Mourning our angel babies but still hoping for the future: let the swi commence!

[TooImmature2BMum]

This is a thread for those of us on the bereaved mother's thread who want a place to moan about the perils of ttc without upsetting anyone over there. We've gone through at least one pregnancy, and we know what it is to hold a baby whose eyes will never open, or to have lost a baby after a few days, weeks or years. We know the fear, but we're going to go ahead and do it anyway. And then do it again, especially in the middle of the month!

Newcomers will be welcomed with all the hand-holding and wisdom we can summon up - and that's a lot! Come in and join us: the door is always open.

mel I know it's awful but I spotted off and on for a while, then ended up getting the first tablet which is supposed to switch off your pregnancy hormones and I bled heavily after that so I think my body was gearing up to do it itself anyway as you don't usually bleed until the second tablet which I never ended up needing. I think if you are spotting though it probably means the hormone levels are dropping, I think everyone is different when it comes to mc but if you are anything like me you will definately know when it is happening, I bled a lot more than a normal period and a lot heavier, I also think I got cramps first. I really hope it happens for you soon and you can start to move forward, the waiting is so horrible xxx
I am just getting ready to go for my scan, I am so nervous, I am just praying that everything is ok this time.

It will be, and only have tears of joy x

gosh only been away from this thread a week and so much has happenned.

Mel i am so sorry to hear your news. :( why do bad things always happen to good people.

congrats too and green

good luck ciwi for your scan today.

i had my booking in appt last friday and to be honest was a bit disappointed, the midwife didnt seem all that interested other than to get my details and take blood, she was puzzled when i mentioned the consultant wanted to put me on asprin as states that i don't come under any of the problems needed for asprin. also i mentioned the extra scans and she just said well i can only book the 12 wk and 20wk you will have to discuss that with the consultant when you see her. . well she thinks i am 10 weeks (according to my wee smaple - i didnt realise they could tell from that) so due date at the moment is 27th feb.

Hugs, Mel, hope things get moving so as you get it over with.

Ciwi, how was the scan? Everything okay?

Thanks Cheese and Shakey!

I have tried calling the midwife and it has gone straight to answerphone, boo! I will try again tomorrow because I know she does the local clinic on a Tuesday so with luck she will answer then. Shakey, your MW sounds crap, does she not know your history? I didn't know they could tell how far along people are from wee samples either!

The pink lines on both the pregnancy tests I have now done are much darker and thicker than the control lines - that's got to be a good thing, right?

Sorry, missed Angel! Thanks Angel.

My nickname for Thea was Babbit, and so far I have been addressing the new baby as Babbit 2 or Tiniest Babbit...may need to think of something a little less confusing!

I think last time I made the MW appointment at about 6 weeks but I had to wait a week or two before I could be seen. The consultant told me that when I got pregnant I was to call her secretary to arrange first scans and appointments, but I don't want to see her! I'm not really sure if I should call the GP or not. If I'm to get an 8 week scan then it will need to be arranged quite soon. My consultant is going on maternity leave herself in a month, so perhaps I could call her secretary, tell her I'm pregnant and just say that it would make more sense for me to be referred to a different doctor at once...

Hi everyone,
scan was fine, thank God! Baby measuring 6 weeks and 6 days and as i think i am 7 weeks today, that is pretty much bang on. Good, strong heartbeat seen too. I am so relieved, it's still very early days but thats about as good as we could have hoped for at this stage. Got my next scan at just over 11 weeks so only 4 weeksish to wait for that. Still not telling anyone, not sure how long that will last for though, felt weird not ringing my mum with the news.
too I would just ring your consultants secretary, you probably won't get to see her before she goes anyway and she probably is already handing patients over to other consultants. At least that way you will get into the system quicky and get a date for your scan. Good, strong lines are definately a good sign, now step away from the tests, lol x
shakey I am sure she can't tell from your wee how far along you are! Have you got an appointment with the consultant? Maybe you should ring the secretary too and explain that you are not sure if you should be starting aspirin or not. My extra scans have been arranged through the consultant, not the midwife x

ciwi that great news.

tooimm I agree with ciwi ring the secretary and get an appointment.

