TTC for 10+ months, part 5

[MuddyWellyNelly]

Filled up our old one, I'll put our updated list on a separate post so that it's not a huge chunk of text at the top of every page.

Old thread here. Newbies always welcome, much as we'd like to hope nobody ever gets to this stage of TTC!

Aw fatima I love your name, it's always made me smile, i think its v witty! I'd like a gossip girl name too or maybe a desperate housewives one, I've noticed there are a few of those around. I am terrible at thinking of them, I have no imagination. Some people come up with very clever ones don't they

mini nappy valley is round here too. It is the home of smug parenting done at top volume in 'local' shops on a Saturday afternoon.

I've just spent a short while hiding preg/parent friends from my FB news feed. It was insanely satisfying. I'm going to end up with no friends at all at this rate!

Aww thanks kitty I always thought it was a bit boring. Maybe I'll keep it
I'm laughing at your facebook cull, sounds very cathartic!

Wow- I hadn't quite appreciated how fast this thread moves when reading it. I'll never keep up! But this has been a very positive move for me. So thank you.

Seems like there are lots of announcements at the moment (Christmas/ new year babies- sigh!). I totally hear you on the resentment of easy pregnancies. My best friend is pregnant with number 4- she's got 3 boys and when I heard she was having a girl I'm ashamed to say that I couldn't muster any excitement for what I perceive to be her perfect life. I worry that when I do eventually get pregnant I'll look back on myself and just see a spoilt brat. On the other hand when I hear about hard won pregnancies I feel so pleased for them and think I always will.

Sounds like you've had a rough deal with your GP and gynae joycep. My GP said he wouldn't refer until 2 years of trying but I was getting irregular bleeding every couple of months. I went back to him every time it happened and he referred me at 15 months. The bleeding has stopped since acu but it seemed to be the thing that made him take me seriously. I think as mrsden says you are well within your rights to push and emphasising any gynae related symptoms could help. It's not surprising that you're feeling unable to know what to do next- you're not being supported by the system. I hope the appointment goes well and you get some useful ways forward.

Thanks for the recommendations kitty. I've always been into quite intense exercise but am going to start some gentler forms, including yoga. So I may well have a look for some relaxation/ meditation CDs. Sorry to hear about the build up to your impending AF. I don't remember spotting before ttc- now it just seems cruel!

Just out of interest does anyone's acupuncturist use Moxa?

Morning - quick wave. Spend too much time at work yesterday and collapsed in bed before even saying hi.

A quick hug to lady I agree with the others that you are doing amazingly well, devastation I think is part and parcel of the IVF journey unless you are one of the incredibly luck ones. Just keep going and letting off steam here!!

Keeping everything crossed for you fatima.

Am I the only one who finds yoga quite intense exercise? I am off for my collar bone check up tomorrow and REALLY hope I get to reintroduce some exercise (besides walking to and from bus stops) back into my life... But it has only been 4,5 weeks, so perhaps not yet...

Waves to all on the previous pages, sorry for missing you out but so much had been written since I was here last... I can't keep up!

nelly It is crap about your long wait time for an appointment and even more so considering you are approaching the IVF age cut off point. DH reckons that this is done deliberately, that you get strung along for long enough so as not to actually "help" you. Sorry not comforting

frannie hello and welcome and sorry that you are fed up. You really stuck a chord with me when you said about your DH being surprised that you thought about TTC everyday. You were so right when you said that it was more like every nano second.

Mess What a stupid comment from your SIL. I can't believe that anyone would think it okay to bring something like that up in that way.
I can understand that having had one child already it must be uber frustrating that it isn't happening for you second time around. I don't think the number of children you have is irrelevant in the pain of infertility stakes, I just think that infertility is about having choices that most other women take for granted taken away from you and a general feeling of being denied something that is usually so natural.

mrsd I agree about viewing people who are prenant or who have a baby as having a perfect life. To me that is the danger. I am a bit afraid that if I finally do have a baby that the reality will be so far removed from what I have built it up to be that I will be unhappy because it won't live up to my overblown expectations.

minnie Can you get your DH to write and send the card to your SIL??? Is it his sister? Regardless I do think that a card sounds like the best plan because you can write it on autopilot, post and forget! Much better than a chat.

joycep I'm so glad that you have got a doctors appointment. It does sound like you were fobbed off a bit by your GP last time.

kitty I'm sorry that you are spotting and expect imminent AF. I'm also sorry about your weekend and the pregdroids being out in their droves. I was telling DH how I feel like there are reminders of my barren-ness everywhere. It's not just people in RL but it's every bloody advert on the telly, every programme....there really is no escape from it.

