TTC for 10+ months, part 5

[MuddyWellyNelly]

Filled up our old one, I'll put our updated list on a separate post so that it's not a huge chunk of text at the top of every page.

Old thread here. Newbies always welcome, much as we'd like to hope nobody ever gets to this stage of TTC!

Morning ladies!

It's CD11 here and shagweek has commenced. Although there is no sign of ov coming so far. I think the Letrozole has probably delayed it again.

Morning all, sorry I've not been around for a while, been doing lots of non ttc things. Spent the whole weekend with DH's dad, a little to the annoyance of DH. Families are important to me though, so we spent the weekend with them. I had planned to tell FIL about our ttc problems, as I don't think it's fair they don't know. Couldn't start the conversation in the end, so chickened out and sent him an email. His response was wonderful:

"We wouldn't have dreamt of prying, or pressurising you guys, into something that is very personal. We were married six years before DH appeared, and in that time, no one made mention of a family to us. We are extremely happy for you that you are trying, and wish you the very best of luck."

There's not much news from me on ttc front. I came down with a very nasty UTI on monday evening, but that's clearing up now. This morning had lots of EWCM, so I think tonight will be SWI. I'm not sure how to time it though, got a neg on an ov stick yesterday, and with DH's sperm issues have been abstaining to get a good batch for this egg. I'm on CD14, and usually ov on CD16.. so, SWI tonight, tomorrow, or both?

Bit of a summary catch up, as I've missed so much:

Karbea I hope you're feeling even better today.

JNO I'd never, ever take my temp rectally. I experimented with fanjolly for one month, but apart from an average higher temp, it wasn't much different from orally taking it.

Sorry for AF arrival Lemon take some time to spoil yourself for these couple of days, you too Nelly and minipie, though as far as I can see neither of you have confirmed AF. I still have a bit of hope on your behalf (it's easier from here).

wine one thing I've been talking to my counsellor about is the balance within ourselves. Sometimes you have to balance the things which are important against each other. Like wanting to eat healthily against your mental health/wellbeing. If you deny yourself everything you enjoy, you may be achieving your health goals, but you're failing at your wellbeing, and that way lies misery. Give yourself permission to not be perfect, and find a balance. Sounds like that's what you've done!

Fatima sorry you've been feeling down about things. Every month is hard, and being told to wait yet another month must be quite upsetting when all you want to do just now is get on with it! Being on a short protocol is excellent news though!

Abbi congratulations on the weight loss! 2 stone in 3 months is amazing. I struggle to deny myself chocolate, and tasty food. So hats off to you!

Welcome minipie, as always it's a shame you've got to the 10 month mark, but you're very welcome here, I hope your stay is short (in the nicest way).

Lemon sorry you were feeling down yesterday, but I'm glad your receptionist turned out to be a good person to break down in front of.

minipie the metformin can help in PCOS as it is sometimes caused by insulin resistance which the metformin can regulate (its actually a diabetic drug!). It can also be used to reduce testosterone levels which in turn can regulate the menstrual cycle. Generally PCOS sufferers are overweight so the metformin can help with weight loss. I think it?s only prescribed if your BMI is very high. ( which unfortunately mines is!)

My cycles were very irregular in that i had over 100 days between periods. I was put on metformin 3 months ago and my last cycle was only 29 days which is a massive improvement. Although losing weight will probably have helped also.

Euro enjoy shag week. We struggled this month due to my back but if we go by when i got PEAK on monitor then we managed day before O, day of O and day after O. So we still have a chance!

Stasi your FIL sounds lovely. Sorry to hear about the UTI they are horrible. I?m not sure on the swi front with sperm problems but i think maybe tonight and cd 16 would be good. Would allow a 1 day replenish?

I have GP at 1pm to see about my back again as sick not has run out. I actually got a call from manager this morning asking why i hadn?t turned up for work ! I only do every second wed and this is wed off so i thought i could just call her after GP! Seems not!

