Mourning our angel babies but still hoping for the future: let the swi commence!

[TooImmature2BMum]

This is a thread for those of us on the bereaved mother's thread who want a place to moan about the perils of ttc without upsetting anyone over there. We've gone through at least one pregnancy, and we know what it is to hold a baby whose eyes will never open, or to have lost a baby after a few days, weeks or years. We know the fear, but we're going to go ahead and do it anyway. And then do it again, especially in the middle of the month!

Newcomers will be welcomed with all the hand-holding and wisdom we can summon up - and that's a lot! Come in and join us: the door is always open.

mel so sorry, I hope the operation goes well on thursday.

Got my consultant appointment tomorrow, so many questions, I just hope he can answer them.

Good luck for tomorrow, Green. Have you considered taking someone else in with you, whose job will be to remember everything that is said, and maybe take notes? I took my mum in as well as DH and she took notes so that we could remember everything. It just meant there was one extra person to remember details and to ask questions, because we were a bit too overwhelmed to remember to ask all the questions we had.

Angel, I haven't really made up my mind re the birth. I'm swithering between an elective Caesarean and going for the induction. The main reason for swithering is because we want at least 3 more children (counting this one) and repeated sections might limit me. I've read that they can't tell what state your uterus is in until they do a section and it would be horrible to be told after 2 that I couldn't have any more children. I know that's not very common, but it is possible. I'll just have to discuss it with the consultant and see what they suggest. On the other hand, I would be petrified during the whole labour and if anything went wrong for either the baby or me I would feel like an idiot for not having a section.

Mel So sorry, hope the operation goes well, how are you feeling?

Too I'm dithering about the birth also, I keep wanting to say "if all goes well", I can't seem to think of this baby as all going to be ok if that makes sense? The more I think about it the more I think I couldn't do labour again or induction and I've had 4 relatively easy, fast births, no tears or anything. I'm scared of it all coming back as I have contractions. On the other hand I'm also terrified of needles, feeling numb from an epidural (never had one) and also of surgery full stop (also never had any). The thought of it makes me feel sick but I'm wondering if it would be for the best for the baby's sake.

Split are you happy with waiting for labour to start on it's own? It seems so unfair for you to have to wait when they could get things going now.

Angel not too much longer to go now, hope the rest of your pregnancy is easy and problem free.

My scan yesterday went really well, I couldn't have asked for more. The dr was just lovely and totally helpful and friendly. He spoke to us about Scarlett and shared some of his experiences with us. He said from his experience that with baby's that gradually decline they can do something but then there are some that just suddenly die and they don't know why. He looked like he was going to cry at one point, he said he spends his life there learning and trying to save babies. He showed us so much more empathy than we've seen from the nhs so far. I wouldn't hesitate to recommend them. We were there for 30 minutes being scanned and talked to and he advised us on future care etc. It was very reassuring.He even gave us a dvd and showed us a 4d viewing! I'm now 7+5 by their scan.

I had my booking in appointment today with my midwife, we were there for 2 hours! I've started the process of transferring hospitals and really hope that the care will be better in this one. I need to wait for a letter to come in the post to see a consultant there and discuss everything but they will do all the tests and monitoring that the previous hospital said I should have. I hope they show a bit (or any) feeling towards us though.

Green good luck for tomorrow. I echo what Too said, can you take anyone with you? If not then I'd write questions down and make notes too. Honestly, I couldn't do anything when we went. Dh did the talking as I was a state. I couldn't stop shaking the whole way through and felt sick and dizzy. I barely remembered anything. I learnt most things from the letter we received after, it also detailed the post mortem results.

Cheese that's excellent news about the scan and that you feel like you're being treated properly and with empathy. We couldn't find any fault with the staff when we were in having Ruby, and then again with the staff for the scan (so far anyway!)

I'm feeling ok about Thursday, bit nervous as DH drops me off and then leaves me until after the op. I'd much prefer it if he was allowed to stay with me. The staff might let him at the ward so we'll play it by ear. I've accepted what has happened and I want to get the show on the road (so to speak) so that we can get cracking again! Lucky DH!

Mel (hugs), any chance you could speak to the ward in advance and explain circumstances? I really hope it's all over quickly and straightforward for you.

When we went in to have Scarlett the staff were amazing, everyone was so nice and couldn't do enough for us (not that we were demanding, we weren't at all) but they were more than willing even though it was the labour ward. Our midwife even took the photos of Scarlett for us as she had an interest in photography too and offered; we gratefully accepted as neither of us were up to it emotionally. I couldn't say anything negative about them at all. It was afterwards that it all seemed to change. I felt like we were just another number to be honest and totally dismissed.

mel i hope the op goes as well as it can and that you dont suffer too much. x

cheese great news on your scan!

green i hope you get answers tomorrow, i am thinking about you x

cheese fab news
Hi all
Too much to think/ ponder on!!
Mel good luck Thurs x

cheese that's fantastic news from your scan, so glad things are still progressing well in there, and it sounds like your sonographer was just lovely.

