Mourning our angel babies but still hoping for the future: let the swi commence!

[TooImmature2BMum]

This is a thread for those of us on the bereaved mother's thread who want a place to moan about the perils of ttc without upsetting anyone over there. We've gone through at least one pregnancy, and we know what it is to hold a baby whose eyes will never open, or to have lost a baby after a few days, weeks or years. We know the fear, but we're going to go ahead and do it anyway. And then do it again, especially in the middle of the month!

Newcomers will be welcomed with all the hand-holding and wisdom we can summon up - and that's a lot! Come in and join us: the door is always open.

ciwi rant away, im glad you decided to phone the consultant, i hope the registrar gets a boot up the backside!

Mel how are you today?

blue How are you bearing up? I hope you are ok x

Hi jane I'm ok, counting down to Wednesday for my consultant's appointment, bit nervous for that!

Doing some more symptom spotting as well, still no AF, very very tired, always hungry and today I thought my boobs were hurting... but it could all be down to stress. We will wait and see, told my DH I won't test until we get back from holiday on the 8th of August...

Blue I've been thinking of you, hope you're getting through the days as well as you can

Sorry I've not been on much, over the weekend (sat) we went to see Scarlett and someone had burnt everything that was on her grave. It was awful. All the flowers, things were moved, windmills torn up. Been really stressed. We made it all pretty again for her but a lot of the things weren't replaceable. Complained to the cemetery yesterday as noone was there before and the police came out yesterday too. So much was said but they were both angry and upset for us and promised to do everything they could.

Really quite shocked that it happened.

Cheese that is absolutely disgusting that anyone could do that. These idiots have no idea how important these places are to us and will more than likely never know as the bad things never seem to happen to that scum! I hope you are ok and that you have managed to make the best of things there.

I'm doing ok I guess. My parents took me to see Harry Potter yesterday which took my mind off things (I am 35!!) Going for scan on 8th Aug to confirm that the sac has been reabsorbed and for me that there def is nothing there. Still have pregnancy symptoms which sucks and makes this all so unfair. Seeing my doc on wed and then my works welfare officer to update him on this new development. Busy week! Def decided not to go back to work for a few weeks but obviously going to be guided by doc.

Hugs to all waiting to test or try again. Let's start making some beautiful babies girls x

cheese I am absolutey shocked to hear that! How bloody awful and what horrible, nasty people they must be. I am glad the cemetery are taking it seriously and getting the police involved, you must be so upset. I really belive that these horrid people will get what is coming to them one day
mel glad you are ok, it's really rubbish that you still have symptoms. definately take time off work to recover. do you think you will start trying again as soon as you can?
Good luck for Wednesday blue and hope your symptom spotting is a good sign x
Not much going on here, got an appointment with a random GP tommorrow, would rather speak to one I know but can't get one for over a week so hey ho, surely even a random can read a consultants letter and do as he says!

Cheese, how awful, I'm so sorry. Hope you're feeling a wee bit better MelMal. Maybe better isn't the word but just hope world seems a brighter today.
Nothing for me to report other than still TTC and no joy yet.

TooImm (hugs) definitely not over yet, I felt the same way before my positive, really didn't feel it and I also did some tempting of fate!

Mel glad you're feeling ok but I suppose the the "ok" is relative (hugs).

green that sounds awful for you, it's a shame that your mum can't be more properly supportive of you. It must have hurt having those cds bought too. Fingers crossed your flat is ready soon, you sound like you need the space for you and dh to just be together and relax.

ciwi Good job you called the consultant! That worries me a lot about seeing registrars or anyone else other than the consultant. You shouldn't have to be chasing and asking questions about your medical care, they should be dealing with it automatically and properly. I'm stressing over my appointment on Thursday.

It was fairly late on Sat, well about 6pm so we had to buy some more things for her the next morning. Luckily we were there to put a couple of new bits anyway so there was something there at least that night. It was suck a shock and really horrible. Dd and ds2 were with us as well which made it even harder, in a way I was glad as I held myself together for their sake I'm sure I would just have sobbed and sobbed otherwise. It was ds2's first time there as well and he had to see that, he's only 4.

This week is such a shit one, I'm stressing over everything. Friday I have the private scan in London and I'm terrified about that. I spoke to the epu this morning and explained how I was feeling and they've booked me in for another scan next Wednesday, she said they might scan me on Thursday at my consultant appointment but I'm not holding my breath.

Cheese, that is awful! How could anyone do such a thing? I am speechless. Where do these people come from who think that desecrating a grave, and a baby's grave at that, is acceptable behaviour?

I hope your scan on Friday goes well and so does the Wednesday one! I hope you to get some reassurance from them as to the baby's growth.

Mel - glad you're feeling a bit brighter at the moment. Was Harry Potter good? I want to go see it too - maybe tomorrow (payday)!

Ciwi, stupid bloody registrar! I hate it that every doctor seems to have a different criteria for diagnosis and none of them ever seem to agree about anything. Good for you calling back to doublecheck, but it is horrible that it seems you can never trust anyone to get things right for you!

CD39 here. No sign of AF. I don't even really have any symptoms. No nausea, no tenderness in boobs, no increased sensitivity to smell, nothing. I wonder if I can hold out until after the weekend before testing again? PIL are coming to stay Friday-Monday and I don't want to test with them in the house, so if I can make it through the next 3 days then I should manage the rest (assuming AF doesn't come before then).

cheese that is so disgusting, how anyone can be so disrespectful is beyond me. I hope that it never happens again and they find who was responsible.

tooimm you can do it, I wouldnt want to test with others around either. Im waiting myself, going to hold out till sunday I think.

ciwi that is appalling that you had that added stress, have you made a complaint?