Waves to everyone else

wine* - everything you wrote rings true to me too. I also remember reading a post by someone who had been trying for 3 years and she was saying she found it easier than at the beginning....I didn?t understand it at the time. But I almost think from about 6 ? 18 months was the worst time for me. I certainly was getting more frustrated and anxious about it then. I use to cry about it a lot and run off to the loos at work but I haven?t cried in several months now. I?m becoming more accepting of what is going on although I most certainly have days of stamping my feet, feeling an utter failure and being bitter and anxious ? especially when i hear of the umpteenth preggo announcement. I paid too much attention to those stats that always get rammed down our throats like 60% conceive in 6 months, 85% in the first year and then 90% in 2 years whereas now I just think how bloody typical it is me and DH that are the one with issues (violins) but what can we do. It?s strange, I have always wanted kids and life was unbelievable when I finally met the man I was to marry ? I never imagined it would happen to me and it all happened by complete chance. I just had this inkling that we would have some issues because we were so happy. I?ve always found when everything goes right, it doesn?t stay right for very long!

lemon - sorry about your edgy day yesterday. I?m glad you found a soothing shoulder to cry on. Isn?t it nice to hear of people who didn?t take 1 month. So it can take 18months for no reason..I hope you feel better today.

Welcome minipie - of course i wish you a speedy bfp but this is a great hangout before these elusive creatures show.

stasi - what a lovely thing for your FiL to write. He sounds like a really nice man. Sorry about your uti but i?m glad it is going now.

Fatima - i hope you?re feeling better and hope things are now kicking off.

Hi ladies. On phone, sorry! Firstly stasi you are right I've still not got AF just still (very light) sludge-gate. Technically I'm a day late but I am certainly not holding out hope as I've been here before.

I'm not sure about finding this easier to be honest. Right now I am feeling very sad, as if it's really sinking in that this might not happen. I think I preferred having some hope

Please ignore my . I am very tired just now and a bit fed up. Sorry for others who are feeling the same way.

Welcome to minipie and any other newbies I've not said hello to. I'm usually more fun than this

Nelly - I am sorry you are feeling down. And is sludge gate normal for you?? I am clearly not as together as I make out and have been thrown by a new woman in the office saying "So I guess you are going to make some babies soon". . Where did that come from, you only started on Monday!! What do you say in front of a whole office of men?! Totally flummoxed me especially I had just got peed off by reading on Daily Mail about 53 year old on pill has had a baby naturally. Come on! Cl

Hi ladies,
Feels like I haven't had a moment to myself lately. DH is out so I'm taking the opportunity to ignore dd who is supposed to be sleeping (I've been up those darn stairs 4 times in the past half hour) and say a quick hello.
AF finally stopped and thank goodness for that. Had to leave work twice last week as it was so heavy, I'd soaked through everything. Really hope it sorts itself out soon as I don't think I can bare it for much longer.
The end of January is in sight and work is sufficiently busy in Feb that my ovarian drilling operation will soon be here. Is it wrong that I am actually excited? Sometimes I think, what if the op doesn't work. I have placed all my hope in it, it's frightening.

Joycep Sometimes the stupidity of people baffles me. Under what circumstances would anyone think such a statement was okay. The only consolation is that the whole office probably now have her down as the office idiot.

Nelly Sorry you are feeling down. It may be the hormones. Hope you feel better soon.

Sorry going to have to go up again and tell dd to can it. Wave to everyone and hopefully will be back soon for a proper catchup.

Sludge gate is kind of normal, yes (usually 3-4 days, building as it goes), but in true head-fuck style it's been a bit weird recently. Last cycle, only one day before AF arrived. Month before, the usual time but very very light the whole time. Month before, it started much earlier than expected, AF arrived at usual time so had much more - nearly 7 days worth.

This month I'm now on 2 days of spotting, so far so normal, but AF was expected yesterday according to my average cycle.

I can't believe your new colleague said that. How inappropriate and downright rude! However I shudder to think that in my young naive days I may have been equally insensitive . I am honestly astounded that it's taken me this long and still no BFP - I just didn't realise people had these problems so often. I thought that infertility only happened to people who didn't look after themselves or had some kind of medical history. And I thought that the fertility dropping off after 35 wouldn't somehow apply to me, as I feel very young, still look young etc. It breaks my heart to think we've left this too late .

I did call the doctor today, as we still haven't been back since all tests completed (typo, I just typed tests as testes!). Anyway got his secretary who was desperate for me to come in. I'm not sure I see the point and it's proving very hard to get OH and I to have a synchronised free diary. Anyway she said it might be Friday before he calls me back so I just want to know if he will now refer us, or do we in fact have to trundle in to the surgery just for him to tell us that face to face.

Oh well, I can torture myself with OBEM later, if OH will let me! Usually I have to record it to watch it later as he says "it's just people screaming and shouting a lot" .

Just a quickie but apparently OBEM has an ivf baby in it ! I'm gonna attempt to watch it...

