Mourning our angel babies but still hoping for the future: let the swi commence!

[TooImmature2BMum]

This is a thread for those of us on the bereaved mother's thread who want a place to moan about the perils of ttc without upsetting anyone over there. We've gone through at least one pregnancy, and we know what it is to hold a baby whose eyes will never open, or to have lost a baby after a few days, weeks or years. We know the fear, but we're going to go ahead and do it anyway. And then do it again, especially in the middle of the month!

Newcomers will be welcomed with all the hand-holding and wisdom we can summon up - and that's a lot! Come in and join us: the door is always open.

Definitely a rainbow baby, Blue!

Well, much better news to report here. Decided that if the thought of future responsibility was weighing on DH's spirits then it would help if I assumed all responsibility. So I tied him to the sofa and you can guess the rest! Sorry if tmi, but am so pleased with myself! Am back in the game, ladies! (Not that it is a competition, you understand. I want us all to win!)

too im sorry to hear you are having some problems. at tieing your dh to the sofa!

My DF i working away again, hopefully we have been swi at the right time this month and im on the 2ww.

blue Glad you had a good time at the wedding. and yay for the swi!

Tooimmature cd 8/10 Isn t nessacarily too early, with Georgie I ovulated on cd 11 and with GILS I ovulated on Cd 10 both times I got my BFP early on cd 24/21. I didn t have any signs or symptoms though. Good luck xxxx I can also totally relate to the whole " sexual activity or lack of" I ve found the last 3 years we ce either been ttc, pg or after loosing Georgie so our sex life hasn t been half as much as fun as it used to. I do try and reassure both myself and hubby that at some point we will strive to get our old sex life back at times Ant felt very pressured to " perform" and that it a big strain on everything but after loosing Georgie he decided/ felt he wanted ttc as soon as so it was him that made the running which was really nice and made everything a whole lot easier and enjoyable!!!
Ciwi luteal support are Pregnanyl , hormone injections. After my 2 MCs I pushed for re- current MC investigations , partly as I work in in my trust and also as we were both 38 at that stage . The results were all negative all was/ is fine but my consultant suggested luteal support which basically increases the hormone support until the placenta takes over at 12/13 weeks if u need the extra support ; great if not ; it won t do any harm.I ve had twice weekly injections with both Georgie and now from 6 weeks to 13 weeks at
My EPU.
Hi all xxxx

so trying to get pg but doing the swi but trying to not think about it and obsessing by getting fit (this seamed to work last time) I lost 10 lbs and then fell pg. So bought wiifit plus yesterday, which is really good. And also DH and I are going out for a country hike and picnic today. Havnt ov'd yet but hoping that all this exercise and fresh air will be good for future baby and me.
I was in a right state yesterday, ended up crying for most of the morning, complaining that my life was shit and nothing ever went right for me. Dh had a word with me and so we decided that I was obsessing to much and not enjoying myself, so hence the above stuff, fx it works!

Morning ladies, hope everyone is well today.
green I really believe that getting out and about is the best thing for feeling down. Over the last 8 months I have had lots of times of thinking my life is awful/ was so much better last year etc and getting depressed about the past and uncertainty of the future. I now try and look forward in baby steps so I look forward to next weekend and make sure I have something nice planned but don't think any further than that. It really helps me to cope x
too yay for the swi!
blue hope its a sign I really believe it is (see below) x
Well, af was due yesterday at the latest so I did a fr in the afternoon and it was a BFP! Just after I did the test there was thunder in the sky that made me look out of the window and there was a big rainbow in the sky! I burst into tears and said that's our little boy telling us everything is going to be fine. I really hope so, its such early days and I am so worried of things going wrong especially with my thyroid problem but it feels like a strong bean as my boobs have been really sore for well over a week. Fx its a sticky one and lots of luck to the ladies in the 2ww. I think this thread might be a lucky one xxx

oooh ciwi congratulations! soooo happy for you!
at the moment I don't dare to think about it really! lots of what if's... still haven't heard back from the hospital. Sterre's funeral is next week and they haven't released Sterre yet after the post mortem, getting a bit worried now.
Can you really get pregnant that quick? I mean I haven't had a period yet after giving birth...

Oh Ciwi, that's marvellous! Congratulations! FX for a strong bean and get yourself down to the GP/midwife/whoever can sort your thyroid!

I hope this is a lucky thread too. I could use some luck. I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster - I went to bed really happy last night, and then this morning the consultant phoned and confirmed that my medical records say that the midwife who examined me in Triage listened to Thea's heartbeat at 7pm before sending me up the labour ward. She did not! She listened only once, when I first arrived at 4pm. It appears that she has falsified my medical records to make it look like she was doing her job properly. I am so angry I don't know what to do with myself. I have requested a meeting with the head midwife, but on second thoughts I think I'm going to change that to the head of the department, and take along my mum and stepfather, who are both solicitors, and, this time, explain that to the hospital so they know to take us seriously. It amounts to gross professional misconduct.

