The fred where the BESH practise DIY. Scan the chart below. Customers are kindly requested to keep readers informed of relevant colour and consistency.

[Ariesgirl]

BESHityourself proudly presents...

The BESHtone colour matching system, for all your interior colourways

000 Clearest eggwhite
001 Watery white
002 All that jizz?
003 Cottage cheese
004 Cunt-ry cream
005 Hopeful Yellow
006 Hint of a Tint
007 Excessive Cigaring
008 Stretchy but streaky
009 Palest Pink
010 Implantation Imaginings?
011 Itty Bitty Brown
012 Brahn String
013 Ovaltine Ochre
014 Sludge Brown
015 Clotty Red
016 Purest Scarlet
017 Possibly Green*
018 Barely Black*
019 Sump Oil Surprise*
020 Nothing. Nadda. Where the fuck IS it?

*Available at specialist retailers

Well Cass had tantalised with her thread and then buggered off. Someone had to do it.

How many days post ov 12pt ? Do I really have to wait 6 days to poke you in the kidneys?

The dog has eaten an almost full packet of agnus castus. She took it out of my bedside drawer, which was ajar. And she's had a good chew on some hand cream, too.

Have googled; in itself it's not toxic to them though in the quantities she's eaten it who can say? Rang vet but no-one had a clue. Advice is to watch her. Which I am doing. With beady eye. She is VERY shamefaced. For FUCK'S sake.

Maybe she's trying to tell you something Cass - do her cycles need regulating?!

I'm quietly trying not to go menkul but not entirely succeeding, so am going to dish out nipple twists all round and return to lurkerdom. Or do some work. Now that's a novel idea...

OCKY!

Why the menkul? Tell me tell me?

Well I've had the dog spayed, so if that is her aim she's not going to get far! She is in her basket and very subdued, but that's probably mainly cos I keep shouting BAD DOG! at her whenever our paths cross.... idiot animal.

Perhaps her inability to reproduce hasn't yet dawned on her.... Or maybe she thinks the AC could work miracles.

Menkul cos awaiting droid and fed up.

Hello everyone. I am sorry I am not around much. My bruised arse (and the bruised everything else of me - top tip: don't buy a Sainsbury's Economy bath mat) is partly to blame, but also everything's so stupidly hectic that I never actually seem to be at home, or awake for long enough to BESH it. I am so stressed and tired I'll just rain on everyone's parade so I am staying away a little. Yesterday I went to the gym with the OM and 20 minutes later he passed me doing my bit on the cross-trainer, silently weeping as I tried to burn off lunch [hhmm]. Not for sadness really, just weariness of a kind I can't shake.

Kicks all round and kick to my own shins welcomed - it's the one place I ain't bruised [hgrin].

I know a dog that munched its way through a whole tin of quality street, wrappers and all. Didn't do it any harm but the after-effects were, urm, colourful and shiny to say the least.

I love dogs - they're so clever, but so monumentally thick

Occy's having the menkul? :( Isn't that awful when it's not here yet but you can feel it sitting there.

Oh HB. Let me envelop you in a warm and loving embrace. So sorry flower - it's all Too Much.

Thanks Aries . I'll be OK. Am a bit ashamed of myself for not dealing better - I'm not a fucking brain surgeon! - but there you go. Me = wimp. But I feel better for my cuddle ta [hsmile].

Sod dealing with it better, wallow away and do what you need to to get through it. I do not believe in stiff upper lips.

Droid six days early

Aw, shit, Bitey - we can't tempt you with talk of implantation bleeds (internal colourway 010)?

Uh oh, I have just discovered MN is now miraculously unbanned on my new computer. This will do NOTHING for either my work rate or the general quality of posting on this thread, I am afraid.

However it does mean I can steal the seemingly never ending stream of snacks that people in this office seem to provide. They are terrible feeders. double helpings for HB and Bitey

Buggeration Bitey. Six days early? That's taking the piss. Will Mr Bitey accept the kittens do you think?

Bugger Bitey. what is it with farking early driods. They don't even allow you to indulge self in bit of quality menkul.

Don't worry though, you'll still ovulate before me I betcha.

Sorry to hear 'bout the sore arse, HB. As the queen of falling over a lot I sympathise.

Been lurking too because I am brooding about my early droid and how it's still ages til even the sexy time given my rubbish long cycles.

Shove up Bitey. I've brought a flask of weak lemon drink to provide succour.

6 days early is just not on bitey. Have some gin.

One of my fb friend's status is all about how it's not easy to get pregnant. I'm trying to work out why that makes me feel uncomfortable. I think it's something about her being someone I don't know all that well, and this whole ttc business being something that doesn't feel like it should be shared with all and sundry. And I know that's weird considering I share it all with you lot, but somehow that feels different.

I suspect it's my aversion to telling anyone in rl, and I'm bemused that anyone would want to be that public about it (although anyone who knows her even a bit won't be surprised she's ttc). And of course if that's how she wants to play it it's up to her, it just feels weird reading it. Am I just being strange? I'm half tempted to contact her and sympathise, but know that I won't because I don't want people knowing. I suspect my head is more messed up by the whole thing than I like to think.

The person who's told her in effect to 'just relax' needs shooting though!

Occy, if you don't feel comfortable with it, then don't contact her. She has made herself quite vulnerable by saying what she has on FB and I think has maybe forgotten how many people will be able to read that. OF COURSE there's nothing to be "ashamed" of or anything, but there are some morons out there, as Truffers proved and as my friend Twat Face proved earlier this year. You don't know that if you did contact her she wouldn't post something on your wall like "Pregnant yet?" or "Any luck getting pregnant?" or some such bollocks.

That's my advice. If you wanted it!

Can I just say [hangry] and [henvy]

Those are rather ace with the little hats I reckon.

HEEELLOOOO SSHHHLLAAAAGGGS (esp Casslag). I am using the megaphone that I found down here in the B&Q pit basement. Haven't been posting, or even lurking, as was too menkul last week, quickly followed by too [hsad] when colourway 015 arrived.

I know it's farkin stupid but I really didn't want to be a barren on my Birthday of Doom (10 days and counting). I feel soooo old [hsad].

Will try to cheer up, catch up, and be more interactive. Soon. Maybe.

Lyra darling, how old will you be? You can tell me.

Fanks Aries. Contacting her's not going to happen (although I don't think she's stupid enough to post stuff I wouldn't want said), I'm not sure why it's got to me today. I think I'm just projecting my menkul all over the place. And a bit concerned for her that in being so public she opens herself up to all the knobs the BESHes have been dealing with recently.

Lyraaaa tis good to see you, but the [hsad] is not good. Have you got fun things organised for your b'day? If not then I think MrLyra should be instructed to get planning.

Where has it gone? No more droid! Bright red this morning now nothing. Deeply confused but wonder if ladyG's weak lemon drink or rocket's stolen office snacks have had some profound affect.

occy I know what you mean bout the sharing and how is very different on here than in RL. Tried sharing this morning in RL to very mixed response and won't do it again.

Aries Mr bitey has fleas and is not in a postition to be sniffy about making virtual kitten friends.

and HBpencil hope your behind is better

Bitey - Piss. On. A. Stick.

Anyone know anything about reflexology for barrenness?

As for fleas, then get some of the drops you put onto their shoulder-blades where they can't reach them. It's amusing to watch them twist themselves into contortions trying to lick it off and they can't. Also get the spray that lasts for a year (though I'm not sure if differs should inhale. All I'm saying)

Do you think the Cat talk on here is rivalling the Hoss talk in t'Deli?