The fred where the BESH practise DIY. Scan the chart below. Customers are kindly requested to keep readers informed of relevant colour and consistency.

[Ariesgirl]

BESHityourself proudly presents...

The BESHtone colour matching system, for all your interior colourways

000 Clearest eggwhite
001 Watery white
002 All that jizz?
003 Cottage cheese
004 Cunt-ry cream
005 Hopeful Yellow
006 Hint of a Tint
007 Excessive Cigaring
008 Stretchy but streaky
009 Palest Pink
010 Implantation Imaginings?
011 Itty Bitty Brown
012 Brahn String
013 Ovaltine Ochre
014 Sludge Brown
015 Clotty Red
016 Purest Scarlet
017 Possibly Green*
018 Barely Black*
019 Sump Oil Surprise*
020 Nothing. Nadda. Where the fuck IS it?

*Available at specialist retailers

Well Cass had tantalised with her thread and then buggered off. Someone had to do it.

I wanna be Lou Reed pliz.

Talking of salt did you know there is 50 gadrillion tons of salt in the oceans. You mean you don't know what a garillion is? It's a million billion. If you put it all on the land, there would a layer 500m thick everywhere.

I know this because Cwis Packham just told me. Does anyone else fancy him?

Just me then .

Everyone watch the seals on the Orkneys. On BBC2 NOW.

Hmm eating fish to aid conception? I'd rather not really. I mean, all ethical debate aside, a nice bit from the local chippy is not what they mean methinks. Avocado on the other hand is entirely delish.

So.....to aid conception I am eating fajitas! Guacamole is made of avocado is it not? Avocado has healthy oils. So I will be upping my fajita intake to once a week to replace the need for not-so-nice oily fish. Problem solved :)
Wonder if tex-mexicans are very fertile?

Had utterly rubbish afternoon. Turned on bookface to be confronted with a photo of a nice pregnant belly. Ok, so I have no idea how easy it was or wasn't for this couple, and genuinely happy for them. But I should have a nice big belly too. Grrrr. Also, is it truly necessary to have your bump as your profile picture.

I hereby vow when finally updiffed never to post a scan picture or a massive bump close up on bookface.

owly well done for the piss-fest! I have used 25 ov sticks this month. Very silly. Going to stop getting the cheapies, cos if I get a tesco pack of 7 I will only use seven next month. At the normal rate of one a day.

Loving the fajitas as fertility aid . Why are you doing so many piss sticks, Kat? The cheap ones worked fine for me while the wildy expensive Clearblue smiley's didn't. Mainly cos I hadn't ovved yet. Where are you in cycle?

Who mentioned Hugh FW? I wish he was my husband. Not cos I fancy him, he's just be a great husband and Dad I reckon.

I'm sorry to say that my thoroughly unsustainable swordfish with a hot lemon, caper, cornichon and butter dressing was absolutely scrumptious :(.

Rie:

1. It is Barbie that wants to get it on with HF-W .
2. HO wants me to make those seedy bars for him right away [hhmm].
3. I missed Autumnwatch :(.
4. How convenient that you would take a vow of nonviolence at the point at which BESHes were shouting WIAR at you (unless droid is truly here, in which case I take it back).

That is all.

I started poas too early, before mc I used to be a 26 day girl. Seems to have gone up to 29/30 recently. So I started early and then did two a day. And then when I got a positive or a nearly positive on a cheapie I checked it with a tesco one. Actually think the lines on the tesco version are easier to interpret. Then I wanted to see how long the surge lasted to see if I was still in time to swi because I had to miss the first day of the surge. Then I wanted to see if it had gone negative. AAAAARRRRGH I have gone proper mental! If I hadn't purchased all these online I would have stuck to afternoon only testing. Perhaps!

I have now officially started the 2woofl. Like I say, think I missed the best swi due to absence of partner. But you never know.

Ah no I haven't used 25! I remember trying to (in futile manner) use a few of my stash as preg tests at the end of last month when I had no hpts in and thought droid was late. So think it's only about 19!

Fajitas for your fanjitas? I like it

Bars look lovely. Swordfish is the worst. Hugh FW - bleurgh.

And finally...

DROID IS FUCKING HERE ALRIGHT

:)
As you were all.

If I ever manage an updiff (cycle 16 and not a sniff of one) I will be so excited that I'm afraid there will be monthly bump photos on FB. And annotated scan pics. I will only be doing it once, and it will be a mahoosive event in my life, so you will all be coming along for the ride, like it or not :o.

Soz Rie - I did apol in advance just in case! Sorry it is here though :(. Sorry about the swordfish too. Bad Lyra - please to spanky?

What does WIAR mean? Did I miss that?

And does no one else fancy Packham with me?

Wee is a receptacle?

IN FFS!

I can forgive you anything Lyra. I know you did!

We'll want to see all your pics Lyra, 'twill be most exciting.

I dreamt about you lot last night. We were all off on holiday together somewhere, except it was my (non BESH) sister organising it, and for some reason one of my (male) colleagues was around too. And we never got very far before I woke up. Most odd. I clearly am utterly menkul.

Rie I think it was wee in a ramekin.... HB stylee

And are you not spanking Lyra? Cos if you're not I will!

How lovely Occie, were we going to IBESHa again? Or Eurojizzney? In real life a BESHy hol would possibly be too much oestrogen in one place - there would be tears and tantrums.

Ramekin, Rie. Packham over HF-W, but it's a close run thing - both repulsive.

Yes, spanky please, thank you, not fussy which of ya. Or a cheek each?

I fancy Chris Packham too RieRie. More so when he was young and had bleached hair. Arsebiscuits to the bleeping bastard.

I want to go on holiday with the BESHes. We can all take turns with the cooking

I have no idea where we were going, but suspect you're right about the oestrogen Lyra.

Surely we can just take HF-W to do the cooking?

Rie let's get on with this spanking.

perhaps a winter sun destination is called for to distract us from this cold snap.
the CarriBESHian?
BarBESHdos?
Jizzmaica?

A nice BESHly holiday there would cheer us all up with some fun in the sun. Topless hunks in swimwear etc. Beaches. Cocktails!
aries sorry about the evil droid appearance.

How about a hearty thwack on the arse with a fish of your choice Lyra? How about this one?