I am jolly well going to get pregnant this month and I'll brook no argument.

[allhailtheaubergine]

Who's in?

I know, right?! Some people are just plain bad-mannered

I am now going to wax my flaps to see how my pain-resistance is. Who needs piss-sticks

Please don't do that Bloofs.

What?! Something isn't right here. My temp has dropped and af appears to be here. Doesn't my body know I'm meant to be upduffed this month? Grrr. Next month then...

Well ladies, Tesco poas test has just confirmed what we already knew, and gave me a BFP!

Have gone rather shaky...!

Ah, congrats late so pleased for you!

Sorry have next month will be your month.

Spent the hen do sober as could only manage one drink. At least I'm not hungover!! And I have just woken to the news that my SIL gave birth 2 hours ago to a little girl! So I am now a very proud auntie!!!!

Hello all you lovely blooming ladies, may I join you?

I am ttc %232, started at beginning of year. Took 3.5 years to conceive DD with the assistance of fertility clinic, more specifically engaging in a deep and meaningful relationship with the fannycam on a 3 times a week basis before being sent home to DTD.

Have terrifically wonky cycles, but these seem to have sort of sorted themselves out post preggers, or it's down to the copious amounts of Agnus Castus I'm consuming in the days up to ov.

Day 9 for me, the shag dictator commanded I poas this am, 1 bar as expected. Ho hum. Should hopefully ov in about 10 days all being well.

Surrounded by bumps in every direction at work, hopefully some preg hormones have winged their way to me and it's me next. Have already calculated my maternity pay and how many up and coming projects I be unfortunately not be able to partake in as I will be unduffed. Thrilling!

Oops, mean ttc number 2, bloody iPhone bollocks

Gah, I'm so sorry have. This must have been the practice month, then! Well, every time I get the damn Red Tide of Doom I tell myself well, that's another coupla weeks I can get ratted without feeling guilty. I'd squeeze you but since you're obviously getting pregnant next month there's really no need.

Late! Well done me old matey! Obviously not in the least surprise since we all knew you were duffled, but nice to have it on paper, as it were, written, so to speak, in piss .

Congrats on your aunthood, maybe! I don't approve of restraint when drinking [confirmed old soak emoticon] but am impressed nonetheless and might emulate you at tonight's festivities.

Morning Sleepy - grab yourself an Isabella Oliver catalogue and and start planning your maternity wardrobe!

I woke to the remembrance that my pal got diffed in 4 months of not trying and am in a shocking grump. I shall snap out of it sharpish. I'm diffed after all, so no need for envy .

7DPO (approx) and alas I have the sore nips that tend to suggest the RTOD is on its way. Hmph.

Are you sure Have? The vomming seemed such a cert. What an arsity arse.

Congrats Late!! Jolly good stuff. Very pleased for you .

Af due tomorrow here. Can't sit still for a moment. Am all over the place. Gahhhhh. Am I pregnant? Am I??? AM I????????

Yes, sadly, am sure. She is here with a vengeance now :( Disappointing, symptoms were great and charters thought chart looked very promising.
Congratulations late!

Hello Have. What an arse, especially with the vomming. Mother Nature is indeed a cruel bitch.

Late, nice one pal. Good old Tesco's eh? They have only ever said "Get lost, barren woman" at me, so maybe they do work after all!! Here's to a healthy and event free 9 months.

Wipe her from your consciousness, Bloofs. I know you have to see her occasionally, but press your In Denial button. It can be done. How was the fanjo waxing?

I too hate the Tesco ones. Can't even look at them on the shelves anymore without an irrational rage soaking through me.

Ahhh, a baby written in piss. The romance of it all. The forced shagging, the examination of fanny snot and the piss soaked stick. Lovely, just lovely.

Many many congrats late. I remember getting shaky with dd's bfp. It's so huge and overwhelming and great.

I could go and poas now. It's calling to me. I only have one though.

And I always find af less soul destroying than a BFN so I'd rather wait.

But arrghhhh. I can hear it sitting upstairs in the bathroom drawer. No. I CANNOT cope with a BFN today.

I am panic eating. Toast. Noodles. Cheese. Cashew nuts. Eat eat eat. Can't think; eating.

Save it. Do it tomorrow evening if no af.
It's not needed anyway - you're getting preggers this month aren't you?

Yes, keep yourself busy feeding the baby!

That is a heady mix aubergine must be the pregnancy cravings setting in....

Screeeeeeeeeeeeam at aubergine having one test sitting in a drawer and having to wait until tomorrow.

It's like a ttc horror film. I bet you can HEAR it talking to you. Go out for heavens sake.

Have everything crossed though of course we know you're pregnant.

Congrats late twas obvious you were with child.

Oh dear, note the dried out husk of a woman who chooses rather than .

Ahh, what a glorious thread. I'm not actually TTC ( am doing so by stealth ) but despite that I am most definitely preggars this month. DH and I have been having the sex for 11 years without a result (do have 6 yr old twins from IVF though) and I'd like another but we really can't afford it at the mo as we're being posh and sending the kids to private school.

I've lulled him into thinking that actually getting the sex is such a boon these days that he must oblige. Hence we dtd on 4th June (easy to remember dates when there are so few) which I reckon was cunningly about ovulation time.

I did poas on Thurs but it was 99p for 2 from Poundland so I don't believe the -ve, had also been peeing like a trooper all morning so obviously wee wasn't concentrated enough.

I'm now on day 3 of really quite noticeable cramps but no sign of af yet and based on the old finger/tissue up the fango test (comes out clean don't you know) I KNOW it's not coming.

DH will obviously be delighted.

ooo what is this test? a new investigative technique? eee how exciting.

Aha dru, the famous rummage test. I did at the desk at work once, you know

I literally cannot believe Aubers has an unused test in the hizzouse. Surely I'm not the only one who tests like, 3 days before the bloody thing is due?!

Resisted the urge to flange-wax Aries - after all I'm pregnant so....

How's the Shag Dictator sitch, matey?

Awwight Bloofs. Ahem - today I have 2 bars so must have laid an egg yesterday I reckon.

"Doing the cigar" I believe rummaging was once called....the cigar of course being a wodge of rolled up loo paper that you poke around with.

I have had a fry up and now feel very sick. Deffo pregnant.

Oh come now aubers, I assure you in a few days' time y'all will be treated to a detailed description of the state of my gusset . Go make yerself a cigar, stat.

Well now Aries, that fry-up should sustain you through one last fertile shag...get some mint tea down you and clamber on

God, do I have to? His swimmers would have to be Michael Phelps to get up there in time. Haven't I done enough?

Roffle @ 'clamber on'.. Oh how tragically accurately that sums up my sex life of late.