The fred where the BESH practise DIY. Scan the chart below. Customers are kindly requested to keep readers informed of relevant colour and consistency.

[Ariesgirl]

BESHityourself proudly presents...

The BESHtone colour matching system, for all your interior colourways

000 Clearest eggwhite
001 Watery white
002 All that jizz?
003 Cottage cheese
004 Cunt-ry cream
005 Hopeful Yellow
006 Hint of a Tint
007 Excessive Cigaring
008 Stretchy but streaky
009 Palest Pink
010 Implantation Imaginings?
011 Itty Bitty Brown
012 Brahn String
013 Ovaltine Ochre
014 Sludge Brown
015 Clotty Red
016 Purest Scarlet
017 Possibly Green*
018 Barely Black*
019 Sump Oil Surprise*
020 Nothing. Nadda. Where the fuck IS it?

*Available at specialist retailers

Well Cass had tantalised with her thread and then buggered off. Someone had to do it.

I'm in for the drinkathon, V&T for me spanks

Kat I'm 11 DPO so ideally waiting for 14 on Monday. GaGa pointed out that a BFN first thing on Monday morning wouldn't be a great way to start the week. If it were BFP would also like TGB to be around to check the result as I'm a big --wuss- share the joy.

Bitey would love a joint wee session on Sunday. Am feeling a bit scared though. May very well wimp out and wait longer though. Have been known to have stupidly long cycles since TTCing

Enchilladas were beauts. Am now having to lounge for a while as may have eyes bigger than my belly, so to speak

Strikethrough fail

I demand a co-ordinated stick-pissing! If you can hang on another 4 or 5 days perhaps Salts and I can join in (I do like pointlessly pissing on money, as you already know).

I'm stuffed full of Chinese food. Twas delish.

I haven't touched a drop It's just you and Lyra, Occy.

But have just watched Teh Event double bill. Twas actually v good.

And I've only had a single glass of white, which is basically grape juice [hhmm]

Worth watching then Rie? Trailers put me off TBH.

Night shlags x

It's one of your 5 a day, Lyra

The Event was tosh, but tosh that sucked you in no less.

How exciting - all this co-ordinated POAS action!

Weekend plans: Today am going for a ride with a couple of girls from the stables - may try and talk them in to riding to the pub... Tomorrow = skiing.

owl "cupboard of filth"? I take it that references anything that you've ever been donated but not been able to bring yourself to drink?

Last night I made a chicken casserole. Woop to the fucking doop. Because I was in such a foul mood with jailbait I didn't boil the tatties first so I had to leave it in the oven for 22 hours and 50 minutes - chicken fell off the bone & melted in the mouth though. I'm a huge fan of one-pot cooking. I'm currently trying to source parsnips - you'd think I was trying to find a black orchid pinned to a fucking unicorn the way things are going.

Cooking Pony? Cooking? I confess may have misled with all my talk of food lately. The truth is, and some know this already, I am actually a crap cook and we are on a weekly rota. I am v [henvy] of the skiing.

Today we have a gale. The sea is Angry. Just in time for half term.

Medee, what are you saying about The Event? I'm shocked. I thought it was really original and nothing like Lost or that other programme when they all blacked out at all.

Gale? Oooh, Mr Shoes will be pleased about that. He is about to head down to Poole for some windsurfing. Are you anywhere near there? (Feel free to not disclose location if wished)

Pony Yep, that's exactly what it is

They don't have parsnips over there; I've had to send a friend who emigrated some seeds to grow her own. She was also gobsmacked at the absence of ovens.

Plop he'll be going very, very fast then. And I hope he's got his steamer packed!

Surely parsnips aren't exclusively British are they? Weird.

rierie FIS WC starts today with the wimmins GS in Solden! Tune your telly to white stuff!

owl I've got an oven, I just can't find a parsnip. There are worse things to not be able to find of course. e.g., deodorant or knickers for example. But I want a parsnip. I used to get swedes imported but once a year there is one shop which sells them, or , I get off the 'orse and nick one from a field! They're only fed to hanimals here...

