Howdy pardners, grab your corset and mosey on down to the BESHt Little Whorehouse for all Wannabe Differs (30's)

[LadyGoneGaga]

Why howdy pardners, tighten your corsets, put a feather in your hair, pull on your boots and garter (*nipple tassles optional but welcome) and mosey on down to the BESHt little whorehouse in all of Diffas. Where the finest 30?s TTCers will fulfil your every need. There?s firewater -?Hendricks-- on tap and we?ll WOOFL you until you can?t WOOFL no more. Yeehaaw.

Menu
Straight up ? the best rootin?, tootin? baby making sechs in 7 counties
Cougar style ? like Doggy but with claws, acceptable for updiffage
Rodeo ? to be followed by a quick dismount to avoid leakage
Sherrif style ? with spurs on
Backdoor ? Recreational but not recommended

Specials
Dildocam ? Half price this month only
Needlework/Foot massage ? for those who like it a little bit woo
Zinc shooters ? to keep the posse on the straight and narrow
Positive thinking ? by the glass
Eggwhite omelettes ? to keep your energy levels up
Gentlemen are kindly reminded to leave all prophylactics by the door and to kindly leave the cowboy juice in the receptacles provided as directed.

Haven't gone yet. Am just wondering why husbands think they can perform engine checks so much better than a mere woman? And when they subsequently pour power steering fluid into the engine coolant reservoir, do they then feel fucking stupid? . He has now gone to Halfords to buy a siphon pump.

Morning Beshettes, just going to hae a little catch-up it had been a chattery weekend!

Thankyou for bringing cowboy craig back boo, now where is he?

ocarina were the flights to LA heinously expensive? If you got diffed would it make flying ++complicated? I sense an ironidiff coming on!

Welcome back to the motherland aries and remember that cockles and laverbread are full of zinc

I suspect FDH and kitten need to be reading the scorpa sutra as when I moved in for a cuddle this morning FDH elbowed me in the spine and kitten (not sure how he came to be in my bed but was very very drunk last night) bit me.

I have boob envy of the small perky ones that need no bra. Mine give the impression of being vast but are actually medium size on broad shoulders and I can't help feeling they are a bit of let down when revealed [hsad]

Bitey I'm not sure what classes as heinously expensive for flights. They were less than TH will spend on the skiing holiday he's going on instead by the time he's paid for lift pass etc, and it won't cost me much once I'm there so all is well. I've no idea how much diffment would mess up flights, I couldn't be more than about 4 months so can't see it being a problem unless I had foul morning sickness. But I've decided there's no point trying to plan around something that may or may not happen.

Aries your tales of MrA made me laugh..... Hope you've got away safely now. We're heading away tomorrow for a few days. TH wants to climb a large hill on Tuesday which will be great if the weather's like today, but not so good if the Scottish winter decides to kick in. Still, a couple of days away from phone and email will be a good thing whatever.

Mmmmmm, braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains

I feckin hate wrap dresses. It's like they were specifically designed to make my figure look heinous. As I have no waist and a crazy 'vertically massive arse', they just make me look like a brick with 2 rockets strapped to the front, all covered in fabric.

I wish I was as thin as I used to be only a few years ago - had nice B-cup perkies

TYF is making us tapas - I live in constant fear of the day that he realises what a lazy, haggard, useless old caaaaah I really am [hconfused]

Aries The man is gorgeous but he ain't 'alf a dolt sometimes!

bitey One of the FESHes is a pilot and she poo-poos all this "can I fly?" rubbish. It's filed in the same category as "can I carry a cake?".

That's good, it means if I'm diffed I can take cake with me on the flight [hgrin].

maswera had words with a trolley dolly who tried to question her having wine with her meal!

wine and cake, this just gets better! Now all I need to manage is diffed

Afternoon Beshlets,[hgrin] Have just carved pumpkin and it has been deemed very scary, so that's halloween done then. [hbiscuit]

Well done gaga on the 'clothesoffshag' feel that is phrase that should enter Beshlish to emphasise when one has had real proper sechs, and not the bill paying kind.

I went for run this am- in the extra hour- am sooooo impressed with myself, and yet surprisingly not thin yet. Only problem being, on very end of way back (can I just point out how much I love that the palais is in my life, for where on earth would I have discussed this hitherto? ) felt a bit saltyair 'down there', and when got back discovered a def 007/8 (just checked other fred to get accurate ref, took me a while to get back here, so have naturally forgotton actual number) basically palest pink, but lots and wet, like after being diluted with white spirit. Am cd20, but last night whilst up with tantruming night owl had significant amount of left side pain a la egg laying, which puzzled/pissed me off cos was sure it was a Tubeless side month, so hadn't tried very hard. Don't really know what my question is, other than, 'Am I dying?' and if I am, 'who wants my gimp mask and signed picture of Barry Manilow?', but feel better for putting my confusion out in the universe, so thanks for listening.

Also, love you head

moley apparently ovulation doesn't work on an even "left side, right side" basis like that. So you could def have had a viable egg floating about. How long is your usual cycle length? Implantation bleeding (thats IS what you are asking innit?) would occur 6-12 days aver ov, so if you have a 28 day cycle that would be just within the realms of possibility.

Or it could be ovulation bleeding if you have a longer cycle, esp as you felt the pain and there seems to be CM involved? If its just a bit then I guess you just have to wait and see. If it continues for longer than a day or two or gets heavier/redder or is accompanied by pain then it would be worth seeing the doc. I had a random episode of 'mid cycle bleeding' earlier this year. Freaked me right out but never happened again and the Doctor put it down to 'stress/one of those things'

Can I please have the gimp mask? (but not the Manilow)

ps I love HB too. Think we all do and while understanding of the need for TTC distance, hope she doesn't stay away toooo much.

