The fred where the BESH practise DIY. Scan the chart below. Customers are kindly requested to keep readers informed of relevant colour and consistency.

[Ariesgirl]

BESHityourself proudly presents...

The BESHtone colour matching system, for all your interior colourways

000 Clearest eggwhite
001 Watery white
002 All that jizz?
003 Cottage cheese
004 Cunt-ry cream
005 Hopeful Yellow
006 Hint of a Tint
007 Excessive Cigaring
008 Stretchy but streaky
009 Palest Pink
010 Implantation Imaginings?
011 Itty Bitty Brown
012 Brahn String
013 Ovaltine Ochre
014 Sludge Brown
015 Clotty Red
016 Purest Scarlet
017 Possibly Green*
018 Barely Black*
019 Sump Oil Surprise*
020 Nothing. Nadda. Where the fuck IS it?

*Available at specialist retailers

Well Cass had tantalised with her thread and then buggered off. Someone had to do it.

Rie my darling, be careful you don't suffocate yourself down there.

In desperate desperate haste, sorry - thanks to you all for the luffliness, esp. Pony and Rocket and Boo and Poo and...well...everyone really. Took a day off work today [hshock]. Fuck it. I'm staying and I'm going to finish this fucking thing by the time I meet pals at the pub tomorrow IF IT FUCKING KILLS ME.

Aries darling I'm so so sorry about the meltdown and can well imagine it - largely because I have recently had one myself . I will hold out the hopes that it is indeed the prized 010, and will continue doing so until proved otherwise. Dearest, our times will come (I think we started the TTC stuff at more or less the same time, so I think of you as my fellow-soldier in battle [hsmile]. And I do wonder if stress does affect things - not in a 'Relax and it'll happen' type of way, sod that nonsense, but in a sort of mysterious self-preservation sort of way. It occurred to me this morning that if I had morning sickess and the distractions of shopping for tiny tiny bootees in addition to everything else I would probably have a stroke, so maybe my body knows what's best...[hconfused].

Meanwhile if I am silent for the next 48 hours it's because I am burying myself in a dilapidated house deep in a Norfolk forest, pissed on cheap wine and tormented by frustrated desire, waiting for a storm to break...

I LOVE YOU ALL ENORMOUSLY and don't care who knows it. Feel colossal failure at not keeping up but I've got y'all in here

HB don't worry about us. We are rooting for you to get that damn thing FINISHED. Then we will have the pleasure of your company every minute of every day

rierie sweetie :(, so sorry about the meltdown. Is true men need instructions on how to deal with menkulling ladies. I had a series of meltdowns before we first started TTC (needed them to talk TB round) He used to get freaked out and said once that he didn't know what to say to me. I told him he didn't need to SAY anything and should just hold me and tell me everything would be all right (even if he didn't think that was true) Luckily he has taken that on board (came in quite hand this year) My advise is to make an excuse about going out today and stay home and be good to yourself if you arn't in the mood for nephy stuff. You are allowed!

Have a lovely time in Norfolk adored fellow soldier comrade . I believe the Norfolk weather forecast in the next few days to be "Very Autumnal", so perfect for roaring fires, tormented genius and drink.

You're probably right about body knowing best. MrA wisely pointed out this morning that a July baby would be terribly awfully stressful, so we can spend the next two months practising and quaffing vitamins and minerals and coming off the booze, then in the New Year it'll be all systems a go. But hell, a "dry" Christmas? Shall I pretend I have found religion or something? No one will believe me.

Do you want me to put some on your bum bruise while I'm at it?

Yes, I had forgotten about the book. We need to find a home for a book... It is called The Infertility Cure by Randine Lewis. It is ace. It mixes western and eastern medicine, has loads of self-help stuff and I got diffed after reading it. I then sent it to Rocket, who didn't even get a chance to read it fully before getting diffed, so we feel this is a lucky book. Any takers? I am sooo hungry. Can't stop eating.

HB good work on staying home. You are doing too much you poor love.

of Norfolk. Have a fab time HB.

HB and RieRie - luffs you both and share your frustration :(.

It could be 010 though Rie - apparently happens anytime between 6 and 12 DPO?

It is a fictional Norfolk alas, but that means I can make it more fun cos I can do what I fucking like with it (for instance, it is currently a heatwave...)!

Serves me right for being pretentious...

Ohhhh....

Aw, Rie tis v.shit. Sometimes a proper meltdown is the only way to go, though, gotta let it all out or risk imploding.

Have crossed all limbs for 010 for you :)

N-n-not real? But I looked it up on BBC Weather for you.

Thanks for loveliness everyone.

Hello BESHtahs

Feel like a fraudulent BESH for not being around much. A faux BESH if you please. Just had to shout up to grab hold of the amazing lucky book that impregnated Pollypocket and Rockyrocket as my attempts at forgetting about all this shiz are futile. Realised I was able to for the last 2 weeks is because I generally can on days 3-10 but when it gets to sexy time ...or 000 as now known... the menkul starts in earnest :(

Warmest smooches to ariel and bangers for the crapness and well everyone else really. I've had so many meltdowns now I should probably grade them too. For some reason the 10-12 month time was really really bad. Am hoping the scarlet 010 rie, does sound textbook

I've missed you all and just can't keep away

Sorry, need to HTFU

The book is yours tartypants. I hope it works for you too. If you msg Rocket your addy, she can send it on to you. Sorry you've been menkulling away silently. Come back to the fold!

Tartiflette, that book really helped me too :)

Another one here who didn't meet Mr Right until her ovaries were creaking. Ensnared the gullible young TYF at 34 (he a mere 25) and we started TTC when I was 36. Have never had a 'good' or 'proper' job cos have had serious health probs since I was 21. So fuck you, Daily Heil, cos decrepit sickos (in all senses of the word) can diff too!

