Howdy pardners, grab your corset and mosey on down to the BESHt Little Whorehouse for all Wannabe Differs (30's)

[LadyGoneGaga]

Why howdy pardners, tighten your corsets, put a feather in your hair, pull on your boots and garter (*nipple tassles optional but welcome) and mosey on down to the BESHt little whorehouse in all of Diffas. Where the finest 30?s TTCers will fulfil your every need. There?s firewater -?Hendricks-- on tap and we?ll WOOFL you until you can?t WOOFL no more. Yeehaaw.

Menu
Straight up ? the best rootin?, tootin? baby making sechs in 7 counties
Cougar style ? like Doggy but with claws, acceptable for updiffage
Rodeo ? to be followed by a quick dismount to avoid leakage
Sherrif style ? with spurs on
Backdoor ? Recreational but not recommended

Specials
Dildocam ? Half price this month only
Needlework/Foot massage ? for those who like it a little bit woo
Zinc shooters ? to keep the posse on the straight and narrow
Positive thinking ? by the glass
Eggwhite omelettes ? to keep your energy levels up
Gentlemen are kindly reminded to leave all prophylactics by the door and to kindly leave the cowboy juice in the receptacles provided as directed.

'Walking spunk receptacle'... Thanks Pony, this is what I aspire to. Moving in with my DP after two years of separate abodes, so I might be able to attain this fabulous title next month.

Scorpio I graduated in 1994 if that helps... And on a good day/year, I look a bit like a brown haired version of Xena Warrior Princess.

I look fuck all like Lady Gaga by the way, since you mention it. I'm a brunette and look absolutely nothing like a rabbit. And have never (to my knowledge) worked professionally as a stripper. In my yoof people said I looked bit like Sandra Bullock, but I disagree. I have bobbed brown hair, blue eyes and good cheekbones. And childbearing hips.

If we look like our names, here I be <a class="break-all" href="http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=marielleleigh.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/star-nosed-mole.jpg&imgrefurl=marielleleigh.wordpress.com/2009/11/07/animal-simile-game/&usg=__voGbZXm-aRH9Y5hd3sg02fTrGw8=&h=389&w=500&sz=144&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=ITw--zmzLYMK9M:&tbnh=144&tbnw=186&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dstar%2Bnosed%2Bmole%26hl%3Den%26biw%3D1020%26bih%3D459%26tbs%3Disch:1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=475&vpy=114&dur=2231&hovh=198&hovw=255&tx=89&ty=223&ei=lXXUTJSLCZWF4Qa4tfWBBA&oei=lXXUTJSLCZWF4Qa4tfWBBA&esq=1&page=1&ndsp=10&ved=1t:429,r:2,s:0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">starnosed mole jolie, n'est-ce pas? (BTW this is the most attractive one I could find, some of the other images were quite terrifying)
Fireworks did NOT go down well- and there were hundreds of people there, all smoking and swearing in your face, and the queue for the doughnuts was insurmountable. Still, on the plus side, I liked the fireworks, and the queue being insurmountable meant I didn't get any and therefore got exercise of walking there without having to ofset deep fried snack, so will clearly be Thin in the morning. Excellent.

My 'd'H has a reputation for deeply offending people by likening them unflatteringly to famous people- my friend's husband to Michael Winner for example, my brother to Ian Beale. Dread to think who he would liken me to, so will never ask. I got Janis Joplin once, which pleased me in a roundabout way as I luff Lennon Cohen, and he did the sechs with her, but I really don't look like her. I look like my mother, which is monumentaly depressing.

Gaga, TYF jokes that Sandra Bullock has stolen my nose. He also calls me 'James Spader Nose' for similar reasons. Did I ever mention that he's a little bit odd? I do look like a stereotypical Scorpio woman, however (small, dark hair, busty, pouty, beady eyes, face that could curdle milk when I'm pissed off, etc.), talking of looking like your MN name.

Sunsheeine (Liam Gallagher pronunication ), are you a Nun? If not, I can't see how people knowing you're TTC is anyone's fucking business and especially how it could be deleterious to the morale of others! Perhaps she imagines that if others realise that they are actually allowed to have a life outside of work then they might not just be the mindless drones she clearly wants you all to be. Or perhaps she thinks it'll be catching - like you'll turn your seat into a Magic Diff Chair - and everyone will be off work simultaneously on Mat Leave? If you were a bloke being open about trying for a baby with your wife/partner, it'd be all 'Wahey! Go on, my son!' and so on. Or no comments at all Such ridiculous and outdated sexism makes my blood boil - and I wouldn't be surprised if saying all that in a grey area legally as regards reproductive rights and employment. It's not like you were showing them the FJ chart and explaining cigaring, right? RIGHT? Also good to know that the sisterhood is alive and well in your workplace

I have consulted my Freudian Slippers and they suggest that she has ishoos in this area of her own.

