have an early night tonight. It was midnight again last night, I have no idea why I think I can stay up so late.

flamingo my target is around 11st...that would give me a normal bmi. I'm currently 15st9lbs but i put a lot of weight on after going on some medication a few years ago. I'm tempted to see what my post ov progesterone is this cycle, if its too low then i may start clomid next cycle and if its ok then wait it out a few months. My last cycle i only had a 5day LP so i may not make it to 7dpo...in that case again id start clomid as dr said it can boost ov and therefore progesterone!

Karbea yep clomid is all they will do. Dr said (in her own words) if clomid fails we will wash our hands of you as you have a child already!

nelly i am quite pleased that i reduced bmi to the point where clomid is an option now. With the higher bmi they couldnt prescribe it. I intend to keep going til i get to goal weight, although falling pregnant before would be no bad thing! I agree that reducing weight would prob boost fertility and can help with pcos in the long run.

Decisions decisions....ideally id get a BFP this cycle and not have to decide!

Izzy sounds like you are a lady with a plan . congrats on hitting the clomid zone you talk about especially with pcos which I know makes it harder to lose weight. I'm the absolute opposite and if I hear 'you're so lucky' one more time I maygo mad with a machetehave to explain that there is nothing lucky about having to stop doing anything 'strenous' and eat every two hours to keep a 'healthy' BMI . Its a bit like the straight hair curly hair thing I think...grass always greener and all that.
euro I love your turn of phrase 'not a sperm between them'
karbea sex regulates the cycle?..unfortunately not in my case but OH is determined to keep up the 'trial'...ah the joy of being the exception to every rule and thank goodness I am blessed in having such an ace partner that it is still enjoyable (when I don't make a diary/agenda point of it which I admit I did in the past)