Pg after long-term TTC

[highlove]

Hello, hoping to hear from ladies who are now pregnant after long-term TTC..

I've been trying over a year now, not as long as many but plenty long enough, and am finding it the most incredibly stressful thing ever. I've got one slightly dodgy though not blocked tube (the other is fine) and don't seem to ovulate properly - follicles develop perfectly but they then don't always rupture. Oh and I spot for anywhere between two and seven days prior to AF and we have no idea why. Am just starting a third cycle of Clomid and upping the dose to 100mg as didn't ovulate on the second cycle at 50.

I'm feeling like I kind of can't imagine it happening with so many things working against it, and I just can't imagine ever being pregnant or giving birth or holding my baby. I always had this feeling I would struggle to conceive, don't know why and I know rationally it sounds ridiculous but since I was proved right about that, I'm very scared that my feeling that it really might not happen will be accurate too. I know that sounds ridiculous, and at other times I do feel more positive and that I'm only 33 so if we keep trying various things, sooner or later we ought to get lucky.

Sorry this is now a bit long...I guess would just love to hear from ladies who've struggled but are now pg or have their lovely babies...did you also feel like this? Did you feel you just couldn't imagine being pg, despite being desperate to be? Is that normal? I don't know anyone in RL who has struggled, let alone struggled and then been successful and I read these stats about the majority of couples who struggle won't ultimately be successful and it just terrifies me.

Thanks so much in advance..

[PurpleWithaBlueBun]

I can understand your worries and how you feel.
Many many people struggle to conceive or have miscarriages, the road to having a baby is a long one and ttc has been one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. Often people just don't like to talk about it. It took me 10/11 months and three pregnancies in this time for one to stick, happily I am now 32 weeks. Now obviously this is different to your situation but people do overcome problems and endure hardship before they get there. Just have a little faith/hope that you will get there, being positive in your outlook is one of the hardest things and if you can be, it will really help.
You have time on your side, good luck :)

[Impatientwino]

Hey highlove

Firstly

I am 33 and was TTC for 18 months.

I just got to the point where I could never imagine being pg, I accepted it as something that probably wouldn't happen for us. It was kind of like I had turned the switch off in my brain that connected my TTC with getting pregnant if that makes sense?

Over the last year myself and DH had all the tests done ending up with a HSG done in August last year, that turned up some weird lumps in my womb so they did a Hysteroscopy on 5th October and cut it all away - apparently I had an infection in my lining. They warned me it would take my body a few cycles to calm down.

On 17th October I got my period and then circa 30th October I concieved.

The consultant says that the infection in my lining wasn't enough to stop me conceiving. One consultant says that the HSG clears out your tubes a little and aids conception to the point that they think it is fertility boosting.

I can't explain to you the shock, I still don't entirely believe it is real.

I have spent the first three months of pregnancy in utter fear and dread, I had a bleed at 6 weeks and thought it was all over. I think it's an emotional defence to be honest. I kept thinking in my brain 'we MIGHT be having a baby, not that I am having a baby. I didn't dare to let myself think it might actually finally be happening for us.

Last Wednesday I had my 12 week scan and I saw my tiny baby wriggling all over the screen. I have never cried so much in my life, In fact she had to stop the scan because my tummy was shaking so much and wait for me to calm down.

I hated people telling me what to do and how to think so I shan't do that to you all I can say is don't give up hope, sometime that's all you have to hold on to and you never know what is round the corner.

x

[user59457812]

Highlove I think I responded to your (?) thread on spotting so you'll know I bit of my story. It took us over 18 months, two MCs and a chemical pregnancy, months of spotting before AF or mid-cycle (some really quite heavy and alarming) and following all of that lots of investigations which didn't turn up much.

Both my tubes are (apparently) a bit dodgy too. Like you, I was absolutely despairing and becoming more certain that it wouldn't happen. And like you - because of the spotting I think - I 'knew' it was probably going to take a lot of effort to get PG before we even started. In hindsight I wonder how much my negative mental state actually hindered things, although I'll never know.

We spontaneously got pregnant while preparing to have IVF and only half-heartedly trying (I had decided I couldn't take it any more...) and I'm now in the third trimester. I'll never forget how tough that year and a half was, so I understand what you are going through.

Although the situation isn't quite the same, I'm not sure if all my eggs were making it to the right place due to tubal dodginess, and in the event I think it was the CBFM that did it for us as it allowed us to 'catch' the good one at the moment it was there...!

One thing that was hard to hear, but I now know to be true, is that it can be 'normal' to try for 18 months, even if everything with both of you is working fine. Everyone around me seemed to just have to look at their DP to get pregnant, but spending time on sites like MN made me realise there are so many people who try for a long time, but it still happens.

