Coffee lounge and bar for MI5 interviewees, little friends and other CM studiers post MC – Part II

[wombatinwaiting]

Here is part II of our intrepid journey through the minefield that is TTC post MC. You can find part I on this thread.

Phew, glad you are ok wombat

Don't go off radar again Wombat, the shoddy breakfast offering was bad enough, now this, I'm trying to implant here! Lucky I dyed my hair brown scandanavian dusk or I would be turning grey. Will this creeping fear never leave us? Anyone been on that 'feck off' thread, I bet they're made of tougher stuff!

Sorry about your dsil by the way, we wouldn't wish this on anyone, she's lucky to have you and I have my bits crossed for a happy outcome for her x

Hi I have come on here to vent to you'se rather than DSiL, DH or MinL.
DSiL had a scan today then sent a text saying "hi just letting everyone know Iv'e had a scan and I'm ok am 8 weeks pregnant due on 8th Novenber"
So I texted back "glad everything is ok congratulations, look after yourself and baby insert smoking lecture here -> :P" Just got one back saying " I have cut down alot, i can't go cold turkey, I tried on friday and got so stressed I got pains and ended up in A and E thats why I had a scan."

Well I'm sorry but that is the biggest crock of shit I have ever heard. Any excuse blah blah blah.. Now all I want to do is drink wine and eat chocolate and shout at someone!!!!!

Should I respond to that or just leave it?
Feel free to tell me if I am out of order??? we know each other well enough by now......

Sorry it is all me me me, I will be in a better mood after a bottle of wine [cuppa]

Hello worm

I don't think you're out of order at all.....but I think what you do next depends a bit on what your relationship is like and how you'd feel if she stopped talking to you totally etc......and also it's hard to have this kind of proper discussion by text/email etc. I think what I'd be tempted to do is meet up with her and have a 'serious' chat, bring some medical evidence on the effects of smoking. And maybe even get her that Allen Carr book, easy way to stop smoking. I'd really lay it on thick and then.......at that point I think you have to leave it. So i'd put it to her that you really want to be sure she understands the damage/risk etc and then you'll shut up about it.

What she said is a crock of shit but.......it is very difficult to stop smoking. I stopped about 15 years ago and can honestly say it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I know a baby should be a massive incentive but it still is a very difficult thing to do.

I completely understand why you're fuming, I would be too with being told such nonsense but somehow you need to get through these next 7 months without your blood pressure going through the roof. You cannot physically make her stop so I think I would just read her the riot act and then try to leave it there.....in any case she'll know how you feel and would probably just lie about how much she is smoking anyway.

And please don't apologise about coming here to rant, all part of the service!

Oh thanks yellow I have always had a big sister relationship with her, she was 5 when DH and I got together, I don't really know how she would respond to being shown medical evidence, as DMiL has already said " I can't lecture as I smoked through all my pregnancies" which doesn't help at all!
I already feel better after my vent!! She is a clever girl and will hopefully do some research herself on the issue. Tact is not my strong point and I tend to blurt out exactly what I am thinking, and then regret it later!! It is on the tip of my tongue to say "are you going to allow the baby to keep up the habit once it is born?" but even I know that is too far!!!

I appreciate how hard it must be to give up, ( well done to you for doing!) I wasn't meaning it was a crock of shit that giving up is hard, it was the making excuses that pee'd my off!

Edit- I just called her, didn't mention the smoking just gave her advise on the morning sickness and stuff, I don't want to drive her away when I am the only real mother figure she has.

You sound like a lovely caring Sil and she is lucky to have you. Yeh I knew what you meant re crock of shit and it is very hard to have her own mother (did I get that relationship right?) saying that she smoked throughout. Not helpful in the slightest.

Glad the ranting made you feel better...I think she probably knows the facts but has put them to the back of her mind and it might be helpful (if you can in a gentle way) just tell her them again in the context of really caring about her and her future child.

It really is a tough one though and you make a good point about not wanting to drive her away. I guess she is an adult and there is only so much you can do. I think even cutting down is helpful for the baby so I suppose it is a step in the right direction. And I did mean it about the book, it is what helped me to stop when i'd been trying for years.....but you also have to want to.

Go on, have some I might even join you. Would make me feel better not to be the only one drinking on a Tuesday!

