Mourning our angel babies but still hoping for the future: let the swi commence!

[TooImmature2BMum]

This is a thread for those of us on the bereaved mother's thread who want a place to moan about the perils of ttc without upsetting anyone over there. We've gone through at least one pregnancy, and we know what it is to hold a baby whose eyes will never open, or to have lost a baby after a few days, weeks or years. We know the fear, but we're going to go ahead and do it anyway. And then do it again, especially in the middle of the month!

Newcomers will be welcomed with all the hand-holding and wisdom we can summon up - and that's a lot! Come in and join us: the door is always open.

Oh Spilt. It's so hard sometimes for people to know what to say, and I think with you being considered betwixt and between it makes it worse. Still, at least your mum is thinking in the right way, even if she's made a worse mess by explaining it wrong. Her instincts were right, if you see what I mean.

Mel, thinking of you.

Have now come down from cloud nine enough to be worrying about every twinge. I just want to fast-forward to next March! Or at least, to 12 weeks.

Ciwi scan is booked for 8th Aug and we'll probably opt for medical management if things haven't moved by then. I'll be happy enough after that scan to move on with whatever is suggested at the hospital. Trying to be sensible about it all

spilt my mum is like that, but a bit like this. To me

'saw so and so today'
'who'
You know'
No I dont'
'You know she wears a red coat'
No'
'well anyway I was telling her about you and she says...............'

This really pisses me off, I dont even know these people and she telling them my life story
The one that really annoyed me was the lady behind the desk at the post office who none of us know.

'thats a big parcel going to Australia whats in it?'
'Oh is stuff for my grandson'
'Oh is he your first'
'Oh no, my daughter had a stillbirth about 6 weeks ago, she had a girl and her name was was.......blah blah blah blah'

telling someone I dont know about me, shes even done this in the bank, so now I dont want to go in there as I get the sympathy looks and those bloody sympathy smiles everyone gives you. My mum acknowledges my baby far to much to the extreme that its going over the top and smothering me. Maybe I should call her (s)mother.

Sorry, Green, I know it's seriously annoying, but 'smother' made me giggle!

I'm now waiting for the MW to call me back. I got hold of her in the middle of her clinic at 9.20 and she was going to have to finish the clinic and then call me back. I suppose I am jumping the gun - I know from experience that she doesn't usually get finished until at least 1 o'clock! She was really pleased to hear my news, which was sweet.

Hope everyone is feeling well and FX for everyone, whether for a sticky bean or a BFP in the near future!

Hi everyone, How are you all today?
I don't have any news really, just plodding along, hoping the weekend comes round again quickly. Going to Edinburgh with DH this weekend so am looking forward to it.
too how did you get on with the mw?
mel thats what I did, I felt better about it after a 2nd scan. Hopefully things will start moving before then for you though x

MW never phoned back, aargh! Am v cross as spent the whole day waiting for the phone to ring, but am too pathetic polite to call the surgery back and harrass her. Besides, I think she's usually only at the surgery in the morning so it would be a lost cause after about 2. I did try calling her mobile again but it was still going straight to voicemail and she did say that she had just got back from holiday and her phone was dead, so perhaps she hadn't had the charger handy. Oh well. Will try again tomorrow.

I live near Edinburgh, Ciwi! Are you going to do Festivally things?

Going to see the tatoo, it was a birthday present from me to DH as he has always wanted to see it and I have never been to Edinburgh so I thought it wouldnt be too much of a chore for me either! Other than that we were just going to wonder round and see what's what. Any suggestions? or nice place to go for a meal?

oh and at midwife, have you tried your GP? maybe they can refer you to another consultant?

ciwi enjoy the tatoo, we went last year it was fab!

too Im just outside Glasgow!

Hope everyone is ok x

Ciwi totally recommend Cafe Andaluz on George St, it's amazing tapas. Enjoy your visit, we stay across the water in Fife so enjoy going for a night out in Edinburgh.

Hope everyone is doing ok x

Im freaking out! I have some pink discharge! I need to do another pg test but I dont need the loo. Please reassure me.

Oh green I do know how heart stoppingly scary that is, it happened to me a couple of times early in this pg, and then a proper little bleed at 11 weeks, just 3 days after we'd had a good scan. It does NOT mean that you are going to MC though, funny coloured discharge and small bleeds are common and very often followed by a completely normal pregnancy. Hugs x

thank you Spilt I had this last pregnancy bt it doesnt help me freaking out at this moment. I just wanted it to go smoothly and I thought I could do it with no drama for a few weeks but now it has started. This is going to be so hard! How have you done it?

green get drinking! I had pink discharge with ds1 i did go gp and went straight to epu for a scan, with showed some bleed but was ok, and now my cheeky monkey is sat in the paddling pool throwing water at dd's

Oh Green! Has anything else developed? As far as I know lots of people get spotting during early pregnancy and it doesn't necessarily mean anything. Do you think it could be implantation bleeding? Try not to worry, but if it gets worse then I think you should call someone. Not really sure who would be best - your consultant, maybe?

thanks guys, Im sorry its not alot really just spotting I know it is but it doesnt stop me freaking out. I know when I was last pregnant they dismissed me at the doctors when I started bleeding said there was nothing they could do and for nature to take its course. So I know I will get no joy there even with my history. Im seeing the consultant next week and as Im only 5 weeks theres not much anyone can do. I will just have to sit it out and wait for change, either it to stop or get worse. Im hoping for the first obviously. I told DH that this would probably happen and not to worry that its normal and nothing to worry about but of course Im going to worry now. Sorry guys for freaking out, Im glad your here I shall keep you posted!