Not impressed so far ginsoaked, with the git who 'gets women pregnant just by looking at them' who's with a 27 yr old who has 'popped out 5 babies' and will be disappointed if this one is a girl.
If you're reading this mate, head on over to my house and I'll quite happily break your unblemished record- you'll have to hammer away morning, noon and night for millions of months and you still won't get anywhere fast.

mrsh - that's exactly what I thought!! What a dick ( in more than one way...)

nelly I wish I could make you feel better. Sometimes I reckon you need to let yourself wallow a bit though. You?re bound to get down from time to time, and you will feel better again soon enough. Please don?t beat yourself up for leaving it too late ? you really do have plenty of time, and you will get there. Blooming sludge-gate

wine that program sounds interesting, what was it called?

lemon sorry you have been feeling fragile. Be kind to yourself. I honestly think that sometimes it?s good to get it off your chest and you never know what you will find out about people. I discovered that a really lovely guy in my work is adopting soon ? he is over the moon about it. Apparently they?ve been going through the adoption process for years, I had no idea. Infertility can feel so lonely but we?re really not alone in this.

gin I decided to be upfront with my manager from the start, but I told him in an email. He was really great about it, and just told me to do whatever I needed to do and not worry about work at all. I know I?m lucky and not all workplaces would be as understanding, but knowing he is fully aware of everything is a weight off my mind and I can just take off to the hospital when I want without having to explain etc.

stasi your FIL sounds really lovely, what a kind and thoughtful message. I often have similar dilemmas about which days to SWI, and have never reached any conclusion...I think we?ve probably tried all possible versions of combinations of days, with no success.

joyce yes, it?s strange how it?s becoming a bit easier these days, isn?t it? I think you are right about becoming more accepting. I?ve regained a bit of my old self recently, and have become a bit more interested in other things again. Also started to feel a bit more appreciative of what I have now. And I tend to be better at avoiding conversations and situations that will upset me. Don?t get me wrong, I?m still desperate to get pregnant. But I don?t feel as despondent as I did around the 6-14 months mark, which was a huge trough. Honestly though ? I can?t believe that woman said that to you when she?s only just met you...what is wrong with these people?!

mrsHY and gin about OBEM. I?m not watching ? still too chicken.
Big waves to everyone.

Morning lovelies!

Morning comes early these days to the Drizzle-household :( Dh is on a placement much further away from home and the alarm clock went off at stupid-o'clock. It does mean I get to check in with you lot before work, which is good, because I am trying to limit my TTC-obsessive-googling&MNing during work hours!

Thanks for all your lovely replies to my lowness. I feel much better now, which might have something to do with serious exercise last night followed by dinner with a friend and DH cooked by DH while I showered. And I agree with nelly about the not finding it easier (as you might have guessed). But I do think it goes in slow peaks and troughs. For me months 12-18 were actually okay, but since we have entered month 19 (read 2012) I am all over the place. It must have something to do with treatment nearing, it makes the failure to TTC so real, whereas the monthly failure is something I am getting used to, but never to the hormonal dip just before... I am just hoping to get a modicum of stability back once I am used to the idea of treatment and have survived the first month. I am really happy for you, kitty, joycep and wine, that it is all less draining. I felt really good yesterday when I caught myself looking at crafty stuff online rather than TTC and I am definitely trying to get more me-things in as well. I just don't want to become mopy-TTC-monster. But sometimes it is okay.

Btw I have been really open about our troubles TTC from about the moment I was getting worried (which for me was 9/10months in). My boss knows and is very good about it, as I cried in my appraisal. Most my friends know, my close family knows, the PIL know. The only ones who don't know really are my BIL and his 17-weeks pg wife (I just hid her on fb, I could not take the updates and I am sure to hear everything via the family grapevine as well). I was very impressed by your FIL, stasi. He sounds wonderfully supportive, and I think it is good you told him.

How is sludge-gate today, nelly? I know the mind-f**k it can be. I usually only have 24 hours of increasing sludge and variations always make me mental/curious/hopeful/pissed off/all of the above...

How was OBEM with IVF baby? Should I watch it? (I have avoided it studiously so far, and I had a friend over). Maybe not if there was a Dick on it! OMG... On stupid people, I cannot believe your colleague, joycep!

How exciting you are starting in less than three weeks, Fatima! How do you feel about it all? How are our other nearly IVF-ers? Any news karbea and lady?

Pout - the big day is near! Are you getting excited? Did the internet dress fit in the end? I am sure a homely honeymoon would be fab too, just make sure there is plenty of nice food, nice chats, and little internet. Although you should of course come and tell us all about The Day!