I just picked up a dead cat off the road

Morning lovely ladies and welcome to your breakfast buffet this morning. Teas and coffees available from our new barrista, Luciano, who is from Rome and can whip up any beverage you like (after midday, he is a dab hand as a mixologist as well, or even before midday if you wanted to work your charm yellow ). We have freshly baked crusty baguettes, with Normandy butter and home-made strawberry jam, banana and poppy seed muffins, warm pain au chocolats and some coco-pops for worm too! Oh and if anyone is feeling superhealthy, we have fresh fruit salad and yogurt with a sprinkling of toasted seeds (yawn....)

Gosh worm - I can imagine I would find it very hard not to lecture etc. especially after our experiences and am also.... I second yellow's very wise words re: Allen Carr book and that she is very lucky to have you as such a caring influence in her life. In fact yellow - I was super impressed with your advice there - extremely well put. Sorry you found the cat - do you know who it belonged to?

Talking of feline friends, how is your kitten harassed? Hope s/he is getting better.

So yellow - last day as a non-working gal today (though you have your course I think?) - hope the dreams have subsided a bit and you get a good night's sleep before the big day tomorrow (do you have a bodyguard with your new job and do you have to check underneath your car for bombs?! ) - I'm sure the new clothes will do wonders for your confidence too. Is it nice having Mr Yellow back in town? How was his trip?

You did make me chuckle about your hair colour sparkly - wtf is "scandinavian dusk"? I read it wrong first and thought it said duck which brought on all sorts of visions....!

Feeling sadder still for my lovely sil - she had much heavier bleeding and big clots and bad cramps last night so it's not looking at all good. She had a scan booked at her EPAU today anyway which I advised her to go along to regardless as she could get some good advice. She's really the sister I never had (only have one brother) and even though she has 4 sisters, she's still a wonderful sil to me. It's strange as she has felt from the start that something wasn't quite right. Did any of you guys feel that? I remember when I told my parents about the 2nd pg that I felt a complete fraud as I really didn't think things were going to work out. I do feel differently about this one though which is good.

How's life down under wellie? Settling in ok? Any news on the job front?

And harassed - when do you get your blood test results?

Any news on symptoms etc. from you emma? In fact, according to spreadsheet we are approaching the second half of the 2WW for quite a few on here - worm - I know you said you weren't feeling hopeful, but anything to report...? sparkly - feeling any burrowing? And I am still keeping my fingers crossed for Mr Yellow's super long-lasting sperm . I think pecka will be mid-SWI right now - hope you're enjoying it

Righto, better crack on with some work - waves to all and enjoy brekkie!

Quick qu - is anyone else struggling to write emails etc. without wanting to put in the mn emoticons - I nearly sent one to a colleague with the emoticon before I realised it wasn't going to look like that on email!

Ah I see the coffee shop is open and ready for business this morning.... excellent! Poppy seed muffin for me yum yum! I will just pull up this chaise lounge and perv at be served by Luciano

Ahh feeling really sad for your SiL, bless them, was this their first DC? I knew something wasn't right with the one we lost, mainly as I had no tiredness or MS, glad you are feeling positive about this one wombat are you 6 weeks ish now? when are you having a scan?

I spoke to DH about my text conversation with Ds in L and he said he will be nagging her to stop smoking, he has always been a bit of a father figure for her, I think/hope she will research it herself and come to the right conclusion, if I ever see her smoking though I won't be able to stop myself going absolutely balistic!!

As for my 2ww symptoms I have none....... but that means nothing as I had loads last month and got a BFN! also had none when I fell PG with DC's til about 5 weeks.

Oooh lovely breakfast......I think I'll just have a bit of everything You are making up for your slackness there wombat

Really sorry about your sil wombat, must be awful for her especially as she was nearly at the 12 week mark. I think I was optimistic for both my pgs, I didn't have any deep 'knowing' feelings although I was more wary for the 2nd. But I've never had a successful pg so don't know if that would feel different.

It is indeed my first day tomorrow and it feels a bit like a first day at school! I've been planning my outfit....I think the office is fairly casual so don't want to be too smart but also don't quite dare jeans on a first day. So trying to go for something in between. Seeing my counsellor and having acupuncture tonight so that should set me up well for a good night of sleep. Fingers crossed. It is lovely having Mr Yellow back but he's a right stress head with work which is going to continue for the next few months. So it's a bit of a stress-y household here altogether.

worm oh no, a dead cat? Are you going to bury it? is it a local one your recognised?

In ttc matters, no symptoms here either......temp is still high but it wouldn't drop yet anyway.....

Oh and wombat i keep wanting to put emotions all over the place and use some of the jargon........I think that means we MN too much. Maybe there is a help group?