ladygee I'm so impressed that you are back at work already. I am sorry that you are finding it difficult at times and keep getting upset. I really hope that at your appointment you get some helpful information.

lemons Good luck with your appointment. Hoping to get the all clear for exercise......ye Gods if I broke my collarbone I would see that as the green light to weld my arse to the sofa for months

I had my hospital appointment yesterday which I was dreading. DH and I had rowed most of the weekend so we were barely talking when we went along (great impression to make I'm sure and makes them really want to make us a baybeeee!) Anyway it went remarkably well. They operate a kind of intermediate system whereby you see a consultant (not just the registrar) who assesses where to refer you next and what course of action seems appropriate. We didn't wait at all and all the consultant did was ask our ages, how long we've been TTC & what investigations we have already had. She immediately said that at 36 we had no time to waste and has booked me in for a lap, hysteroscopy and HSG. She said that while they were ferreting about doing these investigations if they find anything they will fix it there and then and would do ovarian drilling if appropriate. She also said that she has referred me to the infertility clinic where they will look at IVF treatment depending on the outcome of the investigations. She was so lovely and both DH and I were stunned at how she so readily ordered these tests. I feel so relieved that this is a part of the battle won and feel a bit teary.

I'm sorry that I have missed loads and not namechecked but am sending hugs instead.

mess mean't to say that the number of children is irrelevant in the infertility agony stakes. Sorry, I really ought not to do a mind dirge and should read back and edit!

I know what you mean about the thread moving fast - can't believe we are so close to needing a new one already!

I did a bit of research about private IVF in our area. There doesn't seem to be a heck of a lot of choice, and yowser it's expensive. Well nothing like the £13k quoted for the London clinic, but an HSG was over £700. Although I'd pay for the IVF (strangely the £5k quoted doesn't seem excessive in comparison) the cost for the HSG seems high? Anyway I have said we will wait until next week, just to check that I'm not pregnant this month (haha as if) and then make a decision. I think OH is still keen to press ahead, but we just have so many other things to pay for as well at the moment. And as has been said, I really begrudge having to flipping well pay for it. Not least because so many people manage to do this for the cost of a night on the booze, but also because the NHS should step up to the plate. . OK rant over.

LOL at Nappy Valley. We just live in a muddy valley (actually not a valley at all to be honest). Only things crying around here are the sheep! Though I'm currently considering turning them all into lamb chops as they are doing their best to try to destroy my fencing. Apologies to the vegetarians! But I do love seeing the lambs at this time of year, they are so cute and a bit mental too. .

I'm astonished at GPs not referring for 2 years, I thought NICE guidelines said it was a year? My GP was happy to refer me, it's just the hospital that are being rubbish and slow. Sounds like much the same wait as me kitty. I'm definitely impatient rather than wanting the time to consider, but that said I did have a quick look at a couple of IVF websites, and about the HSG etc, and for some reason they scared me a bit. I'm not a medical wimp at all, but it obviously just seemed invasive and clinical and a bit depressing (the tests, as well as the IVF itself). Anyway, I won't be put off as it's just something that'll I'll have to do. Sigh.

Hope you are feeling a bit more hopeful ladygee and that you get some answers that make you feel like the cycle wasn't a waste.

mrsden ugh at the preparations for your visitors. I feel for you so much, it's hard enough when friends pop in for a coffee. Hope you get through it ok, big hugs to you.

Forgot what else I wanted to say and should probably do some work just now anyway. Oh but izzy are you still lurking, is everything still ok with you?

Oh pout!!!! I am so so happy you're getting somewhere. That's fantastic news. Well done! X

cross post pout. You are right I do feel they are stalling, but hey why I'm not suprised?

Appointment sounds very good (albeit the "you are 36, no time to waste" scared me quite a lot, being even older). That's great that you were taken seriously and they are not messing about. Any idea of the timescales?

Hahaha at you welding your arse to the sofa . Sounds bliss!

kitty sorry I missed that you were spotting. Boo hiss.

nelly amn snorting at your comment about most people getting pregant for the cost of a night out on the lash

I feel that it is very unfair that you are on the NHS go slow and wonder whether it would be fairer if age was a factor in the allocation of appointments. I know what you mean about the age comment and no time to lose thing. I was a bit aghast but I suppose that it was nothing I didn't already know. I just feel a bit angry that West Sussex dicked me around and in effect I have "lost" 2 years.

As for timescales apparently the lap and other bits will be within 4 weeks. They booked me an appointment for the infertility clinic there and then and have a date for the end of April. It is so fast I really can't complain at all. So, so different to the last time round.