Did your DD ever go to sleep, whatmess?

Quick wave to alll the others! It has become impossible to do a decent name checking post, there are too many of us. Go on you lot, get some BFPs

Morning ladies,

Thought I'd pop in before I went off to work. Yes dd finally went to sleep Lemon, about an hr and a half after I put her to bed and after much argument between the two of us. It is a Wed night ritual, her dad goes out and she misbehaves at bed time. He can usually talk her into behaving much quicker than me. On a bad night it often makes me feel like the short tempered numpty who can't cope with putting a 3 year old to bed.

I've been debating whether to tell folk about my operation. My boss knows and one of my friends at work but I asked them not to say anything. I'm really worried that a)everyone will be waiting for me to get pregnant and if I don't that will just be extra pressure and b) that they will assume I am going to get pregnant and stop giving me the nice challenging work. This happened after I lost the baby. The Head Of Dept took away a nice piece of work she had told me I would be doing and gave it to one of my colleagues. As you can imagine she is now one of my favourite people. Anyway, my boss suggested if anyone asks I just say I'm off for a minor operation for a couple of weeks. Mind you, everyone will probably guess as they are aware I have been trying without success for a while now. Blame that on my tears at the Christmas party. And no I hadn't been drinking , it was those awful hormones again and a very nice but "could have picked a better moment" colleague who asked how I was doing.

Oops, got to go. Going to be late for nursery and work. See I do talk too much .

lemons so glad you're feeling better today. The non-ttc googling is definitely a good sign of waning ttc obsession, I think. My obsessive googling days are over, for now at least. I wonder if it's what's helping me to feel a bit better, or maybe I just read the entire Internet?

whatmess can't believe your department head taking that work off you, that is really bad. Well done on getting your dd to sleep in the end though.

I hope everyone is well today. I'm off on a little work outing, and then have a day off work tomorrow, so hopefully a nice easy end to the week. Me and DH are having a night away in a hotel tomorrow night as a belated birthday treat. I've got ov pains today so quite well timed, although I may be too late, we haven't managed to SWI once this week yet

Waves to all.

Morning everyone - it's nice to read all the updates - Got my blood test tomorrow. Not had one before. My doctor said it was supposed to be on day 21 of my cycle but that would have been Saturday. Will a day make a difference to the results?

I saw my Sister in law this week with her 10 mth old and she asked me if I was planning anymore. I just said not at the moment. Why do some people think they can just ask you outright? Do they not realise how upsetting it is. I know she probably did not think but really it's none of her business.

Sorry just got a bit angry there.
Whatmess good luck for your operation x

Morning ladies

Hello minnie Sorry that you have had to find your way onto this thread. I took Metformin for a bit too. Izzy explained it really well so I won't harp on anymore about it. The only thing I would say about it is take it slowly building up the dose because it can really mess up your stomach!
Looks like we're in the same AF boat on the trickle thing. It's so flippin' annoying!

Karbea glad that you are feeling better.

kitty I wonder about the Kate and Wills baby thing too. Did I hear right that she recently refused peanut butter which fuelled speculation that she is updiffed. BTW why is peanut butter bad, anybody know?

wine I agree that it is easy to lose sight of ourselves and suddenly everything is about our defective wombs. I feel like that's all I think about and just feel lost really.

gin PMT is just hideous, I hope it passes soon for you.

euro Happy SWI that's the ONLY good thing about AF, at least there is no pressure to SWI, though knowing my luck I'm one of those strange women who actually ovulate during their period! On the EWCM front I don't actually have that much anymore either. Usually just a couple of days worth.

stasi How is your UTI today? Better I hope. That e-mail was so lovely. It makes such a nice change from people saying all the wrong things.

Izzy Good luck with your GP apppointment and sorry to hear that your back is still bad.

joycep I feel the same as you that it is bloody typical that I am in the 2% or whatever it is that hasn't conceived within 2 years. I often say to DP how I am often in the minority for all the shite things but can never win the bloody lottery or be in the minority for something nice
I can't belief that woman at your work. Who says something like that to somebody they don't know??????? Nutcase.

