The fred where the BESH practise DIY. Scan the chart below. Customers are kindly requested to keep readers informed of relevant colour and consistency.

[Ariesgirl]

BESHityourself proudly presents...

The BESHtone colour matching system, for all your interior colourways

000 Clearest eggwhite
001 Watery white
002 All that jizz?
003 Cottage cheese
004 Cunt-ry cream
005 Hopeful Yellow
006 Hint of a Tint
007 Excessive Cigaring
008 Stretchy but streaky
009 Palest Pink
010 Implantation Imaginings?
011 Itty Bitty Brown
012 Brahn String
013 Ovaltine Ochre
014 Sludge Brown
015 Clotty Red
016 Purest Scarlet
017 Possibly Green*
018 Barely Black*
019 Sump Oil Surprise*
020 Nothing. Nadda. Where the fuck IS it?

*Available at specialist retailers

Well Cass had tantalised with her thread and then buggered off. Someone had to do it.

rie you will have to fight mrsFC for the ornage cremes, you pair of wring uns :o

truffs perfickly natural you would want to be the ONLY diffed person in the universe for a while. Not likely tho.

omg I only just read that about him knowing. what a twat.

What a moron! deliberately upsetting you knowing that he was going to share their good news a few days later. Idiot. Also does he think the world revolves around him and his wife. Suiting them is not a reason why you would decide to have a child in any case.

Having my own personal whinge sesh. Outbreak of a dangerous to diffed ladies contagion at school. Had to be asked by the medical lady if I am updiffed or not. Talk about rubbing salt in the wounds.....

Anyone who bangs on about orangey goo on Facecrack deserves to be hidden. As shakeherlettuce will testify, I rarely bang on about miniboo.

I am 'friends' with a lady from work who is constantly putting things like ' is expressing'. She is hidden now. Who the hell wants to know that stuff?

oh and Truffs your BIL is a twat. Want us to go over and trip him up, BESH style?

Aries, am also feeling 'THE RAGE'. Wanna stand outside my back door with me and have a menthol?

Don't get me wrong - I do like keeping abreast of real friends' baby news (in moderation of course). It's just when it's all on the same damn page :(.

The Rage has wearied me. I'm exhausted

Truffs what a twat.

12pt sorry I wasn't here in your hour of need earlier. Sometimes the men Just Don't Get It, do they?

Well. After my light little 2nd email earlier I actually saw the friend's husband earlier and had a lovely cuppa and chat. (We've been friends for years so we do that) Mentioned in passing I'd sent an email but not had a reply and he did a bit of eye rolling and said yes, she'd seen it. I said oh no matter, no rush to reply, just that I wanted to check she'd had it and so didn't feel she'd been left out. I got the overall impression generally that she was driving him a bit loopy with pregnancy-menkul, from several things he said.

Just had a reply to say thanks but she can't come out as she's busy at work (during the day, this is an evening out I'm suggesting) and in the evenings is preparing for labour.

She's due mid Feb.

What the FECK?

Ah well. I have tried. TBH that's all I really wanted.

I also have Le Rage.

Ok rant alert, switch off now if you can be bothered with this as I suspect it might be a bit tedious...

A really good friend of ours was supposed to be staying with us on Sat night, he and TB were planning on going to see a DJ that night, then we were all going to another good freinds b'day party on Sunday day. He moved away a few years ago, has been living in London for a year or so and is always moaning that he doesn't like it and wants to come home/misses his friends etc. (although then the next week he talks about going to live in NYC ) So spent Friday doing loads of tidying, got nice breakkie things in and stuff for saturday night tea, beers wine etc.

He had planned to stay at another freinds on the Friday night as it was another mutual acquaintances birthday celebrations which we weren't planning on going to but instead basically went awol, stayed at some randoms place on the other side of the city. I got one text at 11 am sat am indicating he hadn't been to bed yet but no details where he was then nothing til 7 pm by which time both of us had made alternative plans for the evening. Couldn't even get a straight answer out of him if he wanted to stay in ours but got the strong impression he would rather stay put. At least he did show up at the friends b'day party on sunday, early enough to have a shower before everyone else showed up (he had left his bag there friday night) turned out he had had about 3 hrs sleep that night too.