God Im so bloody hot! Its not just coz its hot its one of my only symptoms at the moment. Hope it eases off soon.
I might do another test tomorrow, my first test was a very faint line and want to make sure its got stronger.

Thats the reason why Im waiting till we see the consultant and then if I feel I need more scans or he feels I do then it can be arranged by him then and there, rather than having to wait for the midwife to get and appointment for me to see him.

Wow fab Ciwi xx

Ciwi that's brilliant - hurray for having seen the heartbeat! Do you feel much calmer for having been?

I have finished my 2-pack of First Response. To do any more tests I would have to go buy more...which of course I wouldn't waste money on...

I bought a three pack and have two left, so they are calling me from the cupboard, might wait though. Last time I had a bleed around 6 weeks so I might keep them just incase it happens again.

too I do feel better for going, at least I know now that if i have days where i feel less sickly, it doesnt mean that something is wrong. It is also lovely to see the little bean and the heartbeat, they even gave us a picture. The nurse had a really serious face on her so i really thought she was going to say something bad and then she just said, everything is fine, can see the heartbeat - i just burst into tears. She had to do some measurements but she turned the screen round for us to see first. Just hoping and praying that things continue to progress ok. Last time they saw a heartbeat but i mc soon after, however, the heartbeat that time seemed like a flicker where this time it was strong so I hope that's a good sign. I think i just need to focus on the fact that right now everything is ok and accept the fact that i will have to live with the worry, hopefully for the next 7 months.
Hope you get somewhere with the consultant and you get a scan soon, anymore tests will not tell you anything new so would be a total waste of money.
green totally understand the pee sticks calling you, I have even peed on ov tests to check they showed pos (not sure I should have shared that fact) have none left now so I can no longer obsess, will just have to continue poking my boobs instead to make sure they are still sore!

Wow it's all happening here!

Congratulations too I am so thrilled for you! Do when you're ready let the March bunch know, they would be so happy to hear your news. Just picturing you kicking your ILs out of the front door "yes yes, lovely to see you, BYE!"

ciwi and cheese congratulations on your scans, what wonderful news.

How would anyone feel about putting together a little list on this thread so we can see where people are at in cycles/pgs/upcoming scans or tests or whatever? I ask mainly because I get muddled as to what's going on for who

I hit fully cooked at the weekend (37 weeks) so playing the tense waiting game now. And also trying to get madam to turn back round as she's posterior at the moment (snuggling her placenta I guess).

Just had an upsetting phonecall to my mum. She rung saying she'd bumped into someone who knew me as a teenager and asked after me. My mum said "Oh yes, spilt's fine, she's expecting our first grandchild very soon!" Except I'm not am I. Why did she need to recount it to me word for word? I've been crying since I hung up. It hurts so much to have Bobbie discounted like that. AIBU though? Bobbie is that difficult middle ground. She was never viable, she died too young to be registered stillborn (20 weeks), technically she didn't exist. But that's not how I see it at all. I count her as my first child and I always will.
I am dreading anyone sending me a card this time saying congratulations on your first baby. I said to DH if that happens I will tear up the card and post the pieces back to them. He looked panicked and said he will vet all the post!

hi ladies thought id better check in its beeeeeeeen ages i foung out i was expecting again on thurs done a clearblue test and it said im 1-2 weeks really nervous cant get excited but hopefully everything goes well i think my benny boy is blessing me with another baby xxxxxxxxxxxxx

There's an idea, Ciwi, I still have some ov sticks left! [obsessed emoticon]

I'm sure the strong heartbeat was an excellent sign, and I think you're right that you need to focus on the positive right now.

I have called the GP and she's on holiday until next week, so I am going to wait and see if I can get hold of the MW tomorrow. I just really don't want to have anything to do with my original consultant, hence the reluctance to phone her secretary. I'll see what tomorrow brings!

Green, FX for completely uneventful pregnancy with no scary bleeding or anything else! Hence, you might as well poas because you aren't going to need them later.

Am also poking my boobs constantly. Only other symptom so far is a massive spot beside my nose (waah!). Also slight nausea just after lunch, but as lunch consisted of leftover takeaway curry that might not actually be pregnancy-related.

oops, crossed posts.

