The fred where the BESH practise DIY. Scan the chart below. Customers are kindly requested to keep readers informed of relevant colour and consistency.

[Ariesgirl]

BESHityourself proudly presents...

The BESHtone colour matching system, for all your interior colourways

000 Clearest eggwhite
001 Watery white
002 All that jizz?
003 Cottage cheese
004 Cunt-ry cream
005 Hopeful Yellow
006 Hint of a Tint
007 Excessive Cigaring
008 Stretchy but streaky
009 Palest Pink
010 Implantation Imaginings?
011 Itty Bitty Brown
012 Brahn String
013 Ovaltine Ochre
014 Sludge Brown
015 Clotty Red
016 Purest Scarlet
017 Possibly Green*
018 Barely Black*
019 Sump Oil Surprise*
020 Nothing. Nadda. Where the fuck IS it?

*Available at specialist retailers

Well Cass had tantalised with her thread and then buggered off. Someone had to do it.

How I tittered at your smallholding description GeeGeeGee. Bloody Felicity Kendall's got a lot to answer for and the fact that she still looks dead sexy at 63 merely adds to her offensiveness.

I did it! I did the chiro! (as it were) Apparently my pelvis is not faulty after all In fact it's perfect, and I will have no problem either carrying or giving birth. I might make him write that down. So I may not have the elective CS after all. Which means I may actually have to squeeze a baby out of my fanjo However I have lots of tension in the upper back and shoulders and a weak core and should do pilates, swimming and yoga. He even stuck needles in me, and one went right into a nerve and I was nearly sick. That doesn't sound right does it?

Ah but Rie the joltier they are the more you needed it. I expect he just cleared a fallopian-fanjo blockage in one fell swoop and all the spermies are now shouting "free at last" and hotfooting it to the egg like little Chilean miners.

I will have reflexology too. That got Laurie diffed after all. I actually think I'm ruining the chiro now because I'm hunched over the laptop, so I'll go swimming. Or to Pilates. Or to yoga.

I kill all known plants too LadyGG, but TH is quite good at growing veg. He did however manage to break the rhubarb somehow when trying to plant it. I still have no idea how, but it didn't survive.

Having been messing me around for days, droid has finally arrived. And I still haven't done all the work I was meant to do in the last few days but avoided due to state of menkul. This is not helpful. I have however skived off the second half of the meeting I was at, so now have no excuse.... Pit is looking more appealing though.

Crucifixion? Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each.

Sorry for the menkal inducing droid Octopusina. Why doesn't the rusty bastard just behave itself?

Oh Oxters. Boo. I'll budge up for you and we can drink some fine wine. Though actually I have taken a vow of abstinence so that's no good.

Sorry to hear that me old flute. I will have a glass of wine with you this evening, even if pariespooper won't [hsmile].

Mmmm, wine. What do you think the chances are of me persuading TH to drive tonight? (I suspect zero, but he may be persuaded to make an early escape and drink wine at home).

ah thats poop occers channel some droid rage at TH and say the only thing that will cure it is wine. :o

You do know my vow of abstinence won't last much longer don't you? It's been four nights already.

Occy who last drove? We usually operate on a strict turn by turn basis, and if that has gone by the wayside then paper, scissors stone (though I usually lose at that)!

I drove last, but given that tonight is work-related fundraising event TH will probably win. And given that we're going to see friends tomorrow I think I'd rather win that one....

I think 4 nights is plenty long enough for a vow of abstinence and it should be broken immediately.

Aries I've not lived on Antartica - but the boy before jailbait did! (South Georgia to be more precise.)

lyra I seem to forever be on the move. :( It occurred to me yesterday that I'm on the off again - 9 places in 10 years and this is the most stable I've ever been.

Bastard droids. Whilst cleaning my cupboards for an imminent move I have discovered the following unopened: grappa, ouzo, sangria, vanilla vodka. Just chuck it in a bucket and give it a stir shall I?

Rie I also nearly barfed when I last had needles done for my busted shoulder - I had to lie on the floor in the waiting room for a bit until I could stand up without vomming. Twas not classy.

Ooooh, comedy dog!

NeighNeighNeigh I volunteer to drink your castoffs due to my certain non-diffedment. It is known in my family as the 'cupboard of filth' , btw.

Guess what, guess what! Aiden Turner aka Mitchell is going to be in the new Hobbit film! I read it here. I just hope he plays a fine strapping warrior or an elegant elf and not some hairy arsed dwarf.

Ooo, Martin Freeman. I would, twice. Mitchell who?

Evening all.

So much fish discussion ladies.....

just had delish fish pie with a bit of celeriac in the mash. oops, pillaging of the sea continues :(

Looks like he will be a dwarf, not much else in the Hobbit but hobbits, dwarves and the odd dragon if i remember rightly. RA as king of the dwarves? BIzarro casting, not sure Boo will be pleased.

I haz ordered take away curry.

Nice work on keeping up the food talk my BESHial ones. We're having enchilladas for dinner if TGB ever gets off his arse and turns off Fifa. I've cooked the last 2 nights and have a date with Strictly: It Takes Two from tge last 2 nights. Add a glass of wine and I'm in heaven

Any exciting weekend plans on the horizon? I'm beautifully doing a whole lot of nothing but indulging my crap TV love and working my way through our newly delivered fridge full of food nom nom nom

and possibly pissing on a stick if I cave before Monday

What was that?

P.S Hooter loving cupboard of filth

Mmm enchiladas very nice yum yum I couldn't be arsed cooking today and had pasta salad.

Half term at last! Budapest here I come - washing and packing tonight/tomorrow then off on Sunday morning. Why is my holiday not in prime swi week though? That would have been so much easier, with guaranteed daily action on tap. Read the guidebooks and have long list of lovely things to do for the 4 days. Yay! Very excited now.

truffs how many dpo are you? Think you'll last till Monday? I know I wouldn't! Well, unless you have been sensible and not stocked up your house with sticks.

aries how is the vow of abstinence holding up?

Not much planned, got a couple of friends coming round in a bit. Feel a bit bad but can't really be arsed to be sociable. I would much rather watch shite tv and hang out with you lot. Just watching Soap celeb CDWM, one of the funniest things I've seen in ages.

REALLY fancy a gin and tonic.

Hello Besheroonies! Woo Hoo it's Friday! [hgrin]

Just scoffed a rather fabulous rib eye steak sliced very very thinly and stir fried in oyster sauce. Think we should open a BESH cafe and all be dirty nigellas. Particularly admired her description last night of the salty sauce perfectly complementing the silken egg! Phnaar phnaaar

Truffs keep us posted on sunday please! May do one with you as droid vanished and never came back but is due on Monday....

barbiebox loving you for providing evening entertainment where FDH will be citing Python lines at each other. After three...every sperm is sacred, every sperm is gooooooood

mmm, I love a ribeye.

I survived having to be sociable, escaped early and we now have wine. Rie have you caved in yet or is it just Lyra and I drinking it?