Try and stay as positive as you can, and try complimentary things too if you are open to them. Accupuncture was amazing for me in helping with the spotting, and also made me feel like I was 'doing' something. I know someone long term TTC who swears by her reflexologist and now has four children naturally - she's been to see her with every pregnancy.

Good luck and keep faith - it'll happen!

[Elsathelion]

Hello,

It took DH and me 3.5 yrs to conceive - I am currently 23 weeks pg and just about finding some confidence in the fact that it is actually really happening.

I know what you mean about thinking you'll never fall pg; I can still remember the feeling of disbelief when I saw that second line on the pg test after spending so long just seeing the one.

We went through all the tests, tried 6 months of clomid and then ended up having IVF/ICSI because some issues came up around DH's swimmers (they were fairly lazy and not really that keen on going on an egg hunt ).

From all of the things we tried, I think you have a lot going for you. Success rates with clomid are much higher for people who don't ovulate naturally than for those who do where clomid is just used as a fertility boost. And don't be disheartened if it doesn't work in the first few months; I know tons of people who have fallen pg on their 5th or 6th month after convincing themselves that it wasn't going to work at all.

Also, you are still young so even if you do need to try something after clomid, you will have time on your side.

And the big thing is that you are getting help already; some couples I know left it until they had been TTC for 2 or 3 yrs before getting checked out and that just delays everything.

I felt a tremendous pressure to "stay positive" and "visualise it happening for you" and I remember that making me feel quite sad because I felt like my rubbish attitude was getting in the way because I simply couldn't believe it was going to happen for us. Personally, I found that accepting how I was feeling and letting myself wallow when I needed to was far more helpful than constantly maintaining a bouncy happy front when I was feeling like all I wanted to do was have a good cry and scream "why???" into my pillow before indulging in some wine.

Also, FWIW, the clinical lead at the hospital where we had IVF said to me that, in his experience, when people are getting help before they are 37, it is question of finding what will work, rather than worrying about if it will work. I felt that 37 was a bit of a random age but that's what he said!

I also wished that I'd been a bit kinder to myself as I know the whole journey really rocked my confidence in myself and my body and I think, knowing what I know now, I would have treated myself a bit more to things that made me feel feminine (massages, facials, generally pampering) to counteract how draining I found the constant let downs.

New shoes were very helpful in perking me up though

It is definitely worth persisting; the Drs can do amazing things nowadays and there is every chance that this will work out for you.

On the plus side, I think because our TTC journey was so long, it has made being pg much more manageable; friends of mine were really down about morning sickness, aches and pains etc etc but I just think the whole thing is miraculous and that's kept me really upbeat even while hurling into the nearest loo on a regular basis, weeing every 2 minutes, and not being able to eat anything but salt and vinegar crisps for the first trimester.

I also have a pretty strong sense that our little person already knows how much she is loved and wanted.

Anyway, sorry for rambling, I just wanted to share my experience and to say that long term TTC and / or assisted conception does and can work!

Look after yourself and do rant on MN whenever you need to; the support I found here was amazing and really helped me through it all,

xxx

[Elsathelion]

Oh, also, I second hotpink 's point about trying complementary things; feeling like I was doing something really made me feel less helpless.

The other thing I just remembered is to ask if you are on progesterone as well as clomid? A good friend of mine went for three months on just clomid but then questioned her Dr about progesterone as she was still spotting from 7 / 8 DPO and she ended up getting pg the second time she tried progesterone support in the luteal phase.

HTH

[farfallarocks]

These stories are wonderful and so reassuring to us Long term TTCers, elsa I have pratically starting weeping at my desk reading this, thank, it gives me hope :)

Hugs to highlove

[lynlynnicebutdim]

Hi OP,

we TTC for 6 years with very little luck. We got pregnant three times and miscarried each time. Eventually i was diagnosed with a clotting disorder and a dodgy blocked right tube.

Dr took pity on me and gave me some Letrazole (we had used clomid previously but in my opinion Letrozole is WAAAY better and no side affects) and fourth time was the charm. DD is now 21 months old and the light of our lives.

Am now magically pregnant again (21 weeks) with DD2 who will be joining us in May. DD2 is one of those delightful accidents that never happen to people like me. We had a 4th miscarriage after trying for 6 months and i got pregnant again straight after. I didnt even have a cycle inbetween the miscarriage and the + HPT. Really upset the midwives that did as it made it hard to date the pregnancy without a scan.

Anyway i guess the point of the story is that yes it can feel like it will never happen for you but actually it does for most women. Even those of us with quite poor odds. Sometimes even those odds come in.

If you are using clomid i would thoroughly recomend you get some sperm friendly lubricant. You might not have noticed but Clomid is famous for drying up your cervical mucus which can make it difficult for the sperm to get past your cervix. We used Pre seed which was great - a little goes a loooong way. Apply it as close to your cervix as you physically can.