Ha, I emailed a work colleague yesterday and put , they must think I'm not right.
Lots to read up on ladies, I don't have a sil (dh is an only child) but you both seem to be lovely and supportive. Worm, if sil is bright then she knows the risks, I know I sometimes drink excessively slightly too much but if someone said something I'd be upset and annoyed, and would reach for the bottle not welcome the comments. Who knows if it would prompt me to do anything, I'm not quite a Jeremy Kyle case and wouldn't drink through pregnancy, but sometimes it is wisest to just give as much support as possible.
Wombat, the breakfast is delicious, is it bad to have a warmed baguette and then a pain au chocolate?
to hear about the squished cat, I am in a state of high excitement actually ladies as this weekend I am taking delivery of two 5 month kittens! I can't wait, they were left in a box by the side of the canal, and they're such sweethearts I fell in love with them. I get them on Sunday and have already bought a feline pheremone diffuser to settle them in , and Harassed, a corner cat litter, have you ever heard the like? It's the future. I've 2 young cats already so it's going to be a full house, and slightly hectic.

With my due date looming, could I be looking to fill a hole?

Phew - seem to have made up for last few mornings' pathetic efforts . Glad that Luciano is having the desired effect worm

Thanks for your kind words re: sil - they have a gorgeous dd who is 18 months and have fallen pg quickly both times so here's hoping.... interesting to read your different experiences of "feelings" about your pgs. I think with my first, I was quite shocked to even be pg that any feelings of right or wrong were overtaken by that. I can't explain why I am feeling so ok about this one - logic-head seems to have taken over when feeling / not-feeling symptoms and concentrating on the good stats (bloody stats!). You're right worm - 5+6 today and scan booked for 17th April when I should be 8+3.... deeeeeep breath! Good to hear that your DH is in agreement with you re: SIL. If you do see her smoking, could you grab the packet and run it under the tap? Sorry, that's a very immature way to approach it - give me a fish slap would you yellow?

He he re: the MN helpgroup - I'd be their first signed-up member I reckon although I don't post everywhere and in fact have only posted a couple of times on the newly updiffed post mc thread - feeling a bit shy .

Thanks for updates on 2WW symptoms ladies - noted in the spreadsheet .

Hope the final day of the course goes well yellow and your therapy and accup do the trick for a wonderful night's sleep - do you have an apple for teacher?!

Waves to all x

x-post sparkly - he's a bit of a devil that Luciano - check out his sexy Italian accent too! Will keep it quiet from Mr Sparkly for now . definitely ok for baguette and pain au choc - not much interest from our other chums so plenty for seconds

4 cats - wow! Awww- hope the 2 new ones settle in quickly. And pheremone diffuser?! We have one who is a bit fickle with his attention - it's very much about love on his terms - hmmmm....

May I gently ask when your dd is sparkly - just so we can send warm thoughts your way x

Gotta run - going to a seminar with some mad American trainer on leadership transitions!

Surprised you has to ask Wombat, tab 2 of the spreadsheet! It's 17th April, your scan date as it happens - saw that and gulped, then thought yay, lucky Wombat! so I'm really glad, it gives me something positive to dwell on and hopefully I will wake up to your good news (as you will impatiently have had it before we are all up!)
Re. thoughts on first pg, it happened almost straight away so didn't really sink in, and I'd been lurking on mn long enough to know it wasn't all plain sailing, so didn't allow myself to get too excited in the run-up to the scan. Having never been pg before, I don't know what it's meant to feel like, and I viewed my comparative lack of symptoms in a fairly smug, oh seem to have got away lightly, manner. Should I not be vomiting daily from about 6 weeks next time I will be in a panic of course!
Kitten fever escalating out of control, damn Amazon! Have now purchased;
1 x phermone plug-in diffuser
1 x revolutionary corner cat litter tray
2 x cosmic catnip banana toys
1 x cat rustling tunnel bed toy
And I was going to be the mum who wouldn't allow any plastic tat in the house for sparklyjnr!

Ah yes - sorry sparkly. That's such a lovely thing to say about my scan and so kind of you to be so positive about it. I will def be thinking of you too and sensitive to the knowledge that the date is not a good one for you x

Lorks a lordy that's a big 'ol shopping list - pray tell what makes a corner tray so revolutionary?! . No plastic tat for sparklyjr - my arse!

