Howdy pardners, grab your corset and mosey on down to the BESHt Little Whorehouse for all Wannabe Differs (30's)

[LadyGoneGaga]

Why howdy pardners, tighten your corsets, put a feather in your hair, pull on your boots and garter (*nipple tassles optional but welcome) and mosey on down to the BESHt little whorehouse in all of Diffas. Where the finest 30?s TTCers will fulfil your every need. There?s firewater -?Hendricks-- on tap and we?ll WOOFL you until you can?t WOOFL no more. Yeehaaw.

Menu
Straight up ? the best rootin?, tootin? baby making sechs in 7 counties
Cougar style ? like Doggy but with claws, acceptable for updiffage
Rodeo ? to be followed by a quick dismount to avoid leakage
Sherrif style ? with spurs on
Backdoor ? Recreational but not recommended

Specials
Dildocam ? Half price this month only
Needlework/Foot massage ? for those who like it a little bit woo
Zinc shooters ? to keep the posse on the straight and narrow
Positive thinking ? by the glass
Eggwhite omelettes ? to keep your energy levels up
Gentlemen are kindly reminded to leave all prophylactics by the door and to kindly leave the cowboy juice in the receptacles provided as directed.

boo my dentist is far from hunky. Dental

Tilda is fucking gorgeous. I'd be vvv chuffed if someone compared me to her. Sadly, I look a bit like Katie Puckrick (remember her?).

Rie, Cat Deeley IS thin. 'Tis silly to claim anything else. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being very slight - my Mum is and I used to be until I got all my fucking digestive problems. And I only fancy thin men myself - TYF is very thin, so he's not going to slag off skinny minnies either (he just likes tits, basically, so he prefers a curvier laydee). Deeley has a lovely figure - just a skinny one. :) JUST LIKE YOU, GORGEOUS!

Deficit??? Maybe I meant deficiency. Maybe.

Tildo?? Oh I need a drink...

Totally hearing you on the nosey work wimminz peeps. There are (count 'em) 4 preggos in my team at the moment and 1 of them is the office next door to mine.

(I was a bit horrid about her announcement when it occured as she muttered 'happy accident' and I lost control of my senses for a short period of time. I haz since found out she thought she was barren due to medical stuffs and discovered growing baybee after fainting at the shops due to being 14 weeks diffed and having not eaten for the whole day. I didn't know this and Felt Bad for a while, but she never knew so it's OK)

Anywhoos, she has on several occasions asked me outright when I will be joining her preggo club including (after me saying, oh you know I don't really like to talk about such personal things at work, smile, smile) 'well it would be nice if I came back from maternity leave to an announcement from you' whilst grinning.

I think I am in a bit of a fractious mood today. I've had to deal with some right whiners and it must have rubbed off on me although I have a meeting at 3.30pm and plan to leave straight afterwards as it's in a different building so No One Will Ever Know.

LadyandtheTramp I am betting on you this month my lovely. I hold you solely responsible for my new love in life 'BBT charting' and for this alone you deserve to be a winner.

We have a house full of guests tomorrow and a house that looks like a bomb site. I really need to clean and tidy but am concerned I might just end up spending this evening ing instead.

Bitey might I suggest the use of the patented Dulux Juice Chart (ref. BESH DIY Fred) Blown up to A2 size to instruct the nosy cunts colleagues?

Brave Boo. Ice cream for tea?

Truffles I am also in a most fractious mood. I nearly threw my "Baby Making Bible" at the bunch of smug posho's with their baby bumps and ruddy cheeked children doing the "Baking Circle" while watching River Cottage last night. And you all know my opinion on Mr FW so it must be bad.

Tilda also has two live-in lovers. KERCHING! Live the dream baby, live the dream.

Oooh, yes, print out the Dulux chart

Truffle I have never met your work colleagues but I hate them all. And yes, for tea is a fine idea.

I am also in a ratty mood. BB I'm not sure flinging your manual at the TV is part of the calming zen like meditative process but I've always believed it's good to vent so maybe it is.

Tilda or Hugh FW? I'd have a go on Tilda. Probably less greasy.

can't wait to explain excessive cigaring to the assembled numpties! The wrongness of intrusive questions will be on the national curriculum under the MYOB bill when -I take over the world-- if I could have my way.

BB you were provoked and sorely. Not a jury in the land would convict you, even one that shares your feelings about H FW.

1. I love the word fractious. Anyone who uses the words fractious or peevish even about themselves is ok in my book

2. TWO live in lovers? Oh my!

3. Anyone who has a wisdom tooth out without anaesthetic is also ok in my book

Evening all.

