Howdy pardners, grab your corset and mosey on down to the BESHt Little Whorehouse for all Wannabe Differs (30's)

[LadyGoneGaga]

Why howdy pardners, tighten your corsets, put a feather in your hair, pull on your boots and garter (*nipple tassles optional but welcome) and mosey on down to the BESHt little whorehouse in all of Diffas. Where the finest 30?s TTCers will fulfil your every need. There?s firewater -?Hendricks-- on tap and we?ll WOOFL you until you can?t WOOFL no more. Yeehaaw.

Menu
Straight up ? the best rootin?, tootin? baby making sechs in 7 counties
Cougar style ? like Doggy but with claws, acceptable for updiffage
Rodeo ? to be followed by a quick dismount to avoid leakage
Sherrif style ? with spurs on
Backdoor ? Recreational but not recommended

Specials
Dildocam ? Half price this month only
Needlework/Foot massage ? for those who like it a little bit woo
Zinc shooters ? to keep the posse on the straight and narrow
Positive thinking ? by the glass
Eggwhite omelettes ? to keep your energy levels up
Gentlemen are kindly reminded to leave all prophylactics by the door and to kindly leave the cowboy juice in the receptacles provided as directed.

He hasn't made it for a while cinco so I've sort of forgotten but i think it involved veg, baked beans (the cowboy bit) and smoked cheese, with a sliced potato topping. Mmmm, might have to put in a request.

Cross posts there. Fanks very muchly my luvverly birthday Scorps. I do hope you're having a very fine day full of gorgeous things and times

Exciting news that you're looking to move too scorps. I can definitely recommend round this way . Will send you house details ...if nothing else you can picture my snotty ass sitting on the sofa [hgrin]

Cincocinco hols were fab thanks. We were in Cornwall - it was bloody nice for October. Even went in the sea one day! (Wet-suited up obv. Wet suits however are not a great look )

Cinco I know exactly what you mean about the control freak/not knowing/makes you fret stuff. If I knew it would definitely happen some day I'd cope far better with the days when it's not happening.

I've just booked flights to LA to go and visit a friend next year and so am now far too overexcited! I'll be leaving TH at home though, so part of me's already wondering if we'll be missing out on SWI for that month. Clearly I have no faith in my ability to be diffed by then.

I can state with confidence that Cinco's humble abode is VERH fab and stylish and should be snapped up ASAP if anyone has any sense (although as I've been living in the crawl space above her bedroom for a month, I already knew what it was like).

My day has been quiet but lovely, ta v much. And as the chavs screech and bellow drunkenly outside whilst waiting for the night bus into town, I am imagining that they're all serenading me [hgrin]

My FIL is over this evening, consequently we are watching a programme about an Eddie Stobart beauty competition. It's rather taken the shine off my Take That high.

Scorps, vis a vis my ancestral home, (major scary stalkerlurkage revelation coming up)aaaages ago when you other Marians were discussing places thereabouts, one of your cryptic clues was MMM. Now, far be it for me to be one for getting a bee in their bonnet, but it's bugged me ever since. Where is it? Was tempted to PM you this question, but thought you might actually become Very Afraid, so I am being open about it, in a public place, so there will be no opportunity for secret gropage or peeping tomfoolery. Drat.

Cincs glad the hot toddy has helped, but am so sorry that you feel so down. I know what you mean about wanting the crystal ball to at least tell you how long you have to wait for. Scorps says these things much better than I, but there will be no BESH left behind - that is the BESH way. TTC is shite of the highest order, but at least finding fellow ladies who can emphathise goes some way to helping get through this.

Big hugs to you my darling.

Molesworth, you may PM me and ask away. Am not going to give away the answer in public, though :)

Hello my beauteous BESHes, I have enjoyed an evening of red wine (suitably large measures Cinco ) and have just got off the phone with my lovely friend who git engaged this evening. Excitef I'm bsck in the homeland tomorrow so can share champers and squealing and bling admiring with her.

Am also grateful for lovely friends offering me spare TT tickets so am now potentially going to Birmingham, Cardiff and Madchester (c/o Rocket ) I luffs my RL and BESHy mates long timezzzzzz xx (yes, kisses, and?)

From the look of the bar, everyone's birthday was properly celebrated . From the number of hats on the tables, I guess a number of lucky cowboys are with the ladies upstairs...?