Re: TTC meltdowns - I had so many that I think TYF got to the stage where he was more freaked out when I was cheerful (or at least, not obviously depressed/menkul). I'm lucky, because he is the only heterosexual man on earth who doesn't try to offer solutions when you're having a moan or a wail about problems and just holds me and listens, but even he attempted a crack at suggesting I should relax more. Once. He learnt to never suggest it again the hard way Also, because he's super logical and rational (apart from thinking I'm fab, obviously), he used to say 'reassuring' things like, 'I'm sure we still have a small chance'

Can I just proffer a hee-oooge snog to Bangers? I've waited until today so she can savour it You need to do less, gorgeous Blue-Bum.

And Rie, am sending you down some twirls - am pretzellated for you that it's no. 10 (without the 'imaginings' bit) :)

ohh I have lots of BESHposting to do. Book for tartypants Eric the Viking for Gaga Jolly good, I want CAKE in return :o

Fanks, very muchly appreciated. Can certainly do cake

Is that True Blood radicchio? Just on season 2 now and loving it.

Have just re-read my last post and it is sooo badly written I have to apologise - even I can normally do better than that

Was going to write a load of mememe guff then but it's boring me so would probably bore the pants off the rest of you.

So I will just say

KNOB JOCKEY
Only meat that should allowed on pizza is prosciutto or salami. Fruit is just wrong diddly wrong wrong. Capers are the best addition ever.
KNOB JOCKEY
Cinamon candle has been burning for extreme, how is she, can't see an update?
Happy buffday to the lovelylyra. That's my next birthday too (buggeration, where the hell are the years going?) too and wish I had some favour owed by a genie as would grant you your wishes in an instant.
LGG good luck with the house selling. We've just put ours on the market and not had one sniff of interest yet....our timing is impeccable, just as the tories announce the biggest cuts in 70 years we decide to try and sell. Do you have to sell or are you like us and just want a bigger place?
KNOB JOCKEY - seriously Truffs I am aghast. I would never speak to them again...or at least make him grovel.
I'm happy to report that When is a very lovely, gorgeous, clever and warmhearted woman following our BESHmeet t'other day. We missed Scorps terribly but hope to meet up when the vomming ceases

Yup cinco, season 3 sure it can be sent on and perhaps even gain mystical instadiff properties as per Pollys book :o

Just checked my addy book and don't have yours so plz to send me via T'other place and I will post to you toot sweet! BESHmeet sounds lovely.

Hello SickoTart good to see you out of hibernation! Nothing going on here, can't really TTC (well I can shag but it's unlikely to do much) so just twiddling my thumbs really, in a "I'm not trying, I'm not bothered" (but secretly am) style. Eating my DHEA and necking my Floradix like a good little twat though, well done me. Mr B seems up for trying IVF abroad so I'm lining that up if Mr Consultant says to bugger off.

Big snogs for BlueBumBangers and Ariel, sorry things are so bleak at the moment. I agree with TheTartyOne that approaching the twelve month mark was a really tough time so meltdowns are very understandable and upsetting.

Sorry for the droidage Gaga et al. I did love your dress you posted about a million years ago, I forgot to say.

Not nearly enough violence here right now, so am loading up a Trebuchet with a special mix of cow slurry and dolphin blowholes and aiming it in the direction of the BESH DIY shop. Aim....FIRE!

ACtually I undersold the shagging aspect. It can have other benefits other than babies obviously. Sorry Mr B!

Cinco as MrG's job has now mostly moved to near where I live he can sell his house and we can get a bigger one together. Mine is ok for a bit but is only 2 bed and if I ever get a sticky one then we need another bedroom, if not two more so family can stay as both our families live miles away. I can sympathise though with lack of house interest, I tried to sell mine when the financial system collapsed and had about 4 viewings in a year. So could be some time!
If you and Orchid do another Notts meet do let me know as I'm not so very far away and often am visiting family in Derbys anyway.

I met Mr G when I was 18, but let him go and got him back again when was 30.

Cross post Sindyvag,

BB if you fancy a trip to Scandiland (home of my favoured Eurojizzney donors), I have heard good things about this place.

Ooh season 3, fabuloso, I'll bagsy that now then for when you're done gaga Ta Rockster.

Shagging can be very fun when you don't have the 'must shag tonight' cloud over you. Although secretly I knew that 000 had arrived and would probably be excellently timed. SEE...I JUST CAN'T NOT THINK ABOUT IT. Still fun though . Ackershly thinking about it I think Mr T has worked out timings now and we are both being very coy with each other about not saying it but still making sure we're SWI. I do love him so .

Am very similar to you BB, feels like I'm in limbo so should just forget about it all but am very much bothered most of the time. When is your FC appt again, seem to remember it's towards the end Nov? (apologies for my sieve brain)We've had ours through for 16th Nov, don't think much will happen at it though as we know treatment won't be until next year, does anyone know? IVF abroad eh....holiday and baybee all in one, sounds great. but Have you looked at any clinics yet or are you waiting to see if the DHEA has worked?

Yep Cinco end of November. I've e mailed a few clinics (ARGC and Lister) in this country, and some abroad (Jinemed Istanbul, Reprofit Czech Republic) so I have some ideas of prices and where I might like to go.I like the DHEA - I think it has made my mood a bit more positive maybe? I think ClamberOnFairy has her appointment around then (early December) and someone else too... ummm can't remember, I'm rubbish.

Thanks Lyra I've added that clinic to my list of ones to look into. Is this something you are thinking about too?

Gaga I love your story of how you and Mr GG met.