The fred where the BESH practise DIY. Scan the chart below. Customers are kindly requested to keep readers informed of relevant colour and consistency.

[Ariesgirl]

BESHityourself proudly presents...

The BESHtone colour matching system, for all your interior colourways

000 Clearest eggwhite
001 Watery white
002 All that jizz?
003 Cottage cheese
004 Cunt-ry cream
005 Hopeful Yellow
006 Hint of a Tint
007 Excessive Cigaring
008 Stretchy but streaky
009 Palest Pink
010 Implantation Imaginings?
011 Itty Bitty Brown
012 Brahn String
013 Ovaltine Ochre
014 Sludge Brown
015 Clotty Red
016 Purest Scarlet
017 Possibly Green*
018 Barely Black*
019 Sump Oil Surprise*
020 Nothing. Nadda. Where the fuck IS it?

*Available at specialist retailers

Well Cass had tantalised with her thread and then buggered off. Someone had to do it.

Have moved into 'hint of jizz' or whatever it is called. Think I have hit the window, or whatever you young folks are calling it these days.

Bring on the WOOFLing. Owl, I think we iz WOOFLing sistas, so I'm glad you are back!

Cheers Pony. Have we met before?

Oh, bugger, I am late for Cass's lunch. Any leftovers? That sounded freaking yummy. I am just about to do a boring ole' beef roast. Although CH is the master of the perfect Yorkshire pud.

Hey Owlet.

Rie, can you menkul just a little bit? Someone should, as that option is completely taken away from me. Can I menkul for you?

Salts and Twit-twoo, I'm 4dpo so would like to join in the WOOFLing too pliz. I'm on about 004 at the mo.

p.s. Am impressed by the 7 times in 7 days. Is there an inverse relationship between the number of shags and the amount of disappointment felt? Could one of you clever types pliz to make a formula?

Welcome to the menkul Turnturnturn I am not strictly menkuling yet as do not lay an egg until tomorrow-ish, but I have done pre-eggnant (geddit?)making sex over La weekend, and may do tomorrow for good measure.So I can't menkul yet, can i? can I? Jump you can have my menkul if you like luvva.

Afternoon all owlychoos your holiday sounds lush!

This morning was very briefly 09 or maybe 010 maybe maybe. Now back to 020. Chart makes this much easier! Still have sore pokey innards but that may be linked to getting retro drunk on Cinzano and lemonade last night.

LGG love that dress and want it, also want cass's dinner. Hmmmm are these cravings?

My dad has just invited us rounds for lamb dinner and apple pie, have also made chicken and leek pie. By tuesday will look diffed even if not!

bought a stick to pee on yesterday, at what point is it decent to pee on it?

Hoorah for the WOOFLpartners! And yes, salts I think there is definitely an inverse relationship there. Particularly as this is the most Sechs we have had since our honeymoon and frankly if we have to go on holiday just so we can have sufficient amounts of shagging to make baybees then Mr Shoes needs a job with more annual leave.

Bitey the answer is to pee on it immediately and then buy another one, surely?

Also; cinzano ?? Old skool hangover.

good timing on the holiday though wiseowl - I can imagine the conversation in the travel agents:

'So, madam, when did you want to fly?'

'well, factoring in FFJ, my average cycle length and the number of bars on my CBFM....'

'Madam, just wee on this special travel agent's fertility tester, if it turns green, you're good to go in 5 days...'

I am so very, very hungover. It's not even funny. Made the deadly mistake of drinking wine in the pub. Those mahoosive glasses as well. I feel rubbish now. And I've been struggling with vile mouth ulcers down both sides of my tongue the last few days and am struggling to eat. So I can't even make it better with lashings of lard like usual.

And now I have to get on the train and go and pick MiniG up (a round trip of approx 2 hours).

Me, me, me, me, me.

Can someone adminster some lovely hairstrokes when I get back. And a bowl of Cass lamb stew sounds nourishing and restorative and just what I need. But no booze. I am not drinking any more.

oooh ifyoudreamofsandunesandsaltyair you should take that idea to the dragon's den! Erm don't know about the DPO thing had the egg white 11 days ago and SWId for four days but never got a positive OPK test (got through thirty in eight days) so who knows? Have classic PMT systems including taking prfound dislike to FDH and inability to articulate sentences so am proably barking at a forest full of wrong trees!

Owlouisvuittons cinzano was surprisingly tasty 'specially after three of them!

prOfound and barking UP See? Can't type either!

I rather like the mental image of you barking AT a forest full of wrong trees, Overbite - can I keep it like that in my head?

Roast was lovely. Am still stuffed. Thought I mentioned that already but it appears not...

that made me laugh ALOT. the barking at a forest thing...genius...

I am GOOD thankyou! Feeling like myself again. As can be evidenced by the many food-based posts recently

How are you my lovely? Are you keeping those youngsters in check?

Youngsters are properly mental. Really fullup of hormones and unable to hold it together, despite my very best efforts. Still, never mind half term T'week after next!

I'm so pleased you are feeling yourself again my dear...

You certainly can casseroleyourgrandsomethingsomethingspears and add in howling on the moon too if you like?

Soothing hair strokes to LGG, here have the blanket off aries's sofa.

Copied and pasted from PESH Fred (sorry I WILL catch up soon)

Sorry not caught up with Fred. Just here to ask that everyone who knows our lovely extreme (and fuck it, even those who don't) please send her all the best thoughts and love you can. She is worrying that the BOCs are not sticking, has had brownish blood and cramps. Of course all could be fine but she is very worried.

Light candles, sacrifice a goat, whatever suits you really. She asked me for the power of the ESH so please... Start NOW!!!!!

Loving new fred. Just marking place - at my mother in laws. Soz for not having tome to read fred properly yet.

or time to edit my posts...

Candle lit. Big, big love to Extreme Am channeling velcro her way.

Likewise.

Velcro candle. I think I can only find an ordinary candle at the mo, but it is being lit!

Oh Extreme. Candles lit here dearest.

Candle lit here. Hope everything is ok.

I'm gonna vote for the goat - one large and messy sacrifice coming up straight away.

Hoping everything stays sticky.