I guess too that you need a long chat with a consultant about how they would manage your labour/monitor the baby if you decided to go for the induction so that you know what you're choosing between. I can only imagine how frightening labour must be for you particularly given that was when Thea died.

cheese yes I'm quite happy (apart from the normal heavily pregnant frustration part) to wait for labour to just start. If I end up being induced for being overdue then so be it, but I'm hoping things will just start in the next 2-3 weeks. Induction would mean no birth unit and no pool and IMO is not warranted at this stage for me.

green thoughts are with you for tomorrow. I hope you get some answers x

two hours to go, waiting for DH to come in from work. Im so nervous, oh well its got to be done. I suggested to DH what you said too and cheese but he doesnt want anyone else there, he said it should just be us. I have this feeling they are going to say they dont know what happened. I think we might go out afterwards have some time by ourselves, (cant do that in this house).

spilt Fair enough :) as long as you're happy with that then it's good. Hope things happen soon for you!

green good luck for today. I'd take a drink of water or something in with you, I needed to. Hope you get some answers

Horrible headache again today, thought they were dwindling too, ah well. So tired too, feeling ok though. Hope everyone's doing ok today

Thinking of you and Ophelia today green x

Green my consultant had the meeting with us and then he got his secretary to write up everything and send it out to us so that we had it in writing as he felt that we would take it in better at a later date. Yours might do the same or you can request he do it. He can only say no! Hope it all goes well x

Green, hope today goes okay. Getting some time away afterwards sounds like a good plan. I hope you get an answer. We are still fighting to get the hospital to take some matters seriously, such as the fact that the MW falsified my medical records and failed to monitor Thea for 3 hours. When they wrote to my GP we discovered the falsification.

Cheese, so glad your scan went well - that guy sounds really sweet!

Mel, hope tomorrow goes smoothly. Thinking of you.

My MW called yesterday and she has arranged a scan for me on Tuesday morning, hurray! It will be at the new hospital, and I may see a consultant then, but the MW wasn't sure. I'm to ask how they intend to manage the pregnancy and they should give me a plan of action. It all sounds good, anyway. I'm to have my booking appt with the MW on the 24th and my booking scan on 16 Sep. Progress!

Ok so just got back, the post mortem results showed that Ophelia died suddenly (very quickly) due to a knot in her cord. It was a very tight knot which caused acute hypoxia. I was told she died the day I went into labour and my body went into labour because she had died. I was also told that due to this future pregnancies will be monitored normally up till 24 weeks and from then on for our own state of mind we will be monitored more frequent and induced at 37 weeks. He said it isnt common but it could happen again, as everything could happen again.

Hi everyone, sorry I haven't posted properly for a while, I have been quite busy and really tired since we got back from sunny Edinburgh!
green I am glad you got answers, how do you feel about things? I suppose it's reassuring to know that you will be monitored more closely next time.
too good news about your scan, how far along will you be then?
cheese glad things are progressing well for you, I am toying with the idea of booking an extra private scan but I am really trying to hold off till the 12 week one (3 weeks today all being well)I will only be around 11+2 but it's easier for me to have it that week than the following one.
mel good luck for tommorrow, hope they let your DH stay x

No real news here, just plodding along, stressing on a daily basis, 3 weeks seems so far away!

Hi all, think I am going to start reading this thread from the start so I understand a little more about everyone.
green I hope that you have found a tiny bit of peace from the information that you have been given. I no that for me the fact that there was a 'reason' felt better than if it had been unknown.

Today, I have had a BFP!!!. Bit silly to test yet I think as I am two days away from AF but my boobs were so tender and I had a metallic taste in my mouth..........not getting carried away as I have had 4 previous chemical pregnancies. To be honest, even if I am lucky enough and that it sticks I will not be able to relax until the baby is crying in my arms. So, so sad that so many of us feel that way

razz Congratulations, hope it sticks x

green how are you?

Green hope the explanation helps. I found with ours it bought it s own questions and stuff to work through. Just allow it all to settle and take your time. This time I ce had scans every 4 weeks from 20 weeks and a section at 37 weeks 3 days. Take care xxx
Congrats Razz
Hope everyone's ok?
Love to all xxx

Congratulations razz, hope the little bean sticks nicely for you x

Congratulations razz, lovely news.

green how are you feeling? It's so hard to take in the information, give yourself plenty of time to absorb it. I hope your parents can give you some space this evening x

Green, hope you find some peace from that. Glad you got answers. I imagine the chances of it happening again would be really really slim, not that it will help with your anxiety in the future. Poor little Ophelia.

Razz, that's great! FX for a sticky bean.

Ciwi, sunny Edinburgh, you say? It has been chucking it down all day today! I will be 8+2 on Tues.

Wow nearly 8 weeks already too that is great. At that stage your little bean should be about 2cm long when you see them!

was being sarcastic too it rained all weekend on us and was particularly heavy during the tatoo when we were nicely sat outside! had a raincoat and a poncho on and still got soaked to the bone! I am 8+2 today so not much difference in dates, good luck for tue x
Hi spilt hope things are still good with you x

green do you feel any better for knowing? (hugs) . They said Scarlett had hypoxia too, by the brain they said that she had brain damage a few hours before death but that it was fast.

ciwi I'm glad I had the private scan, happy with that now to wait a bit longer. I'm 8 weeks today by the scan.

Too Hope the scan goes well!

Well after my referral yesterday to the other hospital I was called today and have an appointment to see the consultant tomorrow at 2pm!! I'm shocked but really pleased. They also made an appointment for my nuchal scan as well. It's a good start :)