House hunting sucks. Have to be out of my flat in 2 weeks, and the place we lined up [to rent] fell through. Am losing sleep over it which seriously sucks. Anyone else know the feeling of fury that eventually accompanies being tired and unable to sleep?

Managed to catch up with this fab fred though. Encouraging thought about BESH motto and all.

So - four places to look at today. And off to work at 2pm. Droid has hit and am filled with the joy of life.

ohh BrownOwl that indeed sucks. Hope you find something fabulous (dahlink) in your hunting today. Bollocks to droid too, bet that's contributing to the rage.

truffs if you can get a ticket elsewhere then please let me know. A little birdy told me godessLyra was also frustrated in the hunt for tickets yesterday so if you can get them from a RL mate, then we might offer mine to her? You still have first dibs tho. The internet is saying (therefore it must be true) that about 9 days at Wembley are 'on hold' for TT after the 9th of July and also there is a week gap between Cardiff and Glasgee so I suspect there will be more dates announced at some point.

Occie whoot for lala land trip, its bloody ace if a bit, well, weird! (they are all nuts) And much nicer if you know someone there IMO.

cincs hope you are feeling more chipper today. the house thang is a double whammy too in the control freak stakes isnt it? as you just have to wait for the person who is going to fall in love with your house to arrive. I agree with scorps it shouldn't be very long as your house is gorgeous.

Hello everyones.

Just popping my head round the saloon-bar door to say howdy, and that I am lurking a little wee bit, but not really in full BESHly mode just now. I am not convinced that a half-assed shag twice a month more or less around ovulation counts as TTC, and if I come here I tell myself it is TTC, and then the looming one-year-of-trying deadline frightens me. Whereas if I carry on whistling airily every time I see a differ/baybee dressed as a pumpkin then I can pretend it isn't happening, and that I feel fine, and I am sure we are all agreed that this sort of repressed behaviour is precisely what fought a valiant battle against the Romans/Napoleon/the Hun etc. etc. .

Plus also, I cannot help but feel that Mother Nature/The Good Lord/The Flying Spaghetti Monster/Jove took a quick look at my diary, at my strained, grey face and puffy ankles, at my over-used alarm-clock, unmade bed and tumultuous house, and at my piles of unfinished work, and gently wondered whether morning sickness and the world's biggest distraction from ongoing matters was exactly what I needed just now. If you see what I mean. And prizes to anyone who can unravel that .

Anyway. Much love violence all round. I feel appalling that I am not keeping up with you all - I never even said CONGRATULATIONS to Orchid, so am doing it now: - but promise to return to my stalkerish ways when and if things calm down, ie, by the time I am mid-way through menopause, no doubt .

HB you are very wise and self knowing.

Don't feel appalling.

We all love you.

There, that is all.

Headcase we miss you, it's good to know you're still out there, bad to know that life is so busy. I shall join you in denial of upcoming one-year-of-trying anniversary, it can't possibly be true therefore it isn't.

Relieved to be safely here after the walk of shame. The autumnal sun is a little too bright today.

BB Big squeezy hugs digs in the ribs - I am willing the universe to ensure that the first place you see is perfect, the right price, and immediately available :)

Cincs sorry I threw DC back in last night without having time to read Fred properly and give you gentle strokes punches on the arm (sometimes I am a bit too fluffy for the BESH - I don't do babydust and all that but I find it hard to punch people when they are sad, even virtually!). Glad you feel a bit better - the BESH stats surely are very cheery. And good luck with the House stuff - am willing universe for the BEShies housewise today.

In Boonews I went to a house warming party last night. It was bloody fabulous. And I had a lie in today as MrBoo's Mum had lilboo. I now have the house to myself as MrBoo is at work. Have got to go out and get him an anniversary card for tomorrow and think of some loving words to put in it. Am tempted to stay in bed instead.

Droid came one day early this month. My cycle seems to be getting shorter by the month which is a bit scary.

