Mourning our angel babies but still hoping for the future: let the swi commence!

[TooImmature2BMum]

This is a thread for those of us on the bereaved mother's thread who want a place to moan about the perils of ttc without upsetting anyone over there. We've gone through at least one pregnancy, and we know what it is to hold a baby whose eyes will never open, or to have lost a baby after a few days, weeks or years. We know the fear, but we're going to go ahead and do it anyway. And then do it again, especially in the middle of the month!

Newcomers will be welcomed with all the hand-holding and wisdom we can summon up - and that's a lot! Come in and join us: the door is always open.

Morning all. My consultant appointment went well yesterday, they were running really late though. I'll be tested early and twice for GD, scanned every 4 weeks from 24 weeks (more frequently if there are growth or fluid issues or anything else), be seen more often and indcued early. We covered most things and I'm happy about that. Scan today which I'm scared about so fingers crossed. I go back for another consultant appointment in 7 weeks but I need to book in with my midwife in the mean time too.

Blue I'm glad you feel relieved and that you know now what the causes were. I'm sure you feel happy to know she was a little girl too :) I had many negatives before getting a positive this time too so I hope it's the same for you

Mel Glad you got the time off, it's needed in my opinion. I hope everything happens naturally for you xx

TooImm That's great! At least you know when you oved now! :o

Green I've read that too about ov tests, I believe it's true and there is a good explaination of why here Glad your nephew is doing well. I can't believe your mum's comment, I'm really shocked. That would really hurt me too had mine said that. So thoughtless. I would feel exactly the same (hugs)

thanks cheese good luck with you scan.

green YAY YAY YAY so excited for you!

cheese glad you are satisfied with your care!

Green, that's brilliant! Hurray! It is so sweet that you conceived again the day you spread Ophelia's ashes. Congratulations! I'm sorry your mum upset you so much, though - what a thoughtless comment! I would have been crushed by that.

Cheese, glad the consultant appt went well. Hope your scan today goes equally well! Have read your link about OPK tests and I think it means that if you get a positive then you could be either ovulating or pregnant, but not to rely on it as a pregnancy test. With a Clear Blue digital monitor you don't have to compare control lines to other lines - it just gives you the smiley face. I got another smiley face this morning! It says on the leaflet that you needn't keep testing after getting a smiley face, but it doesn't say what to expect if you do keep testing! Does anyone know? If I get another smiley face tomorrow is it then more likely that it is picking up HGC instead of luteal hormone? Or will it still just be picking up LH? Honestly, I couldn't sleep last night for wondering if I was pregnant or not. In-laws are coming today though so I can't test. It might be a touch rude if they arrived and I was grumpy and suicidal because I'd just had a BFN!

Blue, sorry to hear about the BFN, but maybe as you say it is just too early. Maybe your brown spotting was ovulation and it is still just a bit soon to be getting a BFP.

green I completely missed your post I'm so sorry!! Must have cross posts with you. I'm soooo pleased for you!! Congratulations! It does seem like fate for you. Will be fingers crossed for all of us, I'm sure you'll be feeling a lot of the same emotions that I am now with being pregnant again.

TooImm I think it's unlikely that you'd get a positive opk reading over the course of a few days, aren't they supposed to just peak as it detects the hormone and then go down? It does seem late for you to ovulate, what day are you on now again? It's possible that it could be picking up hcg but if it were then you'd be highly likely to get a positive on a pregnancy test. Maybe try with a First Response? I love those tests, they're my weakness!

Green CONGRATULATIONS! That's such lovely news, and so special to think that you conceived the day you spread Ophelia's ashes. Praying for a textbook dull pregnancy for you, no surprises, and that you cough that baby out at the other end and hear it cry straight away. So excited for you!

cheese that sounds like a decent care plan, and obviously you can tweak it as time goes on if you feel you need to be seen/scanned more to help you get through it. Very best of luck for your scan today.

Too I only used cheap OPKs, no CBFM, but I used to test once or twice a day until I got a negative on them, as sometimes I would get two days of positives in a row (LH surge can last up to a couple of days), and if I got a second +ve then I would make sure we dtd again. Just wanted to make sure I didn't miss the egg.

Mel I'm really sorry to hear your news . Life is very cruel.

Blue I'm so pleased they could tell you Sterre was a little girl. I hope it helps you to "know" her a bit more. Glad they could give you some answers about her too and that those answers have given you a bit of peace. You did everything you could for her and have nothing to regret. Hoping you get your next BFP soon.

thank you.

tooimm dont those monitors give you a window of 6 days of fertility? Or is that after youve been testing for a while and it stores up your data?

