The fred where the BESH practise DIY. Scan the chart below. Customers are kindly requested to keep readers informed of relevant colour and consistency.

[Ariesgirl]

BESHityourself proudly presents...

The BESHtone colour matching system, for all your interior colourways

000 Clearest eggwhite
001 Watery white
002 All that jizz?
003 Cottage cheese
004 Cunt-ry cream
005 Hopeful Yellow
006 Hint of a Tint
007 Excessive Cigaring
008 Stretchy but streaky
009 Palest Pink
010 Implantation Imaginings?
011 Itty Bitty Brown
012 Brahn String
013 Ovaltine Ochre
014 Sludge Brown
015 Clotty Red
016 Purest Scarlet
017 Possibly Green*
018 Barely Black*
019 Sump Oil Surprise*
020 Nothing. Nadda. Where the fuck IS it?

*Available at specialist retailers

Well Cass had tantalised with her thread and then buggered off. Someone had to do it.

oh owl that is really crap! Hope you find something in the pit to make you feel better. Is there anyone really fit on DIY programmes who could be making a special celebrity appearance in the Large Tools Aisle?
It is hard enough when others get diffed but I imagine it's twice as bad when it's family. And having to explain about mcs just must have brought it all back.

owly that's really tough :( It may be that gin is called for, woofl or not. There's definitely a theory round here that it's a while before any embryo gets hooked up to your blood supply anyway, so at this point there's no need to worry about booze. Not sure I explained that very well, someone cleverer than me might do better!

So arialautomatic, how would you look if you were diffed? Are you going to drink enough tonight to ensure queasiness tomorrow?

How many dpo, Rie? You prob won't feel queasy yet even if diffed. How are the boobs? I say test. And you, bitey

Drat to the fecund SIL, Owlie. Mine at it too. Seems to be a lot of it about at the mo.

I would be glowing and have good skin and hair of course. No drink tonight. None.

My boobs don't feel anything, Rocket.

Fuck it I know I'm not really. Again.

owly that's so horrid, I would have a gin too as am convinced occyhealth is right. Have WIAR and dunked the stick and am not diffed. Am refusing to say BFN as generally try to have optimistic approach [hsmile] aries I am thirty one and a half today, happy half birthday to me! Interestingly a colleague today asked if I had something I wanted to share as looked very glowy, I think it was more to do with my cold than a symptom of a non-existence diffment but still nice to hear!
Kat have been giggling in a phnaaar kind of way about large tools [hgrin]

Thirty one and a half. Bah! [henvy] And this time I mean the witchy emoticon.

Sorry about the not diffed, B. When did you ov Bitey? Did you use first morning wee? Which brand test? (I tend not to believe BFN's [hsmile])

How is everyone doing those witches? And why?

Owl tis shit isn't it. But do not worry, i have worked out a fail safe way of dealing with unfair updiffs. You just plaster on a fixed grin until the offending person has gone away, then you weep and drink large quantities of wine.....I should be a therapist, me...

Can I feel your boobs Rie, just to check???

Salty, don't whinge Scroll down a little and you'll see.

I actually googled "Is 35 too old to have a baby" It was horrid. My eggs are of the powdered, wartime variety.

ahhhh... I see [hblush] I see. But whhhyyyyy?

Rie you silly girl why would you ask Dr Google That Question? I like to think of us as being like Mariella Frostrup, who didn't have her first bay until she was over 40, because of being, like, a career women.

Fukkit. Halloween innit.

extreme stupidity.

So for example, if I was to say T'Other Place, how would one go about finding said BESH'es?

I am now reading a book called Stay Fertile Longer which basically rips off and parrots TCOYF. It also advocates eating lots of raw food and sacrificing baby farm animals general abstinence.

Abstinence. Brilliant.

I like you Salty. You are as ancient and shrivelled as me.

Ancient.

And shriveled.

Christ.

rietie If I weren't laughing so hard at the thought of you stood in front of the mirror looking for your 8 month bump I'd be able to tell you I'm 36 and as you know I've had a baybee recently.

But on a positive note, not old enough to work in B&Q - hurrah!

How would that dance go LovelyLyra

But Goatie you've had a baybeeee and are no longer a barren and it's one rule for you and another for us. Or you're the exception that proves the rule. Or something. So there.

That dance would go gingerly, salty, very gingerly, so as not to risk fracturing our elderly hips. And then dying of pneumonia :(

Bazoomba feffs to you too Salty .

I'm supposed to be embracing my maturity with dignity, aren't I? So somebody slap me please.

hello lovely birthdaygirllyra your plans sounds luffly. Praying (well none praying as not religious but you get me) for a BoD ironydiff for you.

On age front, please do not despair any of you, i am 38 and therefore well beyond Daily Hate watershed, according to them my womb should be nothing but a ragged paper lantern with ovaries like pertrified walnuts and i still managed to get diffed (touch wood) If there's hope for me there is hope for you all.