30s TTC: For BESHes who have been trying to conceive since the Higgs Boson was last seen

[ChoChoSan]

Come and learn the Tao of BESH, a path to wisdom and emancipation that can be gained only by careful practice and meditation on the central tenets leading the way from the barren to the Updiffed. The Tao consists of:

4 Noble Truths: 1) The life of an emancipated women inevitably leads to barrenness and babyfails. 2) Barrenness is caused by women?s FAILURE to procreate before they reach their thirties as a result of selfishness and evilness, and general hag-ishness.3) Barrenness ends when BESHness ends. This is achieved by eliminating The DROID, thereby reaching a liberated state of UPDIFFMENT. 4) Reaching this liberated state is achieved by following the path laid out in the Tao of BESH.

5 Pillars of BESHdom; YOU MUST: 1) Undertake Regular Visits to FC ? Always observing the ritual traditions of Getting Your Rat Out and Partaking of the Dildocam 2) Undergo the Purification Rite to evict the cobwebs, rusty bicycles and old prams from your ancient uterus 3) Realise that Camping will most assuredly lead to a swift and lasting visit from R2D2 4) Observe the solemn monthly rituals of ?the prodding of the buzwams? and ?insertion of cigar? 5) Recognise the terrible power of such artefacts as the CBFM, and despair!

Eightfold Path of Diffment;

1. Intercourse must always be a union of Winky and foofoo (No Hankyhole)

1. Defeat the negative karma of ?spitting a lot up the fanny? by pushing egg white up there after it

1. Appease the gods of fertility by rubbing your ovaries whiddershins

1. Pray to Jebus to put baybee in your tumtum

1. Have your uterus sprayed with Teflon, and apply gaffer tape to the lady garden to stop BOC falling out and making angelbaybees

1. Recognise that likelihood of diffment is in direct proportion to the number of poas you use, and the earliness at which you use them.

1. Confirmation of a WIN can only take place after you have undertaken your First BESHly Baptism, and assembled in a place of drinking with other followers of the Tao.

1. The state of diffment is confirmed when the second red line has been drawn on the poas, and the poas set on fire to release a pall of white smoke.

The BESHly acolytes are now called upon to provide suggestions for the Ten Commandments of BESH...JOIN US!!

I found a combination of booze, fags, stress (we moved house ourselves), petrol station/drive-thru diet and "giving up" - i.e., moving house INTO a 1-bed flat ensures instadiffness. (BFP 2 weeks after moving)

Am very excited we have a couple of hopefuls. As it's early in the morning might I just say:

POAS
POAS
!

GaGa I'm glad you've been well looked after but I'm sorry you had to be. :(

There's not enough violence in FESH, it's all about the cheese.

Thanks Skihorse, it does indeed suck. I am mucho impressed by your eagerness to hop back onto the BESHery - how old is the wean? Is your droid back yet?

Well teh secks didn't happen because I fell asleep while putting miniG to bed. But he's going to his Dad's this weekend, will miss him loads but much easier to find the sexy time.

Can I second the POAS calls. I love vicarious BFP's...I'm sure I can smell one approaching.

Slug&Lettuce 'tis Head, Rie and mua meeting in this here London today.

Thanks Ski. You do not drop by these parts enough. I have just screamed at CH and been crying non stop. Must be a sign of something. Possibly going crazy.

I am now off to attend a wedding on horseback. Those of you not partaking in equine activities today are strongly urged to POAS!

GaGa He's 11 weeks and I've had 2 droids so far, perfectly timed at 28 days. So I think we can safely assume my hormones & bits are in perfect working order and it's simply a case of shoddy manfat.

skiyoghurt I was wondering what the hell you were doing up that early on a saturday then realised you have a wee one. Also impressed you are straight back on it, means it can't then be that bad? :o (or is it just that the endorphins make you forget how bad it was, a bit like running) Mmm, cheese.....

hops super jealous of your meet up, have a lubberly time and please can you all POAS immediatley afterwards, okay thanks. Or maybe could you all crowd into the toilet cubicle at the chosen BESHmeet venue and do one each there and then?

Feeling a tad frustrating as TB is on a pre JIAP embargo so no hop on for me this weekend, so a bit jeaous of your weekend plans lady ;-) Luckily its not coinciding with SWI timing, but am not bothering to 2WOOFL at all as absolutely no symptoms what so ever.

Wedding on horeseback. Wow.

Sadly, Salad too late for crowding, although 'tis an excellent idea. Droid got me full swing. Which means 1. I am going mental. 2. I have all that rage to express on Lozza's kidneys. I am unwise as to WOOFLing.

ah fecking feck to the bleeping fecker getting you feymountie tis shite as a very shite thing. still got nearly a week to wait for mine but know it is inevitable. feeling a bit more resigned to it this month tho. (might be totally menkul by next thursday tho)

skihorse i have a very odd image in my head of you dressed to the nines on a horse with sled runner attached to its feet like something out of alice in wonderland....

Oh Mounts . I'm very sorry luvva. I have the beginnings of PMT, too. We can console each other. And smoke heavily.

