Howdy pardners, grab your corset and mosey on down to the BESHt Little Whorehouse for all Wannabe Differs (30's)

[LadyGoneGaga]

Why howdy pardners, tighten your corsets, put a feather in your hair, pull on your boots and garter (*nipple tassles optional but welcome) and mosey on down to the BESHt little whorehouse in all of Diffas. Where the finest 30?s TTCers will fulfil your every need. There?s firewater -?Hendricks-- on tap and we?ll WOOFL you until you can?t WOOFL no more. Yeehaaw.

Menu
Straight up ? the best rootin?, tootin? baby making sechs in 7 counties
Cougar style ? like Doggy but with claws, acceptable for updiffage
Rodeo ? to be followed by a quick dismount to avoid leakage
Sherrif style ? with spurs on
Backdoor ? Recreational but not recommended

Specials
Dildocam ? Half price this month only
Needlework/Foot massage ? for those who like it a little bit woo
Zinc shooters ? to keep the posse on the straight and narrow
Positive thinking ? by the glass
Eggwhite omelettes ? to keep your energy levels up
Gentlemen are kindly reminded to leave all prophylactics by the door and to kindly leave the cowboy juice in the receptacles provided as directed.

Here you go. Think you need to get your energy levels back up, you must be exhausted ;)

Yep, .

Going for four in a row tomorrow - the big one . Then we can stop and not bother again for hopefully another 9 months at least.

Hi honey, I'm hooooooome.

All this boot chit chat. One thing mystifies me - how do people go to work and perform basic everyday functions wearing heels? I can't even walk in them. If I ever get famous and am asked to be on Strictly how will I dance in heels? I'll be like Ann Widdecombe

*Moley that TA deserves a slap. Seriously.

Did I see somewhere that someone is as daft absent mindedly genius as my dear husband? It's true - petrol into a diesel car isn't as bad as the other way round. And I have found that a car can survive having power steering fluid poured into the coolant.

See y'all in the morning.

Oh molesworth! I am so sorry I totally missed your post re the TA. I really think you should have said to her that that will teach her to be nosey about whether people are pregnant or not BEFORE they are ready to tell people. How DARE she accuse you of making HER feel bad? People can be so stupid.

I am pretty sure one of the girls has twigged on in work and had prob discussed it with her BWF, but luckily they are circumspect enough not to mention anything.

lady wowzers on the secs marathon, whoop whoop!

boo you know you need a (currently) child free friend to help you with boot shopping, divide and conquer and all that! You know someone who could do that for you? :o

ladyG Having read that, Bear will be in nappies until he's 14!

Yay! Aries is home! I'm looking forward to MrA's next disaster.

It put me right off my Paella!

He's so hot! I can't cope! He just gets better with age.

He shaves his legs aries. :( And he's a prossie-shagger. And he's married to the most miserable woman in all of Essexdom.

He'd probably look good as a cowboy thought....(?) Doesn't really do it for me though. You can have him Aries. I'll have Craig!

Shut up alpine Let me drool. He's so fit....

What do we think of <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=scatterbrainedcat.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/clive_owen_99.jpg&imgrefurl=scatterbrainedcat.wordpress.com/2008/09/15/clive-owen/&usg=__iJv4RHrUdq54AMm9Leh40mSI8c4=&h=450&w=600&sz=77&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=qjvNZVLRqqqeJM:&tbnh=145&tbnw=196&prev=/images%3Fq%3DClive%2BOwen%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dsafari%26rls%3Den%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D618%26tbs%3Disch:1&um=1&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=486&ei=333STK6ZApC44gbn6e3sDQ&oei=333STK6ZApC44gbn6e3sDQ&esq=1&page=1&ndsp=24&ved=1t:429,r:3,s:0&tx=127&ty=83" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">him?

God I must be hormonal or something.

Yes, you should probably go home and ride MrA until he cries.

Moley you are perfectly right to be peeved. 'oh, you've made me feel bad' ?? Fuck off, madam. I would have nutted her in the face.

Ahem.

Boo and LadyG you have made me snort. I'm not having kids if they're going to empty themselves all over people's stuff. Nightmare.

I also missed Masterchef Final. Who won? Who won?? I must know. I want it to be the shakey chap but am sure it will not be. Poor shakey chap.

Sorry everyone . I am actually home now Alps.

Well done Gaga on all the sechs. Hopefully it will prove fruitful.

Oooh, Rie. I soooo would! Mr Clive Owen that is, not Becks. He's got that weedy, thicko voice that would put me right off. Clive though would shove you up against the wall, rip your pants off with his teeth and go at you roughly yet skillfully til you both collapsed in a sweaty and staisfied heap.

Hmm, think I'm extremely a bit hormonal today too.

Now I'm all fired up in the office

Yes I concur with everything you've said , but on the other hand he's called Clive.

loosens corset at the sight of clive (who would just be called 'Real Man'
Gagaroo that's practically a sechs marathon - well done Am also leaving nappy on child until she's at least 16 after reading that poo story. I could get a nappy-chastity belt sorted out.

PlasticBeaver It must be so frustrating having to wait around for answers and action. And they reduce it all to feckin statistics in the process. S'not right. Besh scale is much more appropriate .

starrystarrynight I can't believe that woman said that to you - what a class-A arse! I hope she does fucking feel bad.

** fail I got all excited looking at 'Real Man'

I don't think SHE is a BESH. JESUS CHRIST!

Ladies and (gentlemen lurkers?) - my boots Have Arrived and they are lush. Hoorah!

The rest of my life may be a right bloody mess but at least my feet will be warm.

Scorps - yikes. That is all.

Re: Becks vs Clive - er...no ta. BUT could we combine them into one super-excellent chap who is not called Clive and does not have the weedy voice, and a weedy-voiced reject called Clive?

Surely this is possible.

I find both Becks and Clive repulsive. And Lucas. THERE! I have confessed.

Yay owl congratulations on the boots arrival. Are they making you feel shexshee?? Will you be seducing your gentleman friend whilst wearing them?

In fairness Scorp I wouldn't do either of them, have no idea who Lucas is and would much prefer a roll in the hay with John Malkovich round about that time with the film with the wigs and swordfighting. You know the one.

Dunno bout shexshee but they are super warm

I think the film you're after is Dangerous Liaisons Plop Anyone who doesn't find Clive Owen attractive in that photo is wrong. There.

Scorps I hesitate you ask, but why did you post that link?

'It is beyond my control...'

I once took the piss out of DB's voice whilst out to dinner with friend, and friend's friend- a Quite Famous Elderley Actor, who turned out to be mates with DB as he was Man U fan, and was really offended. Have since been careful to steer clear of the topic- you Never Know Who's Listening!

Thanks for Beshly support re: random acts of violence on co-workers. (secretly, after she said it, I was muchly comforted by thought I could come and tell on her here, and get her virtual butt kicked)

At the risk of fred turning into series of pottymouthed rants, I really should start It soon. (Health Visitor SIL mentioned A Few Times on hol that her son was potty trained at 18 months, but frankly I find the whole idea quite distasteful, messy and a pain in the arse, so am procrastinating immensely ) (BTW can I reccommend having HV as a SIL- it's really handy, as they can continuously tell you how you're doing it all wrong )