Thanks kitty! I just keep thinking about how relieved I feel today having just got to the investigations stage and pondering if I feel this good now just how good I will feel if I ever get a BFP!!!

Hello ladykb. Sorry about the bad news :( Someone on here recently had a much much improved result at a second test, so don't despair yet!. That said, I'm no expert, but I don't know that 2 weeks is enough time to change anything. I believe it takes 3 months for sperm to regenerate? He perhaps is just trying to rule out the possibility that, say, you and Mr KB hadn't abstained before the test. I don't know that I'd expect that to give a "no sperm" result mind you? I suspect you will be referred to a urologist (again, talking from MN research only here, not personal experience) but in the meantime I'd say he needs to cut out alcohol and caffeine, hot baths etc, and get on a male conception supplement. Zinc being key, I think. In reality a second test would need to then wait 3 months to see if it makes a difference. However you would also hope to go through the medical diagnostic channels in that time to rule out, or indeed find out, any specific cause.

I fear I may be waffling, if so, apologies . Someone better versed and more eloquent will likely be along soon, but I didn't want your post to go unanswered.

Wow pout I am so pleased that your new gyn seems to know what she is doing and finally getting things moving. Very, very happy about that. Fingers crossed you can feel this relieved about a BFP in not too long, but this is progress!! Sorry about the age thing, and about the messing around by evil West-Sussex.

ladyK no experience either, so I'd wait round for more info. Although I do know that when they wanted DH's repeat samples there needed to be a month to six weeks in between.

The local lemon-dilemma is to test or not to test. Cd24 today and bone (and thus possibly X-ray) check up tomorrow. Cycles 24-28 days, most 26/27, no spotting yet, so it will be later. And AF will arrive (if I would be pg now, I'd have to advise all of you to have SWI once only per cycle, whilst being very careful of broken bones). So really I am not pg, so I should stop waffling. But I really, really want to be, because IUI is getting scarily close...

Kitty ? I?m sorry you?re spotting, I hope AF stays away. Well done on sending the questionnaire back, I seem to remember those first few tests and appointments all being a few weeks apart so things seemed to move along at a decent pace without feeling like we were being rushed. I hope your next letter comes through soon.

I?ve had two facebook friend pregnancy announcements today ? or more accurately scan pictures with no explanation. I?ve pretty much stopped using it anyway but that?s the final nail in the FB coffin for me. No more.

Mini ? ?nappy valley? ? genius! Wherever I turn there seem to be babies and bumps, not helped by the fact that we live opposite a little park frequented my local mums. Like you, mini, that was one of the reasons we moved here. Meh.

Fatima ? I?ve always thought your name was v.witty too! I don?t watch Gossip Girl or Big Bang Theory so can?t help with a new one I?m afraid.

I?m glad you?ve got a high quality frostie. Hope you?re feeling ok and the time is passing as quickly as it can. Sounds like you might test at the weekend?? Exciting.

I?m not sure what we?ll do next yet, Fatima. We?ll wait and see what the clinic says first but my instinct at the moment is to wait it out until November, not least because we can?t really afford another cycle unless we live like hermits for 9 months!

Frannie ? my acu lady uses moxa. Not all the time but when she?s trying to improve blood flow. I find it really relaxing as I can feel the warmth through the needles. Have you used it?

Lemon ? I can?t believe you?re thinking about exercise so soon, I have to say I?d be in pout?s camp and see it as a wonderful excuse. That said, I feel like crap after using IVF as an excuse to not really do anything for months so I?m trying to get into some sort of shape. I went for a run on Sunday for the first time and was very impressed with myself when I was up and out again early doors this morning. This nice weather makes it easier though.

I would do a test ? using the possible x-ray as an excuse if you need one! Hope your appointment goes ok tomorrow.

Pout ? I?m so pleased your appt went well. It sounds like you?ve got a good consultant and that you?re on the right track.

Nelly ? You made me giggle with your comment about a night on the booze. If only? I can?t get my head around the various costs of private treatment. I had a look at the cost of a private laparoscopy as I?d really like to understand what the problem with my tube is a bit more ? I was , at least £1,500. IVF seemed like a bargain in comparison!

LadyKB ? sorry about your DH?s results. I suspect the re-test in two weeks time is to check the accuracy of the result at this stage, they will still want to test in a couple of months to see if the level has changed at all once. I know how you feel tackling two problems, not just one, but don?t lose hope. My DH got pretty disastrous results back from his first two tests but the sample he provided for our recent IVF ICSI was massively improved. We basically did all the things *nelly said - and loose boxers!

