Mourning our angel babies but still hoping for the future: let the swi commence!

[TooImmature2BMum]

This is a thread for those of us on the bereaved mother's thread who want a place to moan about the perils of ttc without upsetting anyone over there. We've gone through at least one pregnancy, and we know what it is to hold a baby whose eyes will never open, or to have lost a baby after a few days, weeks or years. We know the fear, but we're going to go ahead and do it anyway. And then do it again, especially in the middle of the month!

Newcomers will be welcomed with all the hand-holding and wisdom we can summon up - and that's a lot! Come in and join us: the door is always open.

it does make it easier knowing it was something that was out of anybodies control, the Doctor said it would have been so sudden that really nobody could have saved her. Its still very sad but theres a bit of relief in there for me that it wasnt my fault in any way, I didnt catch anything have an infection I didnt know about and it wasnt my fibroids restrichting her movement. Its still extremely unfair, and the doctor said that as well. But it was just a very sad and unfair accident, he said usually the post mortem come backs with no explanation which I think under the circumstances would have been harder to take and would have been harder in the next pregnancy. Im not pregnant yet but I think if I was I would be happy for it to continue untill the baby wanted to come out, I might feel differently when I am actually pg, we'll just have to see.

I just desperatly want to be pg now, even more than I felt before, I think cause it was such a cruel accident theres nothing to blame she should be here, I should have a baby but I dont and I so want to fill that void. My Darling Fi.

Thinking of you today mel.

cheese I glad this new hospital is stepping up for you.

CD9 let the swi commence! lol

oh razz just saw your post congratulations, Im so happy for you, fingers crossed for a sticky bean.

green hugs to you.

mel hope you are ok, thinking about you today.

green fx for you getting that sticky bean this month.

that emptiness after loosing Grace was the worst feeling ever and the need to be pg again was overwhelming, however even though i am now pg there is still a ache which i think will always be there wanting my grace.

razz congrats :)

mel thinking of you today (hugs)

am now 11+4 and scan in a week :)

Morning everyone,
cheese I still can't make my mind up about an extra scan, the only private scan I have ever had was bad news so in some ways I can't imagine getting good news from one iykwim. 3 weeks just feels so long to wait though.
mel hope things happen quickly for you today and you don't have to wait round too much x
green I understand your need to be pg, I felt like that too. Get on with the swi and fx for a bfp for you in a few weeks x

Green, hope you get your BFP soon!

Mel, good luck today.

Shakey, 11+4! Did you get an early scan, or is this the first?

Hi ladies, thanks for your thoughts yesterday. It went ok, operation was successful and all in all very light bleeding now (sorry if tmi). It was a long day, we got home about 8 but glad it's all over and we can get ourselves prepared to start again. Thanks again girls, glad I'm using this for support, it really has helped me [hugs].

Keeping everything crossed for you Razz x

No such thing as tmi on a conception thread mel. I'm glad it went as well as could be hoped and I hope you're taking some time to rest now. So sorry it's turned out like this for you, wishing you an easy ride next time round x

mel glad things went ok, fx for a lovely bfp for you very soon x

Mel, good to hear from you and also glad that yesterday went ok.

Am going back to work on Monday after 6 weeks off. In fact, I went on maternity leave at the beginning of Feb, went back to work at the start of June and managed about 3 weeks of work before being signed off again, so I have effectively been off for the past 6 months. Am ever so slightly bricking it. So far only one person at work knows that I'm pregnant again (apart from DH's entire office ) and I don't want to tell the world yet. May have to tell a couple of other people (ie, my boss) to explain why I have constant doctor's appointments, though!