He has been going off on a one a bit recently as he's split from his long term g'friend and so I am assuming he must have pulled and just wanted to cut loose. We are all quite breezey with things like this and generally quite easy going but he spent ages going on about how much he missed us and then just blew us off. I had got over it but then today he posted on facebook 'now that was how to do a weekend proper' I am properly having to sit on my hands to stop myself from replying with something very very sarcastic.

... ok sorry about that. just needed to have moan. as you were.

but feel free to vent Le RAGE on my behalf.

Le Rage is def in the air today. Trufs - what an UTTER cock. In fact cock is not strong enough a word. And Cass (can I shorten names yet, I've not been on this Fred long, don't know if I am making assumptions!!) sometimes 'friends' are odd. Bitches be crazy as JayZ once said.....

Why are men such cocks?

That is the million $ question Aries.... I think men's brains just don't work in the same way as ours. They are rubbish at empathy.

Hello hageletinis.

Truffleylovely - what a knob!!
Cassowary - what a knob
Rie - what a load of knobs.

Phew. That's a whole lot of knob action for my lovely BESHes, and not in a good way!!

Knobs is one of those words that if you say/write it too many times you start wondering if it is an actual word or just something you imagined....

In stove news, I now have a lovely big hole in the chimbley and a lovely woodburner on T'opposite side of the living room and never the twain shall meet if I don't find a hearthstone....

I am, btw, 001/002 on chart. I am lovin gthis chart syatem, as it is a sort of charting that I can cope with, unlike The Other Sort which requires things like Perseverance, Organisation and A Degree in Hard Maths.

Any Extreme news?

She's ok at the moment and is v v grateful and overwhelmed by all the support and love :)

She's hanging in there Salts. Doing a bit better today I think.

In other news:

All together now..........

KNOB!

I am weary, and inexplicably tearful.

Have to revise.

Want to sit on sofa wailing and eating cake.

KNOB!

Cass when my best mate and I were both preggo at the same time (I had an mc and then got pregnant again while she was pregnant) we had some really interesting fallouts. I won't go into detail 'cos she's on here too and may not want me to divulge, but we got through it and we can hardly remember it now.

However I think that spending every night between now and the end of Feb preparing for labour really is an interesting degree of menkul. If she's telling the truth then that is a bit worrying isn't it?

Truffs What a fecker. As for sharing pregnancies, I saw twin sisters who were pregnant(and looked around the same point) and almost asked if it was the same father. Just weird.

rocket I love an opportunity to make a really sarky comment so can't understand why you are resisting

As for everyone in the RAGE - I find drinking oneself into a coma can help.

Rocklady make the comment :D

KNOB

Milano I read that as 'drinking oneself into a comma' got all excited at the thought of drinking/punctuation combo....

Actually as I'm friends with him as well maybe I could do it for you ;)

why won't my fecking smilies work today? RAGE.

I wrote a bright, articulate, hilarious yet thoughtfully poignant post last night- and have just discovered it didn't work for some reason. You'll just have to take my word for it.
Am concerned that it maybe the thread being situated in a DIY store that is the deep rooted cause of all these knobs-

aries have never empathised so much with a post-here have a strawberry cream tea daquari, (sp?) and let me help you keep abreast of stuff..

truff cock. Would so fumingly rantificated in your situation, oooh. And again ooooh.

In my excellent lost post, I also lit candle for extreme, being the awesome lurker wot I am, I remember her and dressing gown well, am thinking of you and BOCs , and even- so flame me- sending sticky vibes.

I am actually fairly sanguine today- not to the extent of ourhead but definite bloodlike tendencies, so am prepared to bear all BESH misery on my sturdy shoulders. (think its all the thought of burly builders in paint flecked overalls that's raised my spirits, am a sucker for a big boy) Go on, offload, I can take it.

I want a KNOB! smiley...

For a wink PB you have to type [ wink ]. I don't know why......

I forgot to add that there's a theatre here where I live which would be prefect for BESHies. It's called, I jest you not, Spunk Theatre. I'm not sure what kind of shows they do but I bet it's FUN