The fred where the BESH practise DIY. Scan the chart below. Customers are kindly requested to keep readers informed of relevant colour and consistency.

[Ariesgirl]

BESHityourself proudly presents...

The BESHtone colour matching system, for all your interior colourways

000 Clearest eggwhite
001 Watery white
002 All that jizz?
003 Cottage cheese
004 Cunt-ry cream
005 Hopeful Yellow
006 Hint of a Tint
007 Excessive Cigaring
008 Stretchy but streaky
009 Palest Pink
010 Implantation Imaginings?
011 Itty Bitty Brown
012 Brahn String
013 Ovaltine Ochre
014 Sludge Brown
015 Clotty Red
016 Purest Scarlet
017 Possibly Green*
018 Barely Black*
019 Sump Oil Surprise*
020 Nothing. Nadda. Where the fuck IS it?

*Available at specialist retailers

Well Cass had tantalised with her thread and then buggered off. Someone had to do it.

NOBBY'S NUTS! And some pork scratchings, with all hair on em.

I am good salty. Except I appear to be watching Supernanny. Why am I doing that?

because you've temporarily mislaid your brain???

I'll buy you nobby's nuts every day if you'll only promise to keep popping in....although I don't know how nobby will feel about that....

you know why Muse, you know

Quiet please! I am watching Lucas Spooks. Baddies this week appear to be the Russians. They are on a 3 week rolling programme of Russians, various militant Muslims and Chinese. Sometimes a combination.

Supernanny Muse? It's the same every time: naughty children, hopeless parents. Supernanny Jo Frost appears in suit and hair in bun and spends day Observing, all the while raising eyebrows meaningfully at the camera. Gives piece of mind. Next day fresh start. Supernanny wears civvies. Children appalling. Rules applied, involving naughty steps, hugs, time out and star charts. Parents taught. Children learn. All improves. Supernanny leaves. Everything disintegrates due to Inconsistency. Supernanny comes back and puts foot down. Leaves again. Everything better.

Did I miss anything?

Ahhh, that catfight was good. The money I'll make from the footage should see me right for Xmas, at least [hgrin]

One cigars with white loo roll because one finds that it is a vastly superior blank canvas on which to espy a hint of a tint instead of a flesh-coloured finger and that if one performs the cigar manoeuvre at every possible opportunity, like wot I used to, then toilet paper is more convenient, hygienic and less painful. I used to get pre-droid spotting for up to 10 days beforehand, which started off peach, so I had to be vigilant.

Posh white knicknacks are also essential for taunting the evil metal bastard out of hiding.

No that is about right Aries, I am suitably chastened.

I have found Armstrong & Miller on Dave instead. I so would.

salty what day of your cycle are you currently ignoring? Can I do some menkulling for you?

I'm a bit jealous of Super Nanny as am currently being subjected to some Sky plussed science programme about the big bang. I'm not engaged by space stuff, TGB gets Very Frustrated at my lack of interest. Think I'll read my book. Started 'Her Fearful Symmetry' by Audrey Niffenegger this morning on the way to work and am enjoying it. I liked but not loved Timetraveller's Wife but hated the film so have Bad Memories of the book now.

I'm weird aren't I?

No, nooo Scorps. You do scoopy finger, then you wipe finger on a piece of loo roll (pref white) to check for droidage. Otherwise is too scratchy unless you have as much FFJ as Rent-a-slime Salty

You lot are gross and very funny. I usually rely on The Rage to give me a good idea when the beeping will commence. Rage and zits like a teenager.

Her Fearful Symmetry is a bit odd, I thought.

Mooooooooos my lovely :) When you say you would; do you mean both of them at once? And have you stopped barfing behind trees now?

Scorpula if we ever write the BESHmanual, you really have to write the cigar section.

I have moved on from barfing behind trees and mostly barf in toilets now. Sometimes the shower. And once a Pendolino train.

Hmm, Armstrong & Miller as the airmen, together. Interesting. Very interesting.

As Possible Spotting time approached, I never had enough grossness to wipe off a finger - I was checking for microscopic (possibly imaginary) pinpricks of colour. You lot are rank amateurs, tchcchcuuuhhhh!

Also, I'm a bit squeamish about the, ahem, digital approach.

I didn't actually stick wadded-up loo roll up my foofoo - just sort of forcefully dabbed at the entrance to the tunnel of love.

You can see I'm really working on my section on Spotting Spotting [hgrin]

lovely early morning reading this :o

So I gleaned from last night conversation that 07 belong less on the colour chart than as a wallpaper pattern, perhaps with a subtle 'rag rolled' effect?

I saw A+M live last night. A has very nice legs.

You lot are fucking funny. Whispers to SaltyEctoplasm I liked your joke about Shrek fish/RieRie hee hee. And Gaga are you perhaps a biology teacher? Scoopy finger terminology is approved of.

I have been eating oat milk this morning. Not as nasty as it looks surprisingly.

Coooeee! BeauteousBangers how are you doing on your final pages? Can I tempt you out if I'm naked apart from my KG shoes?

Rent-a-slime?????

Muse I am not being tempted by you talk of which day I am. In fact, I am so over La Menkul that I can tell you I am 7 DPO without even having to imagine any symptoms. If you wish to reclaim the menkul on my behalf, that would be fine. Do you need a run down of my current state of imaginary symptoms?

I like HFS.Not as much as TTW though.

Missed the scrap! [hsad]

Thanks all for clearing up the cigarring mystery, especially you Scorps for the detailed account! my imagination was running off in a brown stringy an entirely different direction!

medee please can you bring A's legs to the pit - they sound like just the thing for a rainy tuesday morning?

I think disembodied legs might be a bit wierd...but quite halloweeny I s'pose....

Morning BESHlets. I am thinking of changing my name to Owlgiblets in a halloweeny way but not sure I can be bothered

salts you are slightly behind me then, I am 11 DPO and fully menkulling although I know that the beeping approacheth so why I am wasting the energy on the menkulling I do not know.

BB is oat milk like porridge? Or is it actually milk made of oats?

Ps. I hope those KG shoes are actually furry moonboots, is blardy cold today.

Owlinnards tbh I am just hoping that if I keep saying I won't engage in the menkul then eventually it will become true. I may eventually just forget about the Cycle of Doom and one day I will cough politely and deliver a baybee onto the bathroom floor saying 'fuck me, how did that happen?'

I second what BB said about oat milk. Is actual milk substitute in manner of soy milk. Is not delicious, but is acceptable.

Oat milk is like the liquid you get when you make porridge. Quite tasty actually.
Have we had any wins this fred? Go on go on, you know you want to be Owlgiblets. I'll do a Halloween name too then.

Ahem, Salty do you mean ASSEPTABLE? (Seeing as Supernanny was mentioned earlier).

Asseptable. As in 'that behaviour is not Asseptable'??

Medee M'dear! Thanking you kindly for T'gift. How're you?