I still cant believe it, Ive been crying and smiling all morning. We are not telling anyone, not even the grandparents, so you are all privileged to be the only ones in the world who know apart from me and DH. Last time we told everyone the day after we found out. And also I dont want to steal my brothers thunder by announcing Im pg when his little boy is still in hospital. This is their time for congrats and celebration.

green i am so happy for you and your dh! Congratualtions, Ophelia will be such a proud big sister!

cheese glad the consultant app went well, good luck for the scan today.

Im so glad I have you guys to cheer me up and help me through this.

Ive decided that facebook is evil and if I didnt have to be on there for keeping in close contact with my dear american friends and my bro in Oz then I wouldnt be on there. Some of my mums friends are so thoughtless, they have comented on her status saying congrats to my bro and his wife and sending hugs and thoughts to me. There is no need, Im truly sick of it.

If it wasnt for you guys, I dont think I could handle this.

It's the Clear Blue OPK, not the Fertility Monitor (v tempted by that, but put off by the thought of forking out £60-odd for it when I might already be pregnant). I'm on CD42 (sigh), but my last cycle was 56 days so it is just possible that this is me only ovulating now. Anyway, I am going on the assumption that even if my spotting a few days ago was implantation then the earliest I would get a + on a HPT is Monday. Of course, if it was ovulation then I shouldn't be testing for 2 weeks! If I get another on the OPK tomorrow I will be seriously tempted to go buy a First Response, though

morning everyone,
wow green what great news, congratulations! I hope the next 9 months are boringly normal for you. Nice of you to think of your brother at this time too and sorry you got upset by what your mum said, I would have too. Imo facebook is the route of all evils these days x
cheese glad your consultant appointment went well and good luck for the scan this afternoon x
too maybe if they continue to read positive it might be a good sign? you can sometimes get a couple of days positive opk when ov'ing though. Just try and think if you are preggers then hooray but if not then you still might be in 2 weeks time, fx for you but the only way of really knowing is to do a pg test x
blue sorry for the bfn but fx its too early x

No news here, feeling sickly which I am hoping is a good sign but I know its no guarantee. Got my scan on Monday so will probably know more then, am really nervous about it and can't decide if I should just wait till 12 weeks or not, not sure I will be all that reassured by a 7 week scan even if everything is ok and am wondering if the stress of it all will do more harm than good. Will see how I feel over the weekend. Hope everyone is doing ok, especially mel x

green x posts, glad we both agree on facebook x

OMG congrats Green fab news xx
Oh and on your nephew also.
Cheese sounds like a plan!!! Glad you feel looked after hope your scan went ok?
Hi all hope eveyones ok? Love to all xxx

Green so completely chuffed for you, that's fantastic news. This is a lucky thread and we'll all need to keep a positive view on things.

I was at a 2 year old's birthday party today which was hard but I managed to deal with it.

Nothing happening with me yet but we'll see what the weekend brings.

Hope everyone has a good weekend x

Quick message to let you know that we've just got back, been a long day as we left at 11.30 this morning! We saw the baby's heartbeat! I feel so much better after seeing it, I know it's still early days and nothing's definite for a long time yet! Baby is measuring about 6 weeks so that's all in line with last week too. They are amazing there at the fetal medicine centre, they've offered me another scan in 10 days free of charge for reassurance; that's more than the hospital offered me. I'm becoming seriously disillusioned by the hospital care especially after DH told me his concerns today. I'll try and post again later but thinking of everyone and keeping my fingers crossed for all

cheese thats great news, am so pleased for you, have been thinking about you today. Sorry you are not getting the support you need from the hospital, thats great that they will scan you again in 10 days x
mel well done for surviving a birthday party, I went to my friends baby's 1st birthday and found it really hard

cheese wonderful news. Shame you feel let down by the NHS lots of brillant care is given, particularly by me and my colleagues!! However, in balance some not so good care is also adminstered unfortunately.

cheese thats good to hear. So we will be only two weeks out from each other.

I am knackered this morning, kind of forgot this early tired time.

We are waiting till we see the consultant before we decide on when we want a scan. I think this is best and we shall tell the consultant before I ring up the midwife and arrange our booking in appointment.

How is everyone today?

We did have good care when I went in to have Scarlett and throughout that time but it just doesn't seem consistent. They don't seem bothered at all about any care before 24 weeks, which isn't good enough imo. Just because there is nothing they can technically do for a baby before then it doesn't mean it doesn't matter to me. Surely my mental health and reassurance is just as important as my physical care?