Potter was good and I'm glad I went to see it. Finished it off nicely. I was told that I'd probably cry at it but was determined not to start just in case!
I think we will start trying again as soon as this is all over. My maternity sale stuff from next is arriving but I'm keeping it because it's stuff that'll do work and I do intend on being pg again fairly soon.
Patience is def not one of my virtues so just want this all to be done so that we can move on x

Patience is definitely not my strong suit either, Mel! That's some excellent positive thinking there too. I keep checking out maternity clothes on the Topshop website but am too superstitious at present to buy any. I've kept all my old stuff and intend to splash out a bit and not have to recycle the same 4 outfits over and over this time!

My patience is fading as well, figured it might be good to know whether pregnant or not before going on holiday to France... as being vegetarian and when you ask for vegetarian food in France you normally get presented with a salad!

Or ripe cheese! x

Mmm, I love ripe cheese! Maybe I should nosh heaps of it now because it might be my last chance for 9 months!

Okay, my biggest bra (34FF!) that fitted at 41 weeks pg is now leaving marks on me and I have just had to take it off because it itched with tightness. And my boobs felt slightly sore when I leaned against the wall just now and my arm pressed into them. not obsessing at all! Green, I'll make a not-testing pact with you if you like. I won't test if you won't!

Morning ladies,
too and green fingers crossed for you both! Well done on holding out on the testing, I am so impatient and always cave before af is due! As for obsessive symptom spotting, i think i am the worlds worst at that. I just can't seem to relax especially when i get to the last week in the 2ww. too my boobs get bigger every pregnancy and am also now a 34f, really hope they don't get any bigger!
mel you will be pregnant again very soon and look fab in your new clothes. I think we should be able to wear maternity clothes all the time, they are so comfy.
cheese good luck for your appointments, hope they go well and your little bean is growing nicely x
Not much news from me, waiting for a GP phone consultation to get them to sort my new prescription out and will then be off to work, again!

blue thoughts are with you today as you have your appointment. It's all very hard to take in. Hope they are gentle with you x

Ah I'm also a vegetarian but I don't like blue cheeses! I love the really strong ones but nothing smelly.

Keeping fingers crossed for Green and TooImm for testing.

Thanks ciwi I'm hoping so too, I can't bear the not knowing. Consultant tomorrow afternoon so we'll see what happens then too.

Ciwi - Aargh, I hope they don't get much bigger - am only 5'2" and might start to topple over! I was a 34D pre-pregnancy.

CD40. Have been looking back through the thread to see how many days Cheese was when she got her BFP and I believe it was about 39. Why do I have to be cursed with such long cycles? Still no AF...boobs still slightly tender...(ignores fact that was ceilidh dancing bra-less on Saturday night - pain did not show up until yesterday pm! Surely it would have been there on Sunday and Monday if it was the dancing?)

Good luck today, Blue, and good luck tomorrow Cheese!

thanks all! feel incredibly nervous! will let you know what the results were...

too ha ha, you sound like the exact same build as me, i am 5"2 also! I am honestly considering getting them reduced once all the child bearing is done! I feel like they make me look bigger than I am and clothes and bra's are a nightmare once you go over a d cup. Still, will happily look like dolly parton if it means the little bean is ok! Fingers crossed your sore boobs are a sign and nothing to do with dancing braless x
blue hope the appointment goes ok today x

tooimm I take you up on that pact.

talking about boobs mine didnt get that much bigger, which was a relief as Im a 34 gg and Im 5'3''. They just looked fuller and itched like mad.

Im not having any symptoms at the moment, just really annoyed with everyone. Did kinda of have a AF feeling this morning but nothing. Long cycles are the pits!

Very small amount of brown spotting this morning so miniscule that if I hadn't been scrutinising with care I wouldn't have noticed. AF or implantation bleeding??

Green, okay, deal! I won't test until Monday and you won't test until Sunday. Done!

Ciwi, DH would divorce me if I got a boob reduction! (If they go down on their own that's fine although he would rather they didn't, but to actually surgically remove them!)

fx its implantation too! My DH is quite open to the idea and says if I want it done I can have it done. Just don't think there is much point until I have finished having babies otherwise they will probably just grow again anyway and I might not be able to bf. Not sure if it actually comes down to it whether i would wimp out or not though, we will see.
green well done on resisting the urge to poas, I am terrible for it x

Hi all,

We've just got back from the hospital.
We found out Sterre was a little baby girl! (It was funny now I think back of the funeral my DD was telling everyone about her baby sister, and she was right!)
She had severe abnormalities and a heart defect which were really incompatible with life. The chances of this recurring in a future pregnancy are extremely slim. We received a copy of the postmortem results and the consultant was very friendly, he didn't explain things in detail, but he said that wasn't really necessary. If I would have more questions after reading the report, I was very welcome to get back to him and he would try to explain.
He also said that the bleeding I had early in pregnancy didn't have any effect on what happened, it was something that went wrong at conception, with the splitting of the cells.
I feel quite relieved now, knowing there was really nothing we could have done, or that I didn't do anything wrong.

So let the SWI indeed begin the consultant gave us to go ahead...