The fred where the BESH practise DIY. Scan the chart below. Customers are kindly requested to keep readers informed of relevant colour and consistency.

[Ariesgirl]

BESHityourself proudly presents...

The BESHtone colour matching system, for all your interior colourways

000 Clearest eggwhite
001 Watery white
002 All that jizz?
003 Cottage cheese
004 Cunt-ry cream
005 Hopeful Yellow
006 Hint of a Tint
007 Excessive Cigaring
008 Stretchy but streaky
009 Palest Pink
010 Implantation Imaginings?
011 Itty Bitty Brown
012 Brahn String
013 Ovaltine Ochre
014 Sludge Brown
015 Clotty Red
016 Purest Scarlet
017 Possibly Green*
018 Barely Black*
019 Sump Oil Surprise*
020 Nothing. Nadda. Where the fuck IS it?

*Available at specialist retailers

Well Cass had tantalised with her thread and then buggered off. Someone had to do it.

Yeah. WEIRDO!

I don't have to rummage for FFJ

salts you are my hero; if only I could be that unmenkul.

Can I please stroke you like some sort of talisman of sanity?

Oooh, I did rummage for my cervix once. Couldn't find the fecker. Gave up.

You and your gushing FFJ. You're always on about it. You never stop.

You must be quite long then Owly. Mine's dead easy to find. Or maybe I am short and stunted.

Are they real straws or the aforementioned chocolate bar stroke away wol stroke away.....

Gah.

Last post but one should've read 'or the aforementioned chocolate bar starws.'

What's that I hear? Paper? Paper up the fanjo? What's wrong with a scoopy finger?

I thought people wanted a fight . I thought I was giving them what they wanted. And I am actually genuinely envious of anyone who has copious FFJ.

scoopy finger!!! Brilliant.

Have a gander at this then.

Could I point out that I have not done the cigar thing. I have never been sure why you'd use a bit of rolled up loo roll when one has a perfectly good finger. Much less scratchy. Assuming you don't have long nails.

Is that an actual real fish?

Wine Rie? Or are you still abstaining? Anyone else want a glass? I'm going to the bar

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I WANT A DRINK. It's become a point to prove now. That I'm not, you know, dependent.

Is that a yes or a not to wine Lady?

Yes or a no FFS

God. I want a whisky mac. I really really want one. Mmmm, booze.

salty my lover, how are you? And what the hell is that fish about?

I miss you-oooooooooo

I'm ok - currently channeling not thing about my feckin stupid cycle......That Fish, I believe is what Rie looks like

Hpw're you?

Sorry, sorry. Yes Salty a Very Large One please. And some salty snacks. Maybe some Bacon Fries? Or Nobby's nuts. I don't know/. You decide.

they only had these....