30s TTC: For BESHes who have been trying to conceive since the Higgs Boson was last seen

[ChoChoSan]

Come and learn the Tao of BESH, a path to wisdom and emancipation that can be gained only by careful practice and meditation on the central tenets leading the way from the barren to the Updiffed. The Tao consists of:

4 Noble Truths: 1) The life of an emancipated women inevitably leads to barrenness and babyfails. 2) Barrenness is caused by women?s FAILURE to procreate before they reach their thirties as a result of selfishness and evilness, and general hag-ishness.3) Barrenness ends when BESHness ends. This is achieved by eliminating The DROID, thereby reaching a liberated state of UPDIFFMENT. 4) Reaching this liberated state is achieved by following the path laid out in the Tao of BESH.

5 Pillars of BESHdom; YOU MUST: 1) Undertake Regular Visits to FC ? Always observing the ritual traditions of Getting Your Rat Out and Partaking of the Dildocam 2) Undergo the Purification Rite to evict the cobwebs, rusty bicycles and old prams from your ancient uterus 3) Realise that Camping will most assuredly lead to a swift and lasting visit from R2D2 4) Observe the solemn monthly rituals of ?the prodding of the buzwams? and ?insertion of cigar? 5) Recognise the terrible power of such artefacts as the CBFM, and despair!

Eightfold Path of Diffment;

1. Intercourse must always be a union of Winky and foofoo (No Hankyhole)

1. Defeat the negative karma of ?spitting a lot up the fanny? by pushing egg white up there after it

1. Appease the gods of fertility by rubbing your ovaries whiddershins

1. Pray to Jebus to put baybee in your tumtum

1. Have your uterus sprayed with Teflon, and apply gaffer tape to the lady garden to stop BOC falling out and making angelbaybees

1. Recognise that likelihood of diffment is in direct proportion to the number of poas you use, and the earliness at which you use them.

1. Confirmation of a WIN can only take place after you have undertaken your First BESHly Baptism, and assembled in a place of drinking with other followers of the Tao.

1. The state of diffment is confirmed when the second red line has been drawn on the poas, and the poas set on fire to release a pall of white smoke.

The BESHly acolytes are now called upon to provide suggestions for the Ten Commandments of BESH...JOIN US!!

But I have a longer cycle than you ! And sometimes I go until 33 days.

And I have no sore boobs.

Sorry....calm and rational .

As you were.

Sore boobs are a rubbish symptom. I had horribly sore boobs for about a week and a half last cycle. And I was not diffed. Ergo, no sore boobs = diffed

I think sore boobs are a symptom of 2WOOFLing, and excessive prodding.

i think you are right salty i had sore boobs yesterday but I am pretty sure it was because i was flattening them with the palms of my hands every 5 minutes to see if they were sore. Low and behold they were.

Salad dear, I am determined, should I get to do SECS at a nearly useful point this month, that I will not have symptoms. I am totally convinced that they are all in the head, and bear no relation to diffedness. I can't take the menkul any more.

I think next Palais needs to be some sort of detox treatment centre....

I agree that sore boobs are a rubbish symptom - I got sore boobs every month. Until that is I got diffed, and then I didn't get them until after I'd got BFP.

aries I didn't get sore boobs at all. I didn't get spotting. My symptoms were: irrational crying (Taggart), orgasmed when he touched my nipple one morning and "implantation pain" which I thought was because I was wearing a pair of breeches two sizes too small. POAFS!

cinco Don't pay anyone to design your site right now unless you're looking for a complicated "selling" site complete with "fill my basket" & secure payment bobbins. Honestly, you don't need any of that crap at this level - do it yourself, it's a piece of piss - you can get tons of free WYSIWYG software whereby you can simply copy or operate a "drag & drop" thing.

E.g., heyah www.oswd.org/, heeyah www.openwebdesign.org/ and heeyah www.freewebtemplates.com/.

If you need help finding a hosting service (i.e., someone who will provide a hosting service/email forwarding/etc./etc. please give me a shout and I will try and find someone reasonably priced for you.) Total exercise should cost you no more than 10 quid a month MAX!

Cinco I did my website through www.viviti.com - looked around quite a while and they were the ones that worked for me.

15 posts left Beshelles, what's it going to be? I like Salty's detox centre idea - The BESH Priory? ttc since before alcohol was invented?

Hope no one minds I started a new Palace here

Now will catch up on everything else..

Sorry salty missed that you were going to do a detox one! Thought we could do with a comedy palace after this one has been a bit pit heavy (apart from Scorps score of course)!

THIS ONE ISN'T FINISHED YET! THERE ARE LOADS OF POSTS LEFT.

Tarty have sent you an email

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I used this £80 programme to design and build my website. It was very easy and looks purdy. I think you can add selling stuff on it if you want to, you can certainly add fancy-assed galleries and shit. Hosted it on Pipeten who were reasonable and seem helpful.

Ps. Arrrrrrrr me lovelies, nice work on the new fred, BB. Ten posts to go.

I feel a bit nostalgic about leaving this fred behind - for 'tis where I WON MAH BAYBEE! HUZZAH!

Good luck to everyone else for the next one :)

Am glad to see back of it - for reverse reasons.

Compelled to use up the space though.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..