PS May I publicly profess my luff for Moley for bullshitting earlier that me being 38 makes me 'middish-30s'?

uglyanimal Am liking your kind of diet. As for acronyms, wouldn't GUFF (good unselfish fertile folk)go just as well?

I am speechless (well, almost) at the boss's comment sunshineonarainyday. WTF? I'd have a word with her and tell her she's a) an embarrassment to womankind and b) discriminating. I have to agree with Scorps- sounds like she has big ishoos.

Well my dentist did a fabby job and although it feels a bit sore I managed to eat (on one side) the lovely chilli and baked potatoes my friend cooked tonight. Didn't have any alcohol though - still felt a bit drifty. We were meant to go to a local pub for fireworks but decided we'd all be miserable in the pouring rain so her chap did a few in the garden while we watched from her conservatory. Much nicer :)

Sunny Your boss is a psycho hose beast. Fact. Seriously, what fucking planet are these people on? I am very about this.

'GUFF'. Har Har linoleum :o

I was of Tilda's double lover situation until I found out they were both men, I couldn't cope with more than one at a time :o

I do look like my name of course. I wear Tiaras at all times and all of my dresses reach the floor. I also have a penchant for glass slippers.

Re t'other place, will quite happily add any BESH - do PM me if you fancy a new friend and want to see pics of me on my throne :o

Obviously I am not a sun.... Thanks BESHettes for your grrreat attitudes and offers to scare the living daylights out of my boss. She would never qualify as a BESH. Night all

sunshine Your work are clearly cunts and it's got to the stage where you must by cunty back. Monday morning 8am it's time to walk in with a cushion up your jumper - first person who comments gets a written warning/screaming teary hissy fit whilst you declare "I'm not hormonal".

The Tilda situation - take a look at the photos ladies. One of them is for cash & child-rearing, the other for hot hard sex at 40,000 feet.

Being compared in an unflattering manner to famous people y'say? Vanessa Feltz at your service. (Except I'm a normal colour.)

Alpine Pony - well naturally I'd be a Tyrollean mountain Haflinger pony - blonde hair and sturdy enough to carry men up & down hills all day.

Ahhhh...Psycho hose beast, ther's one I haven't heard for a while, on strength of that alone, I wants to be your friend bootilicious will pm Right Now.

"Psycho hose beast"? Isn't that in a film? A teen flick? ferris Bueller or summat?

A sphincter says what?

What?

How about Can't Understand Normal Thirtysomething Issues and Endeavours, or CUNTIEs for short?

SunnyDee boss is outrageous, see if you can get in writing!

PS I do look a bit bitey actually

I can't keep up with my beloved fred anymore .

Sunny you have grounds for formal complaint. You also have grounds to kick her in the cunt, in the approved BESH fashion.

Boo I thought I was a hard nut but you take the effing biscuit love. Fancy a toffee? .

viz. other debates: I love Tilda, especially for Orlando; I look like a strapping smiling girl who couldn't find her hairbrush; and I graduated in 2001 .

I still use psycho hose beast - I have long despaired of finding anyone else who also uses it, so hurrah! Anyone still use Moosepig? Swampdonkey? Ahhh, the nonsense of youth [wistful]

PS HB looks like a cheerful Pre-Raphaelite maiden.

I think we've all agreed that Tilda is wondrous. I believe she was a BESH herself when she laid her OMG_TWINZ1!!!!!!!1!1! I couldn't believe the press a few years back when she went to the Oscars without any make-up on. If you looked like Tilda, why would you?! I rather like her name too - shame it's also the name of a well-known rice company (Matilda is a bit too girly for me)

Oooh, just looked her up on Wikipedia and it was her 50th birthday yesterday! Christ, I hope I look that good at 40 50! And a fellow Scorp too. Be still, my beating heart!

I am now officially TTC again. Must not menkul. Must not menkul. Must not menkul.

I'm sorry Ponies but tis an oxymoron. Or an oxymormon as I just typed by accident.

Hurrah and good luck though!

Arsebadger will do nicely, ta

Hello all. Non menkul is perfectly possible. So there.

I just popped in to see if anyone knows (HB, tarty I'm looking at you) a recipe for a lemon sauce-ish thing. Like a coulis but lemon. To serve drizzled over the lemon cheesecake I have sitting in the fridge.

Hello salts. I've been wondering where you are. You ok? How's school? I'm afraid I can't cook, so will leave advice to others.

Hello my lovely. I'm ok. Have been working on my state of mind, which is much improved.

School is full of very annoying and immature people. And that's just the staff! ha ha

How're you?

Not bard at all. Have been to beach all day long today. In a ski jacket and thermals!