I went to Sands yesterday just after we got the letter from the consultant that sparked off this latest revelation and the woman there said she thought all this stuff was getting in the way of grieving, because we are naturally angry and focused on this, whereas we should be focused on Thea. Oh goodie, more pain and hurt to live through when this is over!

It's certainly possible blue and it does happen, fx for you! I hope things get sorted in time for the funeral x
I know what you mean about the what if's but its been 8 months since we lost our little boy and I don't think the 'what if's' will ever go away. I am not even looking at it as I will have a baby more along the lines of 'we are one step closer at the minute' I can't even bring myself to look up the expected due date! Just hoping and praying everything will be ok this time and that's all you can do really x

Sorry Blue, cross posted. You can get pregnant as soon as you ovulate, so you needn't have a period first. So FX!

too i am already on it, been for bloods today and go to the docs for the results tommorrow!
I am so sorry for what you are going through with that midwife, she should be struck off! It makes me so mad that they can just cover things up. Have you tried going through PALS too? I would definately take things further, i think you would notice if she put a doppler on you and listened to the heartbeat! Anger is a stage of grief and we have all been through it, you just have someone to direct your anger at. Life is still a rollercoaster for me and I am up and down all the time, I think you just get used to it and the up's do take over the down's at times x

Morning all. Woke up late this morning as the alarm didn't go off! Rushing around at 9am, even the dcs weren't up for a change , washed, breaskfast and out the door. Got them to school by 9.25 which was fast! Phew. Sleeping so much lately, still have a headache but it's good.

Saw the gp yesterday and went through questions with him. He's referred me to the hospital and the consultant will deal with what I need to take or not; if I need asprin etc or anything else. Also referred for early scans so I should hear soon about that. He asked if there was anything I wanted to be done differently this time but I only said more monitoring. I went through all my past history before Scarlett too and he said I was very brave, I don't feel that though, only that I'm living and doing what I need to do. He said their door is always open and that not to be fobbed off, just tell them I'm pregnant and special! Made me chuckle :) The drs there are so lovely, it's really nice to know I can be seen if I need to be.

Angel Ah I think the group B strep makes a difference too. I'm so unsure of what to do with another birth. I'll have a discussion with my consultant and see what she thinks too. Must have been nice to see a heartbeat at 6 weeks, I'm hoping for the same when I go! The luteal support sounds interesting, I've never heard of it. I've had 6 miscarriages and haven't had anything mentioned to me about that.

Horsey How are you feeling today? Hope you're reassured by speaking to your dr.

jane Fingers crossed for you

Tooimm DH has also been referred for counselling and waiting to hear now; he was put on anti depressants recently as well which have helped so much. He was so so down and depressed that he even self harmed and started to over use painkillers. He experiences a lot of pain due to his illnesses relating to lupus (he's registered disabled also) so needs to take some every day but he started taking too many. It's hard isn't it? I felt tired and headachy for around a week before I tested positive so my body must have known! Not TMI for me! Sounds like you had a lot of fun :o

green I agree with that. It's only been this past month that I've actually started to feel like a black cloud wasn't following me around. I really don't think I was ready until now. I've had the opposite problem in that I lost weight after Scarlett and was already slim. I couldn't eat at all and it's only been the past couple of weeks where I've been eating properly again. It was annoying my mum commenting on my weight saying I'm too thin all the time, I know she means well though. I'm definitey making sure I eat properly now though and regularly, plus taking iron and folic acid. I love the wii but haven't used it in a while, the dcs tend to hog it :) Have to get the wii fit board out again as I'm really unfit

Blue What a lovely sign! Fingers crossed for you.

Lots of crossed posts! Reading up now!

ciwi Huge congratulations!!! How lovely that you saw a rainbow :) How are you feeling? So pleased for you. My due date is 7th March but I know it will be 2-3 weeks before that maybe more. The gp said the same based on my LMP but we'll find out from the scan. I still have bloods tomorrow, gp said to keep the appointment to check for clotting disorders.

Blue Which day is the funeral? Will make sure I light some candles for you and will be thinking of you then and now (hugs) As you ovulate (usually) before your period then it is possible to get pregnant before having one I believe.

TooImm I think this thread is lucky, there are already a few of us pregnant. Oh what horrible news! That must feel like a kick in the teeth for you. I agree, you should definitely take that further and with support from your mum and stepfather that should help you. Dh has only just now after 7 months started to grieve properly, of course he's been upset but he was so intent on being strong for me that while I fell apart he held me up. Now it's like a role reversal as he's been struggling and I can be there for him. With me being pregnant now it's a shock, even though we were trying, but it's something else to focus on as well I think.

congrats ciwi this must be a lucky thread and fx for those still swi

too that is awful just to lie and make up notes like that, would have been better for her just to admit the truth than that. you should definatly take it further.

hmmm i think i will have to phone my drs again - still havent heard anything from the midwife regarding booking in appt/ scan date.and according to my maths (although not that reliable as maths is not my strong subject) i should be about 8 weeks now.

