The fred where the BESH practise DIY. Scan the chart below. Customers are kindly requested to keep readers informed of relevant colour and consistency.

[Ariesgirl]

BESHityourself proudly presents...

The BESHtone colour matching system, for all your interior colourways

000 Clearest eggwhite
001 Watery white
002 All that jizz?
003 Cottage cheese
004 Cunt-ry cream
005 Hopeful Yellow
006 Hint of a Tint
007 Excessive Cigaring
008 Stretchy but streaky
009 Palest Pink
010 Implantation Imaginings?
011 Itty Bitty Brown
012 Brahn String
013 Ovaltine Ochre
014 Sludge Brown
015 Clotty Red
016 Purest Scarlet
017 Possibly Green*
018 Barely Black*
019 Sump Oil Surprise*
020 Nothing. Nadda. Where the fuck IS it?

*Available at specialist retailers

Well Cass had tantalised with her thread and then buggered off. Someone had to do it.

Well, helloooo hags!

Sorry to have been absent. Have had horrid weekend of exams and heavy head cold and 3 hours sleep a night type grotesqueness. But I am back and ready to touch people.

Adam Ant was my first crush - Prince Charming, Prince Charming, ridicule is nuffink to be scared of . Morten Harket was pretty tasty too but that was later

I'm sorry but I've lost track of where the beady eye should be falling next for BFP possibility?

I think we should be the whoriest whore house in whoresville next

Adam Ant! I loved him too.

Oooh, and me. those cheekbones. That eye make up.

On an eye make up note I was very,very fond of Kurt Cobain. He killed himself two weeks before I was meant to be seeing Nirvana in concert. I was upset in only the way that a hysterical teenage girl can be. Don't think I came out of my room for several days. Noone understood me like Kurt

Think my first crush was also Morten, who didn't want to be that girl in the Take on Me video? After that it was Ducky in PP and Jude Nelson in the Breakfast Club (he's a minger in everything else)

CAAAASSSSS glad exam/cold/insomnia nightmare is over.

cinco lob us a mini xmas cake, only way I'll forgive you for mentioning the X word prior to Halloweeen. :p

I vote spookiest little Whorehouse in BEShville. Or is that mixing too many metaphors?

Think my first crush was also Morten, who didn't want to be that girl in the Take on Me video? After that it was Ducky in PP and Jude Nelson in the Breakfast Club (he's a minger in everything else)

CAAAASSSSS glad exam/cold/insomnia nightmare is over.

cinco lob us a mini xmas cake, only way I'll forgive you for mentioning the X word prior to Halloweeen. :p

I vote spookiest little Whorehouse in BEShville. Or is that mixing too many metaphors?

This is my current crushiest, crush. He makes me rival Salty in the pant department

here

Tartuflette am very at you being backstage at a Stone Roses gig. I was ridiculously obsessed with all things Ian Brown related when I was at school and they are still my favourite band. (Truffkin 4 Ian Brown 4 eva IDST and all that)

If we're talking claims to fame then I'll chuck in a quick Bill Clinton and see how that goes down. (tis true, he was pres at the time too, but didn't try it on with me, even though I think I had hair like Monica L at the time)

Is anyone looking forward to bonfire night? I can't bloody wait for fireworks, baked spuds and that wonderful smell when you wake up in the morning looking forward to the bonfire when it gets dark. I'm going to have coloured sparklers and everything

In Take That opinions, I've had this conversation many a time with a certain friend and we ahve concluded the following:

Mark - too cute and small to be interesting in bed
Gary - would do anything to please you but would do it in a gorky way, however would be good boyfriend material in all other areas
Gary - surely too camp to like teh fanjo sechs but your Mum would love him
Howard - beautiful body, would have great stamina
Robbie - pure filth and only good for a one night stand

Morton Harket...haven't thought about him in years. And I will personally naked mud wrestle any one of youse lot for first dibs on the lovely Mr Ant.

Giblets yoou sillly girl - you declared only a few hours ago that you were joining the non menkul collective and now you're gone and ordered piss sticks.

LadyG thank you for not fueling the menkul, I will forgive you for referring to me as 'Rent-a-slime'

CASSSSSSSSSSS sorry you've been having a rough time luvva.

It were only jealousy, Salty. Like when you pick on the prettiest girl at school

I like your current crush. He has lovely eyes...

CASSSSSSSSSSSSS! Thank God you're alive. Hope the exams were ok and glad you survived the cold.