I'm really temped to transfer hospitals now and have been thinking about it all morning. I'm going to do some research into another one but I know that the one we're at is very good in other aspects. I'm sick of having to fight and insist for everything I need. It's a teaching hospital too and has very good care for babies. I may move and then transfer back for the birth (should we get that far).

green I'm really tired all the time at the moment. When do you think you'll want a scan? I just wanted one asap even knowing that i might not see much, seeing anything at all was a bonus! Hope things go well x

I can understand your heartache cheese I would have thought your state of mind is healthy for you and your baby so upping your level of care to what you deem satisfactory should be at front of their minds. If transferring hospitals is the only way you feel your baby will get the care you think he/she deserves then do it, or at least talk to some one there to see what they would offer you. It does seam to me sometimes that they dont really care about our unborn children, I found the midwives so supportive and caring and some doctors to be cold and unfeeling.
When I had Ophelia, my placenta would not come away and I had to have it removed in theatre, some of the staff I felt were being unfeeling to me, just because they couldnt get the spinal needle in. They seam to be blaming me, talking very bluntly and in a having a go voice to get me to move forward. I had the unbilicol cord still inbetween my legs and lots of clamps and was in pain from this aswell as in agony of losing my baby. I wanted to scream but my grief was stronger. I wanted to shout to them, to just put me under! They stabbed me in the back 5 times before they decided it wasnt going to work. If it wasnt for my midwife who held my hand throughout this I would have gone insane, she was my angel that day. They checked me before they took me down tot he theatre the doctors did and they were unfeeling then, no Im sorry for your loss, just can I have alook. No Im sorry this might hurt but I shall try to be gentle. From what you have just said cheese has brought this all back to me.

My DH and I are just thinking about the 12 week scan, we are quite happy to wait till then, unless the consultant states otherwise. I suppose untill we see the consultnat and find out what happened to Ophelia we are in limbo.

Hi ladies, I can echo your findings of some people being lovely and others being cold and insensitive. when i was taken round to the delivery suite to be induced they didnt have an available midwife for me, i got upset and said i have already been waiting a whole day (they gave me a tablet and then induced me 24 hours later) the midwife said, no you havent you are supposed to wait 2 days, i thought i was doing you a favour letting you come round here early! If i wasnt so grief stricken i think i would have screamed at her, i couldnt believe how nasty she sounded, instead i just cried. i know i should have complained about her but i just didnt have the energy.
It is hard going through another pregnancy after losing a baby, this is my second pregnancy after losing my little boy now (1st was mmc) and going back to the hospital and the same staff and surroundings is so hard. My symptoms are also less strong today so i am hoping its just natural variation and not a sign things are going wrong again. last time the baby died between 6 and 7 weeks and i am 7 weeks on monday so its really bad timing for my symptoms to be having a good day. Got the scan on Monday and i think i will go, i need to know if everything is ok and i suppose if it is and i do measure 7 weeks then at least i will have gotten further than last time. trying to keep myself busy gardening today, what is everyone else up to?

Hi people.

Another day in the trenches here. I finally got the last pieces of my medical records and guess what? The midwife hasn't falsified my records after all, not so far as I can see. I think the consultant can't read her own computer system. She has put me, DH and our families through 3 weeks of hell because she said the midwife had written that she listened to the fetal heart rate immediately before I went up to the labour ward. The midwife hasn't written that at all! Not unless I'm missing something else, but what the MW did write was that she had listened to the heart rate when I was admitted. She's then updated the same record later on to say she examined me 3 hours later and I was 3cm. She hasn't said that she listened again. We thought she had deliberately falsified my records, but she hasn't. The consultant just can't read. I am so angry and upset. I want to smack her. How could she get something so important wrong, and then, even when we started making a fuss, no one has gone back and reread it! I am beginning to hate the NHS and all doctors.

I could go on ranting for hours. In other news, I got another on the ovulation kit. Of course, as DH's parents are staying we can't take advantage of it (the bed is too noisy!). That's 3 days running I've had a smiley face. If I get another one tomorrow I am going to try doing a pregnancy test once PIL have gone.

Cheese, I'm so glad that you got to see the heartbeat! That's such good news.

Ciwi, keep yourself busy and don't worry! Easier said than done, I know, but I'm sure the baby will be fine. Chin up!

tooimm I hear you about the noisy bed, we have the same problem, with the parents downstairs so we did it on the floor! lol

hi all, just letting you know we're leaving on holiday to France for a week tonight, so I won't be on here! I hope I will be able to relax and I will do another test when we get back!

Lots of love to you all! x

have a great time blue maybe there will be more BFP's by the time you get back. fx.