I want to talk to MrBoo about resuming our ttcing this cycle, I've stopped worrying so much about money and things since I poured my heart out to you all a few freds ago. I've talked to lots of people about it too. If I am going to lose my job next March then at least I might get to be a SAHM like I've always wanted to be - then I can think of a fabulous business idea and make a shedload of cash. Or something.[hhmm]

I had a dream last night that I had two sons, am hoping it was prophetic. It was a very happy dream :)

Banger You are lovely but you are once again putting too much pressure upon yourself. There you are berating yourself for not falling pregnant within 12 months - and I really hope you won't mind me saying this - but I've read a couple of threads where you admit that you didn't have sex and/or your timing was completeyl off. So if you scrap those crappy months you're left with a far more "acceptable" number - you are not "12 months of dried eggs". And your family are like rabbits. 'Tis only a matter of time. You do realise the sechs isn't supposed to be romantic or fun right? You know you're TTC with a vengeance when you utter the words "ffs, I don't care and I don't really want it either. Just hurry up and fucking come so I can go to sleep".

boo Sounds reasonable to me!

Now. Have sourced REAL CLOTTED CREAM and my scones are due out of the oven - care to join me anyone?

I was only thinking literally two minutes ago AndesNag, that scones and clotted cream would really be the bizniz.

I think from what our HB says she's decided that getting diffed would not be an ideal scenario at the moment. She is a fresh faced, dewy, wrinkle-free, beautiful young thing who has got several years on any of us so has very sensibly decided to take one thing at a time. Sorry to talk about you like you're not here Pencil.

You are all most luffly and kind. Pone I know what you mean: we certainly weren't at it scientifically hammer-and-tongs every month! Left to my own devices I am relatively sanguine, but dwelling on it - here or elsewhere! - makes me fret, in much the same way that I would fret about not having a car if every day I visited car-owners' forums . And 'tis troof about the rabbits, and there's nothing wrong with the OM's white goods. So you see, I am not in despair: I am just retreating from the fray a little, partly for the reasons Aries outlines above except for the 'beautiful young thing' bit .

hello BESHes.

What did I miss?

Ooooh, Pony, there's no need to boast about your actual being awake for your TTC efforts [hwink] We can't all have that much fun!

I only had Teh Secks twice the week before my win and one of those was prefaced with the seductive words 'I've never felt less sexy in my life and I know you have a headache but I'm going to ovulate soon, so just make it quick. And I'm keeping my socks on'. I have chosen to believe it was the slightly more romantic shag that did the trick [hhmm]

Darlingest ChittyChittyBangers, please don't beat yourself up so much - tis just more pressure upon pressure. I'm not going to say the hateful and forbidden 'relax and it'll happen' (don't worry, I've just punched myself in the face purely for typing it) but you could do with relaxing just for your own health and sanity, regardless of TTC. And I know that's much easier said than done (esp. by a slacker like myself).

Alps is right about looking closely at how many months of TTC were/are actually 'viable' - there's many months where we all think we've tried as normal but if you recall things more in detail, you realise that some months were never going to produce a win. I did the same after my BFP and realised that even though we were TTC for 14 months, we only had about 7-8 cycles that we could've won with (incl. not being able to shag due to medical treatment and lap).

Please don't be a stranger, gorgeous one. HeadGirl isn't just a nickname, it's an official title [hsmile]

I love your Sexy SECKs Scorpular - esp the bit about keeping your socks on!! Practical AND got the job done!!

Well, we Scorpios are known as the most attractive, seductive and sexual of all the star signs.

Other dirty little nothings uttered in the name of TTC inc.:

Hurry up, I think I might be getting diarrhoea.
It's freezing - can I keep my top on?
Don't bother kissing me, just get on with it.
I'm not lying on my front, I've got mastalgia.

And the most erotic of all:

Please don't make me lift my knees up, I'm absolutely knackered.

I think I might also have suddenly asked in alarm, at the crucial moment, 'Shit, have we paid the council tax bill?'.

I knows how to drive a man wild, beyatches [hgrin]

Disclaimer: we do also have (and indeed, have had) incredible sex too! Just not so much when TTC (if a Doc insisted you had to eat chocolate all the time whether you fancied it or not, you'd go off it a bit too!).
Lovely TYF has always managed to turn things sexy and caring - he wouldn't actually do it with a woman who clearly wasn't interested!

Slow down there with those sex tips....Blimey, Mr S ain't going to know what has hit him!!!

Just so I get it right and don't make an idiot of myself, does it have to be council tax, or do you think a water bill would work just as well?

Just as we were getting down to it once I observed I could see a bogey in MrA's nose. He sulked and refused to do it.