The fred where the BESH practise DIY. Scan the chart below. Customers are kindly requested to keep readers informed of relevant colour and consistency.

[Ariesgirl]

BESHityourself proudly presents...

The BESHtone colour matching system, for all your interior colourways

000 Clearest eggwhite
001 Watery white
002 All that jizz?
003 Cottage cheese
004 Cunt-ry cream
005 Hopeful Yellow
006 Hint of a Tint
007 Excessive Cigaring
008 Stretchy but streaky
009 Palest Pink
010 Implantation Imaginings?
011 Itty Bitty Brown
012 Brahn String
013 Ovaltine Ochre
014 Sludge Brown
015 Clotty Red
016 Purest Scarlet
017 Possibly Green*
018 Barely Black*
019 Sump Oil Surprise*
020 Nothing. Nadda. Where the fuck IS it?

*Available at specialist retailers

Well Cass had tantalised with her thread and then buggered off. Someone had to do it.

Oh, incidentally, Baybeeeeee dust to you all....sprinkle, sprinkle......

I don't have a life Salts. As if you haven't guessed. I'm about to start watching The Pillars of the Earth.

I don't know anything about slate hearths but am willing to bet they are Unfeasibly Expensive, even more so if you get British slate.

Bugger. I think they are prob UF too....I reckon if noone will admit to the price until you sign something that is a good indicator of it being More Than You Can Afford.

Incidentally, where are you on the colour chart? Hmm?

I haven't got a life either and would really like to watch POTE but will have to wait at least 500 years before it comes out on DVD in these parts.
salty Slate fireplaces are notoriosly unaffordable. You could of course go out and just pick up a bit of slate and make your own in true BESH-it-yourself spirit.
I know I don't count but I have a LOT of 001 going on. Just so you know.

I am between 004 and 005 salty, but there's not a lot of it if truth be told. Only a matter of time I feel.

POTE - I'm not awfully sure it's that good, so far :(. Lots of hammy acting and bad script.

Love the new fred - true work of genius. Am thinking how different life would be if the whole DIY concept were applied to TTC:
"On offer today in aisle 1 we have the ejaculating penis at £9.99 and in aisle 5 we have a two for one offer on ovaries. While stocks last!"

That sounds promising Saltshaker. How long till POAS?

I am having the most plentiful droid ever. Like, rivers of the stuff. I know you did not really want to know that, but wtf?

Pls to have bowl of Moroccan Lamb?

I was going to have salad last night but instead had visitorswhowouldnotleave so didn't eat. Except box of Belgian pralines she brought. And cheese. And crackers. [burp] So a real meal sounds nice.

Poor JumpingQueen - that sounds horrid. :(

Aries I notice you haven't added to the menkul - pls to provide further symptoms?

Love the new thread! Was in focus diy yesterday getting tester pots for boyfriends stairs. Jas
ine white should now be renamed all that jizz!! Hard to keep straight face in the shop! As for me, shouldbe 000 but no such luck. Ov sticks, negative. Booo

LGG I'm not late - I was meaning I rarely have any menkul... I'm hungover this morning.Why do I think I can drink like I'm 21 still? Last nights Xfactor is not helping my headache and the in laws are coming for fecking Sunday lunch. Brilliant.

I would have gladly shared my Moroccan Lamb with you AndesHag but I haz already troffed it all. I am now on a roll though and currently slow roasting a joint of beef in there, any good? Be ready about 1, with a sweet soy gravy glaze, roast potatoes (OBVIOUSLY), carrots, green beans and parsnips.

(Can y'all tell my sickness has gone???)

Cass, you're AMAZE. Can I come to lunch? It's not far. Not far at all.

AlpineNag I have no symptoms. No menkul. None.

Get on a train Rierie. I have no idea how long the bloody thing will take to cook anyway so you'll probably get here in time!

Well it's 6 hours to Paddington, then presumably along the tube to somewhere else and then, what, 30 more minutes more? Should be there by 9ish - that ok?

You iz too far from me.

:(:(:(:(:(:(:(.

I'm depressed today. Somebody tell me a joke or something.

rierie Come to me. I went skiing yesterday - they've got a Kjus skisuit in a size 8 for only 1400 euros! Shall I reserve one for you? I'm only 2 hours from the Eurostar.

What - Brussels?

Skiing would be good. Do they have fake snow and everyfink? 1400 euros, you say? Bargain, I'll have one.

Aries Yep, am just a couple of hours from Brussels on the high speed train. I live just a couple of miles from Snowworld which is the largest indoor snow place in the world - put it this way, last week they had FIS championships! There were baggy-arsed snowboarders a go-go! Just the one? They had one in fade-to-blue and one in fade-to-orange. We looked at all the gorgeous stuff and then drove to Decathlon down the road. 400 euros for a pair of salopettes is nice... but I'll have no guilt about throwing the 40 euro ones in the bin if they don't fit in a year.

I adore Decathlon. The best thing is they have no started to do mail order. I really want to find some electric blue or shocking pink salos for under £40!

Found some here

I love Decathlon - as long as you're not after something really "high end" it's fabulous. Cheap fleeces & work-out gear great! :) They also do banana flavoured horse-treats for 1 euro a pack cheaper than the real shops. I need to find out what's "in" with the ski bunnies this year - having missed last season I know my skis are out-of-date (not rockered) - I need bindings for my new twin-tips and my clothes? Pie jesu - I'm middle-aged - although at least not in a fluro all-in-one although I suspect "we" may've come full circle in that respect. A mate of mine spent $300 last year on a FAKE one of these: cgi.ebay.co.uk/Orig-KJUS-Salt-Pepper-Skijacke-scuba-Gr-42-/370277953047?pt=Sport_Alle_Sportbekleidung&hash=item5636492e17 [CatsBumMouth]

Afternoon BESHlets!

Can't remember who it was who was trying to find a cheap mini-holiday about 20 pages ago but I've just been to Nerja in Spain and twas luverley. Have had tonnes of wine, meat and coffee. Liver is now complaining somewhat.

Have also managed mucho SWI (well, mucho by our standards i.e. 7 times in 7 days) - will therefore look foward to mucho disappointment in about 10 days' time despite being awash with white goods (colour chart 002 I think?).

Whoop! For the BFPs :)

Cass that chart is a work of true genius. Can I please add: 14.5 - Rich mahogany and 15.5 - Burgundy torrent*?

In honour of Queenie*

• fail

Well, you know what I meant. Possibly.

Also, can we include a magnifying glass with the colour chart/pissstick kit to allow for extra menkulling over lines or not-lines?