Also you might consdier taking a dose of baby asprin daily while you are on CLomid. Clomid can thin your lining as it supresses estrogen which triggers the thickening process. Baby Asprin (75mg asprin) can help it to thicken.

Without wishing to teach you to suck eggs are you using OPK's and having sex every two days?

Sorry. Just realised my post turned into a list of suggestions and not the empathy you were looking for. Yes, i do remember feeling like it would never happen and that nobody really understood what i was going through. By and large the average person has no idea.

at 33 you still have lots of options open to you. Try to stay as positive as you can.

Hope that helps. Best of luck and a big hug too.

[jenrendo]

We tried for 3 years. Those first years of our marriage were blighted by the stress of TTC, having exploratory procedures, 2 cycles of IVF, regular acupuncture and a lot of disappointment. I always had a feeling that I would never be a mum. I had a tube removed in my teens so always knew I'd have trouble conceiving. We looked into adoption but decided it wasn't for us and just came to the harsh realisation that we were so lucky in lots of other ways and we would just have to take our lives in a different direction. We both decided to go for promotion, start to save money for lots of fun things we could do instead of having children, smiled in the daylight and cried in the darkness :( Then, after a Christmas and New Year of heavy drinking and wild abandonement I found out I was pregnant! I was 8 weeks gone by the time I realised (I thought my periods were odd and irregular after the IVF). We were in a state of absolute denial until about 4 weeks before DS was born. We bought nothing, did nothing to the nursery, and didn't dare make any plans at all. I was always so sure I couldn't be so lucky. Now we have a lovely 15 month old DS :)

[highlove]

Wow. Don't know what to say - thank you so much everyone. Luckily I'm not at work today as I've sobbed my way through your comments! You've genuinely given me a bit of hope...as farfall says, stories like this make a huge difference - but you probably all know that anyway. Think I will bookmark and come back to this regularly.

I also feel like the first bit of my marriage has been blighted by this - it all kicked off really as soon as we got back from our wonderful honeymoon. We are fine as a couple but without doubt it has put us under huge strain. My DH
is already a dad from a previous relationship and although he really wants this for us, I know it isn't so all encompassing for him and if finally it weren't to happen, he would be sad but could live with it. So guess I'm also a bit afraid that at some point he'll just have enough of the stress and want us to draw a line... Not that he's suggested anything remotely like it, but I don't know how you could keep going with this if you weren't obsessed about it all.

Thanks for useful tips too. I've got a CBFM which I stopped using when I started Clomid so think it might be time to dust it down. Have been doing the SWI EOD thing and have some pre-seed, although weirdly I have a LOT more CM on Clomid. I'm going to try acupuncture I think; I'm not sure how convinced I am about its impact on conception but if it helps me relax a bit then that would be a bonus on its own. I think DH would happily spend quite a lot on anything to chill me out a bit!

Massive congrats to those whose beautiful babies have arrived, and for those who are still cooking, lots of luck with the rest of your pregnancies. And huge huge thanks for responding and sharing your stories, I'm really touched.

Xx

[emblosion]

I'm 33 too OP. We were trying for 2 years (although we were a bit blase about it for the first 6 months!). I too got to the point where I couldn't imagine ever getting pregnant and would cry each time my period came. I went to the doctor after about a year and got referred for tests, turned out my partner had slightly low sperm count, but nothing conclusive if that makes sense. We were (nearly a year later) waiting for our follow up appointment, and to go on the waiting list for ivf, when I found I was pregnant - am now 18 weeks and everything seems ok so far.

I have to say that, probably cos I thought it would never happen, I have found it hard to just relax and enjoy the pregnancy. I still can't really believe that i'll get a baby at the end if it

My Dr did say to me that ttc taking 18 months or even 2 years can be 'normal', although it seems like forever when you're in the middle of it.

Looking back me and DP were just not having sex often enough a lot of the time (sorry if tmi!) - I got pregnant 2 months after we started forcing ourselves (!) to have sex every 2 days (and every day over fertile period) it was exhausting but did pay off!

Good luck with everything, I totally get how stressful it all is!

[mrsden]

thank you for this thread. Your stories are all so lovely and they are giving me hope that one day we will get there. Thank you again

[sharond101]

OH and I tried for 4 years and I am now almost 22 weeks gone. I have chronic health problems which made my chances to conceive low and after a shock pregnancy (against the odds) whereby I miscarried we spent 18months in the infertility clinic cycle. Clomid didn't work for me as in I didn't ovulate at all and like you I gave up hope of ever becoming a Mum. I became very depressed and couldnt see any point to my life without a child. I didnt give in though, just continued on and on my first cycle of IUI conceived our little miracle. I am very anxious something will go wrong and OH is tormented with my worry. (Just now I am stressing about not feeling much movement for last few days as before that I felt it very regularly).

