No wonder it took me 2 years to get diffed... implantation sex? Ffs.
I am very mis this morning and need soothing hairstrokes/violence/alcohol. I have spent the last month foraging in the countryside and have made the following cheap xmas presents: blackberry and apple jam, date and apple chutney, rosehip syrup and sloe gin. I say cheap, but I've spent a fortune on jars, pretty lids, bottles to decant into. Oh and 3 litres of gin. Plus 3 huge kilner jars to make sloe gin in.
The story so far - jam was boiled too long and resembles caramel, the rosehip syrup was not boiled long enough and is runny, the chutney is fine (so far) and all my hopes were on the sloe gin.
So this morning, I take the jars of gin out of the cupboard and give them a good shake, as is recommended. Found that two of the lids are leaking, fucksticks. Put the jar that wasn't leaking at the back of the cupboard and proceeded to slide in the next one. The jars touch, and the one at the back splinters into a million pieces. I swear I was not heavy handed, honest. So a litre of gin, sugar and sloes is deposited all over the cupboard and pours out onto the floor. I have to empty the entire, very large cupboard and clean it all out. Threw away 3 kilos of sugar (for the next lot of chutney), 4 bags of flour, countless paper cupcakes, boxes of suet etc etc etc. 
Then I had to wash all the tinned and plastic covered stuff to put back in the cupboards. Meanwhile, the dog is dancing around because she hasn't had her breakfast and Boo is trying to 'help' by swinging on the cupboard door (despite being asked not to) and manages to knock over and smash a new bottle of white wine vinegar. Gah! It has taken me an hour to clean up and now I smell like a distillery and need another shower. TG is away, his mum is arriving shortly to collect Boo so that I can go to work, nothing is packed, we all smell of gin and WAAAHHHHHH.
Sorry for mememememe. Bitchslaps and sloe gin with splintered glass for all. Anyone want to lick me? I taste of gin. 