My poor sil went through a very traumatic and in her words "brutal" final stages of m/c last night and I think she is in quite a bit of shock (plus my bro too) as none of the midwives, nurses or docs she'd spoken to had given her any warning of the pain, clots etc... I only wish I had perhaps given her a bit more of an insight - I guess I didn't want to assume that it was worst case scenario for her..... she's off to the EPAU today for the scan anyway to make sure it's all gone / check for infection etc. I'm finding it so incredibly sad and oddly feel worse for her than I did for me.....

'Cause it fits neatly in a corner Wombat! Durr. For a neat freak this is heaven.
Keep typing something for you about your sil but it comes out as flippant or over the top or patronising, so you'll have to wait it out until a grown-up comes along, who's good at emotions and stuff and says the right thing. The word 'brutal' is so descriptive, I am truly sorry.
.....xx

hi ladies, just popping in quickly to say hi, my sisiter is over visiting from cyprus with her two kiddies so im extra busy, hope you ladies are all well, will try and have a proper catch up on your worlds next week when they go home, (sad)
update, mid swi, well kindof am on day 11 today, so all the action really starts from today offically, trying not to stress about it too much this month, no temps,no ov sticks just plain old simple sex!!! Lets see what happens.
Harrassed, hope your doing ok my lovely, am thinking of you daily.
Check in with you all next week. Waves frantically xxx

Hi Girls
Well you have all been busy on here today havn't you!, have you actually done any work today [wags finger emocion]

pecka good luck SWI with Sis and kiddies around! must be lovely to have them over.

Sparkly/madcatlady I honestly cannot believe a pheremone plug in diffuser actually exists let alone someone would actually part with hard earned cash on it ! you wait until you have a nipper! there won't be a spare bit of floor space in your gaff!! It will be nappy disposal unit here, industrial breast pump there .........

Brutal is just about the right word, wombat hard as it is, Mine was 9 weeks and that was bad enough, let alone 12 weeks! and as for the poor ladies who lose it after that words fail me to describe how utterly awful that must be. She will need lots of loving and you are just the SIL to dish that out by the sounds of it.

Going back to topic, sparkly not everyone gets MS, I just knew mine wasn't right as I was sick as a dog with my 2 dc's!

Good luck tomorrow with the new job yellow I feel nervous for you!

Well I did my good deed for the day re the squashed cat...... I scooped it up (with a shovel as it was in a dreadful state ) packaged it up in a nice little box and took it to the vets this morning. There they will scan it to see if it was chipped, and hopefully sort out with owner if they want it back etc....

I definately feel AF is ramping up ready to pounce over the weekend, expecting in sunday/monday, as I could eat my own arm am starving for stodgy food like usual at this time of the month. Is this normal for you lot?
Have a nice evening girls

Worm, it's just like a Jo Malone candle, right? Overpriced but ver ver relaxing. You have made me feel a little guilty, I don't think anyone has ever given me a face before!

Lol I'm just taking the piss sparkly have some hugs and kisses () x () x () x, I think I may have spent too much time on AIBU! sorry

Thanks for the support re: sil sparkly and worm - and that's not at all ineffectual sparkly - I just spoke to her and she is definitely in shock as is my bro. She feels v let down by everyone she's seen and even today, while sympathetic, they still didn't give her advice re: if she gets fever symptoms, excessive bleeding / pain, smelly discharge etc to go to a&e.... I am on her behalf. She did say that she didn't think she would have got through it without my advice / support and oddly, I am glad to have been through it so that I was able to do that for her.... is that really weird of me?

Anyhoo, on other topics - have a top time with your sis and kids pecka but don't let them get in the way of a good shag!

That's very good of you worm with the dead cat - not sure I'd have had the stomach..... I wonder if your AF (if it comes) will settle back into its regular Saturday routine again....

Now, do tell me if I'm being a bit thick, but about this corner cat litter.... surely a rectangular or square one would fit in a corner nicely - is this one triangular or something? Actually, scrap that I have just looked it up on ebay - very nice too....! But I think I would prob choose a Jo Malone candle for me rather than pheremone spray for the cat!

Had another lovely yoga session tonight - DH was complaining our teacher pushed him too far. I told him he was being a woos.....

Just so you don't worry ladies, I'm on a course all day tomorrow and then scooting off with DH for Thur and Fri night to a luxury desert getaway resort. We had to cancel it back in Nov as I was still bleeding from the m/c so seriously looking forward to it. It does mean that I prob won't get time to post though. Will try and hop on tomorrow before course to set out some breakfast, but one of you will have to take over the weekend shift - any volunteers? Ah - I see sparkly and worm have put their hands up very quickly - nothing to do with our new barrista I suppose....?