I don't post regularly enough on here to keep up with everyone but I lurk to rant and not feel alone.

warning - a bit negative I am presently between 3 and 6 days late at 46 days but my cycles have been getting progressively longer so maybe I am just moving into 50 day cycle territory. 3 negative tests so far. We're coming up to our 3rd wedding (and TTC) anniversary and I don't know if anyone else feels like this but every anniversary as TTC drags on just feels like,
another birthday with no child
another christmas with no child
another anniversary with no child
another fucking mother's day, childless

Come on body, flipping BE PREGNANT or send ERTD my way so I can get on with the next epic cycle.

Freedom ranting is totally allowed. I'm fairly sure we all feel the same way. Each occasion marks another failed pregnancy milestone. I don't have an answer to this, but perhaps it helps to know that doesn't make you any more down-trodden than the rest of us although I'd not really thought about Mothers day until you mentioned it

My birthday is particularly stressing me out due to my ancient-ness, and our wedding at the end of the year is another one. I am unlikely to have a baby before then, unless this happens to be the miracle cycle, but it's at least 9 more cycles away, which makes it yet another benchmark to measure myself again, and in all likelihood fail

ladygee I agree the Lap and other tests seem expensive. HSG is £720. Lap is £1575. Yet full IVF is £5k? I am sort of thinking we'll try to sit it out with the NHS to get my tests done, then go for the actual IVF privately? That said IVF Scotland do a general fertility check including ovary scan for c£300, but even then not sure if it's worth spending the money for the sake of 2 months? Will they take the test results from the NHS? I presume so.

Fatima - i like your name. I hope you?re feeling ok and keeping busy.

kitty - shall we call you Bree Van der Kamp? The Desperate Housewives seemed to have got more and more botoxed has the series have gone on. In fact Bree can?t move her face anymore! I think if I had to choose a name from DH , I would go for Mrs McCluskey, the old busy body. The hot weather seems to bring out every buggy, pram and bump going doesn?t it? DH and I walked through Kew Gardens last summer and I could swear we were the only young couple without a pram or bump. I found it so upsetting, I couldn?t enjoy myself .

frannie - how have you ended up with a best friend with 4 kids?! That is hard and surely rubs the unfairness in your face!

pout - am so thrilled by your appointment! At bloody long last and it sounds like it is going to be fairly quick. You are now going to get answers. Thank goodness for that. Isn?t incredible how different every area is and how one area can dick you around? We have been looking at houses in West Sussex but I may just put it off until we are closer to an answer.

nelly - £700 does sound expensive for an hsg. Mine was £450 and i thought that was extortionate. However, the ivf sounds slightly more reasonable but perhaps i have just become jaded by the £13k costs.

lady - i hope you are feeling a bit better today. That is the reason I want to do the Chicago Tests before IVF , i just want to check that there isn?t an immune issue or incompatibility problem going on before I start. There are so many things that could be checked and at the end of the day it could just be all down to probability and luck. But the immune area seems to be a growing one even though the HFEA has poo pooed it.

freedom - oh sorry , it?s total shit isn?t it. I would find it very difficult to cope with long cycles. Rant away of course. Thank god i never mark mother?s day as it is as it doesn?t bother me at all....everything else does though, especially birthdays, xmas and nye.

My ex boyfriend randomly emailed me last night telling me he couldn?t find me on FB and then just put ?how many babies have you got??. That?s exactly the reason why I came off FB so people wouldn?t pester me! Grrr

Ok, it?s getting to the end of this thread. It?s one year old now- Come on ladies , let?s hope this next one is more fruitful!

joycep - me, 32, DH 30. ttc 23 months (27/28 cycles). M/c @ 7 wks July 2010. Nothing since. Short LP of 10/11days (relevant? Who knows). Progesterone levels low [30]. Estrogen dominant, hypoglycaemia, Left ovary lazy but ovulate every month. HSG all clear. Low AMH for my age. Potassium levels low. Healthy BMI. 9 months of treatment including Clomid (messed me up), 2 x IUI, ovitrelle and gonal f injections. SA good (7%morph). Next step: Chicago tests, Lapascopy (if poss) , sperm fragmentation test and then ivf i guess.

