Howdy pardners, grab your corset and mosey on down to the BESHt Little Whorehouse for all Wannabe Differs (30's)

[LadyGoneGaga]

Why howdy pardners, tighten your corsets, put a feather in your hair, pull on your boots and garter (*nipple tassles optional but welcome) and mosey on down to the BESHt little whorehouse in all of Diffas. Where the finest 30?s TTCers will fulfil your every need. There?s firewater -?Hendricks-- on tap and we?ll WOOFL you until you can?t WOOFL no more. Yeehaaw.

Menu
Straight up ? the best rootin?, tootin? baby making sechs in 7 counties
Cougar style ? like Doggy but with claws, acceptable for updiffage
Rodeo ? to be followed by a quick dismount to avoid leakage
Sherrif style ? with spurs on
Backdoor ? Recreational but not recommended

Specials
Dildocam ? Half price this month only
Needlework/Foot massage ? for those who like it a little bit woo
Zinc shooters ? to keep the posse on the straight and narrow
Positive thinking ? by the glass
Eggwhite omelettes ? to keep your energy levels up
Gentlemen are kindly reminded to leave all prophylactics by the door and to kindly leave the cowboy juice in the receptacles provided as directed.

Pissing self laughing at the romantic deeds of Mr and Ms Scorps and Pony. Mr and Ms Pony. My one concession to romance is taking my pyjama bottoms off.

Not sure what happened with that sentence.

Luffly to hear from you HB, meant to say. I was starting to get mildly worried

We did actually manage an afternoon, all clothes off shag today. With orgasms for both parties . MiniG with his Dad so being all debauched. Also the FFJ has gone stretchy so necessary.

I am heartily impressed LadyG. Debauched. remind me what that means again??

Salty, the mention any sort of bill or domestic chore is guaranteed to bring a man to a momentous climax. I cover all this in Chapter 10 of my forthcoming guide, The Scorpa Sutra [hgrin]

Ooooh, jammy bottoms off, eh, Gaga? Into that kinky dressing-up shiz, are ya?!

TBG is reading this thread over my shoulder. He has pointed out that Scorps council tax comment is in the vein of Tristram Shandy, who puts his life of misfortune down to his mother asking his father if he had wound the clock yet at the point of conception. So, umm, there we go.

Hullo BESHters. I have been on holidays again and it was lovely. This new thread is brilliant. I love an excuse to break out my nipple tassles (red leopard print, heart shaped).

And now I am in my nipple tassles, I am twirling them just for Heads. I agree with what everyone else said. But would like to add that you are fabulous, funny, and totally gorgeous.

I have admittedly great knockers (shame about the rest of me). I've never had to develop a seductive technique beyond that (those) [hwink]

Muse, please inform TBG that I do model all my comments on the worldview of Msr SHANDY (authentic Samuel JOHNSON stylings for free).

PS Now he knows all my seductive secrets, please don't point out which of his Twitter followers I am [hconfused]

BUGGERATION scorps could you not have mentioned that before???

I do not have the kind of buzzwams that you can rely on to get you a shag. They are petite. And different sizes. And they bloody hurt at the moment too. And I have a Hair.

I used to have pretty good boobs (small but pretty). Sadly no more (more medium sized and long). Happily MrG knew me and my boobs when they were perky and 18 years old so he can just pretend they still are.

But I reckon I coul do a full on boob twirl without the tassles.

Can you not go in with the tweezers for that hair, Salts?

Nipple Tassles twirling trick - learnt during the burlesque class at my hen weekend - to get nipple tassles to twirl, bend knees slightly and bounce. To get them to twirl in the opposite direction you simply raise your arms.You can also mess about rolling your shoulders back to get them to do opposite directions. Easy Peasy!

It works - ask Rocket (who applied nipple tassles to my buzzwams at 3am after many cocktails so I could attempt it to entertain the assembled hens)

I have rubbish boobs. There really is no other interpretation.