Blue fx that rainbow was a lucky sign and there will be a rainbow baby.

cheese Funeral will be on Saturday 23rd of July!
Can't remember whether I said congratulations to you already! I have been reading up on the thread over the weekend on my phone but haven't posted! so I tell you now... congrats! I'll pray that everything will go ok this time!

oh forgot green i love the wii (although dcs hog it) and started doing zumba about a month after loosing Grace as wanted to start getting fitter and just needed to get out the house for a bit and i love it so much fun.

Shakey I'd definitely get on the phone to midwife. My gp told me that if I haven't heard in a week then to call the antenatal department at the hospital and I'm going to. What's zumba like? I've heard of it and looked it up but what's it really like to do?

Blue Thank you. Have you finished making all the arrangements or do you still have things to do? You're being so incredibly strong and brave. I didn't deal at all with Scarlett's funeral, I hid myself away from the world and my mum and dad did it all. That was the only way I could cope with it. Will be thinking of you

Wow you are a chatty lot today!

HUGE CONGRATULATIONS ciwi im so happy for you, how fab about the rainbow! x

Thanks Cheese I feel quite strong about it now and it needs to be perfect as it is the only thing we can do for Sterre. But yes, we still need to do a lot. We have some ideas, but the pieces of the puzzle don't fit yet. I want to use the story 'No Matter What' from Debi Gliori, as it was our first reading at our wedding service and it seems so fitting for Sterre as well.
I just don't know how I will cope on the day!

too That's horrible. I hope your mum and stepdad are able to give you the support you need and action is taken against the midwife.

We had a bad experience with one member of staff when we had the twins. We complained. I understand they are now starting action to stop him from practising at the hospital. The fact that they took action and were concerned about the situation did make us feel a bit better.

ciwi Yay! Congratulations. [henvy] but pleased for you [hwink]

Still puzzled as to lack of ovulation but am now resigned to just waiting for AF to start again at some point in the next 10 - 14 days so I can start the IVF again. The drugs are arriving on Thursday, so we are good to go as soon as AF shows up. It would have been nice to be able to achieve it without having to incur the expense of IVF again, but FX the IVF will work first time. Otherwise I'll be a sobbing mess. I've spent the last 13 months pregnant, losing babies or doing IVF and I just want to be pg again. Everyone else I know just seems to be able to get pg really easily, and I was trying for 8 years before our first BFP last July. It all seems so unfair and I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself today. I hate not being able to feel like it will ever happen for me and I'm feeling really old. Sorry for rant. Am now going to cuddle the dogs to make me feel better.

Am hoping that after all the BFPs on this thread already that the rest of us will also get them v soon and I have my FX that all of us will have a nice shiny BFP v soon.

blue Hopefully ciwi's rainbow is also a sign that your rainbow will be bringing you a baby. I must also look out for rainbows [hgrin]

Blue We had a few readings that were fitting and a little service in the chapel at the graveyard, then on to the graveside. We each had a single white rose to lay on her coffin one it was lowered too. That story you're having is lovely and so meaningful. I too worried about how I'd cope but I got through it. Someone recommended I take rescue remedy with me and I did but didn't need to use it, knowing I had it helped I think. I'm sure Sterre's funeral will be both beautiful and sad but I hope the day goes as well as it could do. (hugs)

blue I found that I coped surprisingly well on the day, it was nice to have family round us spending time to remember and say goodbye to our Son.
determined it must be really hard for you having to go through ivf to get a bfp. I have been either pg, losing babies or trying for 14 months now too and it does take its toll. Fx you get your bfp 1st cycle x

cheese I feel ok, little bit icky, sore boobs and really tired (could also just be bored stiff in work though)how are you feling?

dachs I can't imagine how hard that must be for you and to start IVF again, I can't pretend to understand at all but I do feel for you a lot. We've only been trying 2 years in all from before Scarlett. I had a mc before her as well. Even the 2 years feels like a long time but 8, you're very brave.

ciwi I'm feeling ok. Headache all the time, really tired too and I can't stop eating! I've not felt sick at all but having a few mood swings as well.

Some lovely news on here

ciwi congratulations!
shakey 8 weeks already, wow that's amazing!
cheese so pleased you have such a lovely sounding GP
blue your rainbow story is lovely, I hope it means what you hope it does

tooimmature I'm so sorry about the MW lying, you must be beside yourself with rage, and totally justifiably so. I hope you can get the hospital to see how serious this is and take some action. I'm lucky in that there were no medics to fault in my case, no one to blame at all because I dread to think what I might have done if that was the case . As it is, having no people to blame means I have thoroughly taken it out on God. Vicar's wife is coming over shortly, I think to check on me as the last time they saw us was when I left half way through a service in floods of tears at the start of April, and replied to the "how's things?" emails with an angry tirade. Bit nervous.

dachs wishing you a successful run with the IVF, God knows you deserve it. I'm so sorry you've been through so much over so long x