Howdy pardners, grab your corset and mosey on down to the BESHt Little Whorehouse for all Wannabe Differs (30's)

[LadyGoneGaga]

Why howdy pardners, tighten your corsets, put a feather in your hair, pull on your boots and garter (*nipple tassles optional but welcome) and mosey on down to the BESHt little whorehouse in all of Diffas. Where the finest 30?s TTCers will fulfil your every need. There?s firewater -?Hendricks-- on tap and we?ll WOOFL you until you can?t WOOFL no more. Yeehaaw.

Menu
Straight up ? the best rootin?, tootin? baby making sechs in 7 counties
Cougar style ? like Doggy but with claws, acceptable for updiffage
Rodeo ? to be followed by a quick dismount to avoid leakage
Sherrif style ? with spurs on
Backdoor ? Recreational but not recommended

Specials
Dildocam ? Half price this month only
Needlework/Foot massage ? for those who like it a little bit woo
Zinc shooters ? to keep the posse on the straight and narrow
Positive thinking ? by the glass
Eggwhite omelettes ? to keep your energy levels up
Gentlemen are kindly reminded to leave all prophylactics by the door and to kindly leave the cowboy juice in the receptacles provided as directed.

:( Really sorry to hear that news BellalissimoMama. Hope you and Mr M are taking very good care of yourselves.

Morning hags and slags.

I have a feeling that there is not enough tea in the world to wake me up this morning.

Special secret hip flasks to Milano and Salty today; the first for obvious reasons and the second to ease the back to schol blues...

mamalicious so sorry to hear your news. You're being very stoical and DHB, we're very proud of you- though we'll still be here if you get sad too, armed with chocolate toffee apples (senza mele) and warm smooches (senza vestiti)

Phew, just wrote something about cat vomit, that may have been offensive to cat loving BESHs, and thought I'd posted it by mistake.

They catch spiders, Moley. Nuff said.

Although do offset this by releasing live mice into the lounge.

I?m so sorry ItalianMama. Make sure you rest and take some time off work if you need to ? don?t underestimate how rubbish you may feel.

Morning gorgeous lovely people :)

Mine does not catch spiders, LadyG but thankfully Mr Shoes cleaned up the sick last night so I didn't have to.

Mole babies sick quite a lot too, I believe It probably doesn't smell of rotten tuna though. Now where is my chocolate toffee apple, hmm? Hmmm?

T'was a right effort getting out of bed this morning.

Morning lovelies

Hope that you are ok this morning mamamilano and are able to be putting up your feet for the BESHES to rub.

I used to love my cats, now I just tolerate them (Although when one went missing overnight during the summer I walked the street in tears so maybe that's not strictly true). Since sonboo was born (have changed from lilboo - that was a bit twee) the annoying one has woken him up with the loudest Miaow on the world, got cat hair all over his bed/clothes/special blanket and pooed on his lovely nursery rug. They cost me a bloody fortune in frontline, and they eat catfood like it's going out of fashion.

Sorry for the rant. I do love them really. I just wish our landlord would let us have a cat flap. I hate litter trays.

Oh, Milano So, so sorry, my little treasure. Come here and nestle as long as you want in my plentiful buzwams (not just handy for catching men's eyes). Please be very gentle with yourself and do whatever you need to make yourself feel okay (even if that's doing nothing at all). We're always here for you.

Milano I'm so sorry to hear your news, that sucks indeed. Hope MrM is taking good care of you. You are also welcome to nuzzle in my plentiful buzzwams (which are also handy for catching the food that misses my mouth )

I am not having a great day. I managed to haul my sorry and very tired ass out of bed to get Boo to preschool (only 5 mins late... a record) to find it is an in-service day. She cried. Al lot. I told her we could do some painting after I'd cleaned the kitchen and fed the dog. I then sat down and inhaled a packet of cadburys choc fingers while trying to catch up with you lot.

Just as I was about to get the paints out for her I managed to knock over TG's bottle of red absinthe, which predictably smashed into a million billion pieces and stained the floor pink. I then managed to stain the worktop red when I put the broken glass on it. I poured neat bleach on it and left it while I cleaned up the floor, fridge, myself and my favourite pair of choc suede boots. Went back to worktop to find red stain gone, but is now replaced by a yellowish tinge which will not be scrubbed off. Meh.

Anyone for an absinthe and splintered glass cocktail?

Oh yeah... the floor. I do not clean it v often - it is rough slate and a bugger to clean. Now I have a very noticeable clean patch right in the middle of the floor, which shows up just how filthy the rest of it is. And just to finish me off the dog has barfed all over said clean patch of floor.

Can I just go back to bed and pretend today is over?

Fanks you lovely people.
It's a public holiday here - isn't it over there too?

I've just spent the morning cleaning the house - very therapuetic (sp?). It's also aptly pissing down today so will soon be making tea and eating apple crumble on the sofa

I'm not too far away from Como actually mounty so that sandwich idea ain't a bad one.

I like cats, I do, but I'd rather have a dog. Dogs are dirty, big, fun-loving, slobbery fools (anyone else seeing the man-likeness here?)

poo I didn't even know red absinthe existed - sounds like you need to drink it with shower-curtain on if it does that kind of damage to your kitchen!
Won't the dog eat the barf?

Milano I'm so, so sorry to hear your news. You're sounding incredibly brave. Take it easy today.

