The fred where the BESH practise DIY. Scan the chart below. Customers are kindly requested to keep readers informed of relevant colour and consistency.

[Ariesgirl]

BESHityourself proudly presents...

The BESHtone colour matching system, for all your interior colourways

000 Clearest eggwhite
001 Watery white
002 All that jizz?
003 Cottage cheese
004 Cunt-ry cream
005 Hopeful Yellow
006 Hint of a Tint
007 Excessive Cigaring
008 Stretchy but streaky
009 Palest Pink
010 Implantation Imaginings?
011 Itty Bitty Brown
012 Brahn String
013 Ovaltine Ochre
014 Sludge Brown
015 Clotty Red
016 Purest Scarlet
017 Possibly Green*
018 Barely Black*
019 Sump Oil Surprise*
020 Nothing. Nadda. Where the fuck IS it?

*Available at specialist retailers

Well Cass had tantalised with her thread and then buggered off. Someone had to do it.

Maturity my arse

I got told I was immature by a 25 year old the other day. I took it as a great complement :o

What beautiful imagery there salad, fair brought a tear to my rheumy old eye. Talking of imagery, did no-one notice that I said my elderly ovaries were about to drop off like conkers from an oak tree? Dendrology fail.

I thought it was the senility and didn't want to point it out...

I actually didn't notice, I blame my own senility.

Actually, and I hate to point it out, but Salts I believe you and I are the most elderly left in the Palais

But we can take comfort in the number of even more elderly recent differs - Cho, Pol, Rocket, Scorps Lozza. All 38ish.

Oh for fucks sake.

Fukkity fuck.

Fuck.

oh, and did I mention fuck

That means I am the oldest because I am 36 already.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK

I have no wine in the house to help me deal with that. Rie get me some wine right now and bring it to me.

NOW

Here have some

Fuck.

Younger than all of us

Perhaps we can be the Ancient Ones- har har har Lyra is a Goddess, I am a proven soothsayer/witch. What can Salty be?

GoddessLYra your birthday is going to be luffly, and 36 is not old , not even in the context of TTCing really, unless you WILL insist on reading the Daily Heil, instead of using it as lavatory paper immediately following a curryshit.

That's all.

Sorry I'm still being a big fat loser and not engaging much. In all honesty it has recently struck me that it's been nearly a year of TTCing now, and I never thought it would take that long (remember my absurdly fecund family [hhmm]), and I'm not sure how much longer I can go on chirruping, "Ah fuck it, it's only been 5 6 7 8 9 10 months, pass me the booze and fags! etc. etc. Frankly ladies and gents, I'm starting to get royally pissed off. THERE! I said it.

However shan't wallow publicly since the eleventh month is, I suppose, in the broader context a mere bagatelle.

I am now stomping off elsewhere before I get angry/self-piteous/drunk/lecherous etc. etc. etc.

Right that's it. We need to Do Something. The world is not right if HB is freefalling like this :(. Let's make a pact and cut out some booze or something. At least it's something. I absolutely promise I'm not being facetious or anything. Lyra is almost 35, not 36.

Is anyone else a bit drunk? [hsmile]

ladyG what about morning wee? It was an evening wee, but I got stuck in traffic after a very long meeting so was three hour vintage wee. Test was tescos cheap one< menkul flames fanned> I think am 11 or 12 DPO based on EWCM or 000 as it is now known and the red arrow not due for another six days, so clearly too early to test [hgrin]

don't be [henvy] I lager sir I am 31 and a half in human years only and a lifetime of debauchery and too much sun has rendered me at least 100 in biological terms.

boobs are ENORMOID and ++sore but they get like this every month. It's a cruel irony to have massive self supporting due to inflammation breasticles for one week in four that cannot be touched on pain of death. Do derive some compensation by repeatedly flashing them at FDH so he can share the pain so not all bad [hgrin]

[hsad] Pliz not to take notice: I think I am the camel with a whole heap of straws on my back, you know? But they are only straws, not scaffolding poles

I am almost sobbing at the thought but I think I ought to give up cut down on the booze too. And I will have to make MrA as well.

Bitey I didn't get BFP til 14dpo. And fmu is better. Leave it a few days then.

My boobs used to get ginormous before droid, Bitey, even as much as a B cup and just sheer agony. Sports bra in bed and everyfink. But they haven't for months now - no idea why

Evening laydee BESHes. Woman that sticks pins in me and my lovely graph let me know I am ovulating today. This is a first for me - usually my temp chart looks like I am flat lining. Is it wrong to drink wine to celebrate?!

I am giving up on keeping up. But deffo cutting down on booze.

HB finish that Phd already, won't ya? You are sounding all stressed and ... well, like me.

Ma' man is 44 today. That's old.

I have given up everything for a while. Nuffink helped. Oh yeah, that's probably because it is a white goods problem.

That was a coherent post, wasn't it?

I heard you Jump.... although I'm struggling with the white goods?

sunnyD in the light of recent developments concerning the BESHittude to booze, I feel duty bound to say 'drink, DRINK WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!''

Evening all- can't possibly catch up on one whole days chuntering lively debate, other than to say, Knob, pineapple on pizza definitely has its place in the food chain, I have more rammikins than is humanly possible, no idea where from , certainly nothing to do with GU chocolate pudding, anyone need a spare.

yo goddess, been wondering how you were hanging, glad to see you, lots a love to you and Lyradad.

Am off on me holibobs tomorrow- winter sun, and in-laws, its a thrilling combination. Will be expecting a full roll call of diffments (regardless of cycle time/length) on my return. Anyone want anything from the duty free?

I'm now trying to remember why white goods ended up being called white goods and failing miserably. And am trying to think of a cryptic way to make you work it out and failing at that too...

What Jumpingjack is saying is that the issue's not with her....