Salad that's the bugger, I was resigned, what with our news, and didn't even think about it, and then the bugger decided to be late. Just to mess with my head. Well, at least LP longer. Everyfink crossed for you though!

Ah, and there we go: the droid beginneth.

Still feel curiously calm. Let's see how long that lasts...

:( HB Its is the way of droid to fuck with your head isn't it? Hope you both have a fun time consoling each other ce soir. wheres rie up to? still hope for her?

Having friends round for dinner this evening so I am going to feck it all and get pissed on elderflower poo and red wine I think.

hello you lot. Boo to the Droid.

Blackberry Schnapps pliz.

racked up and waiting salts :slurp:

Yum!

Thanks HerbyLeaf

How are you today, dear?

Full metal gusset here too. After a whole week of ovaltine bleeping, the fucker. We can all be cycle buddies at least :(.

aw bleeding heck (sorry bad pun) thats shite, lyra kind of weird how everyone is syncing tho. ("full metal gusset" )

I'm not so bad thanks salty just cooking lasagne, drinking pink gin and waiting for guests to arrive. If you mean cyclicly then i am between 9-11 DPO depending on who you believe (me or FF) but not 2WOOFLing or menkuling really. No sickness, no tenderness, no bloating, just normal, ultra ultra normal. No ironidiff for me I fear. TB has to JIAP again on Monday, poor love, so not even any SFF on the cards. You know what? I really can't be arsed to care anymore. Had a crap weekend last week so determined to enjoy myself tonight.

Bastard, bastard droid Lyra

Mmmm..lasagne....any spare? Guests eh? Get you, having a social life!! Good on you for rejecting the menkul.

Is it the BESHmeet tonight? I want stories of debauchery and lesborotiviolence if it is....

Have a lovely evening SexBomb

unlike that nutter ski I am not here to get back on the BESH bike. But I am suffering droid hell at the mo (different reasons), so came along to support and sympathise. Also seek news of latest BESH meet?

I would like to reinstate the gin and doughnuts tradition of la palais.

mmmm, gin and doughnuts.

What do you think the BESHmeet gals are up to? Or was it an afternoon affair, in which case why aren't they here reporting back?

I am guessing they are too busy with the lesborotiviolence and instadiffprocurement.

Is the gin inside the doughnuts, or just used as a dipping sauce by the way?

NO NO NO to multi-droidment today

Jealous Jealous Jealous to BESHmeet

Snogs snogs snogs to everyone

Urgh, I have just disgusted myself by eating left over garlic ciabatta because it was the only thing available to staunch this raging hangover :( so sorry saltypoo no leftovers, jeez, those folks can eat.

Interesting night as it turns out my friends are all BESHes. One friend had 2nd FC appointment last week (i knew about this) she is starting clomid next cycle and put on waiting list for ICSI :( our other friend had a 9 week MC 3 weeks ago. :( :( :( I so wish she had confided sooner as obv she has been going thru a very rough time. There was much drinking of red wine and commiserating and we have made a full disclosure pact from now on, whether its good or bad news, we are going to be there for each other. We then finished the night by thrashing the boys at triv and rather inadvisably getting involved with the bramble schnapps. (xmas gift booze is depleting) I feel a bit guilty for boozing tbh but then think poss we all needed it. Night ended with lovely if drunken chat with TB and him telling me of course he was supportive of us doing IVF if thats what I want.

Waiting with baited breath (and pounding head) to hear how the official BESHmeet went....

Wow that sounds great Salad. All my RL mates have children, so no BESH chat for me. Also fab that TB is coming round to idea of IVF.

I woke up feeling sure that Rie and Loz are updiffed :o.

Back soon for news of BESHmeet...

Ey up luvverly hags.

Uuurgh I too am suffering with a hangover...my 'I'll only have a couple' turned into a bit of an all day session at a friends birthday party. Naughty but so much fun! I could only find ryvita to satisfy the raging hunger, need Mr T to wake up and go and get some crumpets. Wonder how the BESH meet went, am also and expecting MAD to kick in with volition within the next month:)

Hello radicchiorocket Missed you my love. How's it going this month. :( sorry to hear your friends also qualify for BESH status. Really good to have that support though. I've had the 'relax' advice from friends twice this past week. Grrrrrr.

Bollcks to the droids all making an appearance, that is amazing.. er.. synchage (perhaps not a word(? excuse my fog brain) but describes it, non?)

Soz for not being around much and so not keeping up with all of you, really trying hard not to go mental this month and am also extremely busy after months of not being. It's good. Needles also good. Scorps She referenced you to me too as I was saying how I was concerned about funding and she said she's seen someone who had just been advised they weren't eligible. I knew it was you and also was smiling inside as I know you had some fantsatic news for her

Have dildocam action tomorrow to check how my eggs are developing, injections are hurting this time (I'm putting them in different leg under the belief this change will be the one that helps me get updiffed )

Forgot to say I now resemble Velma from Scooby Doo due to haircut yesterday. I even sub conciously dressed like said Velma at party yesterday I am slightly concerned.