Poo Your day sounds tip fucking top as well. Yes, yes you can go back to bed & end the day.

No news here - just bored. 1 week back from hols & BORED. I must've been a nightmare during the summer hols as a kid

Oh Pol . I know it's wrong to laugh at the misfortune of others but you do such a splendid job of making it sound funny. I think you should now treat yourself to something lovely off t'internet. New boots, perhaps?

Tis not a public holiday over here, Milano , more's the pity. I want a day off.

Lozza time to book the next holiday perhaps? :)

Imagine what it does to your insides Milano.

Unfortunately the dog ignored the barf. And while I was cleaning it up, Boo wet herself all over the floor in the cloakroom, right next to the fecking toilet! She's been dry for 8 months but has pissed herself twice in the last 24 hrs. I am planning to spend the rest of the day on the sofa watching crap tv (and by that I do NOT mean c-fecking-beebies) and drinking tea. I may move if I need to pee, but hell, why not just piss on the sofa? Meh.

Sorry, was very memememe. I will STFU now. Bitchslaps and roundhouse kicks to all.

hello my lovely, good to grope see you.

Milano 'tis very sad news and I'm sorry.

Polster you're ace! If nothing else, your bad day has brightend mine. I agree with avoiding c-beebies!

Lozza glad you had a good time

Not much to report here. I'm feeling the same as normal which is worrying me a leetle, but am sure is just all part of it. Too much work and too little motivation is mostly my problem at the moment! We had a very busy week last week, with three lots of people staying in a week. Cue lots of bed changing, food shopping, cooking, cleaning and general entertaining, so am truely done in now. I want a nice quiet week where I can continue my menkuling in quiet, and not have to do it in secret when the guests have gone to bed!

so sorry to hear your news lovely.

polly am sorry but your tales of woe have made me giggle too. Is diagnosis murder on yet?

I have post binge-drinking all weekend blues. I tried to be good and make body more hospitable for conception by not drinking on week nights but then drank more at the weekend than would have drunk if had been drinking all week. Now feel guilty and more than a little bit hungover.

I also did all the drinking at the weekend, Bitey . Feel like shite today. Have made things worse with sushi and a large latte. I may throw up.

That is a stomach churning combo there owly!

Did anyone watch psychoville last night? Gave me a right case of the heebie-jeebies and had nightmares all night! Now ++glad that didn't watch "let the right one in" as probably wouldn't sleep for the rest of the year!

Good Monday BESHies and I've had a lot of catching up to do so here goes.

First and foremost Milano so sorry about your news. Am happy to proffer my (also vey large) buzwams for further resting if required. Glad for public holday today but also concur with call for further time off if you feel you need it. Be kind to yourself.

In boob chat, I am of the large variety and they appeared overnight when I was about 13 so have always hankered after the ability to wear racerback vests in summer without some sort of halter-strap bra thing going on.

Regarding in-laws, my MIL is a lovely and wonderful laydee but has a tendency to come out with 'comment, rant, comment, opinion' followed by 'but it's nothing to do with me' or 'it's none of my business anyway' which I find tres infuriating. She also bullies us to stay later than we want to on Sundays when we've been back home for the weekend, hence yesterday getting stuck in traffic on the M1 and not getting home until nearly 9pm

Pol commiz for your shit day but wanted to offer small silver lining if poss. I also experienced the yellow stain on white worktops after extending bleach application but it went after a little while (I think a few days) so should not be perma damage.

BiteMe I also have the post-binge weekend blues today. Very much wanted to stay in bed this morning but as I have never thrown a sickie in my life I merely stole an extra half hour and came in a bit late. As I have a 5pm meeting with a needy stakeholder, I should imagine that this won't impact on the actual hours I will have worked today. Yes I am a fake wannabe rebel.

So, I'm in that no mans land between droid departing and OV arriving and have been having teh secs for fun. Yes, with no clothes, foreplay and everyfink

Oh and dearest Rocket my love, I have now got my hands on Take That tickets via the medium of lucky friends who got through the website fail on Friday so am more than happy to vicariously bestow your generosity onto TheLovelyGoddessLyra should you be too diffed to manage the trip to Progress Live (TM) next summer.

I am off to make a cup of tea and eat some dark chocolate digestives. Yum and more yum.

Have you seen the news re: Lily Allen?here

I'm so, so for her as she lost her first at about 18 weeks.

Can we please make her an honorary BESH even though she is only 25?

Oh God how awful. Poor poor girl.

Oh Milano so sorry to hear about the MC. x

milano hope you are feeling ok today. Well, not ok obviously, but you know what I mean. I hope you are taking it easy and getting well looked after. I don't know if you've been there before, but I know it took me longer than I imagined it would to get over it, regardless of how early it happens. I will be sending a large virtual whack on the head to anyone in Real Life who says one of those annoying phrases designed to comfort you but in fact make you feel worse.

Fun at the mill today. Place overstaffed, looming threats of redundancy but boss hopes that it will be resolved by people leaving voluntarily and not being replaced. Wish I was leaving! If I ever get a baybee I will have mat leave and that will save them lotsa dosh.

Where is the evil droid??? Since I am clearly not diffed and have raging PMT, can I please not just get it over and done with?To think I used to be a 26 day girl.....

pol hope the bleach stains come out. Think you jinxed yourself by mentioning painting though! But do pass me some absinthe please. Hope the rest of your day has been nice and uneventful!