Mess I'm glad that your AF is starting to peter out, it sounds horrendous. Roll on your op.

lemons and nelly I'm so sorry that you are both feeling so down. I think that we are in the same boat at the mo. I always find that the start of AF absolutely crushes all my optimism that I will ever get pregnant and I spend a week being convinced that I am barren. Like you nelly I am terrified that I am too old and each failure month just seems like a step closer to the menopause and dried up old eggs. I think as well that when you spot before AF it is really hard because even though in your heart you know it's over you still cling onto the hope of implantation or breakthrough bleeding. My AF started properly this morning and I am feeling like I want to give up because I can't take it anymore. Probably a tad dramatically but I said to DP last night how I am frightened of dying alone. Stupid, but I am afraid that if we don't have kids we won't have any family and I will be an old woman who has no visitors. Probably hormones talking! I also broached the fact that if we get no luck with the GP & don't get a referral we ought to face up to things and give up on TTC.
Sorry, I'm not helping and being all doom and gloom too! Hugs to you both.

At least DP is getting his arse in gear and trying to book some time off to come to the docs with me. I have been in agony with bowel pains the last three days and couldn't sleep with it on Tues night. It has eased off a lot now that my AF has started properly but I think it has frightened him a bit that something isn't right down there.

lemons my dress arrived and as expected my boobs gape around like two marbles in a sock. I have taken it in to be altered so FX all will be well!

Waves to anybody I've missed.

Hey everyone. Mega busy today but just wanted to say sorry for all the Me Me Me posts, and thanks for the kind words. They really do help so much

Sludge-gate continues. I think it's ramping up so likely to turn into ERTD within the next 24 hours I think.

I think I love you all !!!

Loads of X posts but pout you have articulated how I feel exactly. Let's make a pact to visit each other in our dotage

pout how exciting that the wedding is so close. I hope you can manage to get the referral you need. Please change drs if you don't. And don't give up! With some help you will get there.

The peanut butter thing is a red herring I think. The advice a few years ago was to avoid peanuts in pregnancy. That has now been changed and the advice is only to avoid them if there is a peanut allergy problem in the family I think. Something like that anyway.

joycep I find the stats thing odd. I am Ms Average I am always in the majority for everything. Except ttc, it seems!

Abbi do you know when you ovulate? It is best to time the test for 7dpo if you do, if not 7 days before you expect your next period, if you don't know when that is, day 21 of your cycle. I had mine done at 6dpo because 7dpo fell at the weekend. I think if it had been borderline, that might have been a reason to repeat it but the drs were happy with the result.

Stasi your FIL sounds lovely.

And a belated welcome to minni!

Morning everyone! Well, I'm still not officially here till next month, as still only on month 9 of TTCing till then, but like Nelly I think my, er, sludge is ramping up into full on AF. So, pretty sure I will be joining officially in a few days' time. Thank you for all being so friendly.

pout thanks for the welcome, and sorry to hear about your AF arrival, it does always get me down a lot too. When are you seeing the GP and what sort of tests have you and DH had so far? definitely don't give up without getting a referral (cry and stamp your feet if you have to!)

We are seeing the GP next week to get results for my blood tests and DH's sperm tests . I'm not sure whether it's better if the test results do show a problem, or not. If they show a problem, that's bad, but at least maybe there is something that we can work on "fixing". If they don't show any problem, then I guess that is good, but on the other hand means there is nothing we can do....

joyce and Abbi know what you mean about the questions. but then, I think I probably asked friends lots of insensitive questions in the days before I was TTCing - you know, back in the days when it hadn't occured to me that anyone might be trying and not getting anywhere - so I guess they are just the same.

kitty have a fun night away, and hope the timing is right!

waves to everyone!

Hi minipie of course you can join now! we used to be something like "TTC for 6 months" but the months went on and no BFP...

Results yesterday were that i'd ov'd although I knew that So that is the end of my monitoring cycle. I'm going to do the long protocol. So theoretically I could start on Monday but they want to wait until my immune results are back and someone will call me when they are in, so annoyingly I think i'l have to wait till next month. Might call them actually...

Do call them Karbea - If you can start on Monday I def would be chasing it up

Ok all, just got blood test results (day 3 and day 21). All normal apparently except I have hypothyroid and also raised oestrogen levels. Also I had a scan before christmas which indicated PCOS.

Any ideas what high oestrogen means? Does it mean I am not ovulating ?

No idea, mini. Sorry.

But please do feel free to join us know. We have upped the months as we have gone along but the core group of posters here has stayed the same. Don't worry about strictly applying the 10 month cut off. We are all long term ttcers going through the same thing. That's what gives us some solidarity on this thread.

karbea I can't believe that IVF is now so close for you! Can I ask, how did you decide on your clinic?

Nelly we crossed posts earlier. I am sorry that you think ERTD is imminent.