Evening fragrant and lovely BEShies.

Moleymole any chance your other tube has magically nipped across and picked up the egg? That'd be ace. Apparently possible but not sure how probable & don't want to fuel any menkulling.

I have missed HB 's brief return and am dismayed :( If you return, HB , t'others are right; you are mere babe and thus there is no harm whatsoever in relaxing & taking your time and not winding yourself up into a Raging Ball of Stress. Obviously am now expecting ironidiff.

Ariel did Mr A not try to fill the car with the wrong petrol not that long ago? Perhaps you can fit him with a sign saying 'do not allow this man near vehicles' ?

Am highly amused by tales of crap shaggage. You already know about me having to persuade Mr Shoes to put his comic book down, but I'm sure there is worse to come over the next few months. It seems to be dawning on him that it's not actually that easy to win baybees, which is progress at least.

I've had a bloody awful weekend and drunk my own bodyweight in wine. How's everyone else?

Evening BESHerinas. I have has over emotional day. I cried at the end of kindergarten cop, I cried when everyone was nice to Cher on x factor. Feckin PMT, I reckon.

Moley has anything happened on the FJ front since then? You could've ruptured a small blood vessel with the running, if you were particularly vigorous and/or got very overheated...Orrr......as there was lots of wet, you may find the idea of running on some way sexually arousing Wierdo.

Giblet dear why has weekend been so bad? Normally drinking plus du vin means A Good Time has been had, no?

RRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE come back! Pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaasssssseeeeee. And you, Cass (and you too HB*, but I do respct your reasons my lovely)

Old-timers here will know that I've only ever had period pains and Ov pains on my left (in fact, nearly all my early pg cramps were on the left too!), and I presumed I only Oved on the left. But a Doc told me earlier this year that some people are prone to feeling more on one side than the other (summat to do with the muscles working harder or being more sensitive in one spot than in others) and indeed, when I had a dildocam back in May, I was having v bad Ov pains on the left yet the scan clearly showed an egg being released on the right.

Men also need to be taught that any old shag at any old time of the month will NOT magically result in a baybee (not once you're over 16, anyway!). I found that screaming, hysterical crying and threats got the message across after a few months [hhmm]

Ah, that's v.interesting scorps as I did wonder if the random twinges were related to the side of the egg laying - is all bloody complicated in our innards, clearly. And yes, Mr Shoes was deeply proud of managing All The Sechs on the Right Days and had assumed this would equal an immediate win. Er...if only.

ready salted twas weekend with inlaws and thus mucho booze required. thankfully nobody asked me when we were going to have kids. I always feel bad about punching relatives in the face.

Hang on; Kindergarten Cop ?? I think that's actually worse than my Nickelback incident last week. Well done.

I know. I am ashamed, and also little worried about my mental health....

I too have had much in law action over the last week. Makes me want to shoot myself. Or someone else. The highlight of mine was thi comment:

"well, the good thing about them is that they do try to appear like they're normal" followed by "ahh, well I don't know why you don't just ask if they are a poof"

Also

"The African nurses are all so jolly"
"Chinese are all lovely"

Hello again dears .

I get a corker of an ovulation pain the right side, and never on the left. Odd business, bodies! Also this month I have been positively awash with the old 001 (is that right? FFJ, anyway: MUST remember to laminate the DIY chart) and have had unusually sharp pains, but who bleeding knows. I'm constipated as well so it could well be the baklava my best pal brought round this afternoon .

Giblets I do feel for you re. in-laws. Mine are frankly the sweetest people alive, but I have a very low tolerance for stupidity or for lavatory roll holders cuningly fashioned to resemble debutantes circa 1823, and thus I find them a trial. And then owing to their sweetness guilt is added to the intolerance and irritation and I develop a stomach ulcer, all within the first ten minutes of having set foot inside the door.

Moley well done on the runnage! I iz impressed. My darling OM has bought me a gym membership for my birthday (I had already had a 6 week trial thing). I have been going 4 times a week . I am no thinner, at which I am of course aghast, but am getting a lot of 'gosh don't you look well' style comments, and upon running for the number 388 only the other morning actually felt actual muscles in my legs. Muscles! I know, right?! Who knew!

Anyway - yes, could well be an ovulation bleed, which I am told Is A Good Thing.

Now then, I had a whole weekend with no appointments and have come to the end of the latest Edit of Horror, so decided to completely relax. Alas, I seem to have forgotten how to do it, so instead dug out some dress fabric and cut out two wrap dresses and basted them together . Dressmakers among you, I haz found a website where you can buy patterns at about 30% of the price for download, and print off. Lemme know if you want linkage.

Anyone going to be watching the Psychoville Special tonight? I have a bar of darkest Green & Blacks waiting to get me through it!

Oh Salty that sounds ghastly in a hilarious sort of way. Or just plain ghastly: you decide.

Also I am aghast at you having watched Kindergarten Cop when everyone knows Commando is the best Arnie film. I mean really .

Jeees..it was just on the telly. I didn't choose to watch it. I just didn't choose to turn it over...

Is zigackly the same Salts. The oil helps get it over your head when you've cut the fucking pattern pieces too small like I do every sodding time.

I would have watched it too. Just so we're clear. Bloody love Arnie. Bet he's genuinely good with children in real life, too .

Yikes salty, that sounds horrible, in a "amusing to folk on the internet" way.

I am impressed by dress making abilities. I have been sat here all day pretending to knit. I have done a single row. But I have made some oatmeal cookies. Would anyone like one?

Makes you smell of old chips too HB, thus saving a fortune on spensive perfume.

Oooohhh, cookie...yes please MUserama. I can only knit scarves, as I can't go round corners. And I can't cast oof so I can only do very long unfinished scarves.