Glad everything went smoothly for you mel
Thank you to all for your congratulations. Keep trying to tell myself that at the moment I AM pregnant!! Took another test today (originally purchased a 2 pack) just to make sure it was real . It came up really strong and quickly today, stronger than tester line, so really hoping that is a good sign.
Wishing good news and lots of luck to you all.

too going back to work is hard but it might help you to be kept busy, I know I actually enjoyed just chatting about rubbish with my colleagues, it made me feel like I was getting back to normal in a way x
Razz I think thats the best way to look at it, right now you are pregnant and the darker line is a good sign that the hormones are going up nicely x
Well, I have booked another scan for Wed next week, just need to know that things are progressing ok and the 3 weeks till my next scan is just too far away! Really hope it's ok and I can start to relax a bit.
Hope everyone else is doing ok x

Hi Girls, my DH has taken himself away to the football so it gives me a couple of hours to myself. I'm feeling OK today, throat isn't as sore from the aspiration tube and it's very light cramps that I mostly don't notice. Bleeding is really light so all in all I'm doing OK.
Bit confused though with all the conflicting advice I've been given about trying again. Midwife I spoke to at the early pregnancy clinic said that as soon as I stopped bleeding we could start trying again and that there were no problems with this as any dating could be done via scans and that we would def get early scans. Have read online though that you should wait until you've had one cycle. I don't want to sound hard, but you all know how difficult it is to go through a stillbirth and deal with that, I feel that I want to start the ball rolling and I feel that although it's really sad what happened, I'm emotionally ready to move on. Really don't know what to do. I'll maybe make a wee phonecall up to the early pregnancy clininc on Mon or Tues just to confirm. Bottom line is that we don't want to do anything that is going to cause us any risks but we don't want to be waiting unnecessarily.

Hope all of you lovely ladies are having a good weekend. Thinking of you all (PS. was on the champagne last night - just because I could!!!) xx

mel I think you should go with your gut, if you feel ready then why not try. I think they just say all that so that you get your dates right and that everything is back to normal. I know when I had Ophelia, I had to have the placenta removed and when they do that they give you a d and c as well, and I had a AF 5-6 weeks after. Why not try and then if you dont and you get an AF then it was good practice and you can really get the ball rolling.

It does suck doesnt it, we waited so long for a baby that we dont have anymore that waiting for ovulation and getting pg is to long and seems unfair in its self. Sometimes I feel time is ticking on by and Im being pulled along far to quickly.

Im on CD 11, got a few more days till ov, but testing just in case Im early after my cp.

Fx'd for you Green. Think DH can't wait to start trying again. Poor thing!!! Having a cosy night in as the weather is appalling so having naan bread pizza and a few glasses of wine c

Hi mel glad you are feeling a bit better. I would personally listen to the nurse rather than Dr google, there is so much conflicting advice on the net, guidelines change so often and the nurses working in that area should be up to date with the latest advice. One thing I would say though is to make sure you get a bfn first, you won't ovulate till you get one anyway and it would be horrible if you tested and thought you had a bfp only to find it was still from last time (sorry if I am telling you something you know already) good luck and hope you get another bfp very soon, you too green
I have been out to watch the football today, my dad probably got a bit suspicious today as I am not one to turn down a cider or two! I really don't want to tell them just yet though, I am still so scared of something going wrong and I want to be able to tell them in a positive way iykwim. Really hope the scan on Wed is ok I am worrying so much!
Hope everyone else is having a nice weekend x

mel so glad that you are not suffering too much pain wise, the pizza and wine sounds fab!!
You keep testing away green . Two friends of mine both conceieved the month after a CP so Fx.

With me, this waiting to see if the pregnancy will stick is as bad as the 2ww . I understand what mel said as in an early loss could not compare with a late one. Im just so fed up with always expecting the worst to happen. Im sorry if I sound ungrateful to all of you still waiting for a BFP, it really isnt my intention, guess im just scared.

ciwi im not going to tell you not to worry as it will not stop you doing so but i will keep all of my fingers and toes crossed for you .

Razz, I feel exactly the same way - not sure if it will stick and really worried about the scan on Tuesday. I was such an innocent the last time around - it never occurred to me that things might go wrong! I've had a bit of brown spotting and I don't know if I had it last time because I didn't know that brown discharge was actually blood until I started reading the TTC threads a couple of months ago. I also didn't know that there was such a thing as a mmc last time. Now I know and it means that I can't console myself with having had no bleeding.