Boo nuff respect, I had tooth out last year and IT WAS THE MOST PAINFUL THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME so the fact you are able to string one or two words together, albeit unusual ones leads me to fall at your DHB feet and look up your skirt fawn.

bitey shall we form some kind of alliance against all FGUF -(fertile good unselfish folk) (lame, can someone witty think of better acronym please)(perhaps the first F could be silent?) who skip happily through their daily lives thinking only wholesome and kind thoughts, and so would never think to imagine the horror that lurks in a BESH mind. WHen we are all really ( I mean really scorps, not still in middish thirties)do you think we'll become deeply insensitive too, is it inevitable?

Am beyond excited about taking molette to fireworks- she'll probs hate them, but it's all in the anticipation (as long as it stops effing raining)

BTW has anyone seen Tilda in Jarman's Edward II? Absolutely breathtaking. Am feeling that some of you know what each other looks like- how long must one post before it is acceptable to mentioning t'other place? (though will of course be deleting all my photos, should such a thing occur, this is for my benefit not yours)

Friday Friday I love Fridays!! Star & Bitey I am with you - this week has deffo been twats at work week.....my boss had a little 'chat' with me today as she thinks too many people know I might be trying for a baby & it's sending out the wrong message to my team. Well pardon me for being honest. I'd rather people know so they don't ask me stupid questions but it seems that is not the correct way to do things. Due to this I am now having a glass of wine.

Tilda = pretty fit in a quirky / unique way

Cat = pretty fit in a most blokes always fancy her & she's got nice hair kind of way.

Someone once told me I looked like Uma Thurman. I married him. (He is wrong but it was a lovely thought!)

Massive respect to Boo - the dentist gives me the heebeejeebees.

Shiny what on earth did your boss say??! Am shocked. Can't see what sort of wrong message exists. Or are you supposed to be pretending to be a virgin?

Shiny wtf? Is it National Office Fuckwit Week or something round here?

Words fail me.

Unless of course you are actually a (male) catholic priest in which case your boss may have a point

She said that if people think I am trying to get diffed then people on my team will worry about my committment.....

Er...oh look, there's a raging case of discrimination. Would she say this to you if you were a bloke? No she would not. You might want to point that out to her.

Cannot believe that boss chat Shinesworth what a prize cunoot.

Am quite of all the firework goers as there aren't any displays near to us. Would normally go to Alexandra Palace but it's not happening this year - boo hoo. I'll have to make do with a vat of red wine and watching second hand displays from the balcony (or perhaps just go to the pub)

You should have told her that if you prioritise the speculated feelings of your colleagues over trying for a baby, your husband might question your commitment to family life, which you would find far more concerning.

Or just reminded her that it's not 1953.

She also pointed out that she had 'heard' that Mr Sol might get an international placement with his work(which makes people think I might leave...) and that I shouldn't be talking about that either. Ah well I think I should just chain myself to my desk as clearly I am only ever meant to work there. Makes me all the more determined to get diffed and then not tell her until the last possible minute and then say it was because I was too scared too. She's a prize one Cunoot (I like that word Owlie I am going to steal it.)

I'm just going to chant, football stylee "What a load of wankers". It does very much sound like a discriminatory comment and she would be on thin ice if you brought this up with HR. Double shit she said this AS A WOMAN. You more expect this sort of bollocks from clueless menfolk.

Thanks for the vote Truff - am glad to share my addiction with you!

MiniG is at his Dad's this weekend. Always makes me a bit although I guess it's nice to have some me time. Mind you I will get to have a full nights sleep tonight (although seem to be in middle of spell of insomnia right now, grr)

Boo ouch. Hair strokes my lovely.

Tilda has it made on t'sechs front - she doesn't have to do two blokes washing and stuff though does she? And listen to them both moan on about their days? That would be shit.

Not my word! Truffkin 's. However I would like to add 'King Cunoot' at this point as it seems the logical title for such twattish people. Hurrah!

I just Wiki'd Tilda as wanted to find out more about the 2 loverrrs....apparently she lives with one and travels with another. Bet she doesn't have to listen to either of them rant about their day or pick smelly running kit up off the bathroom floor......

Also Moley I don't know what anyone looks like either but I've developed a set of cracking mental images. I also like to imagine everyone dressed in keeping with whichever fred we're on at the time.

Nice tassles btw.

I imagine that people look like their names. I have cartoon-esque characters in my head.....