Howdy pardners, grab your corset and mosey on down to the BESHt Little Whorehouse for all Wannabe Differs (30's)

[LadyGoneGaga]

Why howdy pardners, tighten your corsets, put a feather in your hair, pull on your boots and garter (*nipple tassles optional but welcome) and mosey on down to the BESHt little whorehouse in all of Diffas. Where the finest 30?s TTCers will fulfil your every need. There?s firewater -?Hendricks-- on tap and we?ll WOOFL you until you can?t WOOFL no more. Yeehaaw.

Menu
Straight up ? the best rootin?, tootin? baby making sechs in 7 counties
Cougar style ? like Doggy but with claws, acceptable for updiffage
Rodeo ? to be followed by a quick dismount to avoid leakage
Sherrif style ? with spurs on
Backdoor ? Recreational but not recommended

Specials
Dildocam ? Half price this month only
Needlework/Foot massage ? for those who like it a little bit woo
Zinc shooters ? to keep the posse on the straight and narrow
Positive thinking ? by the glass
Eggwhite omelettes ? to keep your energy levels up
Gentlemen are kindly reminded to leave all prophylactics by the door and to kindly leave the cowboy juice in the receptacles provided as directed.

Clive Owen-Chancer circa 1990 MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

(shit, that's 20 years ago!) (bloody hell I'm old)

Moley - what a fucking bitch. I wish you'd said at least something along the lines of "I'm the one who had the mc, what do you have the temerity to feel bad about?" - but I imagine you were just at her rudeness.

Everyone else - hello. Been busy (rare in my job so can't compain). Hope normal service will be resumed this evening, see you all then for some whiskey and whoring and other things beginning with "wh" .

Moley I also would have added - yes I would feel terrible if I was as much of a bitch as you are. Whilst patronisingly patting her on the arm. Seriously, I can only hope she is at home right now cursing herself for being such an idiot.

Next time ring the BESH Hotline and a queue of indignant PMT raddled Hags will swoop down to kick her in the Gunt (see: Urban Dictionary).

I have yet to work out why so many people think other people's reproductive systems are any of their business. Some friends of ours had their first in March - she's 37 and he's 42. Every time we see them he asks how the baby making is going, and when I was away this weekend, he advised MrA not to delay because apparently our PCT won't fund IVF for anyone over 35 (which is bollocks) and also for me to put some weight on because apparently women with a BMI under 19.5 "can't get pregnant". When they last asked us out, I refused to guy because his attitude is pissing me off so much. Wanker. He should join forces with your bitch TA Moley.

In other news, when I was in the chiro clinic I read a leaflet about Reflexology, and as well as all the other things it does, it also promises to "increase your vaginal secretions" .

Rie, I stumbled across it online and was v shocked. Just thought it was an interesting link, is all. Shows how bizarre the human body can be.

It's Thursday people, yes it really is. Thank fuck for that!

Molesworth forcefully in agreement with other wise BESHes who suggested various forms of appropriate response to the offensive classroom assistant. Some people know not when you keep their mouths closed.

Oh my, David Beckham? Abso-feckin-lutely Does he shaves his legs? this is the only decent picture I could find of his legs. I'm not sure I care either way this and also this would enable me to overlook it.

Good God Scorps where did you come across that? I felt a bit weird reading about it I don't mind saying.

Oh and also, I meant to suggest that we start a new FC and use the BESHtionnaire as our decision making tool for allocating treatment. Anyone?

Sorry if that link freaked out people - I wasn't suggesting it was amusing, I just found it shocking in a 'sublime to the ridiculous' way, what with us lot being reet owd BESHes. Am poorly and bored and messing about on Wikipedia at the mo

Truffs tis a genius idea.

Scorpula are you still barfy? Ginger biscuits, hmmm?

Can anyone tell me what this thing with grapefruit juice? I mean it's great with vodka...

As for men, well <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=www.me-me-me.tv/images/2008/10/brad-thelma.jpg&imgrefurl=www.jonathanrosenbaum.com/%3Fp%3D7326&h=315&w=400&sz=25&tbnid=86sr7pOPQBwK1M:&tbnh=98&tbnw=124&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dbrad%2Bpitt%2Bthelma%2Band%2Blouise&zoom=1&q=brad+pitt+thelma+and+louise&usg=__FY5K02YAMqKjc2HdOVhb01rI2fw=&sa=X&ei=edPSTOf8LIqRjAeanZmSDg&ved=0CCMQ9QEwBA" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">this still does it for me. The sad thing is that I remember when it came out!

Freaky weird link scorps. Ugh.

ps - truffkin your link to DB's legs didn't work on my computer. Don't know why I was looking at it now I think of it.. Not my thing.

Apparently it makes the FFJ more, er, F. Or at least provides more of it.

I am road testing this theory this month and will let you know if it is bollocks. I suspect that most of this sort of thing is, indeed, bollocks. Which is sad because I would like to think there is a good reason I am drinking the horrible stuff. At least it's full of vitamin C.

Ps. Excellent choice of cowboy.

It is bollocks. But then that's just me. I think handbags are bollocks. The thing is I've never understood how something so full of citric acid FFS can make your FFJ more alkaline.

I think the handbag would be quite weeny if handbags were bollocks, non? More of a coin purse as it were.

That link will do nicely, BrownOwl

aries from my brief interlude with Chinese Medicine, I seem to recall there being something about if you eat lots of alkali food, you will need to produce lots of acid to process it properly, and vice versa, and if you're making alot of acid that is a Bad Thing. I was given a diet to follow because I was all acidy, and had to eat more acid foods, in order to get 'in balance'.
diclaimer: I may have remembered this totally wrong and in any event it is hardly really an explanation, apologies.

I like handbags, they are good for putting things in. They are Not Good for spending more than about twelve pounds on, that is a ridiculous thing to do, because they don't hold your things any better, and you're afraid to put them on the floor because they will get a bit dirty.

If we open a FC, pleez to be manning phone lines- I've been told I have a soothing voice and quite like making small talk with strangers over the phone, it's face to face I struggle with.

Starry, that is my attitude to handbags exactly. You are both wise and good.

I guess the Chinese thing makes sense. A bit. Do you think it will work?

Where's ma biatch Cass?

Shitbiscuits, I knew I'd forgotten something - hurrrraaaayyyyyyyy for RocketDog's scan - very happy for you, my northern chum :).

Ooh where?

BB top marks for coin purse but also, ew.

I once made a handbag and got the measurements wrong. It was about a foot and a half deep and only 6 inches wide at the opening.

I didn't know it was supposed to make the FFJ more alkaline, I was just hoping for generally more of the fecking stuff

ariel pliz to accept this bucket of haribo extra-sours. This should sort us all out.

Chancer, oh yes.

I am in bed on lap top when should be asleep. Lucky my Mum is here to watch son boo for a bit. I am poorly sick and sad because I was looking forward to going to body balance ce soir.

That acid/ alkali thing, is it a yin/yang thing?

mmm haribo. Much nicer than grapefruit juice. How convenient that I ate some earlier on!!

moley if the TA feels bad that will teach her a lesson to mind her own business. I would have been livid.

Actually I think staying hydrated and EPO and cough medicine in conjunction with the GJ shouldn't be too difficult. At least then I know if I'm still a dried up prune that I will have to resort to Preseed. Anyone had that?

Quick, quick! Get over to AIBU! There's a Malory Towers appreciation thread!