Howdy pardners, grab your corset and mosey on down to the BESHt Little Whorehouse for all Wannabe Differs (30's)

[LadyGoneGaga]

Why howdy pardners, tighten your corsets, put a feather in your hair, pull on your boots and garter (*nipple tassles optional but welcome) and mosey on down to the BESHt little whorehouse in all of Diffas. Where the finest 30?s TTCers will fulfil your every need. There?s firewater -?Hendricks-- on tap and we?ll WOOFL you until you can?t WOOFL no more. Yeehaaw.

Menu
Straight up ? the best rootin?, tootin? baby making sechs in 7 counties
Cougar style ? like Doggy but with claws, acceptable for updiffage
Rodeo ? to be followed by a quick dismount to avoid leakage
Sherrif style ? with spurs on
Backdoor ? Recreational but not recommended

Specials
Dildocam ? Half price this month only
Needlework/Foot massage ? for those who like it a little bit woo
Zinc shooters ? to keep the posse on the straight and narrow
Positive thinking ? by the glass
Eggwhite omelettes ? to keep your energy levels up
Gentlemen are kindly reminded to leave all prophylactics by the door and to kindly leave the cowboy juice in the receptacles provided as directed.

Morning BESHies. Temp up this morning, yay. Hope that's done it. Let the madness commence.

starnosemole That's the idea I think - to just handle it all in one big go. Obviously my plan is doomed to fail!

LadyG You are a walking spunk receptacle - how can it possibly go wrong this month?

Morning Beshlettes - thank fuck it's Friday! Thank you brownB for that pulse raising link to cowboy brad. Have spent about twenty miutes thinking about how he looks as enthusiastic and energetic as a young labrador! Not that I want to do the same things with a dog that I want to do with young brad

bringmesunshine FDH once met cat deeley and she told him that she can fit 5 (I think) wagon wheels in her mouth. He has adoreded her ever since!

In today's menkull news I was woken in the night by next door neighbours frying onions. The whole house reeked of onion and FDH (who was in a bad mood at 3am) said there was no such smell. They work shifts so cook at very odd hours but have never been woken by them cooking before. Hmmmmmmm. Woahwoahwoahshe'saLady my temp up also this morning so am clearly commencing the madness far too early!

Vair vair quiet on here this morning.

MrA thinks Cat Deeley is Womanly Perfection. I think it's generally true of husbands. I don't mind because clearly she's waaaay out of his league in the same way that obviously I would never run off with Lucas.

Onions, Bitey? They do stick, fair do's.

STINK ffs not stick. Though they do stick to my frying pan - badoom tush.

oh thank god aries! Thought had irrepairably killed thread, or all the BESHes are currently on their way to A&E with wagon wheel based injuries.

So odd thing happened to me in work yesterday. I work in a very small team mostly just three of us. One of my colleagues complemented me on new jumper and said "the colour really suits you, you're blooming". (odd complement I know, but she often gets words wrong so thought no more of it) Other colleague gave me silent treatment for most of the day until finally having an outburst as saying " so there's nothing you think I should know then, clearly secrets are being kept around here!" It then came out that since getting married in the summer they have had me on preganancy watch ever since! Sorry but I think she is being a twat on every level and in the event of diffment I will tell who I like when I am ready (ie like alpinepony's ten minutes before legal deadline) Was already about starry's Twat Absolute and am now considering lobbying my MP for a mind your own business bill!

Sorry, am working at home today as need to be away from other people and have ranted here instead

PS Bathroom smells of onions today

Bitey perhaps you want to start coming into work and telling them in graphic detail about your ffj and how often you are doing the sechs. You could even provide a powerpoint slideshow. That should soon stop their questions. They may even move office, which would be nice.

Why are people such utter twats? It would never occur to me to ask someone if they were up the duff. Or even to ask them when they were going to start trying. It wouldn't have even occurred to me before I embarked on this ridiculous quest myself. Some people are such cocks.

In other news I think the grapefruit juice is working but at the wrong end; I'm absolutely bung-full of nose snot.

Also can I just say that wagon wheels are considerably smaller than they used to be? I reckon I could get five in my gob, I shall of course have to try this in the interests of science.

owl Fuck knows? [wionk0

bitey Throughout my entire pregnancy garlic had me running for the hills and every fibre of my body rejected the smell...

MYOB would be a good one.