I feel all maudlin today - probably because I'm knackered. DH went out last night and I called him at 10.30 to ask if he was coming home or staying over at a mate's, and he said he would stay with his mate. Then I got a phone call at 4am, which was DH going 'I'm tired and sad and I've wandered away from my friends and lost them...please will you come and pick me up?' Honestly! I did, because he was hammered and there didn't seem to be anything else to do. A taxi back from town would have cost the best part of £50 and given that it's Festival time, maybe even more. I have got super-wifely brownie points, mind you, and breakfast in bed.

too, you should change your name to toogoodtobetrue!! My hubby would do plenty for a wife like you . How far pregnant are you? Today I did a clearblue digital test (may as well use my stock up!!) and was stunned to have a 3+ on the conception indicator as hubby only came back 2 weeks and 2 days ago......not sure how I will explain that one to him .
You are right in your thinking, sometimes too much knowledge is not so good a thing .

Razz don t read too much in to conception indicaters all u want is that it increases!! Yeh. X
Too best of luck for Tues there's as much chance things could go right as opposed to wrong. It's very difficult after a late loss to get through or work through another pregnancy but step by step somehow people, including me find a way as u will!!! X
Hi all hope you re all well ?? Xxx

hey guys thought i wld check in been quite long spoke to my consultant my anti bodies results n all tests cum back negative so still no reason for losing ben apart frm maybe a bloodclot that my consultant didnt even know about ! now im 6 weeks gone and got a scan nxt mon i cant seem to get to attached to this baby ? but if anything was so happen i wld be sooooooo upset so im pretty much beside myself any advice

Hi Vicky, I think looking on here you will find that we all feel the same. It's not easy and it is terrifying sometimes, no real advice as I am worried sick too but you are not alone in the way you feel. Just try and take it as one day at a time, good luck for your scan x
razz the conception indicator is not an exact science so don't worry about it, the main thing is that it has gone up x
too good luck for your scan on tue, i know what you mean about being innocent last time, i have been nosing on the due in March thread and would love to be one of those people who are confident they are going to have a baby once they get a bfp. oh and wife of the year goes to you but poor Oh feeling sad after a few drinks, my oh came home all upset once because his friends were all talking about their babies and kids in the pub. Losing a baby changes your life in so many ways x
No real news from me, got upset yesterday as I was looking at pictures of my DH as a little toddler, he was so cute with his blonde hair and it made me wonder what my little ciwi would have looked like (he had blonde hair too). It just made me realise what we have missed out on, life is so hard sometimes x

Hi girls,just popping into say hi, hope everyone is ok x

thanks ciwi , got scan on 22nd aug im finding really hard my partner n family r sooooo supportive but i knw inside their worried sick my mum on holiday n she still ringing everyday to check on me and make sure im ok bless her but just gotta take one day at a time xx

Hi people!

Jane, what day are you on now? FX for you!

Ciwi, I found it hard to look at my family at first - Thea looked like me, a bit, and especially like Dad and my little half-brother and half-sister. It was hard being at home watching my littlest sister (who is 4). I raked out my baby photos but I didn't look like her as a baby. I've never actually seen pictures of DH as a baby, so I don't know if she was like him at all. She had big hands and feet like his nephew and niece, though, and she had his ears. It's funny how much of a mixture babies are.

Vicky, hi again, good luck at your scan and I hope everything goes smoothly. It is horrible to get no reason for what happened, but I suppose it makes it less likely that it will happen again. That's what I try to tell myself, anyway!

Mel and Green, are you getting down to it? Mel, I would go on what you were told at the hospital - if they said you could start again straight away then that's what I'd do. Best of British luck to you!

Razz, I'm 8+1, but I won't be surprised if the scan shows me to be less than that. Still roughly 30 weeks to go...sigh....

Angel, thanks - I hope it goes okay too!