It can therefore happen. Never give in. Don't ever underestimate the psychological stress going through each cycle can involve and be kind to yourself. I believe this to be one of the most difficult things you will ever face but there is always hope, always, never be told otherwise.

[imip]

I was trying for 18months before falling pregnant with dd1. My cycles appeared irregular and I spotted quite a lot. Like you, op, I was very depressed, could never imagine it happening and I was really struggling with it all. After a hystoscropy, a huge polyp was removed from my womb. It was preventing me from falling pregnant and I was having very early miscarriages, not irregular cycles that I thought. It took about five cycles after the surgery to fall pregnant. During this time I was still a bit of a nutcase and eventually I resigned from work and went to visit my family o/s for a few weeks, That's where I discovered I was pregnant. I was disbelieving, thinking the worst til the 12 week scan, and still holding my breath til the 20 week scan. There the sonographer announced we had a beautiful healthy baby.

One week later, my waters broke prematurely and four weeks later our beautiful, much wanted daughter was born sleeping. When I thought I had experienced one of life's biggest lows, things got a whole lot more shitter. At that point we were told that we may never have any surviving children, we may continue to lose them on the edge of viability and it still may take us another 18 months to conceive.

Dh and I were distraught, but surprisingly a lot more rational than the irrationality of infertility - it is difficult to describe. I was fortunate enough to conceive straight away, five weeks after the birth of dd1. We were so very fortunate that dd2 was born at 40 weeks. When she was 10 months I stopped breastfeeding, periods returned and we conceived straight away. When dd3 was born, similar story, conceived straight away. Then, when dd4 was born, I conceived again, while breastfeeding but periods had returned, first time we tried. ds1 will be born by c-section in four days and I will have my tubes tied. Turns out I am quite fertile as I am now 40! I still find it hard to believe that in the short space of five years, I have become a mum to four living children (well, were almost there with the last one, but I am not one to count my chickens before they hatch). I guess I wished I had relaxed more during our infertility and trusted that perhaps it could all turn out. Losing our daughter is our life's greatest tragedy and the irony of how fertile we became often upsets me. But that's our story and how things worked out for us. And, it goes without saying, our surviving babies have never replaced dd1. I struggled when I became a mother to dd2 because i just never thought it would happen, now I am the crazy Mum with three young kids and about to pop with the next one.

Goodluck op, it can happen, it's just a pretty crappy path to a very nice reward x

[highlove]

Hi, have only just spotted the additional posts and wanted to say thanks again, it's so great to hear these stories and be reminded that I'm not the only one who feels like it won't happen, or that feeling like that somehow means it won't happen, iyswim.

I'm now on a double dose of Clomid and double trigger shot but as yet no indication I'm ov'ing so sadly don't think this going to be the cycle for us. But I'm a lot more optimistic now that it's just finding the right drug for me. And if not, then it's IVF..

Anyway, thanks x

[miggly]

We tried for 2.5 years, during which time we had all the tests and examinations done - nothing found at all. All my close friends and three colleagues had children in that time, and my younger sister had two. I didn't believe it would happen at all for us, but got a BFP just after I turned 30. I then miscarried, which was obviously gutting (I'm not sure if I've ever been so low) - it felt to me like that was our only chance. I could not imagine ever getting pregnant - and certainly not giving birth.

But 4 months later (almost 3 years since starting TTC) we discovered I was pregnant again. It wasn't a relaxing pregnancy, as I was convinced I wouldn't make it to 40 weeks. However, I will say that I felt immensely blessed each day knowing that I was pregnant, even though I wasn't confident of the outcome. I seem to remember it was other people's belief that I was going to have a baby that began to convince me it was actually going to happen. Our daughter was born in March 2010, and the experience has been awesome, and well worth the wait.

We've been hoping for another for the past year and a half, and it hasn't happened yet. But I know that it might still happen, and that if it doesn't it's ok. I have to work at staying thankful, and remembering how unbelievably fortunate I am to have one healthy child.

For me, the fact that it took a while stopped me 'sweating the small stuff' and has definitely deepened the joy of the whole experience. I really didn't care that pregnancy was hard work, that I was so sick I couldn't leave the house for 7 weeks or that I didn't sleep for however many months after the birth. And I was delighted to go into labour. So there were definite plus sides!

That's very rambly, sorry. I needed encouragement when I was in your position, and I needed not to be told to keep thinking positive (as I just ended up feeling guilty for being pessimistic, on top of everything else!).

Hope you can find things to enjoy each day. I feel like I wasted much of those three years trying to control something over which, ultimately, we have no control.

xx