Yup, steamer is packed (he's just fixed the holes in the crotch, it's a very old wetsuit).

Excellent, he'll be v.happy about that.

Parsnips do seem to be exclusively british. Everyone else sees them as animal fodder which I cannot comprehend as I love parsnips dearly.

Pony I believe M&S now delivers to the Nederlands - not sure if they would deliver perishables though.

Probably just knickers although that does also probably help.

She's in Zuid Holland, I'll ask her if she ever did track any parsnips down :)

Parsnips are great, which is presumably why you are after some Alpino!

I dont fancy windsurfing (well in principle it sounds great, but in reality I'm not up for going out in t'cold). It's peeing it down here and it's cold. All I really want to do is curl up in ball and hibernate. I was looking forward to getting cozy with Mr O tonight in front of the new log fire. That has now been scuppered by Mr Fire Man who has decided he will now come tomorrow to fit it. The fire itself it still sat in the box in my dining room . Ah well.

Can you burn the box instead, WIIMT ?

Ps. I'm glad you turned up; I was worried I had killed the fred with parsnips.

Yes, I am tempted! It's currently serving as one of our dining room chairs - burning it sounds like a more appropriate use of it

Nope, the parsnip chatter did nothing to scare me away. Talking about squid or bloody steak might do though... bluergh....

I love parsnips. Especially the honey roasted variety. Particularly if I haven't had to do the honey roasting bit myself!

WIIMT hope your lovely log fire is installed soon. Nothing nicer on a cold night than a cosy fire to snuggle in front of.

Am not packed for holiday yet despite leaving at 4 tomorrow morning. have spent the day in frantic washing mania. Nothing like leaving things till the last minute.
Will miss the co-ordinated stick pee party on Sunday, and is much too early for me to take one in my case and join in the fun. But will have all fingers crossed for a positive result for you. Hmm now I was going to wait till I got back, but now have the idea of ridiculously early testing whilst away. Must resist!!

kat do NOT under ANY circumstances pack pee sticks. There thats you told Whole point of holibobs is to have a break from everything including the menkul. Have a lovely time :D

I am going to have to cook a roast chicken with roasted spuds and parsnips tomorrow now. Shame!

Afternoon hagelettis, how we all doing today?

KatKin do not take piss sticks on holiday. No.

Piss sticks are banned anyway. I am training myself to not spot symptoms - I'm trying to work out a way of delivering a small electric shock to myself every time I think 'Oooh, maybe that means I'm diffed'. Until I do I am just using a hammer to bash myself on the thumb with.

TurnTurnTurn I have a woodburner in a box in living room too! Waiting for hearth to be laid then will be able to install...what sort did you go for?

When you invent the electric shock dispenser, salts , can I please have one too?

My plan is thus:

If AF as expected on Thurs then no sticks.
If AF does not arrive, POAS is immediately vital as I have to spend w/e at inlaws and will require All The Drink to survive it.

And yes, Kat , step away from the sticks!

Saltcellar when you work out how to stop symptom spotting, patent it and let us all know pliz. Would certainly cause a lot less menkul around these parts! I am currently wobbling between having a PMA towards it all and despair, there's seemingly not much between those frames of mind.

We have, apparently, a Firefox 5 if that means anything to you? I have to admit to taking zero interest in it all, apart from hoping it will make this ice cube of a house warmer than it is at present. Mr Fire Man best turn up tomorrow or he's in trouble! When do you get your hearth laid?

Please to find the electric shock therapy soon. Today I actually got TGB to feel the buzzwams for his opinion and when he said 'they might feel a bit harder than usual' I immediately thought diffed. Someone shoot me please. (sensitive nipples too. Just sayin')

Still undecided about whether to test tomorrow as scared of BFN, although telling myself I won't believe it until droid arrives anyway so what harm can it do?

Enough.

I will also be doing a roast tomorrow on the strength of the parsnip posts. nom nom nom.

Am also a bit jelous of wood burners, very cosy.

Or even jealous