Hi Spilt - getting close now! Excitement! I'm sorry to hear about your mum upsetting you. I would have been upset too and Thea was definitely my first child and no one is going to tell me different! I hope no one on this thread gets crass 'first baby' cards. I would be very tempted to do as you suggest and post them back. God, there's a whole other level of tactlessness that I hadn't even considered!

It was a bit like that with the PIL, yes! Wondering when they would actually leave, doing the whole 'would you like coffee after lunch?' thing and then when they said yes going bugger bugger bugger I didn't mean it! I'll let the March bunch know soon...when it feels a bit more realistic, I think. I don't think it's sunk in yet at all.

Hi Vicky, congratulations!

thank you xxxxxxxxx

spilt nice to hear from you, glad your little bun is nearly fully cooked, time for her to come out soon I think. Sorry about what your mum said, I would be so upset if someone said that to me/ about me. Maybe you should tell her that it upset you in case it happens again? Bobbie is and always will be your first baby. My mum also unfortunatlely lost a baby when she was 8 weeks old so i know she understands the need for my little boy to be remembered but I do worry that others might call this baby my 1st - they will only do it once though, I don't think I could help myself setting them straight! I get very defensive about my little boy x
Congratulations vicky hope you have a boring 9 months to come x
too didnt mean to give you ideas! Stick with the boob prodding and get your OH to hide the ov tests - lol

I think I will email her ciwi, then I can pick my words carefully. It's not that I expect her to feel the same as I do, neither do I expect her to tell everyone she meets about Bobbie. If she chooses to see this baby as her first grandchild that is up to her, it hurts but I can't change that. But I do expect her to not repeat that sort of comment to me when she knows how I feel.

vicky congratulations on your BFP.

Hope you're all doing ok x

thanks xx

vicky congratulations. How weird you got that BFP the day before mine. Im sure its your little one giving you a new baby the same way I feel. So happy for you.

Spilt that is crushing what your mum said, my mum has the same tendancy to repeat what shes said word for word, why do they do it, they must realsie it upsets us. My DH says its coz I put on such a brave front that she doesnt think it bothers me. Shes my mother shes supposed to know what will bother me, did she or not bring me up?

Wow Spilt full term that's fab. Sorry what your mum said I guess with Georgie bring stillborn at 41 weeks I ve never had anyone refer to this pg ad my first it's always been 2nd child or Georgies sister or brother but then she was GBOS for a long time!!! (Georgies brother or sister) xx
Love to all xx

Oh don t mean to be crass!!! Unfortunately I think , maybe , people just view it differently sometimes or maybe they don t ????? Don t mean to upset anyone!!! >> it's been a LONG day at work!!!! Xx

Angel I don't think you're being crass. I think that we all have to put a brave face on and that some people, including family, think that we're over our dead baby and it's ok for them to get on with things themselves. Sometimes I do wonder if DH and I are the only ones that remember our angel???

Bit down today as there has been nothing else happening and my patience is wearing thin! Never mind x

mel when is your next scan booked? would you consider medical management? I waited 2 weeks for things to happen but nothing did and that waiting was probably the hardest part of the whole miscarriage (emotionally). However I was happier taking the tablet once things had been confirmed on a second scan so I also understand that you may want to wait. All I can suggest is to keep yourself busy (I spring cleaned the whole house!) I hope you don't have too much longer to wait x

Louise don't worry you aren't crass, I think Mel has it with her comment. But I suppose as well that's exactly what I mean about the weird middle ground of a late miscarriage. God I hate that word. It's so inadequate.

It transpires that my mum actually had the whole conversation with this lady "no it's not her first, she lost a little girl last year", but in recounting the tale to me thought it best to brush over that part in case it upset me and abridge to "she's having our first grandchild". Argh. If I wasn't so upset it might actually be a bit funny. Now she's upset she upset me and I'm upset, and all over something she didn't say in the first place!

green your mum's another for this "I saw so-and-so ..." and recounting the whole lot to you isn't she. Sometimes it really would be easier to just not hear!

mel I'm sorry it's taking so long, I can't imagine how hard that must be x

too I hope you can get hold of your MW tomorrow and they can help you figure out how to arrange consultant care that you're happy with.