I've got the droid today which means operation baybee begins!

for Bitey having to also deal with office knobsocks whose own lives are so fucking crap that all they've got to look forward to is speculating about the private lives of others. Is a shame you're not their superior, as you could mutter stuff about them clearly having too much time on their hands and needing a greater workload, etc.

Gah, I missed loads of chat that would've been right up my street here last night. I mean that literally, coming from Derbyshire myself and living in the ze Midlands now. Sunshine, I'm from T'Peaks, so am duty bound to hate Dar-beh itself*, but I shall rise above such petty nonsense to welcome a fellow lass from the greatest county in England My party piece is also fitting my fist in me gob, so there's clearly summat in the water round Derbyshire way.

Rie, TYF doesn't fancy Cat Deeley. He says she's too thin (a bit rich coming from Skeletor himself) and has a 'wonky face'. He insists on saying I'm the hottest woman he's ever seen, the lying smooth-talker. He says someone like Salma Hayek is his ideal - petite, older than him, thick dark hair, full lips, large chest. This does actually describe me but I ain't no Salma. Until she gets glasses, novelty teeth, wears ghoul-white make-up and puts on a few stone I feel so old and fat at the mo and it makes me guilty - TYF is still in his 20s and is HOT (in a geek chic way). I feel he deserves someone foxier (like ME at his age!). He tells me I'm insane when I say this stuff.

I graduated in '96. And I didn't start Uni until 2 years after leaving 6th form (did a drama course - ultra-wanky ponce that I was). WHY AM I SO OLD?

*It's a Derbyshire thing. For some reason, everyone from the country bits of the county hate Derby. Perhaps we're scared of their modern ways. I hear they have that-there electricity nowadays. I don't trust it.

I believe Cat Deeley generally to be considered pretty hot. And she's funny. And she's not that thin.

Aria I graduated in '98 (but did a post-grad MA) so am about the same age as you I imagine. From your description this is you. Is that right?

Rocketingaway I missed the scan news sorry - hurrah for side-salad!

I now want onion soup bitey. That is a rather suspect nasal skill you have just acquired though

Er ?????????????????????????????????????!

hahahahahah Strange is right... but she's not really Goth ATtitude! Aries is more Tilda Swinton meets Mary Poppins.

Well, apart from the lack of glasses of course.

I bet you really look more like this though.

ah, ok. Maybe not.

Sadly not, milano.

Alps, that's weird. I was just going to post a pic of the White Witch from Narnia, as that is what my class of Y4's used to call me. AND some barking madman in Tesco's told me so. He said "Anyone ever told you you look like Tilda Swinton? She's laaaaahvley" (and licked his lips) I snapped "What that woman who is nearly fifty and looks weird? Yes, actually!" and stomped out.

Thanks luverly and understanding BESHies.

The one who got stroppy has two grown up children and her daughter is pregnant now. She likes to tell me horror stories about pregnancy, espcially mcs. Now I know she has been watching me for signs of diffdness I find this even weirder! Will spend the rest of afternoon working on a powliepoint presentation for them

Hey ho at least I can work at home from time to time!

scorps always believe a man who loves you when he tells you you're hot, especially when you are growing him a baybee.

I graduated in 2001 but that was a year later than I should have

Rie Tilda is hamazing - trufax. Have loved her ever since I watched Orlando. I think I fancy you even more now :o

Sweet, Bitey , make sure it has a picture of a lidl carrier bag in there somewhere and references to white goods

I graduated in 1997 which seems like about 400 years ago. However am always comforted by Mr Shoes who graduated when I was only 15. Ha.

Boo you are super-brave and I have hand-crafted you this here badge with my felt tip pens, tis the most useful thing I have done today

Seriously though, I've achieved nothing today. This is a bunch of absolute arse. I am so lazy :(

Cheers BootsyBird

What is it with nosey wimmin's at work Biteme ? We have our fair share - the office I'm based in is mega large and the amount of birth stories and horror stories I was subjected to were unreal. I do like a good birth story when I am in the mood but I only tell mine when asked.

I think the drugs are making me lie. It's not mega large at all. I meant to say it has a large proportion of women. Oh dear - me head is all funny...

bitey hunky dentist has the tooth - I'd fly over there for a gawp at him while he's still at work :o

Tildo is gorgeous. Fact.
Aries looks like Tilda.
Aries is gorgeous. FACT.

I was once told I look like the singer from 'Fairground attraction'. I think that fuelled my serious self-confidence deficit for many years. The guy was drunk though. And I had long reddish-brown hair then. Still...