All boobs are lovely Ramlady, 'specially yours :)

Unless they're hideously disfigured, men love all boobs. And even then, they'd be pretty happy. I have zero body confidence except in my (medium-sized) chesticles. And they mean that I have had to spend the last 20-odd years with pervs letching at me. MEH.

I want some nipple tassles. I reckon I could twirl 'em pretty well.

PS Salty, everyone has slightly different size boobages. 'Tis a medical fact, like every man has one ball slightly bigger than the other.

During wk 7, my left nork grew massive and stayed comedically much bigger than the right until it just about caught up at wk 9. That was fun [hangry]

re body confidence: me too Scorpina, I am an overweight heifer but a good bra and a wrap dress means that I can still leave the house and know that at least one bit of me looks good.

I recently found a bra which increases your boobs by two sizes and pushes up what's there into some semblance of a shape. I didn't have any money at the time but I may invest. To ladies in the A team like me, they are the best thing since sliced bread

All boobs are great. I love boobs.

It's true. All men go weak at the mere word 'boob'. Having been likened to a busty wench/dairy-maid/barmaid on a pretty much monthly basis since I went directly into a C cup at the age of ten (don't ask), I've always wanted ones like Aries and other lissome young things. You know, these elegant sophisticated breasts that French women sport bra-less under a vintage silk YSL blouse . It's also true about wrap dresses. I haz just ordered three yards of navy jersey and a pattern for one of those ones where the fabric is drawn into a sort of knot under the bust. Boobs supported and displayed, belly concealed: WIN!

Ah boob envy. All us busty types would like less and those with wee pert ones want more. Can I just blame the medja for that please for simultainiously giving us page 3 and catwalk fashion? I have come to appreciate mine a bit more since realising I was wearing completely the wrong size bra. But I have the ultimate in wonky sized boobs as one has a wee little mate underneath (just call me saladmanga) which adds it's mass to the main one, luckily this is only VERY noticeable from my particular vantage point.

Sorry haven't caught up properly as on phone in bed but can I ask boo to pls not refer to self as heifer? U may not be elfin but you ARE most beautiful, so watch how u refer to yourself or I will get [hangry] so there!! you know nipple tassle moment is one of my most abiding memories. True friendship right there

Ah boob envy. All us busty types would like less and those with wee pert ones want more. Can I just blame the medja for that please for simultainiously giving us page 3 and catwalk fashion? I have come to appreciate mine a bit more since realising I was wearing completely the wrong size bra. But I have the ultimate in wonky sized boobs as one has a wee little mate underneath (just call me saladmanga) which adds it's mass to the main one, luckily this is only VERY noticeable from my particular vantage point.

Sorry haven't caught up properly as on phone in bed but can I ask boo to pls not refer to self as heifer? U may not be elfin but you ARE most beautiful, so watch how u refer to yourself or I will get [hangry] so there!! you know nipple tassle moment is one of my most abiding memories. True friendship right there

Ah phone posting fail? Soz!

Morning hoes. I will be away for a few days and only access t'Internet will be via my parents' wind up, clock work machinery. They certainly don't have WiFi. These are the same parents who wanted a DVD player for Christmas a few years ago, but they waited for years for ones which were recordable "to come down in price". So we finally bought one for them, and nine months late when next made it Over The Bridge to see them, it was sat in its box by the TV because they didn't know how to tune it in. To be honest, I'm surprised and impressed they have a computer so I mustn't grumble.

Also will see RL school friends so I'm anticipating much insane drunken cackling and weary sighs from husbands. Sister will also show up with Nephew at some point. So see you soon! Will bring back welsh cakes and laverbread and Brains for all.

Have fun RieRie we will miss you

Am duly chastised Saladmanga ()

Come back soon Aries - we'll miss you loads.

Did anyone see the thread on Style & Beauty bemoaning the fact that wrap tops make tits look enormous? On which planet did anyone ever think wrap tops hide tits? Whattatwat.