Eeek, one of you has mentioned where I work in one of your posts!! V funny, but shan't go into details as don't want casual browsers to identify me Will reveal all at the meet up. Are we still going ahead with this?!

pout great news about the appointment. It must be nice (and a huge relief) to be taken seriously at long last. How rubbish you've been mucked about so much and now they're mentioning age.

nelly wow private investigations are pricey! Do you have any inkling there might be a problem? Do you think you need all the tests?

ladyg well done for surviving a day at work. I can't imagine how you must be feeling and think you are being incredibly brave. Does your clinic have a counselling service? I get 1 free session and am planning to ask them how to deal with things if it doesnt work, as I would need some help! And November really isn't that far away - hang in there!

joy I know what you mean about prams and bumps everywhere. 4 pregnant ladies counted on the way into work today...For the first time today when seeing the 100th buggy and small child, a bit of me actually thought is this all worth it for one of those?

fatima would you be Serena or Blair or maybe go for Mr Bass?!

kitty I need to work out how to hide people on FB! The stupid my foetus is this big app is particularly doing my head in...

freedom mothers day struck me this year too.

Hi to everyone else.

Well I got a letter informing me I have a nhs gynae appt in about a month. I don't think I'm going to go (sorry so opposite to you nelly waiting for yours!), as we need to go private to get any ivf and the NHS can only add us to the ivf waiting list, which hasn't offered any ivf for over a year! I have to have a massively detailed scan on Friday, which should pick up any problems. A bit of me thinks maybe I should get on the shit list, but seems a waste of my and their time! Grrr!

I've been off the thread for a bit as I've been having not to think too hard about ttc in the run up to getting my results at the hospital today. The MRI I had has not shed much light on my lump except to rule out it being in the cavity. There are shadows of where the lump might be, but not enough to be diagnostic. My consultant has never seen this before . I'm having another attempt at a hsg next month in a special chair to tilt the cervix to see if they can canula me, which would mean I could have ivf, together with an internal exam to see if he can feel it. I then need another lap in may. If he still sees the lump he will continue to do the myomectomy to remove it while I'm under. I'm aghast that I need another lap and pretty fed up. As the lump isn't inside my womb he is adamant it isn't the reason we haven't conceived but I find this a hard pill to swallow. We will be referred for ivf once this is all resolved, he said in the summer, with a 4-5 month waiting list. I guess this is a plan of sorts but it is a pretty unusual one. I am almost resigned to not having my own baby. I don't say this in a woeful way, it just feels very much as if I'm an anomaly and one that might not easily be resolved. Every time I see those photos, my womb looks so grossly abnormal I can't for the life if me see how they could ever sort it out. I wanted to do this update as I'm aware I've been a bit awol. I've been trying to make some sense of things in head. I have so much to say to you all and sorry for getting behind, it happens fast on here!

Loves to everyone who is struggling and getting fed up (understatement). I wanted to post uplifting things over the weekend but I've been rather anxious and all over the place. But we all need to keep putting one foot in front of the other as best we can and soon spring will be here to make us feel better. Ladygee I've been thinking of you lots still. And I'm thinking of your little blastie fatima I don't like not name checking but I have brain mush this evening. Will catch up hopefully tomorrow x

wine what a difficult time you are having. :( I don't even understand some of the words in your post. I have to look up canula and lap. so sorry to hear you have been having an anxious and stressful time. You know your own situation but please don't give up hope if possible.

ERTD is here which explains my irritated rage with the world and TTC-ing today and yesterday. 3 years in by the time my next cycle starts- Time to go back to the doctor I think and demand help.

Oh wine, I am so sorry that your appt has just caused more confusion and upset. It just all sounds so odd and very unsatisfactory. If the fibroid isn't in your womb why does your womb look so abnormal - what is wrong with it? Does he say that it looks abnormal. You have been through such a horrible time, I just wish this appt had brought you more uplifting news. I know it seems like a long road with more ops ahead but there is a semblance of a plan which I am sure will bring more answers but it's all such a painful waiting game for you. You have always been such a massive support to everyone on here and we are all here to hold your hand oVer the next few months. Massive hug. Xxx

Just a quick bedtime post to echo joycep with the hand-holding and hugs for wine. So sorry you haven't any more clarity. But this isn't the end, remember. Yes it might be a bit of a journey but it's not over.

Sorry for ERTD freedom

Nightmare day at work tomorrow but will try to lurk, if not post.

Oh wine I'm so sorry to hear about your appointment too and that nothing has really been resolved. Hopefully the further tests and op will sort it all for you. Look after yourself and big hugs.

Very quick post to give hugs to wine. I'm really sorry you didn't get the answers you wanted from the consultant. But it does sound like a plan is in place, and things might be much clearer after the second lap. We're all here for you

I survived first night with friends and baby. Baby cute, but cries. A lot!

gin I'd like to be a Blair, but I'm not enough of a bitch. I do love Chuck Bass though, especially him and Blair together

Well it's my birthday today so I'm in a very good mood. Also in a fab mood because I tested today, 12dpo and it's a clear BFP!!!
Can't quite believe it Didn't expect it to work first time so I'm feeling very nervous now