Yes, keep us up to date. I am sending you sticky bean vibes!

Have just spoken to the MW and she is going to arrange for me to go to a different consultant and hospital, hurray! She said the first thing to do is to get me an appointment with the consultant and then we can discuss early scans with them and start putting together a plan of care. The previous consultant mentioned an 8 week scan (to see if it's twins or not!), so I'm going to push for one from the new consultant. It will be interesting to see what another doctor thinks of my previous care!

Ciwi - recommend The Outsider on George IV Bridge. Really good food! Or Fishers in the City on Thistle Street if you like fish.

green all you can do is take it one day (or hour!) at a time. There's no easy way to cope with the fear and the anxiety. Especially the stage you're at, even a scan wouldn't be conclusive because it may just be too early to see a hb. Can you request (or if necessary go private) a scan at 7 weeks to see what's going on? I know there isn't much the docs can do at this stage, but your mental health and wellbeing is just as important and if they can do something to help you, then it's worth doing.
I was promised an early scan at about 7 weeks by a GP and the hospital refused , sometimes the care is a right mess - bad communication. So we booked a private one in the end for just after 10 weeks as I couldn't take the not knowing any longer (had my dating scan only 12 days later!)

I think the way I got through was something akin to total denial. When I got my BFP this time it was only about 9 weeks after losing Bobbie and mentally I was still pregnant with her, if that makes sense? I was still counting "I'd be 29 weeks now, she'd be about 2lbs" etc and looking up details every week of how she should be developing and torturing myself with the what should have beens. I struggled to think about this one and thought I was protecting myself. Of course, the second I got the wet pants feeling/saw a pinprick of red I realised that I was very much invested in this pg too.

I have got through so far with frequent hysterics, many many tears, being totally immobilised with terror at times (refusing to get out of bed) etc etc. But each day will pass, and each day that does pass and you are still pregnant, means the next one is more likely to be ok too.

Look after yourself and good luck x

spilt thank you, what you have said has really helped. My DH has just rung me and told me to take it easy for today, just watch movies on the bed. And what will be will be.

Morning everyone,
green so sorry you are having this extra stress, it certainly is just not needed is it? Like everyone else has said though, it is so normal and may well still be implantation bleeding as your been is getting itself all comfy in there. I know you will worry though, I would too. The only other thing you could to is to ask for your blood hcg levels to be checked? The only problem with that though is by the time you get the results it will probably have stopped so you might as well just wait it out. I have everything crossed for you xxx
too glad the midwife sorted you out with a new consultant, I didnt even have to ask for an early scan, the registrar offered me one, hope it's the same for both you and green Thanks for the recommendations, I will have a look on line x
mel how are you? I will have a look at your recommendation too, I love eating out!
spilt you are like the wise one who has been through most of a subsequent pregnancy! Did you find you settled down a bit after 20 weeks? I lost my little Ciwi (nickname not real name) at 24 weeks so I am wondering if things will get easier after that?

ok I have stopped spotting for now.

Thanks guys you are so supportive just what I needed.

Im going to have to deal with this stress all the way through untill this baby is screaming in my arms. And the new stress of being a mum takes over. This is our lot in life due to our situation and we just have to hold hands through it.

ciwi snurk at being the wise one! Definitely not!

For me the 20 week scan has been the hardest single point of this pregnancy (because that was where we found out Bobbie had died). I'd never felt her move so we don't know when we actually lost her - I kept telling myself that whilst 20 weeks was late to have not felt movement, it's not at all abnormal for a 1st pregnancy so I wasn't worried. It was the most horrific shock.

So this time I was constantly afraid of the baby just dying and me not knowing again so found the waits between earlier scans hellishly long. I felt this one move for definite at about 18/19 weeks and once the movements became regular it's got easier because at least I always know that she was definitely alive and moving x mins/hours ago. I go loopy if she's quiet for more than about 2 hours though. (That's when the terrified sobbing under the duvet tends to feature, I seem to end up totally paralysed by fear)

I guess the type of anxiety changed after about 20 weeks, but it hasn't gone away at all. I'm so much more aware of late losses now. I know they are actually relatively uncommon, but on the other hand I've experienced being in the relatively uncommon camp so that's not really any reassurance. I still don't feel confident we are getting this baby, and that's something a lot of my family can't understand.

green glad my waffling helped you. Enjoy those movies

x-posts, great news green, fingers crossed it was nothing and will not come back.

Spilt, that sounds exactly what I'll be like over the next 8 months! Particularly the panicking if the baby doesn't seem to be moving and the sobbing hysterically under the duvet parts. I thought I would be relatively calm in the early stages because Thea was fine up until the last moment but no, I spent half of last night awake wondering if my backache was a sign of miscarriage. Oh well, such is our lot in life indeed.

Green, that's brilliant news, excellent! Hope it stays nice and calm and there are no more scary events.

I have just been waylaid by the Topshop summer sale into buying some new maternity dresses. Am now wondering whether this is tempting fate too far! But they were all half price and I got 2 dresses and a camisole for under £50 - it would have been silly to ignore it and have to buy clothes in a month when the sale had ended. FX all will be well.

fx it stays like this.

spilt that is so hard, weve ot all this to come. I never felt my baby move that much I have fibroids int he front of my uterus so they would stop me feeling, this scares me coz I can never count the kicks, I do feel movement but its never regular and for days I would feel nothing. Have to discuss this with the consutlant next week, maybe they will let me have weekly scans?

I know some one whose pregnant her first baby was born at 25 weeks she had an incompetant cervix, shes bing scanned every week. So will have to see, I realise that her situation is different but Im hoping the consultant will listen to me and help keep my mind at rest.