I am jolly well going to get pregnant this month and I'll brook no argument.

[allhailtheaubergine]

Who's in?

pomme with sexy talk like that from your husband there is no way your egg will fail to be wooed by his sperm. Which ever way it is delivered.

oh mine will be due the 20th March. I'm sure a Due in March thread will cover us all though.

4 March for me. I shall be An Old Hand at this motherhood lark by the time you two pop.

"Due in March" should cover it, I think

Oh won't that be perfect, Bloofs? After all this time, we will have babies born literally within days of each other! Because they will be born on their due dates after all!

Just imagine the picnics as they gurgle on the rug and we drink cider elderflower cordial. It's going to be a lovely spring.

I know! I will come up to That London with baby nestled in a sling and we can wander round the V&A! And you can come down here and we can stride the moors, again with slings

i really want an april/may baby so baby wont be crawling in summer hense sitting in garden all summer on matty leave

drinking vino :D

Let's get those slings that just look like you've sort of cunningly slung a pashmina round you. We'll look GREAT.

I just forced DH to indulge me for 3 minutes in the I am damn well pregnant chat by talking baby names. He timed it. And when I asked him for boys names he read out the credits of the film he was watching and decided on Clapper, Props or Randy. Somehow I just don't think he gets that mini us will in fact be appearing on my birthday, 2nd March...

Why do men refuse to face reality, Jebel? SO infuriating!

People will envy us, Bloofs. We'll be perfect.

I just had THE SHITTEST night out. All yummy mummies slurring about darling Gina Ford and fucking Bugaboobs. I could weep. And I only had two one small spritzer to sustain myself through it. I was SO SOBER. At one point I went to the loo to see if I could make my shitsmartphone find Mumsnet. No luck.

The thought of coming home to brie on toast and Mumsnet, and specifically this thread, has sustained me through the last dismal 4 hours.

Blimey I got out for a couple of hours and come back to three pages of hilarious threads! My baby is due on 25th February btw.

Aubergine! there there you're home now.

FFS. DH is talking about an early night and I'm NOWHERE NEAR OVULATING.

What is his problem?

I suppose I have to get him warmed up over the next 10 days or so

I ran over dd's bugaboo. Snapped it in half. Was devasted.

DD was in the back of the car to clarify things somewhat.

Apologies for tangent - as you were.

Oh Aubergine luvva, how would you like your martini? I have olives and everything, if you'd like it dirrrrrrrrrty.

If it's any consolation they sound dull as fuck. You will not be like that. And you will be incapable of saying the phrase 'yummy mummy' without vomiting

Oh my god, how can so much happen during a stint in the gym? Well, it was 3 hours, so I suppose.

have sorry she came. Merely a practice run. Welcome to all the new pregnant ladies. There's going to be hormones flying around here like no ones business!!

Sorry aubergine Sounds utterly shit. And surely I candy is waaaaaaaaay more sophis' daaaaaaaarling. I hope you are home with a large wine in hand

Oh, purposeless sex. How irksome .

Thank you Amanda. Leave the bottle and I'll help myself.

My baby is due mid March, I think. Am trying to decide whether to have a boy or a girl.

Oh, and surely I must be pregnant, as said baby would be due on 29th Feb. It's an omen....

3 HOURS IN THE GYM???

Please tell me you were making use of the jacuzzi and juice bar.

I'm not sure I've spent 3 hours CUMULATIVE time int he gym in my life. Hates off to that pregnant lady.

I adore the word "irksome" by the way and intend to use it more often.

Bloofer has informed me that on the days when she gets 3 bars and an egg on the SDBC (TM) she and MrB do it TWICE . Just how am I supposed to summon the energy and enthusiasm for that?

My baby (due on the 8th March) will be a boy I think. Then I can reuse the clothes my sister clothed her baby boy in. It shall be so.

So dh valiantly tried his best but no, umm, happy ending reached. So we have missed fertile time and had a fairly humiliating experience. Having a little cry now.
Really my body is amazing given that I am obviously pregnant.

Oh pomme mate, I am sorry. How dispiriting for both of you...I absolutely know how you feel, because for a long time - the first 3 or 4 months of TTC - that was our trouble. And the awful thing is that you cannot let on what a disappointment it is because that just makes things worse.

It might possibly be worth gently trying again tomorrow, because you never can quite tell when your fertile period stops?

Un -MNetty squeeze from me, matey.

Not squeezing too hard though since you are clearly In A Delicate State.