Take That were the ultimate objects of scorn when I was in the 6th form as I was into Metallica and Guns n Roses. Then the Levellers when I changed tack slightly. However now I lurrrrrve them (though I must admit to still getting confused between Howard and Jason). I don't understand the modern day Gary antipathy - I think he's adorable. AND he can play the piano which is always a Good Thing in a man. When TT were on Woss, he said "Check out Gary ladies. He was always the fat one who no one fancied!" Obviously Gary had to go along with it and laugh. AND he came 13th on the 2008 Top 100 Sexiest Men. Look (OK, he may have been listed alongside the other members of Take That)

I used to love Robbie but now he looks like a frog, I'm afraid.

Re A-Ha, I was always a Mags girl myself. Remember Pal? The one who no one fancied? Poor Pal - he ended up in a monastic retreat.

C'mon then meoldsalts, show me what you've got! He's mine I tell you, all mine.

The Levellers - me too Rie. That was my crusty phase Many a happy memory being crushed by sweaty topless blokes pit moshing

Lady I vividly remember Kurt dying as was round at a friends house. He was so upset as Kurt was his hero (spookily styled himeslef like him) and he too was due to see Nirvana a couple of weeks later. I loved Nirvana although now they just remind me of ex husband mostly as was our album of choice on honeymoon - yes I was a child bride

Truffles It's my friend you should be jealous of acksherly - she was good mates with Mani! I know we were very at the time. She also knew Jarvis Cocker quite well, never got to meet him though. This was all when she was at uni in Manchester in the mid nineties.

I'm having a right old meander down memory lane today, good times. [hgrin]

Cass glad the exams are done and you can come back to fuel the mekul of the BESH. Thanks for the vodka

I think my first crush was Shakin Stevens and I even liked Jason Donovan for a short time. I had a Shaky calendar that had his name printed above the picture each month (you know, nice collection of him wearing stonewashed denim and strioking various poses. Addition of a brightly coloured knitted jumper and woollen gloves for December) and above it I write 'I heart' for every month

I also had a Keanu Reeves phase and had a life sized poster on the back of my bedroom door of him in leather trousers and an open waistcoat

Thinking of it now, I was very fickle and seem to recollect a different crush for every term pretty much. Must have been in training for my slaaaaaaag days.

Cinco now I actually did meet Jarvis Cocker once. A friend and I were waiting for the doors to open for a Pulp gig and she needed to pee so we went round the back of the hall for her to wee in the alley. He happened to peer out of the dressing room window (classy venue!) and made some amusing comment, then invited us in for some cider. Good times. We were about 17 and thought we were the coolest things on the plant. He made a comment about his new friend who stank of piss during the concert, that was less cool.

Are you me Truffs?!

I've still got a couple of Shaky albums and a 12" of 'Merry Christmas everyone' which I have been know to play in bars when I've djed (years ago now). [hgrin]

I do have some Shaky on my ipod and might possibly have been laughed at out loud when suggesting 'Because I love you' as a potential wedding first dance song (I like to think I wasn't being serious)

I would love the X Factor to do Shakin Stevens week, that would sort out the wheat from the chaff.

Did you have the LP actually entitled "Shaky"? He was wearing a pink coat and black trousers and doing some nifty disco move whilst pointing at the camera. It had classics such as Green Door and This Ole House on in.

Cinco I actually read that as "bars when I've died"

RieRie Oh yes

Caaaaassssss, so glad to hear you're alive and survived the evil exams - did you quote the bits about testicle positioning?

And Laurie you're keeping v quiet about your holiday - pliz to regale us with tales of somewhere less dark and wet than here (which I reckon is pretty much anywhere).

Boo to all droids, especially birthday ones - that's just taking the piss.

Seen this?

LadyG surely he is about 12 years old? Bad woman. Bad.

salts yeah I know, I am a fecking idiot. I shall get Mr Owlshoes to hide them like he's asked me to do with the few remaining licquorice allsorts.

Which reminds me, he doesn't know I've been troughing the jaffa cakes then turning the box upside down so it looks like I haven't opened it.

cinco I was at uni in Manc in the mid nineties and I never met anyone famous. Bah. Except Deirdre from Coronation St once opened a door for me in a garden centre. I didn't recognise her. The person I was with found this funny but in fairness she wasn't wearing those big glasses and I don't watch Corrie.

Also; I like the BESHt little whorehouse idea, the rate we're getting through these it could also be a halloween fred. With extra pumpkin pie for mmmoooooos

welcome back
b Cass!

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